I thought I left behind my days as a failure when I planned to start afresh this year, but everything's slowly crashing down around me now.  My math and chemistry is incredibly terrible to the point that I'm so confused I don't even know what questions to ask to clarify.  I can't help not wanting to face reality and just lost all motivation to do anything.  
There are days when I anger my mother by being too rude or just generally not being a good daughter, and while I want to blame it on her for venting her work-related stress on me, I know it's also my fault.  As a person who hates tension of any kind, I feel even more irritable and... frantic, when she starts screaming at me, I start thinking if it would be easier to jump out the window or something, but then I reject the idea - only because I'm afraid it'll be unbearably painful.  I don't know.  I can't explain what my state of mind properly.  It's like neither here nor there.  

I'm just tired.

Oh honey,

You must be so tired that even sleep can’t make it better right? It’s an endless cycle of negativity, bitterness and anger that’s making you so lethargic. Reality is hard to face, and in fact the people who have a better grasp on reality have more of a chance of being diagnosed with borderline depression. It’s normal not to want to grasp reality since the truth hurts but it’s something we all will need to struggle with as we’re growing older and stronger. It’s also completely normal to hit a slump like you are now. Your mind is probably swimming with negative thoughts and you’re overwhelming yourself. It’s easy for those kinds of mindsets to invade your happiness. Uplift your spirit by doing some meditation or listening to music or doing something that you enjoy. And if you need help in subjects, you could always ask your friends or teachers to help you. And its not always your fault that your mother is upset. Sometimes she's tired too. Everyone has some obstacles in life and attempting to leap over them, even if it seems impossible, is better than giving up and potentially hurting yourself. You just need an attitude change, and as for your mother, you just have to ignore her. Unfortunately, parents aren't perfect and they can be selfish at times because really, she shouldn't be venting at you like this. Talking to your mother about it calmly and communicating your opinions diplomatically may help ease some of the tension. I think it's best that you talk to someone that really cares for you and if you don't feel comfortable with that, then give me a PM or something. There are so many online resources and help-lines so use those when you're feeling helpless. No one is a failure, no matter how much society may make us feel that way. It's only a matter of hard work and time. 

Never lose hope!

If you ever need someone to talk to, we'll be here for you. :)

- Love, Zhang Yixing (Lay) ♥

(Author’s notes: I have to say that I hate chemistry and mathematics with my entire being, they are the bane of my existence. I’ve always excelled in the humanities area and that frustrated me because I thought if I could analyse Shakespeare so well, why couldn’t I tell different chemical equations part? My maths used to be so horrible that I was practically failing in the second best school in my state. One does not simply fail math when they’re Chinese. Really, maths is just a load of practice and hard-work, there’s no way to put this better. You probably need to start consistently doing homework and some extra review of previous topics on top of that. I think you need to ask your teachers for some help and maybe try a tutoring place where they can cater to your flaws. Chemistry is the same as maths, it requires practice and a whole load of memorising. Despite the fact that I loathe chemistry, after a whole load of memorising and hard-work, I finally kind of get it. It takes practice but once you get there, it’s pretty easy and not complicated at all. Unlike English or philosophy, chemistry and maths have set rules that you need to learn. Once you’re familiar with this set of laws, you’re pretty much good to go. Never lose hope in your studies, if a dunce like me could raise her average in maths and science by 20% in under six months, I’m sure you can do it too. In previous chapters, there are many study tips so you may want to review them as well :D Please, for your own benefit also read the conversations about self-esteem and there are always nice blogs and whatnot on the internet to lift your spirits.)