“Really, Sunggyu, where are we going?” It must have been the 53^rd time of her asking me where we’re going. Saturday has finally come and everything was set. Just yesterday, which was her real birthday, I gave her the muffins I got from the bakeshop. Of course, I made her believe that her birthday to me didn’t matter when in fact, I threw a party for her.

But what confused me the most was her behavior yesterday.

She was unusually quiet and tense. Even if I kissed her, she’d kiss me back but… it was weak. She looked out of this world and preoccupied. I was thinking. Maybe it has to do something with Seunghyun’s death.

I kept her blindfolded until we reached the twenty-second floor, where the Opal Room I rented was. Yunho had made sure that the guests have arrived before Sooyoung does. I trusted him and my sister, Gayoon, to make sure everything was set.

She tightened her hold on me and for once, I felt that positive feeling of being a good husband. Like she trusted me and that she meant what she had said back at the Maldives. I was sure that Zinger was wrong. How could she say I was obsessed with Sooyoung? I’ve gotten over it years ago.

And I do love Sooyoung.

And she loves me. She loves me.

“We’re almost there,” I reassured her.

I slowed my pace so Sooyoung could catch up with me. She was taking small steps, making sure she won’t fall in or something. When we reached the door, I paused and gave three, light knocks—a sign I had told Yunho about that indicates it’s me.

Yunho opened the door, nodding his head in confirmation. He did a little wave and the people inside runs off to different directions, looking for a place to hide.

I turned to Sooyoung, slightly open. I chuckled. I was certain Sooyoung was curious of what’s going on. Feeling a little amused, I leaned forward and gave Sooyoung a quick peck on her lips. She was surprised that she stumbled over a few steps back.

“Hey, what are you doing?” she squealed, earning a chuckle from me.

“It’s not a crime to want to kiss my wife because I think it’s cute,” I muttered, untying the blindfold. When it was taken off, she rubbed her eyes and blinked quickly, trying to get the gist of what was going on and where she was.

I grabbed her hand. “Come on,” I urged. “Let’s go inside.”

“What’s inside?” She gave a quick, curious glance of the room. Then it hit her. “Is this… The Plaza?”

I nodded with a smile. “You remember.”

“Of course,” she answered, moving closer to me. Her eyes peered over the inside of the room. “So, what? What’s going inside? Is there a party? Were we invited? How come I don’t know it?”

“Let’s get inside to find out.” I pulled her in front of me so she would walk first. Softly pushing her, I waited for the people to come and surprise her—

SURPRISE!

She almost leaped in surprise. Greeted by three, big party poppers and the enormous sound of a crowd, she stares to the left and then to the right. I raked closer, trying to see her expression. She was surprised. Definitely surprised. I’m pretty sure she wasn’t expecting it.

She smiled when she spotted Yuri who sat with Jonghyun and his family who also came to the party. It was actually surprising since I don’t know him very well. When I met his family, especially his sisters and brother, they gave me confused looks. Like they were trying to figure something out. Nevertheless, I kept my posture and acted polite by welcoming them to the party.

Gayoon and Myungsoo came, too. Since they didn’t really have an official meeting with their sister-in-law, I gave them this chance to introduce themselves.

She wheeled around to face me, confusion and astonishment written all over her face. was open but nothing came out. She looked like she was trying to rack her brain for words she wanted to say.

I chuckled shortly, pulling her close to me. I pecked her forehead. “You’re welcome.” I beat her to it. She rolled her eyes, giving me a lazy smile.

“I thought it didn’t matter,” she mumbled, using her index finger to scratch her temple. “Yesterday, you were acting as if it wasn’t even my birthday. I had to admit. I was slightly disappointed. But turns out you’ve planned a party for me all along.”

I laughed. “Of course, I did. And it’s all thanks to Yunho and Yuri for helping, too.”

She raised her eyebrows, shooting  me a look. “They helped?”

I nodded. “I asked for it.”

She stood on her toes, giving me a peck on the cheeks. I was surprised. Normally, I do the first move. She doesn’t like doing the first move. She thinks it’s ostentatious for girls to do that. I was surprised.

I grinned mischievously. “You should do that more often.”

She rolled her eyes. “You and your clever tricks,” she muttered. “I should go welcome the guests. It’s rather rude of us to be here and not even welcome them. And aren’t you supposed to be greeting them? You’re the host, after all.”

I shook my head. “No, I planned the party but I’m not the host. Yuri and Yunho offered to be the hosts of the party today.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Really? Or did you force them to do that?”

I pretended to look offended. “Ouch, are you accusing me of doing such thing? That really hurts. It hurts when it comes from your wife herself. Thanks, Sooyoung. Thank you so much.”

Sooyoung chucked, wrapping arm around my waist. Why was she being extra sweet today? Is it because she’s thankful of the party? “I was kidding,” she says. “But come on, I’ll introduce you to a couple of friends I have. And yes, friends. It feels good to have friends. I just hope they’ll stay longer.”

“Of course, they will!” I reassured her, squeezing her shoulder. “Why would they want to leave you?”

I swear I saw a hint of gloom in her eyes when I said that. She looked away though, averting her gaze from me and looking around the place. I watched as Yuri and Yunho did their job of being the hosts, welcoming the guests and asking how they were.

As for Sooyoung, she suggested meeting the friends she’s referring to earlier.

She led me to Jonghyun’s table. The instance I knew we were heading to their direction, I immediately wanted to take back me agreeing on it. I didn’t actually know she was going to introduce me to him. It’s not that I hate the kid. I just don’t like them together, bearing in mind that I see the way Jonghyun looks at Sooyoung.

He looks at her the same way I look at her.

Although what I’m completely not aware of was that he’s Seunghyun’s best friend. I was knocked for six when Sooyoung told me that. Somehow, I felt an outlandish sense of paradox. Lee Jonghyun was Seunghyun’s best friend. Seunghyun was Sooyoung’s boyfriend. And now, Jonghyun’s after her.

Well, Sooyoung hasn’t told me anything about Jonghyun making a move on her. I doubt she’d tell me anyway. I bet she won’t. That girl keeps a lot of secrets that I still have to know about when she’s ready.

I also met Jonghyun’s sisters, Sunny and Jieun, and brother, Taemin. They were giving me funny looks when Sooyoung introduced me as husband and my thoughts went back to that day she went to Jeju Island with his family. Maybe they thought that Sooyoung was Jonghyun’s girlfriend.

“How come you two are married?” Sunny asks, hooking her arm in Jieun’s.

I watched Sooyoung shrug nonchalantly. “It’s an arranged marriage,” she answers briefly. But I hate how it sounded like she was forced to do it. I hated how it sounded like she didn’t like it. Or is it just me being off-putting about it?

Jieun gasped softly. “Really? I thought arranged marriages are old-fashioned. Sooyoung, are you doing this for your business?”

She shook her head. “No, our grandfathers arranged this.”

Sunny nodded, forming an ‘O’ with . “Really? This is interesting. Do you love each other, Sooyoung?”

I waited for her to answer it. Truthfully, I wanted her to say yes. My arm around her waist went a little rigid, completely taken aback by her direct question. To my utter dismay, she gives an embarrassed chuckle, like she wasn’t even sure of what to answer. Does she really love me?

“Of course, Jieun unnie,” she answers softly. “We love each other.”

“Really? You learned to love each other for a short time?” she asked, baffled.

She shook her head, laughing. “No, we’ve known each other for a long time. I just learned to love him now.”

Sunny puffed her cheeks. “Oh, that’s… nice. Did you visit Seunghyun already?”

Oh. There it was. That must have been the reason why she was so quiet yesterday. Turns out I forgot that the accident that led to Seunghyun’s death happened on Sooyoung’s birthday. How could I even forget it? Mom told me about them a couple of days before I knew I was getting hitched.

I cast an awkward glance at Sooyoung who suddenly felt tense beside me.

“Not yet,” Sooyoung replied shortly.

Before anyone could say anything to get rid of the uncomfortable atmosphere, Yunho and Yuri had taken over the stage. There wasn’t really any stage but you get the gist. Both of them stood at the front and held microphones each.

I excused myself from her friends and Sooyoung did the same. We marched towards our table and sat down. Even if I planned the party, I didn’t know what the program was or what they’re both planning to have for the party.

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,” Yuri greeted, showing a full-metallic grin. “I’m pretty sure you’re all hyped up to just devour what’s on the table. But don’t worry. To start off, let us all focus at this big screen in front of us and enjoy the video.”

The screen turned black and suddenly the question, ‘What is Jung Sooyoung to you?’ appears. I remember being asked by Yunho that question one time when Sooyoung was at school. I was curious as to why he was bringing a cam recorder because he didn’t really tell me it was for the party he had planned as well.

Turns out I wasn’t the only one planning throwing Sooyoung a surprise birthday party.

Yuri was the first one in the video in which she talked about their past regarding Seunghyun and the gossips. Then a couple of people from her dance squad. I remembered Jia and UEE and other two whose names I don’t know. There were probably the only members who treat her well.

And then there was Jonghyun and his family who each gave their personal message for Sooyoung. She was so wrong about one thing: that she doesn’t have any friends. The video was enough proof that there people who care about her, too. I just hope she knows that.

When her parents showed up on the screen, moisture swelled in her eyes. They apologized for the thing they had done and wished they could be better for her. And then there was Yunho, who looked definitely awkward. But he tried his best to give Sooyoung a message. He even cried a bit when he said I love you.

I was the last person in the video. What actually embarrassed me the most was the fact that I was shirtless during that time. Yunho didn’t even tell me to get me dressed because he said he was in a hurry.

Sooyoung squeezed my hand, giving me a soft smile. She whispered a soft thank you and leaned forward to kiss my cheeks. I chuckled.

Yuri did a little greeting after the video and Yunho followed with a short welcome message for the guests. A little while later, it was time to eat.

Sooyoung was quiet the whole time. Since I didn’t know what to do, I introduced her to Myungsoo and Gayoon who kept her entertained the entire dinner.  I was a little thankful because both of them were quite the talkative ones. I made a mental note to thank them later.

“Are you happy?” I asked.

She blinked, startled. “Huh?”

“Are you okay? You seem distracted.” I grab hold of her hand, interlacing mine with hers.

She cleared , not meeting my gaze. “I’m not entirely honest with you, Sunggyu,” she stated. “This morning… I visited Seunghyun’s grave with Yuri. I wanted to… well, I wanted to ask how he was and tell him about you. I wanted to tell how happy I am with you. I don’t know but I get the feeling that you’re sad about something. About us.”

I sighed. “Well, how did you know?”

“I’m not stupid, Sunggyu.”

I cleared my throat, turning my chair around to face her. “Well, I admit. I feel a little… tentative about our relationship sometimes. I mean, Sooyoung, you dated Seunghyun for a long time and it took you two years to get over him. And then here I am. You said you loved me. It makes me wonder whether…” I trailed off, not wanting to say it.

“Whether what?” she prompted.

“Whether you’re saying that because you want to get over Seunghyun and use me or you’re really telling the truth,” I concluded. “Because if you still love him, Sooyoung, I guess… I guess I’ll let go if I have to.”

She blinked, struck by her words. “But I…”

“Let’s not talk about this now,” I told her, pulling away. This talk was making me uninterested in celebrating her birthday. After all, I should be happy. This is her party. Her day. So, why am I trying to ruin things?

In the midst of dining, Yuri and Yunho took the time to start the games they have prepared. Of course, it wouldn’t be complete without the birthday girl herself. They had their first game, which was the Pass the Hat game. There were three groups with ten members each. The first one has to wear a hat and then proceeds to passing the hat without using his/her hands.

They had about five games for the night, which entertained all of the people. I was even included with the Limbo game. I didn’t win. The last round was between Yuri and Gayoon, which are incredibly the most flexible ladies in the room.

It was almost ten in the evening when we reached the last part of the program. I know this because the hosts had urged the people to go back to their seats and the lights were dimmed. Few days ago, I went over to Yunho’s to record the song I’ve written for Sooyoung.

I wasn’t into the entire ‘presenting in front of people’ thing so I had Yunho to film me singing and we could make it into a video. I was left perplexed though when Yunho told me that he’s sorry for anything that could happen during the party. I mean, what could possibly happen that is so wrong, right?

The party has been good so far.

“Is it starting?” The Sunggyu in the video asked. He was holding a guitar in his lap and he looked scared. I chuckled to myself, recalling how nervous I was and how we had to film it for more than fifteen times.

He stared straight to the camera. “Um, hey.” Insert the awkward laugh. “Um, this is… okay, this is really comfortable but I’m going to the bottom of this and just get it over with. I’ve written this song ages ago, when we weren’t… well, when we weren’t married yet and you were still in love with someone else. I figured that you could never look at me the way you look at him. It’s always going to be different, I know that. And I’m never going to be at his level. But that’s okay. All that matters to me now is that… I love you. And I hope that you truly love me back, too. So… um, I’m going to start.”

The song “Because” was written when I was during my college years. It was supposed to be a homework, wherein we have to compose a song. Any song as long as it talks about how we feel for a certain someone or something.

Sooyoung shot me a smile when she realized I was staring at her. Of course, I was waiting for any reaction. But mostly, throughout the entire performance, she was just smiling. Somehow, I had expected her to cry. You know, those tears of joy.

Yunho cleared , catching our attention. “And the final part…” he trailed off, looking uncomfortable. He glanced at Yuri who lightly nodded, urging him to continue. Then he gazed at me and Sooyoung. “I’ve had this video for years. It was when Seunghyun was… dating my sister. Technically, Seunghyun and I became… buddies because we used to go to the same shop when we buy those compact discs for recording songs and whatever… Anyway…”

I didn’t listen to the rest of it. Turning to face Sooyoung, I watch her shift uncomfortably into a different sitting position. The tears had welled up in her eyes and she was biting her lip, something she does when she’s nervous. Then I thought about what Yunho said about apologizing for anything that’s going to happen.

“…I wanted to show this to you before I completely regret it,” Yunho concluded.

And there he was.

Choi Seunghyun on the black screen.

isdepressed.