I try so hard to keep it together but I feel as if I'm losing it. Everything's slipping away and I don't know how to control it. My sister confessed a while ago that she hates me. And I believe her. She might not hate me in a constant and spiteful way but deep down, I really think she does. At the same time, she idolizes me, in a way. She thinks I always succeed and that I'm perfect, she feels as if she can't compete with me, but it's not true. And I think this is part of what makes her so miserable, what keeps her from school and why she needs a psychiatrist. So I've tried to tone it down. I don't tell anyone about my grades, I try to refrain from talking about myself in any context, it has come to a point where I don't leave my room unless I absolutely have to. But at the same time I try so hard to succeed. To always get good grades, to support my friends and to be the sweetheart everyone expects me to be. I don't want to bother anyone and I don't want to cause worry or trouble, but I'm just so tired. I don't want to do anything anymore. I just want to cuddle up in my bed and sleep until everything gets better. But more than anything I just wish people would notice and I wish I was brave enough to talk about how I feel.

Girl, you know your sister doesn't really hate you. 

Even though I am the only child, I can't imagine truly hating my (imaginary) sister. You could show her that you too, are equally jealous of a skill that she have which maybe you aren't that great at or she is better than you in. Maybe you should have some sibling time? Sit in the same room and just gossip or ramble, showing that you aren't perfect and that you are an equal. Also, you don't always have to be what your friends expect you to be. Be what you expect you to be; make yourself happy. Sometimes it's fun and interesting to do something out of the ordinary, just do something by impulse, don't think about it. Also, you worry about others so much that you don't seem to have time for yourself. Go have fun. Splurge on random things that you enjoy and think about yourself once in a while. Try to express your emotions better; voice your opinion. If you try to open up your heart more to other people, such as your sister, and let yourself make mistakes once in a while, maybe you won't be so tired :)

Even though you feel guilty for being the way you are, I personally think that you should always feel comfortable in your own skin and you should not be swayed any other way. No one can be perfect and you sister can't blame your strengths on her own problems and you should know better than to blame yourself for it. Being everyone's sweetheart is hard especially when your smile is a lot dimmer on the inside. Slowly learn to be positive distance yourself but not disregard negativity, keep a realistic perception of things, darling. One thing that's also super important is that you need  to voice your feelings, keeping them suppressed can make a person even more depressed, even if you feel like there's pressure on you to be strong and happy. Don't frown, for the world is falling in love with your smile :)

- Lee Jinki ♥

(Co-Author's interruptions: I swear your life is so similar to mine. But instead, I am the "mother" figure, but still hated having other people be bothered by my problems. Til last year, I was so closed up in myself, never told anyone except for two of my closest friends how I felt. Then one day I got sick in class(like I actually vomited) and my friends were so worried and scolded me for not telling them. I then realised that my friends actually care about me and how I am doing. It does feel good to be worried over once in a while, instead of being the worrier.

And now for the nosy author's interruptions: your sister sounds scarily like my mother. And the sweet-heart thing, I can totally relate, actually we both can. I know what it feels to feel guilty for something that isn't my fault, for smiling brighter even when I'm so lonely and refusing to tell people  about my own problems. It's a big leap, so for now, we're both here for you, feel free to PM us if you need to talk because talking is healthy. And also, here are some of my favorite youtubers that promote positivity: iisuperwomanii and bubzbeauty.)