There's actually alot. I'm a girl and I'm in year 9 and I really like to sing. When I'm listening to songs or see people singing, I think, I really want to sing infront of someone too but then when I'm actually infront of someone, I get so nervous that I just can't because I feel that they'll judge me. I've heard myself singing, and to be truthful, I used thought I was pretty good, but I'm not that dumb now. I now that I'm not really a great singer. My dream is also to become a KPOP star and my parents support me alot. They take me to dance classes, and singing classes. They have taken me to so many different places that they've heard are good. Even today, my schedule is packed with dance classes and singing classes. To be honest, I'm not very good at dance either but my mum told me, "well that's why you go get classes. You wouldn't go if your good at it. If you were good, why would you need to go get classes?" But I havent seen much improvement in my dancing. I'm not confident in pretty much everything I do and that includes dance. I'm just too not confident and I learn really slowly, I'm always so behind in class, I feel like I'm holding the rest of the people back and I'm just getting so stressed.Why do I have to get so stressed even though I'm just trying to work for my dream. Sometimes I just wonder if becoming a KPOP idol is really what I want. For my singing, I've been to many different singing classes from different places and teachers and they say I have a good voice but have to work on my singing and projecting my voice. I've been told that by all the teachers I've ever had but no matter how much I try, I just can't seem to overcome my fear of doing infront of others so I can never project or do anything properly. I watched lots of shows where all the kpop idols and other people with dreams of becoming singers try so hard to achieve their dreams and goals. But when I look back and ask myself, what have I done? Have I really tried? I immediately can tell that I havent done anything. I havent even tried. Dance and singing classes aren't cheap either. They're about maybe $65 per lesson, and not really seeing any improvement in my dancing or singing I just feel like it's a waste of money. But I really like doing it though. My family isn't a very rich family either, and my mum is always stressed about financial issues. I always feel pressured and worried and also guilty because I'm always spending and wasting so much money. It's only me and my mum at home so it's even harder for her. She's also very lonely by herself and I really want to do something for her but there's really nothing I can do because I'm just so useless. Everything I've tried to do has just given her even more stress and I just feel so guilty and sorry. Sometimes I just think, maybe it would have been better if I just hadn't been born. There's so much stress at school as well.. Sometimes I just want to do and suicide. I've actually tried to suicide before but it was too scary and I've actually had a near death experience and I dont really want to experience that again. I know I sound really pathetic right now but I wish I could just somehow escape from reality. I don't know what to do anymore. Please help me. (I'm sorry I wrote so much but all this has been on my mind for ages now and I just need some help.)

First of all, sweetheart, I have to apologise for taking too long to come around. Key was being a diva and holding all of us up because someone messed with the coffee machine, presumably Chen. He’s always being a troll, last week it was salt in Tao’s coffee. You’d think a Wushu-stick waving panda-boy would be able to take it but he came to us, bawling. Anyways, back to you.

It’s really quite normal to feel so negative and overwhelmed that you want to just flop down and give up. You say you want to be a Kpop star and you say that you “haven’t tried” and it makes you feel guilty and worthless. Of course they work hard for their dreams, but you’ve already started making foundations for your career and that is your effort and you definitely should be proud of it. They work hard because the companies force it. Think about the Korean industry in which idols are different from “artists”, where idols are judged heavily on their looks. Some people honestly, have gotten casted on the streets and effortlessly gotten into a company. You should never feel guilty for the work you have already put in because that is a sign of negativity and low self-esteem. Be proud of what you’ve done, especially that your parents support you strongly.

Your parents are making sacrifices for you because they love you and they want you to pursue your own happiness. You shouldn’t feel guilty about it but nevertheless, you should never take it for granted either. I think by their strong support, they’ve actually indirectly put a lot of pressure on you to do well which is something I presume they don’t want you to feel. Try not to feel burdened or overwhelmed by these feelings and just try your hardest. You also mentioned that you’re shy and that even though you really want to sing well, you just can’t because it’s too uncomfortable for you. Unfortunately, there is no quick cure for lack of self-esteem or confidence. First sing to someone you feel will support you, like a friend or even someone online, I’d be happy to listen to your voice which I presume is wonderful. Slowly build that confidence and then maybe sing to someone who you are a little more concerned about impressing, like your parents.

Of course there’s stress at school. Society today breeds people to think that they were not meant to be mediocre but we’re all mediocre in our own way and fabulous in our own way as well. Sometimes, it just hurts incredibly to face reality but here is what I have to say: pleasure may come from illusion but happiness can only come about from reality. Happiness or pleasure? The fine line between them is blurry but one day, you have to confront your fears face on. I really do wish you the best in your future endeavours and I hope you can build more confidence in yourself. I’m sure you’re better than what you make yourself out to be.

Unfortunately, I have to go now since Chen seems to have of infuriated the resident dragon, Kris who happens to be very good at basketball. In the kitchen he uses those skills to bounce pots and pans off Chen’s head since he’s so annoying. I have to save the idiot before he gets permanent brain damage. 

- Love, Jonghyun ♥

(Author ramblings: Oh yeah, I had a huge problem singing in front of people until a particular friend got pissed off at me and told me to just hurry up and sing. I realised that people are there to support you and they honestly don’t judge that much. However, I found it difficult to sing in front of parents but I slowly built the confidence after many performances to my close friends. After I got through my parents, they weren’t too supportive but it gave me enough courage to sing in front of thirty girls and three musical teachers for my musical audition. I failed but I was happy for the opportunity.  I hope you can learn from my experiences and tell yourself that anything can be achieved if you persevere enough. I know it’s cliché but I mean it)