Alex’s point of view

                Please let it not be true. Please let the uneasy feeling I have go away. I kept thinking as I let out a sigh. I ran a hand through my long curly hair. I looked up at the sky with a begging gaze. Please God let this be not true. The moon shined above me lighting the sky along with the stars. The autumn air let out a breeze making me shiver. I leaned on my balcony railing looking out into the sleeping city. A few cars drove on the usually busy street as the nocturnal people walked around in the night. It seems so peaceful out here, but why am I so restless. This feeling please let it be just nerves.

                “Alex?” I heard Jongup’s voice whisper huskily behind me. Confusion evident in his tone as the sound of the sliding door opening and closing echoed behind me. “What are you doing out here?” I let out a soft sigh as I felt his strong arms wrap me in a warm embrace. I lean back against his warm chest looking up at the night sky. Jongup rested his head on the top of mine. I feel safe and reassured.

                “Couldn’t sleep.” I breathed out. I felt Jongup tighten his hold in comfort. He rubbed my arms slowly and with care.

                “What’s wrong?” I shook my head in silence not wanting to answer. I don’t want him to worry. “Alex?” Jongup moved his head to rest on my shoulder. His cheek pressed against mine as he hugged me tighter. “Tell me please.” He pleads in a whisper.

                “I can’t.” I let out in a shaky breath. I can’t tell him about my nightmare. About this uneasy feeling I have about us. He will worry too much and cancel the mission we have to Russia. We have to do it. I am just begging with all my might that it was just a dream and it will go away. We are fine we will be fine.

                We stood in silence for what seemed like for hours just looking out into the city. I can tell Jongup was frustrated by his silence, but he continued to hold me in his arms in comfort. I can’t tell him, but my heart is fighting for me to. I feel a lump in my throat as tear threaten to escape my breathing quickened as I thought about the nightmare. I was alone covered in wounds holding Jongup’s dead body in my arms. I was screaming and sobbing loudly for help, but no one came. I was alone.

                “Remember when we first met?” Jongup breathed out breaking our silence. I let out a small smile as I remembered perfectly how we first met.

                “How can I forget? I kicked your for being in my way.” I said smiling to myself. I felt Jongup’s chest rumble against me as he laughed lightly.

                “I learned after that to never mess with you. You got so pissed at Jr for partnering you with Jaejoong at the time.”

                “Of course. I hated being his partner he kept trying to get in my pants. Then he would tell me to quit and do women stuff. I think that day he told me that I am to beautiful to be an agent that I should just go to his apartment and cook him food.” I growled remembering how Jaejoong used to be before I set him straight. Jongup let out a laugh as he loosened his hold on me.

                “You jumped him right there in front of everyone and proceed to rearrange his face. I and other agents tried to pull you off of him, but you just beat us all up for trying to stop you. After that day everyone at the agency feared you.” Jongup continued to laugh. He pulled away from me. My body immediately felt cold. Turning my head to the side I watched as he stood there staring at me with a loving gaze. I turned around facing him with a small smile. I leaned back against the railing as I stared at him. “That was also the day that I knew I had to partner with you no matter what.”

                “Jongup….” I went to say, but he immediately gave me a look. My eyes watered as I stared at him coming closer to me.

                “After all the agents finally managed to pull you away from Jaejoong. I remember hearing him yell on how you will never find someone out there for you. On how no one will ever love you.” Jongup whispered. I looked down as soft tears went down my face. I remember that. I truly felt at the time I would never find someone to love me for me. I believed I would die alone out there. I felt Jongup’s hand touch my chin as he gently pushed it up making me look at him in the eyes. He softly wiped my tears. “Do you remember what you said to him?” I nodded slowly.

                “I know no one will ever love me that’s why I swore off love, you bastard. It will only kill you in the end. I was always fine on my own. I don’t need anyone. I will never need anyone.” I repeated out what I said long ago. Jongup’s face softened as he smiled lovingly at me.

                “Everyone there at the time saw a headstrong woman who is to be feared, but you know what I saw? I saw a broken girl who was secretly pleading to be fixed. At that moment I felt like I have to protect you no matter what even though you kicked my . I wanted to protect you. I always want to protect you because I love you.” Jongup breathed out. Tears came down my eyes as I stared up at him. “After that I demanded Jr to make me your partner. He told me that it was my funeral. You hated me at first. You always pushed me away telling me you don’t need a partner.”

                “You kept insisting to be my partner. I didn’t want you to get close to me. No matter how many times I pushed you away. No matter how many times I beat you up and hurt you. You still kept coming back to me with a stupid smile on your face. You showed me how to trust in people. You showed me that it was fine to cry.” I breathed out crying softly. “You kept protecting me in missions even though I treated you badly. Without realizing it I started to fall in love with you as you broke my shell. You introduced me to your division and they were like family to me. I wouldn’t be the person I am now without you.”

                “Hey.” Jongup whispered as he wiped my tears away. He held my face in his hands as he looks at me. I felt my chest clench in fear. I can’t lose him. I can’t lose him. I kept crying. “Alex. Why are you crying?”

                “I can’t lose you.” I cried out in fear letting out how I was really feeling. “Please don’t let it be true. I don’t want to be alone?”  Jongup immediately pulled me into his arms tightly as I continued to cry. He knows now. He knows why I was out here worrying. Why I can’t sleep.

“I will always protect you. I will never leave you alone. Don’t worry.” He whispered out as he held me tighter. “If anything does happen to me you have to know that there will always be someone out there to protect you. You will never be alone.”

“No it’s only you. I only want you to protect me. I would never want anyone else. I only want you.” I sobbed out.

“Alex. You know I will fight for me to always be with you. I will gladly risk my life for you. I love you so much I would want you to live instead of me.”

“Then I’ll die with you.” Jongup immediately pulled me away grabbing my shoulder’s tightly. His eyes blazed furiously.

“Don’t you ever say that! Ever! Do you understand.” Jongup almost yelled out with fear. I stared at him in shock as tears went down my eyes. “I know you don’t want to be alone, but please don’t. I wouldn’t want you to die with me. I would want you to live on for the both of us. I would want you to move on. Find someone to love have kids. Live for me.” I watched in fear as tears went down his eyes. “I know you have been having nightmares. You talk in your sleep. We have to cancel the mission.”

“No. If not us Jr would send someone else. We are the best at what we do we will make it.” I blurted out in fear. I don’t want Jr to send someone else on this dangerous mission they can be killed if caught or even tortured. At least if it was Jongup and I we will make it out alive with not much difficultly.

“But Alex I don’t like seeing you like this.”

“Please Jongup we can’t cancel it.” Jongup stared at me intensely then let out a loud sigh while running his hand through his brown hair. He pulled me into his arms again holding me tightly.

“Fine.” He breathed out. His arms tightened around me as he kissed the top of my head. I cuddled into his arms embracing his warmth. “You won’t lose me. I will always protect you. Ok? Please don’t worry anymore.” He knows I am afraid of losing him. I cried in his chest all night as I held him tightly not wanting to ever let go of him.

I woke up groggily to the smell of bacon and eggs. I looked around my room with a sigh sitting up. Another flashback? I felt my heart drop in sadness as I remembered that memory and what I did last night. I brought my knees to my bare chest hugging them tightly to me. The warm quilt covered my body. I rested my head on my knees staring intently at my opened room door. I could see a shirtless Lee Joon working around my kitchen making breakfast. I felt a small smile spread across my face as I stared at him. Lee Joon seemed to feel my eyes on him for he immediately turned in my direction.

“You’re awake.” He said with a heart melting smile. His dark eyes seem to sparkle with life. I stared at him with shock as I attempted to regain my composer. “Breakfast is almost ready.” I nodded slowly to him as I turned looking down at the floor for something to wear. Quickly spotting Lee Joon’s navy buttoned down shirt I picked it up putting it on. I put on some underwear and shorts walking towards the bathroom quickly getting ready.

I quickly stared at my refection in the mirror. My dark curls were everywhere sticking out on all sides. That’s attractive. I let out a soft sigh as I quickly tried to tame the birds nest on my head. My eyes look tired like dark hollows harboring deadly fears. I thought back to the flashback with a sigh. I was right about my worries before the Russia mission. Just like my nightmare at that time I was left alone. I let out a shaky breath as my heart clenched in guilt. I betrayed him. Jongup I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.  All for a mission I betrayed the only man I ever loved. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. Tears threatening to escape.

“No. Alex. This is a mission. This is your target. He will understand.” I breathed of lowly to myself. I let out a small laugh to myself. Oh god I look mental. What is wrong with me? Suddenly I heard a knock on the door.

“Alex! Are you alright? You’ve been in the restroom for quite awhile.”  Lee Joon asked from the other side of the closed door with worry.

“Yeah I’m fine. I’ll be out in a minute.” I said quickly finishing getting ready. Once refreshed and hair tamed I stepped out of the bathroom heading towards the kitchen. Lee Joon looked up at me with a smile.

“Good morning.” He said as he grabbed me by the waist kissing me softly on top of my head. I smiled at him. “You very attractive in my shirt.”

“I look attractive in anything.” I joked pulling away slightly from him. Lee Joon stared at me with amusement as he moved loose curls behind my ear.

“That is very true.” He breathed out as he planted a small soft kiss against my lips. My lips tingled upon contact, but all to soon he pulled away.

 Wanting more I pulled his head back to me when he pulled away closing the distance. I kissed him holding him tightly to me. My mind seemed clouded as I was immediately overcome by desire. I felt my back slam against the wall as the kiss became more frantic. My hands traveled up his bare chest to his neck I twirled my fingers through his hair pulling him closer. Our bodies pressed tightly together. Lee Joon’s hands traveled on my hips pulling up my shirt. I felt his hands touch my skin. Lee Joon was the first to break out heavy make out session resting his forehead against mine he looked down. We breathed heavily. Lee Joon my tattoo over my hip bone staring down. He most likely could feel the scar. The deep scar I received from the Russia mission when Jongup pushed me out the window. The place where I pulled the glass shard out.

“A ninja bunny?” He questioned lifting the shirt to stare at my medium sized tattoo over my hip. I looked down at his fingers gently tracing the tattoo I couldn’t help, but smile sadly.

“Yeah. Someone I cared deeply for used to joke that it would be his favorite animal if it was real.” I said chuckling softly to myself. I still remember all the arguments I had with Jongup on how there would be no such thing. He and the B.A.P division strongly believe in the future we will train rabbits to be ninjas. I used to always argue with them on how ridiculous that was. Lee Joon stared into my eyes his fingers still tracing circles over my tattoo.

“If you don’t mind me asking what happened to them?” He asked. I looked back into Lee Joon’s eyes with sadness.

“He died protecting me. “ I whispered softly a tear slowly went down my cheek. Lee Joon lifted a hand softly wiping my tears.

“I apologize. Is he a man you loved?”

“Still do.” I breathed out I moved my eyes to focus at our feet not wanting to look at him. I felt my heart beat heavily. Tears went down my eyes. I don’t want to talk about this. I moved my head to the side towards the table with our now lukewarm breakfast. “We should eat before our breakfast gets cold.” I said out in a monotone.

Lee Joon stared at me in silence as I pushed him away. I walked away from him not saying a word as I sat down at the table slowly digging into the cold eggs. I ignored the fact that they were cold. They were still delicious. Lee Joon let out a sigh while he walked towards the table. The silence between us was killing me. I looked up from my plate to see him eating his plate slowly. His eyes almost looked saddened.

“I’m sor..” After much silence we both said at the same time. We let out a awkward laugh as we ran our hands through our hair. I looked at him and smiled.

“Would you like to go out with me later on tonight?” He asked looking at me with hope.

 I stared at him in disbelief. I just admitted to him that I am still in love with my dead lover and he is asking me out again. Wait why should it matter to me? He is my target. A target that clouds my judgment with desire for him. A target that I almost had with against my kitchen wall. A target who can make me forget worries and make me smile with his weird professional speaking and childish smile. A target who I can’t read at all. I have to hurry this mission and warn the guys what happened with Jr yesterday. I kept thinking silently to myself forgetting to answer Lee Joon’s question. Then it hit me. The untraceable phone Kris always carries with her.

“Alex?” Lee Joon asked in concern. He stared at me curiously.

“Oh yeah. Sorry. God would you put on a shirt it’s a distraction.” I commented making him laugh.

“I would but regrettably you have my shirt on. Not that I mind at all. It looks much better on you.”  His eyes sparkled with amusement.

“Oh yeah.” I said softly to myself feeling a little embarrassed. Ugh why did I blurt that out. I am such an idiot. Of course I have his shirt on. I put the damn thing on when I got up. God I want to punch myself in the face.  “About tonight yes I would love to go out with you.”

Lee Joon smiled happily at me then went back to eating. I stared at him curiously. What I would give to know what was going through his head. How can he be such a ‘Mr. Professional’ but smile at me as if he was a small child who is going to see Mickey. He was cute. We spent the rest of the morning making small talk at the table and laughing. He was actually a great person for company. Soon it was time to say goodbye for now until later tonight for the date. I regrettably had to return his shirt because he didn’t want to walk around with one of mine although it would have been really funny to see. Lee Joon convinced me not to make him wear my shirts. With a kiss goodbye he left my apartment.

Just when the door closed I instantly went in agent mode. I searched my apartment making sure nothing was out of place. Making sure he didn’t plant anything or even take anything. No matter how much charms Lee Joon has I can’t forget that he is my target. Just a target nothing else.

“Good now to get a hold of Kris to warn her.” I whispered to myself as I changed into jeans and a shirt. I ran to the convenience store across the street buying a prepaid phone with cash. The clerk gave me a funny look as I handed him the cash as if nothing. Without hesitation I opened the phone from the package dialing Kris’s untraceable phone number as I walked down the sidewalk away from my apartment. Not even one ring later I heard a voice.

“Agent Kris here.” She answered seriously knowing that it had to be serious for the phone to ring.

“Kris.” I said in a hurry. “Are you alone?”

“Alex? Why are you calling this number? Are you ok? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” She immediately started to freak out. I rolled my eyes. I crossed the street towards heading towards the park.

“Will you stop worrying as if I am your child. I am fine. Now answer my question are you alone?” I emphasized sounding more serious.

“Yeah I am leaving my apartment now heading to work.”

“Great. I need you to listen to everything I am about to tell you and find a way to tell the guys what you heard without getting caught. Now I don’t have much time.”

“What’s going on Alex?”

“Jr knows something is going on.” I simply said as I proceeded to tell her everything that happened yesterday besides what happened with Lee Joon. She will freak out to much. Kris took everything I told her with urgency as she hanged up but not before she told she understood. She advised me to act as if nothing happened. Kris assured me that she will take care of the Eva problem soon.