(I really love this chapter, I hope you guys like it as well)

 

Terrified.

It wasn't a new sensation for Mina, she had already felt many times what is like to fear being rejected. After leaving her room, she left her house too, she just needed some air. 'why? just why?'

Just when she had allowed herself for a minute to forget all the series of unfortunate events that had been happening around her, just when she thought she was getting back her best friend, all the things that could go wrong happened. 'it could have been worse' Mina thought. But then, she was so scared either way.

After some minutes wandering around the nearest park to her house, she realized something, she shouldn't have left. 'what if he tells my mom? what if he says something to Momo? what if my mom says something to Momo? oh, god' She needed to get back, so many things could go wrong, at least she could try and avoid some, right?

So she hurried back to her house, but when she got back, Kwan had already left as well as Momo and her mother barely noticed anything at all had happened.

"I'm really happy Momo came to see you, she is wonderful," her mother said after Mina had got home. Both of them were in the kitchen. "You should really surround yourself with more people like her, decent people."

Mina wondered if her mother ever realized what words came out of . Did she ever just for a moment think about what she's saying? or how much everything she says affects Mina. How could the woman not see the way Mina's breath hitched a bit every time she talked badly about her other friends and at the same time Mina herself. Because she knew. She knew all those comments referred to her, Mina was the wrong one. Today, though, Mina didn't ignore it. "I surround myself with decent people."

"Kwan and Momo are just fine, dear, as for- oh, you know what I mean." It was annoying. So annoying how her mother's tone always made Mina feel like she was saying something for her sake, but it was awful, saying something so bad but with such a sweet tone. It was ridiculously awful.

Clenching her jaw for a second Mina just sighed and kept trying to push her mother. "No, mom, I don't know what you mean." Mina was testing her luck, she knew. But she was so mad right now. She had completely forgotten about her worries for Kwan and what had happened with Momo.

But her mother didn't get mad or yell at her or anything. She just got closer to Mina and used a hand to hold her chin. "Of course you do, honey, you are a smart lady," her mom smiled at her and added, "don't disappoint me now." And she left.

Mina wanted to punch something. But it was the feeling of crying that always won whenever she felt mad, or anything, really. She resisted, though, biting her lip. Mina knew her mother felt like she had been so good all this time, just because she had stopped complaining about going out with Kwan. But that was nothing. There was something too that made Mina so mad, the fact that she wanted to snap at her mother. Moments like this had happened many times now, whenever Mina tried to deny whatever the woman said or Mina tried to reason with her and pretend not to understand her mean comments, moments where Mina just wanted to see if her mother could even say it, anything, something. But nothing. The woman always ignored her and left Mina with so many intentions of yelling at her face. But she just couldn't. And it was so frustrating how she wanted to prove her wrong, but she always lost her words at her mother's indifference. 'coward.'

It was not better, but it was easier to just get to bed one more time. To hide her feelings away and hug her pillow. Like every day. 'he saw' Forgetting the unwanted feelings her mother produced in her and the ache of her heart, she remembered now what should be her main worry. 'he must be disgusted' Mina could tell now that he had not said anything to her mother, but what if he doesn't show up tomorrow for dinner or what if he does show up and confronts her in front of both her parents. She could always text him, but she was far too scared to get his answer either way. It was hard falling asleep. Mina was scared and she felt so small, so many things could go so wrong all the time, she knew that pretty well now.

Mina understood why Momo might have kissed her. Why? Because when Momo had described how she had felt for her, Mina could see she had felt that way too and she knew all too well how it was to want to get rid of all the doubts and what-ifs. Surprisingly, she was not mad that Momo had kissed her, she was madder that she had left her there just because she got so scared. But if it weren't for Kwan getting there, thinking about it now, she would have stopped Momo in a better way, she would have explained that she couldn't do that, that it was okay, but it was wrong. She would've explained to Momo that she really loved her, of course, but as a friend and nothing more. Feeling her lips against her own, once again, she could only feel her heartache, because those weren't the lips she wanted to feel. 'you ed up again, Momoring' Mina couldn't lie that even if Momo's visit had put her on a difficult situation, her words had solved so many doubts in her head.

Moving in bed suddenly, she was looking for her baby penguin plushie. Putting it close to her chest, she held it. Mina wanted to hold Chaeyoung so badly. 'you are tiny too.' Ignoring her thoughts she tried to fall asleep, she needed to rest. Tomorrow was going to be a long day of fake smiles and probably, the worst outcome of what could Kwan think of her.

When she woke up the next morning, for a second she forgot about all her troubles. It's always like that whenever she wakes up, just a second, a little second where she feels everything is just fine. But then everything comes back and she sighs. Just another day to get through. And today is probably the hardest one. So she tried to stay in bed longer, but she felt more anxious by the second. She needed to talk to Kwan. Or more like, Kwan needed to say something to her. But he had not texted her either.

So she spent the whole morning and afternoon stressing about it, it was quite obvious she was feeling like that but her mother did not say anything, just asked for help with the food and preparations.

Her father arrived in the afternoon. His work usually kept him busy. Mina's father is a serious man, but he had always been warm and loving with Mina. It didn't help right now, though, with her nervousness, and the fact that so many things could go wrong.

"Princess! How have you been?" Her father gave her a long hug.

"It's good to see you again, Dad," Mina answered still hugging him. She ignored his question, it passed unnoticed. "I missed you on Christmas." It's true. Mina was used to his father not being around all the time, but he tried to be there for holidays, this time he just couldn't.

"You did? Oh, but I got you a present." It was nice. For a moment Mina forgot about other things and just made small talk with her father. Maybe she could get through dinner.

But when dinner came and Kwan appeared, Mina was losing it. He had not said a thing. Anything at all. He was charming as ever, with both her parents. Mina wondered for a moment how Kwan's life was, the part she didn't know, his family. Was he alone? He had no trouble spending it with her family, it was something she had not thought about before.

For some reason it was being more torturous for her that Kwan had not said anything out of the ordinary than if he had said something. 'maybe he will ignore it' Mina thought. Maybe he hated the idea so much, that he might ignore it just like her mother.

Everything seemed so normal and okay that Mina was more certain something was going to happen anytime now. Life had taught her that much. She was getting tired of being so scared all the time.

By the time they all sat to have dinner, it was worse and she kept bouncing her leg up and down.

"I've missed your food," her father smiled at the woman on one side of the table.

"Mrs. Myoui is one of the best cookers I know, for sure," Kwan added to the comment.

"Then we better start before it gets cold." Everyone talked but Mina. It was like she wasn't even there. At least that's how she felt. "Let's pray." Mina's mother extended her hands above the table. Kwan and her father held each a hand. Mina on her side held Kwan's and his father's hand.

Mina didn't mind praying. Mina didn't have anything against religion, she had never questioned it. It was normal since she was a child, giving thanks for the food especially on occasions like this one was important. What she had not expected was for her mother's prayer to be so... specifically directed to her.

Clearing , her mother began, "Jesus Christ our Lord, let us pray to God the Father Almighty, giving thanks and expressing our gratitude for being here in health surrounded with family and food," nothing out of the ordinary was up to that moment, but then it changed completely, "let your light shine down upon us, that He would cleanse the world from all evil and temptation," at that, Mina could tell her words were for her. She knew her mother hated the idea of her liking girls because of her beliefs, Mina herself had been educated under those, she had always known, but for some reason, she had not made the connection directly with religion. And right now, it made her feel so sad and angry. Why would her mother even bring that up there? She could feel her hands getting sweaty, "let us all preserve ourselves from the temptations of the enemy," Mina felt like crying right there, she couldn't help it, she probably would have, if it weren't for Kwan's hand that squeezed her own taking her by surprise, she could not tell if it was a good thing or a bad thing, so she opened her eyes and looked at him. Kwan already had his eyes on her, he didn't mutter anything, he didn't smile, he didn't frown, he just looked at her, but his eyes expressed affection, his gaze was intense, Mina was not sure what to feel. But her mother kept going and he didn't stop looking at her reassuringly, "...and grant that finally we may dwell with you in life everlasting; through Jesus Christ, our Lord forgive us for all sins of ersion of any kind, and bless us for this new year to come, in the name of Jesus, amen."

"Perfect, let's eat," her father let go of her hand and Kwan let go too, but Mina took a while to divert her eyes off him. She was confused. But her little moment didn't help with how she was feeling towards her mother's awful prayer as his father noticed and added, "come on dear, you can look at him later."

Mina couldn't blame her father, all he knew was that she and Kwan date. But the unnecessary comment made her mother make more unnecessary comments.

"Let her be, they're young and in love, how wonderful it is." 'What?' She couldn't have possibly said that. Mina couldn't be angrier at her mother. It was being too much. No one seemed to notice she was mad though, everyone started eating like nothing was wrong. But, oh, everything was so wrong, Mina was so mad, she felt disrespected. She has been disrespected all these days, but today she had reached her limit.

"My princess found a good man," her father said. Mina bit her lip harder, she wanted so badly to say something about it.

"You flatter me, sir," Kwan answered like it was nothing.

"Of course, she's our perfect daughter." Mina was not sure how everything accumulated but she couldn't help when she just reacted to her mother's words.

"I'm not perfect."

Probably no one noticed how much meaning was behind those words, how much anger she had to say that, how much her inner cheek hurt by then. She looked directly at her mother's eyes but the woman just laughed a bit, just like her father as she had said a joke.

"You are perfect to us," the man said. But Mina knew that was not true, not true at all.

"I-"

"How's the food Kwan, dear?"

"I'm not-"

"Isn't it delicious," her mother kept interrupting her. Mina was more and more pissed at everything. All this time she had been so afraid, but honestly what was the worst that could happen to her now? Right now she felt like she had already passed that. She had been so scared to feel like she did, just because she knew it was wrong, then she could see it wasn't so why was she still scared? Because she knew her family wouldn't approve, but now, her mother knew and what was the point if the woman decided to ignore the truth. What was the point if she had to endure all the comments, all the commands, all the disapproving looks if she was not even being herself? No one could see her, not really.

"Stop," she blurted out. If she was going to be treated that way, at least she could get to act as she deserved it.

"Mina," her mother said seriously almost impressed at her daughter's rudeness.

"What's wrong, princess?"

"I don't-"

"Nothing," her mother hurried. "Nothing is wrong."

"Everything is wrong!"

"Mina!" her mother insisted.

"Dad, it's-"

"It's late!" Kwan for some reason was the one that interrupted her. She turned to look at him confused. His father had an extremely confused face too, not for Kwan but for the whole situation. "Uh, it's late," he talked normally now, "and we wanted to ask you," he smiled at both her parents, "if I could take Mina to see the fireworks, this time they're going to be truly wonderful and it's something we've been talking for some time now, really, we didn't want to leave dinner earlier but it's just so exciting and," he turned to smiled so lovingly at Mina," it's one in a lifetime opportunity, I'm sure she wouldn't like to miss it."

Mina was at loss for words. Kwan had blurted a whole lie without hesitating one word. She had no idea what he was talking about or why he was stopping her from talking. For the first time, she had felt like confronting her mother once again and probably telling her father too. What was the worst that could happen, really. She couldn't get that thought out of her head. She was already suffering every day and missing Chaeyoung like crazy, nothing seemed worse.

Her father looked strangely at Kwan, but her mother trusted him so much, she almost looked thankful that he had stopped Mina and answered immediately, "Of course, Kwan dear, as I said, you are both young, you should've told us sooner that you wanted to go."

Mina felt like trying again but Kwan noticed and talked first. "Thank you so much, it was so lovely sharing with you, and seeing you again, Mr. Myoui," he stood up and bowed slightly. "If we may, then, let's go, Mina."

She got up too, but because she was so mad. Of course he was going to help her mother stopping her. 'so much for friendship' She followed him outside just because she really wanted to shout at him a few words. Mina no longer cared what he could think of her. She could argue with him, ask him, at last, to go away, and then come back to her parents and try talking again.

"What the was that?" They were both already outside in the cold, Kwan just kept walking towards his car and Mina followed.

"You're welcome," he said. Mina was astonished, she reached for him holding his wrist.

"Why should I be welcomed? You didn't let me speak! I needed to-"

"Mina, what were you going to say?" he asked challenging her. "What? Were you really just going to fight your mother right there in front of your father in the middle of dinner?"

Well, hearing it like that, Mina could see it was not the best plan. "That's not your problem."

"It's not, you're right, but why would you bring more trouble to your life like that?" Kwan moved his arm to get away from Mina. "C'mon, get in."

Mina was not sure why but she just followed, besides, they needed to talk about yesterday, right?

Once inside with the silence of the car, she breathed a little better. Calmer. But what she needed to ask was nerve-wracking. "Kwan..."

"Uh, look, I'm sorry about yesterday but the door was open and I was just looking for you, I should've, I don't know just..."

"Don't you want me to explain?"

"I mean, yes, but it's not that hard to figure out now, you know?"

"Oh." Mina was nervous, but she felt like he was not mad or anything. It was something.

After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Kwan dared to ask, "Mina, do you like... girls?"

It was a tricky question for Mina. She didn't like to think about that, it was a bit confusing for her. She liked Chaeyoung, that she knew. But it should mean the same, right?

She almost felt like apologizing, that had been her first instinct with her mother. But she knew there was nothing to apologize for. She just nodded.

Kwan suddenly released a big breath. "Oh my god, that makes me feel so much better, wow."

'what?' Mina frowned and turned to look at him, he looked so relieved. "What are you talking about?" She had received good responses to this, with Sana and Nayeon, bad responses with her mother and Momo, but this? Kwan was so random. That was a new one.

"Oh, I'm so happy," he was smiling like an idiot and moving on his sit. "It means you didn't like me because of that, of course it couldn't have been my fault, I knew something was going on, I mean c'mon have you seen me?"

'Ah, there it is' egocentric Kwan. He had a point, though, Mina always wondered why she couldn't like him, he had reasons to like himself so much, he is really handsome. Just not Mina's preferred type. Mina couldn't help but laugh a bit, probably because she had been so nervous. "I tried," she said.

"Oh, you tried awfully, I swear, you're the worst kiss I've ever had." 'excuse me?' "Honestly, you are a bad kisser."

"What?" Mina couldn't believe his nerve. She was not a bad kisser... right? He had been awful, not her. "You were the bad one."

"Please, everyone enjoys my kisses, you were awful, there's no fight there. You won't win." He suddenly fastened his seat belt and started driving. Mina didn't ask, she was not going back to her house now.

"Right," she said. Kwan was not going to change his mind, and Mina was not going to kiss him again to prove him wrong. She needed to ask the serious questions now. "But... you, uh you don't mind, then?"

"Mind what?" Kwan kept driving and glancing at her just for a few seconds.

"That I..."

"Ah," he stopped at a red light. "I mean, no, I mean- uh, why would I mind? I mean..." Okay he was a mess but Mina found it a bit cute. 'stupid cute' "Okay, it's kinda weird but not really, I mean, It's okay I guess, who am I to judge, really. I just didn't expect it from you, I had this... stereotype I guess, that's it?" He kept driving.

"What, should I cut my hair or something?"

"No, no, but you see, that's the thing, it was just surprising but I don't mind, and it does explain why you don't like me, it's perfect. Besides, I've been meaning to figure out what was wrong with you, you know? all this time you've been so sad, I hated it." Mina couldn't help but smile a bit. He was so dumb and sweet. It was fun and annoying to the point she felt like hugging him and slapping him. And he kept talking, "Since that day I had no idea what had happened to you, or why your mother was being so hard on you, and you wouldn't say anything to me, it was frustrating, but then... after yesterday I just had to put everything together, you weren't that smooth on Christmas, you know? I felt dumb, you literally said you missed her, wow, her, I mean, I thought you meant a friend but why would you cry over a friend, and then I saw you with that girl, it all made so much sense but I was not sure how to approach you about it." He talked so fast like he really had all this accumulated for a while now, it was too much information.

"But that girl is... is not who I miss."

"Oh, I know."

"What? How?"

"You see, I was so intrigued by everything I couldn't stay away anymore, so when you left I just plainly asked her."

Mina almost chokes on her saliva. 'he asked Momo?' It seemed so strange. Both of them talking.

"Ask her? What did you ask her?"

"Uhm, I asked if you were together, that was not the best question to begin with let me tell you that... but uh, then I asked what was going on and she told me about your... roommate."

"Oh." Mina wanted to know desperately all the words exchanged in that conversation. What could Momo have to say about Chaeyoung and her?

"So she said many interesting things but I was not planning on... well... until I heard your mother just now." He had parked the car but Mina was too busy thinking about it all. Kwan his seat to look at Mina. "It was awful, what she said, it's not right, and no one seemed to notice how sad you looked, it was... you... there's nothing wrong with you, I know that." He fixed his hair now, it meant he was nervous. "I- I always thought people who liked the same were weird, I'm not gonna lie, but uh, you are not, that's what I know, and so, if you really like girls, then that's okay if it makes you happy."

"Kwan..."

"You miss her?"

Mina was a bit overwhelmed by everything, it happened so fast and she had no idea what to feel. But she felt better, better than she had ever felt since she left the dorms. It's been a while since she felt more positively than negatively.

So she dared to answer honestly, "I do."

"What's stopping you, then?"

"Stopping me? Everything." Mina frowned. "It's... I'm not supposed to like her."

"But you do."

"Yeah, I can't help it."

"Mina, I've told you this but you don't seem to listen," he sighed, "you are your own person, you can decide for yourself, you have a say in your life because it's your life."

Mina blinked a few times, Kwan was talking seriously now. She felt called out. But what he said was true. And she wanted to, she wanted to change things. Just now she had felt like telling her parents again but Kwan was right, that was not the time nor place.

"It's scary."

"But you're hurting," he said. "you're hurting every day it's painful to watch, aren't you tired?"

She was. Mina was so so tired. And the fact that Kwan could see that, was heartwarming. "I'm exhausted."

"Is she worth it?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... is she worth your pain?"

"She's worth everything."

"Then why are you suffering without her?"

"What?"

Kwan sighed a bit frustrated. "C'mon, Mina, it's not that hard, just think, why are you going through all this heartache if you don't even have her? Just get her! Fight for it, damn it." he cleared his throat and added, "just, not over dinner and not when you're angry."

There was something in Kwan's energy and words that made Mina so relieved and confident. She felt like crying, almost like a big burden had been lifted from her again, similar to when she first talked about it with Sana. "You're funny," she said almost crying but smiling.

"I'm the best, say it."

"I won't say that," she chuckled trying to stop her tears.

"Don't cry now," he said getting closer and wiping her tears away. "You have to go."

"Go?" At that Mina looked through the window wondering where they were. The place looked awfully familiar but she was not guessing. "Where are we?"

"I've been told of a certain friend of yours that had a recent birthday."

"Birthday?" Mina thought for a moment. 'Which friend had-, I totally forgot Sana's birthday, wait- oh, no' It couldn't be. "How you got here?"

"Ah, the kissing girl told me."

"Kissing girl?"

"Yeah, I forgot her name." He made a face, he was sorry.

"Momo."

"Yes! That was it, thank you," he smiled. "Then, Momo invited us here, she said you should act on your feelings, bla, bla, pure trash, my speech was better, so go get your girl!" he kept smiling and then frowned a bit. "It does sound weird, I'll have to get used to that... mh... okay just go." he unlocked the doors.

"Wait!" Mina was not understanding much. Did he really want for her to just go and see everyone? Chaeyoung? Mina wanted to see her, yes. But it was so sudden. She started realizing what was really happening, she felt nervous. Could she do it? Would Chaeyoung want her? "I, I don't know if I can."

"What? Of course, you can, you were just about to come out to your parents if I had not stopped you, this is nothing, you miss her, you want her, just be honest."

"But my mom-"

"Mina, hear me out," he reached for her hand. "Nothing bad would happen to you. I'll make sure of that. If you go and it doesn't go well, then I'll be here. Or if you go and then you need help with your mother, if she says anything to you- if she- I don't know, Mina, even if she kicks you out, I'll be here, and from what kissing- uh, Momo told me, she'll be there too, and birthday girl, , sorry I'm awful with names, but you," he put a hand on her shoulder, "you won't be alone, if you need it, I'll have your back."

Mina was not sure what was making her smile more, the fact that Kwan was stupid or the fact that she was doing this. "I'm here," Mina said breathing deeply. She was there about to go and put an end to all these bad feelings she had been experiencing, all the insecurities, she just wanted Chaeyoung and that's it. Nothing else mattered, this time she felt really brave enough, for real.

"You're here."

"I'm doing this."

"Yes."

"Alright, alright," Mina said turning to try and open the door, but once she opened it she closed it immediately. "No, no, I can't go."

"Oh, please," Kwan moved quickly and got out of the car to open Mina's door. "Off you go now."

She really wanted to see Chaeyoung again, she wanted to tell her everything. Every single thing she was feeling, everything she had felt, she wanted to show her. This time Mina knew what she needed to say and didn't feel like she was just saying random things, this time, she knew she could keep her word. She was her own person and she was not alone, she never had been. But the fear of Chaeyoung not letting her, the fear of what the others could think, she couldn't bring herself to go, she was shaking.

"I can't."

"Yes, you can, we already discussed that," Kwan rolled his eyes.

"No, I mean, I physically can't," Mina explained. "Right now, going there, I-"

"Ah, you should've said so." Kwan suddenly got closer to her and lifted her in his arms in a quick movement as she weighted nothing, getting her out of the car.

"Kwan!" Mina screamed holding to his neck. It was not something she had expected, but it certainly helped with moving. "God, you're so-"

He was laughing, "You're welcome again."

Mina breathed outside and looked at the building. She was really there. Then, she found the solution. All these days, who was the one that had made things easier on her? It was right there.

"You have to go with me."

"What? No way, why would I go, I'm no expert but they don't like me."

"You're right," Mina said. She knew it was not the best idea, but she really couldn't go there alone and Kwan was oh, so ever-charming, even if the girls didn't like him that much, he was an expert at talking and making people like him either way. "She hates you..." Mina knew that if Chaeyoung sees her getting there with Kwan, things would get a thousand times harder for her to explain and be heard. But she was willing to risk it, she needed to go, and she knew she needed him there, even just to get there. "Please, you know you are like this... enchanter of people, everyone likes you, you glow, you-"

"That's just called being decent and socially approachable, something you lack on, but okay," he sighed. "I'm already here, right? They might as well have some drinks, no wait, I'm driving, ugh, let's just go, kissing girl said you knew the floor."

Mina felt so grateful, she took his hand and guided him inside. It was not weird taking his hand, she was so used to it by now, and it felt great because she knew there was no other intention behind that. She was really going. 'Okay, Mina, you can do this, you're not alone, you can do this.'

But with every step she took, more thoughts came to mind. She knew it was going to be hard to get Chaeyoung to hear her, but it was Chaeyoung, she knew how to deal with her. But what about the other obstacles? Sana was going to let her in, from what Kwan had vaguely explained, she might already know they were going. It was going to be awkward to see Momo, but she needed to talk to her too sooner or later. The issue was Nayeon. 'Nayeon won't let me get near her, for sure she might be taking care of her and- oh,no...' Mina now realized there was a bigger issue. 'Tzuyu won't let me breathe, god, no I-' Mina, who was just a few steps away from the door, turned around to leave.

"Where are you going now?" Kwan held her in place.

"It's there," Mina signaled the door.

"Then let's go."

"They hate me, Kwan."

"They don't hate you."

"No, not all of them, but, if they say something mean to me, I'll cry," Mina pouted. "Even if I deserve it, what if I go there and just make a fool of myself."

Kwan laughed lightly. "You said she was worth everything, I should have bought you a clown costume."

"I'm not a clown," Mina frowned. 'she is the clown.'

"Come on, you've got this far," he smiled at Mina and rang the bell. "I believe in you." Chaeyoung had said the exact same thing, Mina smiled at him too. She owed Kwan big time, she couldn't contain her sudden happiness and excitement over being here, she threw her arms around his neck.

"Thank you." She really meant that. Kwan was definitely a good friend she had not expected to find.

He patted her back, not hugging her back. "That's more like it, you're welcome."

Mina had her back towards the door since she was hugging Kwan. That is why when the door opened he cleared his throat and stopped patting her back, "Good evening."

Mina closed her eyes tightly. 'what a great start' Moving slowly away from Kwan, she turned around and saw Sana standing there with big eyes and a big smile. She looked welcoming but worried. 'I don't blame her.'

"Happy Birthday," Mina managed to say. That was it, there was definitely no turning back now.

"You're alive," Sana smiled. "Hi," she smiled at Kwan. "Come on in." 'Okay, okay, okay.'

"Oh, it's your birthday celebration, happy birthday," Kwan hurried. 'You see? he is fast with these things.'

"Thank you, we were finishing dinner," Sana guided them until they reached where everyone else was. Everyone else. Mina couldn't look at anyone's face. If it weren't for Kwan she would have really just run out right there.

"We kind of already had dinner, though."

"Even if you did, please, have a sit," Sana said.

Mina was going to lose it any moment now, she was there, but she was not there, no, it couldn't be.

"Here." Kwan moved a chair for her.

"Thanks." That was it. The one thing she could say right now.

"What's this?" 'of course' Mina mentally cursed everything. Tzuyu asked quite seriously looking at Sana, which was something odd, Tzuyu should snap at Mina, not at Sana.

"Guests," Sana answered. "Just like everyone else."

"That's no-"

"Tzuyu, please." It was really odd, Sana answered seriously. 'should I say something?' Mina had not even lifted her head, she should say something, right? The least she wanted to form was trouble for Sana. Tzuyu didn't say anything else instead moved her chair backward abruptly and left the table. 'oh, god'

"Uh, excuse me," Sana said and left too.

Jihyo suddenly got up too and said, "Dessert, I'll bring dessert," she passed behind them and squeezed Dahyun's shoulder, she was close to Mina.

"Ah! Mina, how have you been?" Dahyun said as if nothing was horribly wrong. "I've sure missed you, who's your friend?"

Hearing Dahyun, Mina dared to look up, she had to. 'bless her soul' Mina was so grateful to Dahyun right now. Before answering her, though, she scanned the table and that's when she finally saw her. Her heart skipped a beat and Mina knew that if she really wanted to get to Chaeyoung, she needed to get through this part, she could do it. She had found her reason, erasing the look Chaeyoung had on her face right now was the best motive.

"Hey," Mina said looking back at Dahyun, "this is Kwan, we are friends."

"Hi," Kwan smiled at Dahyun. "I just brought her here, really, hard task." Mina felt like stepping on his foot.

"It's nice to see you again, Mina," following the voice, Mina caught up with Jeongyeon's eyes. Jeongyeon and Dahyun had always been nice to her no matter what. Despite Nayeon's scary look sent to Jeongyeon, the girl didn't bother and kept smiling at her warmly.

"It's nice seeing you too," she tried to smile at Jeongyeon trying to ignore how scared she was of Nayeon.

"Don't look too much." Mina could never figure out Nayeon. She was nice to her but firm. And the fact that Mina found the girl so beautiful, added to the way she felt intimidated by her all the time. It made her feel quite silly. 'honestly, how useless can you get?' It was not the first time she does not know what to say in front of Nayeon.

But she had not been wrong in making Kwan be there with her, he was doing his job just fine. "Don't worry," he said. "I don't think she's her type."

Both Dahyun and Jeongyeon laughed at his words. Nayeon just asked, "So, are you?"

"Oh, she wishes," Kwan turned to look at Mina smiling. "What's your type, Mina?"

Mina frowned at him, he was supposed to help her, not expose her. Fortunately, Jihyo came back with dessert that turned out to be the cake with candles. "You both got here just in time for the cake, how about that?" Jihyo sounded so cheerful, Mina felt better. It could have been worse.

She was worried about Sana, though, but she got there too, holding Tzuyu's hand. Mina by mistake made eye contact with her, it was not a nice look. But at least she had returned and Sana seemed fine, better than when she opened the door.

"That's better," Dahyun smiled and got up intruding in between Sana and Tzuyu. "Come on, cheer up, I'm here for two things, wishing Sana a happy birthday and having a good time, you all should too."

Jihyo lit up the candles and walked a bit away from the table, everyone followed surrounding Sana. Mina stayed by Kwan's side, just catching glimpses of Chaeyoung. The girl had not let go of Nayeon's hand the whole time and she had barely looked up. Then she turned her eyes towards Momo, who was already looking at her. It was... not awkward. At least not for Mina. She just knew she needed to talk to her and that was it. But Momo looked away.

"At the count of three, alright?"Jihyo announced and then counted. They all sang for Sana. It was not that bad. Everyone clapped, Sana blew the candles, received a kiss from Tzuyu, and many hugs.

When Mina hugged her, Sana took her time with her, taking her a bit aside. All the girls were less on edge now. Dahyun had put on some music and poured drinks with Jeongyeon for everyone. 'Drinks will help' she had said. Mina saw Kwan happily eating cake, at least he got something from all the trouble.

"You're here," Sana said to her.

"I am."

"Does that mean anything?"

"Didn't you know I was coming?"

Sana sighed. "Momo told me what happened yesterday..."

"Did you know how she felt?"

"She never said, but I did, I was always worried about her reaction towards... well, it happened."

"I'm here," Mina repeated. "I'm here for her, Sana."

"I don't know if that would be easy."

"I need to talk to her."

"Then why did you bring Kwan?"

"He... he helps me, it's weird." Mina looked down a bit and then at Sana. "Hey, I'm sorry for making things hard on you, with Tzuyu."

"Don't worry about that, I don't like easy, it's okay, this is way more fun, Momo did warn me you could get here, I was quite nervous but I do think you should talk to her, it's just I don't think she wants." Sana turned to where Nayeon was.

"I'll manage. And... I did read every one of your texts, they made me really happy."

At that Sana smiled real wide. "Really?"

"Yes," Mina smiled too. "I was not having a great time, but you made it better. Thank you." Mina hugged her again and she felt once again supported. Sana's embraces were truly amazing.

After that, her mission was the only thing that remained. Mina needed to get to Chaeyoung somehow. More into the night, she stayed around Sana and she kept stealing glances at Chaeyoung. Nayeon was around her, but not really that much, she had got distracted with Jeongyeon or probably, Jeongyeon was helping her cause somehow, she seemed way clingier to Nayeon than usual. Mina felt her chances to get her alone were improving, but at the moment she was still sharing with Tzuyu and Dahyun. Mina noticed that Chaeyoung had accepted a few drinks, nothing to worry about, but she couldn't help but think about the last time Chaeyoung had got drunk on purpose.

That only made her turn to look at the reason. Kwan had been in deep conversation with Sana but just then he started walking towards Mina. In his way, though, he crossed paths with Jihyo.

"Evening," he smiled.

Jihyo eyed him up and down and answered, "Maybe in a few more drinks." And walked away.

Kwan got to Mina with a dumbfounded face. "Can you believe that?" he asked. "I was just saying hi."

Mina laughed. "Oh, please, you should be thankful she even considered you."

"But I-"

"Just take a chance when you get one, she is way out of your league anyway." Mina was having fun making fun of him. Kwan looked so insulted.

"Who are you to talk about chances," he scoffed. "There goes yours," he pointed at the other side of the room. Chaeyoung disappeared through one of the doors. Alone. Mina got so nervous again. It was her signal. 'now or never.'

"Oh, god."

"He won't help you, just walk there. I won't carry you this time."

Mina had no time to complain to him. Her heart was pounding so fast against her chest.

She was doing it. She started walking in the same direction. But it couldn't be that easy, right?

"I don't think so." Nayeon smiled at her once she had stepped on her way. Jeongyeon had pulled from her hand, Mina realized the girl had definitely been trying to help her, but Nayeon let go of it.

"Nayeon, please, that's the whole point of me being here."

Nayeon sighed. "I don't have anything against you, you know that? probably not, but I don't, alright?" Mina nodded. "You do know, though, that I'm only stopping you because I don't want her to be lied to again, or hurt, or left, or... you get the point."

"I won't, not this time."

"You see I do want to trust you, but how can I?"

"You forgave me." Momo approached both girls. "Mina didn't want to do all the things she did, she was forced to, unlike me, no one forced me but I ed up anyway."

Nayeon looked at both Momo and Mina for a moment, thinking about it. Then she said, "If I let you go... you promise you won't lie to her?"

"I won't."

"Mina, I do believe you care for her, but you told me last time you wanted to protect her and you failed, now please, please just don't fill her head with empty promises, if you can't do something just don't. Break her heart for all I care but do it at once, don't give her hope if it's not true, please."

"I wouldn't be here if I had nothing to promise," Mina explained. "I came here for her," It was a bit sad for Momo to hear all that, but Mina was not exactly worried about that. She could only think of Chaeyoung right now, "I'm not scared this time, I won't leave."

Nayeon put a hand on her shoulder and Mina would be lying if she said she didn't get a thousand times more nervous. She had no idea why Nayeon had that effect on her, she almost felt embarrassed. "You better not." That seemed to settle it. Mina knew it was her last opportunity.

Nayeon walked away, she had access now. But before getting in. She turned to Momo. "Thank you."

"Don't waste time now, just..."

Mina could not stop herself. She really loved Momo no matter what. Throwing her arms around her she held her tight. "Just don't kiss me again, you at apologies, I know that much."

"Go, I'll entertain your new friend." Momo didn't feel like talking about it.

"Right, thank you."

Mina felt like she was leaving for war or something. But when she looked around one last time, everyone was just talking and drinking, it was quite comfortable, they looked relaxed.

Only she was not relaxed at all. Taking a big breath she walked a few steps down a hall and opened the door. It was fast. The change from music loud enough and chattering to this. When she closed the door from the other side, the music was barely audible, and the chatter had disappeared. Mina noticed every light in the room was , which was odd even for Chaeyoung.

And there she was. By the big window with her back facing Mina, who could hear her own heart racing.

"Chaeyoung," Mina said. And Chaeyoung's body stiffened.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to talk."

"I don't want to talk."

Mina remained by the door. She needed to be careful. It was not a great start. "Why not?"

"What are you even doing here, really, just go."

"Chaeyoung, please."

"Why are you bothering? Making me feel like a fool, bringing him here, just- Whatever but don't talk to me now, just go!" Chaeyoung was mad. Mina understood that. But she was mad about Kwan, that couldn't be, Mina needed to explain.

"It's not what you think, I'm not making fun of you."

"How can I know that?" Chaeyoung turned around to face Mina for the first time. You could see how angry she was. Mina wanted to make it all go away. "Don't make it harder on me, alright? just go, please, go! go and-" Chaeyoung closed her eyes tightly, at that moment, all the lights in the room had turned off. Mina had kept her distance but seeing her like that she didn't hesitate in getting close immediately taking her hand.

"Don't be scared, " she said.

Chaeyoung had her eyes still closed, Mina could see that much with the light that came from the big window. But she moved her hand away. "I'm not scared," she complained turning around.

But Mina knew she was. Chaeyoung could not hide that. "It's okay that you are," Mina talked softly surrounding Chaeyoung with her arms. The girl did not push her away but Mina felt she was quite rigid and she had taken a deep breath.

Having her close felt so nice. Mina had missed her so much, just holding her like that was enough to make her want to cry. "Just tell me what you want." Chaeyoung's voice was not that strong now, probably from Mina's proximity and the dark.

"I want you," Mina didn't hesitate, she knew what she wanted to say. "I'm here for you, that's why I came."

There was a moment of silence, Mina was not doubting her words but she was still so nervous. Then the lights again and Chaeyoung shook her head getting away from her embrace. The moment was broken. "That's- no, don't say that."

Mina wanted it to be dark again. "I'm serious... I'm sure you know we need to talk."

Chaeyoung seemed to think about it. Mina felt hopeful. But just when Chaeyoung was about to talk again, someone knocked on the door.

"Mina," Kwan said out loud. 'oh, please' Mina was so grateful he had brought her there, but why would he interrupt now.

Hearing his voice, Chaeyoung let go of whatever sign she had shown of hearing Mina out and made a movement to try and leave but Mina reached to hold her hand tightly and went to open the door without letting go.

"What is it?" Mina opened the door quite annoyed. But Kwan couldn't tell.

"The lights went off, weird, right? Anyway, I think it's getting late, uh, we should go..." he said. Mina noticed he was talking fast, he was nervous. 'then why did you interrupt me, wow, real smart.'

Chaeyoung tried to set free her hand again. Mina held on tighter. "It is, you should go, I'm staying."

"Uh, are you sure?" He looked worried now.

"Yes, don't worry."

"Then uh, okay, I'll..." He had Mina's coat in his hand, so he awkwardly entered the room and left it in one chair, and then got to the door again. "Just call me in the morning."

"I will," Mina said and Kwan was about to close the door again but Mina remembered, "wait, Kwan."

"No, I know, don't worry," he said. "I'll come up with an excuse for her, it's okay, just..." he looked seriously at Chaeyoung for a second and then smiled at Mina again and winked before closing the door. 'wow' Mina felt like chasing him and complaining but she was quite grateful that he had got immediately what she meant and she didn't even have to mention her mother. Kwan truly got her back.

When the music from the other side was once again barely audible and they were left alone Mina released her hand. This time Chaeyoung didn't try to leave, deep down Mina knew she wanted to talk too.

"We are friends," Mina said.

"Right," Chaeyoung answered. Mina started pacing around the room and Chaeyoung walked slowly back to her spot by the window, she seemed to like it there.

"Stay with me."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because we need to talk, you know that."

"Maybe, but I don't need to stay."

"Okay," Mina said. It seemed like progress. Chaeyoung had not realized but Mina had started to turn off the lights of the room as she was pacing carefully. "Would you hear me out then?"

"What there is to talk about?"

"You know... about feelings and misunderstandings."

"Feelings and misunderstandings?"

"Yes."

After a long pause, Chaeyoung sighed, "I'll give you a few minutes."

Mina smiled and got to the door again, where she turned off the main light of the room. "Perfect," she said. "That's all I need."

It was dark again, Chaeyoung immediately got closer to the window probably since it seemed less dark there. But she got mad again, Mina could tell. "Mina, stop playing."

Mina walked slowly towards Chaeyoung again and put her hands on her back carefully. "I'm not playing," she whispered.

"Then turn the lights on."

"You said you weren't scared."

"I-I'm not."

Mina moved her hands reaching Chaeyoung's shoulders and then she surrounded her body there, crossing her arms in front of Chaeyoung's chest, almost like a shield, resting her chin in her shoulder too. "You shouldn't be scared of the dark... not if you're with me."

"Why is that?" Mina could tell Chaeyoung was not relaxed at all. And Mina herself, even though showing confidence, was not relaxed either, she could feel her heart still so fast, and being so close to Chaeyoung added to it.

But she knew what she was doing. "In this dark, I can see you so clearly," Mina talked softly. "That day of the storm in the dorms, I could see you so clearly, that dark made me want to tell you all my secrets... but I just had one," Mina paused for a bit. "It was the way I was feeling for you... I couldn't quite put a name to it then, all I could tell in the dark was that I wanted to be closer to you, so close, and I already was so close, I couldn't figure out how closer could I get and it persisted. The sensation in my stomach, I just needed to get close, but I didn't know how, until I did..." Mina really hoped Chaeyoung was paying attention. "you did, and I understood the kind of closeness I desperately wanted. You see? In this dark, I see better."

Silence. Both girls usually shared so many silences. Their relationship had been basically built on silences. Mina had not let go of Chaeyoung. And it didn't seem like Chaeyoung was going to say anything so Mina kept talking, "I really am here for you, Chaeyoung. It was hard but I got here, I was going crazy without you, there's this... thing I've always wanted to tell you and it's never been more accurate than now... You... you were the highlight of my year, the best moment, probably the highlight of my life for all I know. And I'm sure I was probably yours, but then I was also the lowest part and I hate that, I never meant to hurt you, I wanted to protect you, I just didn't know how, but now I... if you let me I want to tell you, I want to show you, I want to be there for you I..." Chaeyoung moved a bit trying to turn around to look at Mina, but Mina held her in place and moved her chin back to the window. "Look, isn't it beautiful?" Outside the window, far away, you could see a tiny trace of fireworks in the sky. Even if they were far away, you could still appreciate them. They had missed the countdown. "I am here for you and you only, I want to be the highlight of your year, of your life, If you let me, I'll show you." Mina talked closely to Chaeyoung's ear. "Happy new year, Chaeyoung."

There were so many things Mina still needed to talk about with her. So many things, important things she needed to explain, but she managed to start with that. She knew Chaeyoung was giving her more time than she had claimed so she was not worried about it, they could talk about everything at the right time.

But the moment merited for Mina to say that first part to her. It was all true. It made her heart go so fast thinking about it. Mina was so so nervous but it was not a bad thing. When she said the last words to Chaeyoung, the girl finally relaxed under her arms so Mina let go and realized Chaeyoung was breathing rapidly.

As she turned to face Mina probably for the second time that night, her chest was rising and falling and Mina couldn't tell if Chaeyoung wanted to cry or frown, but her eyebrows twitched. Mina had not realized how much her words meant to Chaeyoung. How much her closeness meant to Chaeyoung. Chaeyoung herself had not realized what she was feeling until it was too late.

You see, the first kiss they shared was so slow. Both girls had been longing for it for so long. Both girls had thought about it, imagined it, fantasized about it. Even if they both kept it as a forbidden secret, they did. And when they finally got close, they were so afraid. They kissed with fear, they both cried, they were shaking, they were happy but careful. They didn't want to mess everything up, they had so much to lose.

But now, Mina barely registered when they got close again. How their bodies collided fastly. How they found each other's lips so quickly. They had nothing to lose now. And Mina was no longer scared. There was a certain hunger. Chaeyoung held her so tightly but Mina held her as tightly too. They were kissing with so much need. Mina had no idea how much she wanted it until she could feel Chaeyoung all over her removing her hair out of the way. 'This is right, these are the lips I want.'

The way Chaeyoung's lips felt against hers was impossible to feel anywhere else. Those were the lips Mina wanted so much. The only lips she wanted, the lips she belonged to. And it was being so addicting, they had never kissed so desperately.

Suddenly Mina slowed down a bit, she never failed to speak her mind. In the middle of the heat they were both feeling, she gave a step back but Chaeyoung followed. "I only want you," Mina breathed out holding Chaeyoung's waist. Chaeyoung barely let go of and kept kissing her feverishly.

But Mina insisted, "I don't- I don't ever want to be away from- you."

"You won't," Chaeyoung answered quickly capturing her lips again.

Mina kissed her back, even if it was a messy kiss. They were not exactly matching with each other's movements. Chaeyoung was kissing her almost angrily. Mina liked it, she couldn't deny that, but she got back again, "Don't- don't ever let me be away from you."

"I won't." Chaeyoung only responded shortly and pressed her lips against Mina again.

"Chaeyoung-" Mina insisted again but Chaeyoung wouldn't have it.

Pushing Mina with strength she found somewhere she pinned her against the door in a simple movement. Mina gasped feeling the impact on her back. "Shut up and kiss me." They had started both kissing with eagerness but it was definitely Chaeyoung the most desperate. Mina got surprised but it was enough to shut her up.

Feeling now Chaeyoung's body so strongly pressed against hers. The way Chaeyoung had pushed her against the door, the way she had captured again, sloppily kissing her, the way Chaeyoung kept her still by the shoulders, Mina felt weak. She liked her so much, she could only hold on tighter to her waist while feeling her face getting all red.

Chaeyoung was always so tender and careful with her, this felt so different. It was clouding her mind, it was making her worries all disappear. Mina could not figure out what was they needed to talk about now. Chaeyoung's lips were way more interesting. Chaeyoung's intensity was way better to explore.

Chaeyoung moved her hands from her shoulders down her body without moving away from it one second until she held Mina's hips and then traveled upward under her clothes. Mina was losing it, the way Chaeyoung made her feel was always so much, it surprised her every time. And it had been so long since they had held each other. Mina almost felt like against but she resisted just breathing fast, she needed to stop this, they needed to talk not make out.

But Chaeyoung was not giving up and it felt so good. A hot mess, Mina had no idea how everything changed so fast. The room was so hot. Chaeyoung was so hot. Their long unstoppable messy kiss was hot and so messy, Mina didn't only feel Chaeyoung's tongue and lips but their teeth bumped with each other at some points. It was just perfect. It was them, weirdly fitting.

Although, Mina was sure they were not supposed to be doing that now. But she was helpless under Chaeyoung's touch. If it weren't for a new interruption, Mina would have never got back to her senses. She felt a strong knock next to her head as she was against the door and Chaeyoung let go of her lips slowly and stopped caressing her body keeping her hands against her skin, breathing fast.

"Uh, guys," it was Sana's voice, "I'm sure you're just fine, but uh," suddenly strong whispers were heard through the door, Sana was not alone. Chaeyoung rested her head on Mina's shoulder, Mina used a hand to caress the back of her head, Chaeyoung's baby hairs there were a bit sticky to her neck, she was sweaty and for some reason, Mina found it so attractive, "if you need anything just let me know, I'll be around, okay, uh, happy new year."

Mina felt more relaxed, her brain felt clearer, they had to talk now. 'feelings and misunderstandings.' Chaeyoung was the one that answered, though, "Got it," she talked loud enough for Sana and whoever else was there with her too to hear, "we are fine, thank you, Sana, happy new year." Then they heard the footsteps walking away.

Mina was smiling. And quite impressed at how clearly Chaeyoung had sounded. "Deja vu," she said.

"What?" Chaeyoung asked but had not lifted her head.

"Deja vu," Mina insisted, "it's not the first time Sana interrupts in a moment like this."

"Ah," Chaeyoung remembered. "It's different, though," she said.

"How?" Mina who had relaxed and figured they could discuss important matters now was truly amazed by how Chaeyoung was acting as the girl pulled strongly from her hips, moving her away from the door and pressed her shoulders now to guide her to the edge of the bed all so easily, probably because Mina had not tried to stop it, by the time she realized what was happening Chaeyoung was already on top of her, making her support her body with her elbows on the bed.

"This time I won't stop," Chaeyoung explained kissing her again. 'this is torture' Mina thought, but it must be the best kind, she felt immediately so weak again. Maybe it was torture because she knew she needed to stop it but Mina was never the one to stop anything between them.

And Chaeyoung was not slowing anything, after some seconds she had her body completely pressed against her and Mina could no longer support them, she had laid fully against the mattress.

Whenever they kissed Mina used to hold her steady, by the waist or her favorite, running her fingers through her hair. But this time since she had in mind they needed to stop and talk, she tried not to move her arms. It was impossible, though, to not do anything with them, Chaeyoung was not only attacking in such a rush, and biting her lips, but she was also grinding her body against Mina's, that's why even if she tried to keep her arms aside, she was holding the covers under her hands so firmly in fists. Mina had thought about it before, that Chaeyoung seemed to be kissing her almost with anger, now, feeling her body like this, her hands roaming through her body, the way she had bit her lip in the middle of the kiss, Mina could definitely confirm, Chaeyoung was taking out all of her anger and frustration on her like this.

"I- Ch- Chaeyo- Ch-" Mina tried. "We-" But she couldn't exactly speak. Mina really wanted to talk about things, she truly did, but it felt so good, even if Chaeyoung was being so rushed and rough, it was amazing. So warm, so exhilarating.

It was not until Chaeyoung finally left to kiss down her jawline that she could try and say more, barely, "Chaeyoung, we-" But even if she could talk this time, the way the girl had started to on her neck made her inhaled sharply and held on tighter to the covers. What truly made her react, was the sound of her own whimper that she could not stop since Chaeyoung had surprisingly bit her neck. ', Chaeyoung' Mina closed her eyes tightly and resisted voicing her thoughts, she knew by doing that Chaeyoung would only feel encouraged. "N-no, no," she had never felt that, she loved it, to be honest, but it was being too much, she needed to stop her and she remembered just the word, "B- baby, baby, look at me," Mina breathed and used both her hands to lift Chaeyoung's head. Hearing that, Chaeyoung did stop, looking at her, "calm down."

"But I've missed you so much," Chaeyoung heaved staring at Mina, her eyes looked so shiny, Mina almost felt sad about stopping her.

"I know... " Mina was trying to steady her own breathing too, "me too, and you know how hard it is for me to stop this, please, we need to talk." Mina moved one hand to Chaeyoung's back caressing her back reassuringly. She had let all her weight fall on Mina and had supported her forehead on Mina's chest, she had finally stopped. "That's okay." Mina could feel her breathing.

"Why do we never agree on when to talk or when to kiss?" Chaeyoung mumbled. She was right, for sure was odd that Mina was the one who wanted to talk this time. After a few more seconds Chaeyoung got back to life and groaned loudly before getting away from Mina. She took a big pillow and put it in between them, "You're right, let's talk."

Mina missed her warmth immediately but it was for the best. "What's that?"

"It's a pillow-wall, that way we can talk, I don't trust myself right now."

It was indeed separating both girls, Mina chuckled and added, "You're such a clown."

"Yours," Chaeyoung answered. 'yours' It was just a word, but she had said it like it was so normal, so true, Mina felt so emotional, she felt she didn't deserve any part of Chaeyoung, she felt tears forming in her eyes, it was so silly, so simple, but she couldn't stop it.

Chaeyoung probably noticed the uncommon amount of silence with no answer and peeked over the pillow-wall to look at Mina. "You're crying, no," she worried. "Why are you crying, what is it?"

"Nothing," Mina hurried to wipe her tears, "nothing, really, stay there." She knew they could not get close again if she really wanted to fix things.

Chaeyoung obeyed but not without taking Mina's hand and supporting their intertwined fingers above the pillow-wall. Now both of them were looking at the ceiling. Mina calmed down from her little moment. Now it was definitely the time to discuss serious matters, she knew she needed to start, she knew what she needed to say and what she wanted to achieve but she was not sure where to start. More silence followed.

"Now that I can talk, I'm not sure where to begin..." Mina's voice was almost a whisper. It was interesting how they had passed from Chaeyoung shouting at her to silence to talking to kissing and to this. They were truly a mess.

"It's okay," Chaeyoung whispered too. "Just say anything, it doesn't matter the order." That could help. Then she talked loudly, "But you have to hurry, otherwise, I'll tear the wall down and go kiss that pretty little mouth of yours."

Mina cringed immediately at her words. "God, what did they feed you with?" Chaeyoung was on another level today. Mina liked it but that kind of comment was so strange. She still found it cute, though, how much Chaeyoung wanted her right now. Mina got in mind the image of Chaeyoung's nape again. 'no, no, focus.'

"Nothing, that's the thing." Okay, Mina definitely got embarrassed now. But it was making her less nervous. She was with Chaeyoung, her baby, who was not really acting much like her baby today, but still.

Keeping quiet again, she decided to just start with anything. After that, they could shape the conversation. "I... I know now why you tried to break up with me." Maybe it was not that important to mention now, but Mina didn't want to keep anything to herself. And she had thought about this, she wanted to express her thoughts. "You were right in thinking that I needed to figure myself out... that you couldn't be in the middle, it was not fair for neither of us," Mina hesitated a bit but Chaeyoung started caressing her hand with her thumb, "I couldn't see it like that in the exact moment, I got so scared you just didn't want me anymore... I didn't want to be away from you but I do get it now... Although, I feel that if you really wanted to do something because it was better for me as you claimed, then you should've asked me first... I mean, I do get that you weren't either in a good place because I had just insulted you and that was just awful but the point is, regardless of the method, I get why you did it."

Chaeyoung hummed and Mina felt nervous, the truth is they were nothing. They had kissed but it didn't mean anything. Mina knew she could get rejected any time and it made her worried, she wanted Chaeyoung back.

But then Chaeyoung laughed a bit. "That's an interesting topic to begin with..."

"I guess."

"I..." Chaeyoung was still caressing Mina's hand tenderly. "I didn't realize then how badly you could react to that, I really believed I was doing it for you."

"I know sorry probably doesn't mean much, but I am that I said those things... It wasn't true, somehow I only wanted it to be over quick so I panicked and tried to match up with-"

"I know, I know, you don't need to mention that now."

Mina paused for a bit to think. If Chaeyoung didn't want to keep talking about that then she could mention something else. "She hurt you... I didn't know."

"That didn't hurt much," Chaeyoung said it a bit bitterly, Mina knew what she meant. She swallowed nervously and tried again.

"What I said to you at that moment only came because I thought you were kissing... You had just tried to break up with me and then I saw that I couldn't take it."

"I know."

"But I should've asked first. I should've realized you were hurting, now... I thought about it and it was so obvious, your face, your words, you were so scared and hurt and I just shouted at you. I failed." This time Chaeyoung didn't answer anything. "I should've heard you out, I know that now, but I can't change the past, all I know is I can shape my future, Chaeyoung I-"

Mina had so many thoughts wandering in her mind, parts of things she knew she needed to say, prepared phrases, half speeches, she had dreamt about facing Chaeyoung again it was a bit complicated getting it all out.

"These days without you have been the worst. I felt so lonely, so wronged, I- I ended up telling my mom and- and it didn't go well, I'm sure you know that much... That day, the things I said to you," Mina could feel a lump in forming. She didn't want to cry. "She made me apologize, she said so many things, I felt so weak, I just wanted for her to say she loved me, or that it was okay, that I was not alone, but it was so much worse-" Mina stopped a bit to take a deep breath. "But she hates me, I-" Mina didn't want to be separated, she knew her next words, even if she was risking it, even if the order was probably wrong, she couldn't keep it any longer.

Letting go of Chaeyoung's hand she turned around, took away the pillow-wall, and got close to Chaeyoung. The girl had her eyes a bit watery too. Mina just stared at her and Chaeyoung did too. Mina wondered if she was not talking because she didn't want to or because she didn't trust her voice, but it was okay, it was Mina's turn.

Moving a hand to caress her cheek she kept going, "I know who I am, I know what I want, and it took me a while to get it but I know this," Mina moved her hand from Chaeyoung's cheek to Chaeyoung's heart, "I know you're not a mistake, you could never be one, and I've seen how life looks without you, it , I don't want to know more of life without you, I only want you." Mina took a moment to read Chaeyoung's expression but the girl was just breathing fast, Mina was not sure how she was feeling, but she could feel Chaeyoung's heart going fast, it was more than enough to keep going, "I'm not scared anymore, I was so so scared, but I'm not scared anymore, if I were in our room again, that day, I wouldn't be on the other side, I would stand by your side this time, I would stand up for myself, for us, I wouldn't be scared, do you hear that? I'm not," Mina smiled. "I should be the one to decide the things I want for my life, I know that now, I know I did nothing wrong by being with you, by wanting to, I-" Mina couldn't stop smiling. "I want you." It was almost like a laugh and a cry. "Let me prove it to you, let me show you, let me call you mine again, Chaeyoung, be my girlfriend."

Mina was so nervous but so happy. She truly meant her words. She didn't mind the order, she needed to ask Chaeyoung that, she couldn't stand more time without the right of calling her that. But Chaeyoung hearing that, moved her hands to cover her face quickly.

"What?" Mina asked entertained. "Last time you asked and you got nervous, this time I ask and you get nervous still?" Chaeyoung peaked with one eye looking through her fingers. "Come on, say yes." Mina tried and removed her hands carefully. Chaeyoung definitely had tears and red cheeks. "Say yes, cry baby," she whispered. Chaeyoung shook her head. Mina moved slowly to get closer to her face. "I can't spend another second without knowing you're my girlfriend... say yes."

Chaeyoung didn't say anything but moved her hands to the back of Mina's head and brought her even lower, parting her lips, brushing them just a bit, Mina closed her eyes and that's when Chaeyoung finally answered, "then show me," she barely whispered and captured Mina's lips completely. A tender kiss, a slow kiss, so meaningful, Mina's heart was about to explode.

She couldn't stop smiling in the middle of it, she moved back. "I will."

Chaeyoung was smiling too, trying to continue the kiss but Mina was talking. "I'll show you, you'll see, I-"

"Yes." Chaeyoung left a tiny kiss on her lips.

"We will always talk."

"Yes." Chaeyoung couldn't stop smiling either and trying to kiss Mina in the middle of it all.

"If- If anything happens, I'll talk to you and-" More little kisses kept interrupting her but Mina was so happy she didn't mind. "You'll talk to- me, we- there will be no more misunderstandings."

"No more misunderstandings," Chaeyoung shook her hand.

"You won't regret it, you- will see- I'll show you."

"Mina."

"Yes?"

"Stop talking."

"Okay."

A proper kiss took place now, still smiling but without Mina breaking it. Mina might say this was the happiest she had ever felt, she had done it, she got here, she awkwardly made it through dinner, she talked to Chaeyoung, she was honest, she got Chaeyoung, she got her girlfriend.

"I'm just so happy." Mina moved back again.

This time Chaeyoung let her go and smiled again. "I am too, girlfriend."

Mina closed her eyes tightly and moved away from Chaeyoung to rest her back on the bed, looking at the ceiling once again.

She sighed. "I did it."

"You did it."

"I swear there will be no more misunderstandings."

"I'll make sure of that too."

Mina stayed there just next to her thinking about everything that had just happened when it hit her. No more misunderstandings meant being honest and she had forgotten a little something. She felt so nervous again.

"Then... there's something I forgot to say first."

Chaeyoung got on her side using her elbow for support. "What is it?" She didn't sound worried.

Mina felt so stupid. But it was important to mention it if there were not going to be more misunderstandings.

"It's..." There was no point delaying it, it was done, she just said, "I kind of kissed someone."

Mina moved her head to look at Chaeyoung. The girl just blinked and her lips. "Was it Kwan?"

'okay, that was fast' "Yes," Mina nodded guiltily. "I wanted to understand some things, I needed to see if I could feel anything."

"Did you like it?"

"God, no, it was awful, well... he said I was awful," Mina remembered his words. "He said I'm a bad kisser."

"A bad kisser?" Chaeyoung frowned and then seemed to consider it. Mina was not sure if she was mad or something. "I guess I'll have to make sure." Chaeyoung crawled up to Mina and left a tiny kiss, it was enough for Mina to breathe again, Chaeyoung was not mad. "Let's see..." Chaeyoung kissed her for a few seconds and backed away, "That was indeed pretty bad," Mina knew she was joking so she was smiling, but still, she felt betrayed, "Maybe this time," Chaeyoung kissed her again for a few more seconds and then, "Nope, definitely, guess you'll just need more practice," Mina tried to push her away frowning but Chaeyoung had a smile so big and moved down to kiss her again this time for a while. Mina wondered if she was indeed a bad kisser, but it couldn't be, right? Chaeyoung liked her kisses, she was joking for sure. 'what a clown.' When Chaeyoung stopped kissing her slowly she concluded, "You'll get better."

Mina couldn't believe her, she frowned and hit her arm. "I'm not a bad kisser!"

"Right." Chaeyoung was so into making fun of Mina that it really made Mina doubt her kissing skills. The truth is she had not kissed that many people and- 'oh'

"Chaeyoung..." This time Chaeyoung frowned, immediately realizing something else was wrong. "I..."

"Who?" Mina got surprised at how fast Chaeyoung could figure her out.

"It was just a peck."

"Mina, who?" With Kwan she took it well, now she seemed serious and Mina herself was more nervous to say this than the kiss with Kwan.

Her hands were sweaty, she didn't want to ruin things so fast, it would really be a new record. But she knew it was better to come clean and it is not like she had wanted it to happen. "Momo."

Chaeyoung's breath hitched and she took some distance now. It hurt more than Kwan, definitely. "Did it mean anything?" Her voice was low, Mina could tell she felt betrayed.

"Yes."

Chaeyoung quickly moved away and sat on the edge of the bed ready to leave, but Mina hurried and hugged her back. "It meant a lot," Mina explained getting close to Chaeyoung's neck, "It meant a lot because I realized I only wanted you." Mina hid her face in the crook of her neck. She loved it there, feeling Chaeyoung's warm and soft skin, and her soft scent. "I didn't kiss her back, I didn't want it to happen, but it was quite helpful," Mina left a kiss tenderly on her neck, "we can tell her now, we can tell everyone, you and me both, we are a team, everyone can know I only want you."

Chaeyoung turned to look at Mina. "I don't need everyone to know, I need you to know it."

"I do, I've never been more certain of anything in my life."

Mina was still nervous, Chaeyoung was not saying anything and her expression was unreadable. But apparently, today's specialty of Chaeyoung was to get mad at Mina by taking control. After some seconds the girl turned around completely and laid Mina on the bed again. "Then no more kissing." Chaeyoung looked so serious, Mina felt even more nervous, but this time good nervous. It was so strange to think about her shy cry baby acting like that, making her breathe fast and swallow nervously, Mina would've almost believed it if it weren't for Chaeyoung's next words, "I mean," she cleared , "no more kissing other people, 'cause you know, I still want to kiss you... a lot."

'there it is' Mina smiled again. 'my awkward quirky baby' "Alright, no more kissing."

"Other people," Chaeyoung insisted, "I can do it."

"I thought I was a bad kisser."

"You are, you need me."

"Okay, no, that won't work, you're not as tough as you think you are." Mina tried to push Chaeyoung away from her but Chaeyoung resisted just laughing loudly. It was the best sound for Mina's ears, so she gave up.

They kept quiet just looking at each other, so silly like they used to. The silences they both adored so much. Chaeyoung fixed Mina's hair away from her face tenderly. "I've missed you so much I could kiss you all night..."

The way Chaeyoung said it so softly, warmed Mina's heart. Right there, right now, Mina was finally so happy. She had got rid of all her worries, she could do it, she had done it. She got Chaeyoung and she was not planning on letting her go or walking away, not ever. Not again. This time she was no longer scared, this time she knew she was not alone, she never had been, really. If something was wrong, she could fix it surrounded by all the people she loved. The people that loved her for who she was no matter what. Mina believed that. After a long day full of many different emotions, she could finally breathe peacefully and call Chaeyoung her girlfriend again.

That's why her next words simply came out so natural, and she planned to follow them thoroughly, "I could kiss you my whole life."

(Let me know what you think!)