“That would be 44000 won.”

My eyes lingered on the menu hanging at the wall. I could hear my stomach grumbling just by looking at the menu. How does Jonghyun know about this place anyway?

I flinched when I felt a warm hand on my arm. “Oh, you scared me.”

Jonghyun chuckled. I stared at him in surprise when he intertwined his hand with mine. “Everything always scares you,” he told her. “You have to relax. Come on. This isn’t the place yet.”

I waited for another thirty minutes to found out where he’s going to bring me. Turns out he only wanted to bring me to the beach. I wanted to know why of all places, he had to bring me to the seaside. I appreciated it but somehow it got me wondering why we had to go here.

I found seagulls flocking nearby and it suddenly got me excited. The moment we got off the car, I dashed towards the seashore right away. I forgot that Jonghyun was even there.

I could hear his laugh before I took off. I don’t care. I felt free.

If only Seunghyun could see me right now.

The one thing I loved about being near the sea is that it makes me feel calm. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, quietly savoring the sweet taste of freedom. In my mind, I could imagine the strong waves pounding on the rocks and the liquid lips kissing the warm sand beneath me. I smiled as the cool breeze entangled itself in my hair.

“You look prettier when you’re smiling.”

I gazed at Jonghyun who stood next to me, his hands buried inside his pocket. I didn’t say anything. It kind of stunned me that I feel naturally comfortable with the silence between me and him. His presence alone consoled me even though I loathe the idea of having him with me.

He will only get himself in trouble just by helping me.

“You’re staring,” he stated with an amused look.

I quickly averted my gaze, embarrassed that he noticed me staring. “Sorry.”

“You’re curious,” he says. “I understand that.”

“Why did you bring me here?” I wanted to know.

“Let’s sit down.” He took a few steps back and then slowly kneeled to sit down on the sand. Grabbing the food we bought earlier, he arranged it next to him. When he noticed that I wasn’t moving, he patted at the sand next to where he placed the food. “Come and sit down with me.”

I did.

He handed me the burger he ordered from the Lime Tree café and the freshly ground Costa coffee he recommended me. I ravaged it as soon as I took my first bite. Boy, was it so yummy.

“You eat like you haven’t eaten for a month,” Jonghyun teased, chuckling.

I rolled my eyes.

“I think you need a break,” he spoke. “That’s why I brought you here. It was priceless, when I saw how your face just lit up when I brought you here. That’s when I knew I did the right thing. Back in school, you’re always so cold. You don’t look at anyone and you don’t even smile at anyone the same way you did back when… Seunghyun hyung was still alive.”

I nibbled my food slowly. Somehow, I didn’t like where this was going.

I was never into pep talks because I cry easily.

“You’re prettier when you’re smiling,” Jonghyun continued, his gaze fixed on the sea. “You look happier back then when you were with Seunghyun hyung. I remember, of course. I was on the basketball team, too, and Seunghyun hyung and I were… best friends.”

I gulped. I never knew about him.

“I bet Seunghyun hyung never told you,” he continued, chuckling weakly. “It’s okay. We shared a special, brotherly bond. He was the first friend I’ve had when I transferred to SYG and he was the reason why I work hard on my basketball skills. Even though that guy can be pretty stupid sometimes, I love my hyung. He was the best.

“Seunghyun hyung is the type of person who’s very happy at the smallest things,” he added. “Like that part when I got into the team or when I led the team to the finals. He was so proud of me. He was my role model. He was there when I needed someone. And of course, I was there for him when he was down.

“I saw how happy hyung was when he was with you. Trust me. It was the first time I’ve seen him so happy. He keeps telling me things about you. I nearly laughed at him and at how he acts when he starts talking about you. He looks so in love. That’s when I knew how much you matter to him.”

I wiped the tear running down on my cheek. “I ruined his life.”

“No, you didn’t,” Jonghyun objected. “You made him happy. You should stop blaming yourself for what happened. Hyung wouldn’t be happy, seeing you living miserable because of what others say.”

“I don’t care about what others say,” I told him.

“But you’re still suffering,” he says matter-of-factly. “I can see it. I’m not stupid, Sooyoung. You have to stop letting others control your life. You have to let go of the past and move on.”

“That’s what I’m trying—”

“Liar,” he accused, cutting me off before I finished talking. “You didn’t let go of hyung yet. You couldn’t let him go because you won’t let yourself.”

“You shouldn’t even be here with me.” I changed the topic. It was getting too heavy and I didn’t want to go home with swollen eyes.

“Look, Sooyoung, I don’t care about what others say,” he reassured me, giving me a subtle wink. There’s that look of amusement on his face again. “Let them tattle. I don’t care. They don’t know me. They don’t know you. They don’t know our story. People always assume. Let them. We can’t change the common habit people share.”

He has a point. “But I don’t want to trouble you—”

“Hyung would want me to take care of you,” Jonghyun cut her off. “If he was here right now, he would reprimand me for not being able to take good care of you for the last two years.”

I sniffed, looking down. I didn’t want him to see me crying.

However, he surprised me when he wiped the tear running across my cheek. I glanced at him, flabbergasted. The whole shebang coming from him somehow surprises me.

“You’re in deep trouble if you’re going to stay with me,” I whispered, my eyes rested on him. I was hoping that… he’d stay. But at the same time, I wanted him to go away. It was for his sake.

Jonghyun’s gaze fixated on mine. Our eyes met. There was unexplainable woe in his eyes. I wanted to understand him. “Trust me,” he whispered back, never breaking the gaze. “I’m in deeper trouble than I thought I would be.”

♀ ________________________________________________________ 

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