I don’t understand what happened to Jonghyun. He looked fine a minute ago then he started clinging on me and cried on my shoulders. I really wished I could help him but I had no idea what made him cry. All I could do was rub his back and whispered words saying everything will be okay.

Jonghyun is a really good guy. I met him the day I moved to the apartment. He actually helped me with my stuff and we got to know each other during that day. I found out that he was in the same campus as mine. Since that day we hung out a lot and became the best of friends.

“Jjong… What happened? I’m here to listen, okay?” He hugged me tighter and his body shook even more violently. I caressed his hair and kissed the top of his head. It broke my heart to see him like that. Even if I didn’t show it sometimes, I really care for Jonghyun.

He cried and cried, and I couldn’t do anything but hold him in my arms. When he finally stopped crying, he reached for the cold coffee and took a gulp.

“Ahaha, sorry about that, Key. I suddenly remembered my dog Roo. I used to have her when I was little and she died 5 years ago. I remembered that she sometimes looked at me with her beady eyes whenever I had a slice of cheesecake and I fed her some. I just miss her a lot, you know?” I didn’t believe him. He might be sad about his dog’s death but he would never avoid eye contact with me whenever he told me something.

“Jonghyun. What’s up? Don’t you trust me enough to tell me what’s going on?” He visibly tensed up and drank some more of his coffee.

“I’m telling the truth, Key.” I sighed and held his hands with my left hand and cupped his face with my right. I stared into his red puffy eyes and caressed his cheek.

“I’m not going to push you any further and try to force you to tell when what’s up, Jonghyun. I’ll wait until you’re ready to tell me what’s wrong. But never forget that I’m always here for you and I want to help you, okay?” I leaned in and kissed his forehead. He sighed and hugged me again. Poor thing… Jonghyun looked so lost and pained. I really wish I could take his pain away.

“Thank you, Key. I love you.” He looked straight at me when he said that. I smiled and squeezed his hands.

“I love you too, Jjong. You’re the best friend everyone would kill to have.”

We chatted and I managed to make him laugh again. Although I paid more attention to him and he seemed a bit off. I guess he was still stressed about whatever issue he was under and tired from all the crying. So I just did my best to joke around and make him laugh. Without realizing it, time passed and it was already around 8.

“Maybe we should go home. It’s getting late already.” Jonghyun got up and I followed him to his car. The ride home was kind of normal? We talked like usual but there was a tense atmosphere surrounding us. It doesn’t feel like the usual times we spend with each other.

He parked his car in the basement and we went up using the elevator. Jonghyun lived with his family on the first floor with this special apartment made bigger for them meanwhile my apartment was on the 3^rd floor, the same with Jinki. This building was 5 stories high.

“This is my stop. Thanks for today, Key.” Jonghyun gave me a hug. The elevator door opened.

“My pleasure, Jjong. Good night.” He let go and went out. I waved at him as the door closed. It was quite a tiring day. All I wanted to do was take a long shower and watch some TV.

The elevator door opened again and I headed straight to my apartment. Once I got in I practically threw my stuff on the couch and dragged myself to the bathroom. I took a very nice warm shower and relaxed under the mini waterfall.

I still couldn’t take my mind off of Jonghyun. He was acting really, really weird. Usually he’s always the cheery, touchy guy who laughs at everything. But that afternoon was one of the rare moments I actually see him cry. Jonghyun is such a positive person, he’s not the type to cry out of nowhere. I sighed and finished up. I put on my purple hoodie and white sweatpants.

 I sat down on my couch to watch a movie, but I noticed Jonghyun’s dinosaur blanket beside me. It was his favorite blanket and he absolutely loved it. It might sound really childish but I think it’s really adorable of him. He brought it with him the last time we stayed up for a movie, which was 2 previous nights and he left it behind. I figured he needed his blanket to help him feel comfortable so I decided to bring it over for him.

“Hello, Key. Are you looking for Jonghyun?” Jonghyun’s sister opened the door and I could hear Mr. and Mrs. Kim shouting a hello. They are such fun people.

“Hello, noona. Yes, is he in?”

“Jonghyun just went out again. He just stopped by to grab his iPod and stormed off again. He looked for his precious blanket but he couldn’t find it. So he said he wanted to cool off or something. I have no idea where he ran off to.”

“Oh, I just wanted to drop off his blanket actually. But I’ll go and find him. I think I know where he is.” She nodded and smiled at me.

“Okay then, Key. Drop by and have dinner with us sometimes.” I bowed and bid them goodnight.

Whenever Jonghyun said he wanted to cool off, it means that he’s either at the café, his room or the rooftop. So I headed straight to the rooftop and just as expected I found him sitting on a wooden bench he managed to put there. He had his earphones on his ears and a distant gaze in his eyes. I slowly walked behind him and covered him up with the blanket. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him.

“It’s cold out here.” He nodded and patted my arm.

“What are you doing up here?” I moved to sit beside him and he took off his earphones. He stretched his arms and I scooted closer to lean on his shoulder. He put the blanket over us and he my hair.

“Cooling off.” I scrolled through his iPod and hummed in reply.

“Your room is warmer, Jjong.” He scoffed and gently bumped our heads together.

“I wanted to cool off, not to be warm.” I bumped him a little bit harder.

“You’ll get sick. You didn’t even have your blanket with you.” He hummed and pulled me closer.

“Thank you for bringing it to me and finding me here.” He said barely above a whisper. I poked his cheek and he looked at me with sad, glossy eyes. I kept wondering what was wrong with him.

“You’re welcome. I’m just glad I can be here for you.” Jonghyun released me from his embrace and looked up to the sky. Which was star spangled and really beautiful, I just noticed.

“Kibum. What am I to you?” He used my real name, which was shocking. He never used my real name unless it’s really serious.

“Why are you asking this? You’re being really weird, Jjong.” He sighed and closed his eyes. The wind blew and his hair was blown back, revealing his handsome face.

“To me, you’re a very precious person. You’re my best friend, the best I’ve ever had and the best I will ever have. No one can replace you and no one will. You’re the joy in my life, Kibum. I can’t imagine a life without you. I love you.” He looked straight at me. Never in my life will I admit that my heart skipped a beat.

“Aw, thanks for saying that, Jjongie! You know I love you too. You’re really a great friend.” I flicked his nose, hoping he’ll laugh. But he didn’t. He just stared at me with his sad eyes. I didn’t understand!

“You don’t understand, Kibum.” I chuckled and squirmed to lean my head on his shoulder again.

“I think I understand pretty well. We’re best friends! Of course we love each other until death. That’s what best friends do.” I tried to reach for his hand but he recoiled, as if I just scalded him.

“No, Kibum, you don’t! You don’t love me the way I love you and it’s killing me!” I pulled away and my eyes met with his. I could see desperation, frustration … longing?

“W-what are you saying, Jonghyun?” He caressed my cheek and I shivered at the coldness.

“I love you, Kibum. Can’t you see?” I couldn’t keep my eyes on his anymore. I looked down and I removed his hand from my face.

“But why? Isn’t what we have enough?” I didn’t know what to feel. Where did this come from? Why did Jonghyun feel that way about me? I’m happy that I’m loved by someone but I’m not sure I’m happy that it’s Jonghyun.

“I’m happy that we can even get to this stage, Kibum. But I want you. I want reassurance that yes, you’re mine. You’re all mine. Let’s say Taemin lent you his necklace you’ve been eyeing for ages for a few days then you have to give it back. I’m sure you’re happy to be able to wear it but don’t you want to keep it for yourself? To make it yours?” I stayed silent. It made perfect sense. But I still didn’t know what to say…

“Kibum. Answer me…” He was pleading. I hate it when he pleads. I absolutely hate it…

“I’m scared, Jonghyun.” I managed to whisper. I was scared. What if I did accept him as my boyfriend? Then what would happen if we broke up? Did I really have the courage to take chances and probably ruin everything we had? No. I wanted us to be together for the longest time.

“I’m scared too. But I want to be with you.”

“Jonghyun, you’re already with me.” Jonghyun clicked his tongue and let go of my hands.

“Just forget what I said, okay? Let’s just go back to the way we use to be. I’ll try my best not to act different and you’ll do the same. Sounds like a fair thing to do, hm?”

“No! I don’t want to forget about this!” I shouted although I shouldn’t have.

“Then what, Kibum? Stop making this so complicated for me. Complicated for us!” He pulled his hair in frustration. I hated this situation.

“You’re making this complicated! Why did you even say that to me, huh? If you didn’t then maybe we’d be having a nice chat right now, Jjong! We’d be laughing just like we used to!” I felt like crying, I was so confused, I was scared! I hated this feeling. I was supposed to be in control of everything in my life.

“Kibum, it’s not like I can help it! You can’t control my feelings! Even I can’t! You can’t control my life!”

Control, control, control. That was all I had. I thought if I am able to control everything then I would live just fine. But why did everything start to spiral out of place when I thought I had the upper hand of everything? Was I not able to control everything?

“Control is all I know how to do, Jonghyun! You should’ve known! And now I’m losing my grip on everything and I feel like I can’t do anything. Jonghyun, you’re making me loose all of my control! I don’t know what to do, Jonghyun. I’m scared. I’m lost. I…” I didn’t know what I was saying. I could only feel Jonghyun’s arms wrapping around me, somehow making me feel safe and much better than I thought I could be.

“Don’t cry, Kibummie. I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have said anything. Please don’t cry…” Was I crying? I touched my cheek to feel the disgusting wetness I’ve always hated.

“I hate this, Jjong… I hate crying.” I gripped his shirt and buried my face in his chest.

“I know. I hate it when you cry too.” Jonghyun’s warmth engulfs me and I quickly calmed down. He my back and tucked the blanket.

“I hate this day. It’s filled with tears.” I put on the earphone and shared the other one with Jonghyun.

“I know. I hate it too.” I scrolled through his songs and found one of our most favorite songs. I pressed play and the sound of piano filled our ears.

내게언젠가왔던너의얼굴을기억해

멈춰있던내맘을, 밉게도고장난내가슴을

너의환한미소가쉽게도연거야

It always appeared before me
Your face, I remember
My heart that stopped short
You spitefully took my dysfunctional heart
And with your bright smile
That's how you easily opened my heart

“I love this song.” I hummed along to the familiar melody. It was a song we used to listen to when Jonghyun broke up with his ex. I remembered we were in my apartment, in front of the TV accompanied with cans of beers. He plugged his iPod in the iPod dock and blasted the volumes high. He put this song on loop and cried in my arms.

그래그렇게내가너의사람이된거야

못났던내추억들이이젠기억조차않나

나를꼭잡은손이봄처럼따뜻해서

It's true, that is how I became your man
All my unpleasant memories, I no longer recall
Because the hand that holds me tight
is as warm as spring

He thanked me in between sobs for being there with him, comforting him and listened to his rambles. He looked up to me with a pair of glossy, puffy red eyes, his lips red because he kept biting them to hold down the sobs, his nose red from all the sniffles.

이제꿈처럼내맘은

그대곁에가만히멈춰서요

한순간도깨지않는끝없는꿈을꿔요

And now like a dream my heart
has gradually stopped by your side
Without awakening for a single moment,
I dream an endless dream

He smiled at me and gave out a laugh despite the hurt and tiredness etched in his eyes. He said the exact things :

이제숨처럼내곁에

항상쉬며그렇게있어주면

nothing better nothing better than you

nothing better nothing better than you

And now like breathing,
if you were to always rest by my side
if you were to always remain this way
nothing better nothing better than you
nothing better nothing better than you

“Key. I’m sorry about this. I should be happy and satisfied with all that we have now. I won’t push you to say anything. I just want you to know my feelings and I will respect your actions after all of this mess.” I shook my head and went closer to him, if that was even possible.

“No, I’m sorry for blowing up on you. I’m happy that you said it, I just don’t know what to say or how to react about this, Jjong. I really don’t. I wish I have an exact reply for you, but I still don’t know about my own feelings to make a decision…” He kissed the top of my head and I hugged his waist.

“I’ll wait. No matter how long, I’ll wait for you.” I hummed happily at his reply and closed my eyes as he sang in his beautiful voice.

이제꿈처럼내맘은
그대품에가만히안겨있죠
한순간도깨지않는끝없는꿈을꾸죠

이제숨처럼내곁에
항상쉬며그렇게있어주면
nothing better nothing better than you
nothing better nothing better than you

nothing better nothing better than you

And now like a dream, My heart
in your embrace, is held still
Without awakening for a single moment,
I dream an endless dream

And now like breathing,
if you were to always rest by my side
if you were to always remain this way
nothing better nothing better than you
nothing better nothing better than you

nothing better nothing better than you

“There’s nothing better than you, Kim Kibum.”

A/N : I have no idea how this turned out to be a songfic. Wait. It's not a songfic, it's like a chapter that's like a songfic. So is it a songter? Or a chapsong? :O /CONFUZZLES!

I don't know guys, you all wanted Key's POV right? (you know it's you!) So I kind of demand a special comment from you who wanted Key's POV? Meheheheh.

Btw! THIS SONG IS ABSOLUTE GENIUS. "Nothing Better" by Brown Eyed Souls, covered by Jonghyun.

You should totally listen to it during the sappy Jongkey moment. Yeah, people. Re-read it again. MEHEHHEHEHEH. Here's the Jonghyun version of it : CLICKITYCLICK!

Tell me if you like it or not! :D Comments? :D:D:D:D:D:D

p.s Sorry for typos and grammar mistakes xD