Chaeyoung had not returned last night. Mina couldn't sleep at all, she was worried. 

Yesterday at lunch it was really awkward, she wanted the girl to look at her, it was being too much silent treatment and not even looking at her, that was just wrong. 

'hypocrite'  

She remembered now that she had ignored her too. It's not like there were the same feelings involved, no, they weren't friends before but it still felt like karma, everything mean she did until this moment had accumulated and now it was time to suffer the consequences by being ignored by Chaeyoung.  

The girl didn't look at Mina but Mina did look at Chaeyoung, she stared at her analyzing her mood, the way she was so lost until the other girls called for her. She was glad that she answered, it was nice to know that she actually could talk. But then Sana asked about the breakup because that seemed like the obvious reason for Chaeyoung to have been looking so down. When Chaeyoung felt trapped and didn't know what to answer, she felt guilty once again, so she interrupted her. She wanted to help. She told Sana the truth, knowing that they would question her, questions that she was not sure could be answered with the truth, because she was not going to explain that Chaeyoung had asked her to talk with Sana about the intense messages, but she was going to have to explain why she had sent that specific text and that was complicated.

Everything was complicated in Mina's head. But she didn't have to explain, because something more complicated appeared. 

Kwan.

It was always the same. Momo and Sana had seen him before, in one of the few times he was sent. Because he was sent, she had no say in it. She loved her mom, but the woman was obsessed with Mina being perfect, and that meant having a perfect boyfriend. The truth is he was nice, sweet, extremely patient, a gentleman, he had all the qualities to be known as a good catch. But Mina just didn't like him, so she had not accepted him. They weren't official, they just forcefully dated. It was a task she had to bear once in a while in order for her mother to be at ease. It was not the worst task ever, she got to eat nice and receive gifts, but it was quite boring to go out with him, and the guy had tried to be more affectionate with her too, that was awkward as well. But in the eyes of her mother, they were a good match and one day they'll end up together. 

Mina had thought about it, obviously, and she had believed for moments that maybe Kwan was it for her. It's not like she wanted to meet someone else, dating was not the most exciting for her. Before Kwan, she had met other guys, she even had kissed some of them because they were handsome enough but she never actually liked them, there was nothing appealing in kissing, that's what she thought. At least Kwan was nice to her mother too, that was great, wasn't it? So maybe he was the one. But Mina knew that there was something missing, she just didn't know what because he had it all, what else could she expect. 

So there he had been again, as a hero, saving her from having to confess to Sana why she had sent that text. They talked, as always but she didn't like him around her friends, it was awkward for her for some reason so she told him she would call him later, but that right now she had classes. She also thanked him for the flowers and all. It was no more than three minutes, she was sure, but by the time she went back to the table, Chaeyoung was gone. It felt wrong. So she asked.

"Chaeyoung left?" She could see that Tzuyu was frowning and Dahyun was just confused. So Sana answered. 

"She did." 

"Why?" 

"I'm not sure." Sana was the only one answering her. But then Momo added something too. 

"She asked about Kwan." Momo's voice was so different, she sounded so serious. Mina got worried. 

"Why did you say?" A weird sensation was taking over, her stomach twisted. Something was not right.

"What could we say?" Momo answered. "We just told her about the guy." 

"She was mad," Tzuyu suddenly spoke raising her head to look at Mina. "She is mad at you, what did you do?" Her tone scared Mina.

Dahyun put a hand on Tzuyu's shoulder. "Tzuyu," she called her, but Tzuyu kept looking at Mina and Mina felt guilty once again. 'Did Tzuyu know about the party? Did she notice Chaeyoung mad just now? Why did she leave? is she really that invested in avoiding me?' Mina was feeling more and more confused.

"The other day," Tzuyu kept talking. "The other day she was sad, you asked about her."

"Tzuyu," Dahyun insisted. Sana and Momo were looking at the scene. Mina was not answering. 

"She barely said a word now, and she did not look at you." Tzuyu hadn't stopped looking at Mina's eyes. "What did you do?" she insisted. 

"Tzuyu, please," Dahyun insisted too. But Tzuyu moved Dahyun's hand away from her shoulder. 

"Sana told me about your sleeping arrangement." Tzuyu was really angry but her tone was not loud, it was just strong. "Do you think that's okay? Can't you see is more for her? Everything you do is different for her." Mina was refusing to understand Tzuyu's words, 'why is she so upset about Chaeyoung being mad at me? Did Chaeyoung say anything?' Mina didn't want to answer, she was not sure what she had done. She knew she had messed up at the party, she knew she needed to apologize to Chaeyoung, but she was the one avoiding her. Mina was not liking her thoughts, she wanted to leave, she couldn't stand Tzuyu's intense gaze, it was making her feel too exposed. So she got up and left too, just like that. She had classes. She was not going to explain herself to them. 

Mina went to her classes and later she called Kwan as promised, they agreed to meet up tomorrow after her dance lessons. She was trying to ignore everything Tzuyu said, she was not going to think about that. She was not going to think about anything, if Chaeyoung wanted to ignore her then fine. 

But as soon as it was time to return to her room she couldn't stop the scary thoughts to form again. It was dark so she feared Chaeyoung was not going to be there. But she was. Sleeping in an unusual way so she got closer to see if she was okay. Then everything went down. 

Chaeyoung had completely lost control. Mina didn't know how to react it was all too fast, the girl just wouldn't let her explain anything. And she left.

Mina was alone now. 'Can't you see is more for her? Everything you do is different for her' She hadn't wanted to think about Tzuyu's words, she had been ignoring them all day but she just couldn't anymore, not after everything Chaeyoung had said. 

As soon as Chaeyoung left through the door, Mina fell to the ground. Chaeyoung was crying again and it was her fault. 'I felt for you' The words wouldn't leave her head. Chaeyoung had felt for her and she had been knowingly doing all these things, just to see, just to understand, just because it felt so good, she couldn't keep ignoring it anymore, not if she was hurting her. Chaeyoung had blamed herself, but Mina knew that she was at fault too because she knew, she knew what she had been doing. She liked being close to Chaeyoung, she liked the way the girl made her unwillingly nervous, she liked to be with her in their room, only her. The things they did, the way she acted around her, she felt like herself. 'I knew it was all in my head' Chaeyoung thought she was living in a fantasy, but Mina did too, the difference was that Chaeyoung didn't want it to be just a fantasy and Mina was too scared to see it. All her actions were silly, really, Mina never gave it too much thought, she was too busy trying to feel the good parts, Chaeyoung was right, she never thought of the consequences, she never put into consideration how Chaeyoung might have been feeling, she had been too selfish wanting to keep feeling good around her but ignoring the important parts.  'But you just never know why, right?'  She was too afraid to figure out why, she was not brave enough, it was terrifying. 

Chaeyoung knew Mina was not seeing things like her. 'That's why she ignored me, I tried to kiss her, It was too much, she feels like I'm playing with her, she knows I'm not brave enough, I told her I was not brave enough, I made her cry, I made her cry because I didn't think of her, I needed to know why but not like that, not like that, Mina. She thinks I'm playing with her, she thinks I'm with Kwan, she thinks she's nothing' But Chaeyoung was much more. Mina had been ignored by the girl for almost two days and it was being the worst. She had got used to Chaeyoung, she wanted Chaeyoung, she was indeed much more. Mina just needed to accept it.  

Alone in the room, she wanted Chaeyoung back. She wanted to make her feel better, but she was the one that was making her feel delusional and insufficient, Mina had encouraged her fantasies with her selfish acts, so she couldn't make her feel better, not now. But still, selfishly once again, she wanted Chaeyoung here, because that's what Mina had got used to, having her around, when she was feeling happy, when she was feeling sad, Chaeyoung was always there. 

She was not sure how much time she had spent on the floor, just thinking about everything and feeling completely guilty and confused, but when she looked at her phone it was past midnight and Chaeyoung wasn't returning. 'she's not coming back, not after that, she must be embarrassed, it's all my fault, you're a coward, Mina' She couldn't stay there all night so she got up, she tried to fall asleep but she couldn't, she needed to wait for Chaeyoung. She even texted her, more than once but she didn't answer. Mina fell asleep just because she couldn't keep fighting it anymore and when she woke up, Chaeyoung had not returned either. 

It was all so cold without her, but for some reason, she hadn't felt like crying last night and not now either, she just wanted everything back to normal, back to being dangerous but not real, not like this. She wanted to be blind again. 'She feels for me, she likes me, she cares for me' Mina kept thinking about that but she wanted to forget it, it couldn't be real. It just couldn't. 

So she got up from bed to take a shower and carry on with her day, it was going to be okay, that's what she kept repeating to herself, but deep down she couldn't stop thinking about Chaeyoung and the weird sensation in her stomach was not helping. She had dance lessons in a while, she felt nervous, maybe she should skip them, she wanted to see Chaeyoung, maybe she was going to be in their room when she wasn't. 'No, Mina, just go, forget it.' She left after leaving a big breath out. 

In the studio, Sana and Momo were already there, she felt nervous again. Were they going to ask about yesterday? Had it been too weird? Maybe she should leave. 

"Hey," she greeted, approaching them slowly.

Sana and Momo both answer with another, "Hey." But they didn't say anything else, at all. For the rest of the class, they didn't talk. She felt she needed to say something so when they got out after the class she tried again. 

They were walking together out of habit, she walked faster getting in front of them so they could stop walking. "Hey, guys," they looked at her, "are you, uh, mad at me?" 

"We are not mad at you," Momo answered with a weird smile.

"We just don't know what's going on with you," Sana added without her usual sweet tone. 

Mina looked down at that, she didn't have an answer, as always. "I... I don't know either." It was the only thing she could say. Momo got closer. 

"You can talk about it with us, seriously." Her voice sounded like she was asking Mina please. 

"Mina," Sana talked again, looking for Mina's eyes. "Did they stop ignoring them?" At that Momo turned to Sana with curiosity but Sana kept looking at Mina. 'she knows now, she knows I was talking about Chaeyoung'

Mina was hesitant to respond to that but it was the least she could do, it felt bad that she couldn't explain anything to them because she was too afraid, so she did. "They didn't". Sana nodded and gave a look to Momo as if saying don't worry. 'Sana knows I hurt her now, she must've figured it out yesterday' She felt embarrassed.

Then her phone started ringing, she took it too fast thinking that maybe Chaeyoung had decided to call her, but that was ridiculous. 'she's not going to talk to me, I already ruined it'

It was Kwan. She had forgotten they were supposed to go out now.  She sighed and looked at her friends. "I have to go now." She was not sure if it was possible but then she added, "I promise I'll explain." She didn't want to lose them too. Because for some reason she felt she had lost Chaeyoung.

Mina called Kwan back. He was waiting for her outside his car in one of the parking lots closest to her dorm. She was not in the mood for going out, but then after this date, maybe she wouldn't have to see him again for a while, and she couldn't exactly say no because he would tell her mother and the woman would question her too much. Perfect Mina needed to go either way. It didn't matter that the only thing she wanted was to go back to her room to feel bad about herself and miss her roommate.

"Hi," Kwan greeted her. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you," she simply answered. "Where are we going?" The sooner the better.

"We'll see," Kwan smiled at her, he looked like he had wanted to look casually dressed, but he looked a bit formal either way as if he had just got out of work. He made Mina get in the car by putting a hand on her back.

Mina didn't know where he wanted to go, but she just accepted. After a while, they reached a nice park. They got out of the car and walked. Kwan started to make conversation.

"How were your classes?"

Mina was having a hard time trying to focus, and not thinking about the other thoughts that were threatening her mind. "It was okay," she managed to say.

"It's been a while since our last date."

"Uh, yes."

"I truly missed you," Kwan said that by taking Mina's hand in his, he intertwined their fingers awkwardly. Mina let him, but she thought of Chaeyoung. She had not stopped thinking about her since last night, it was exhausting but she couldn't help it, she was worried. Kwan's hand was too big, too cold, too rough. She had walked before while holding Chaeyoung's hand, her hand was soft and small and always warmed. Mina liked the warmth.

This felt wrong.

"How have you been?" Mina answered, ignoring his confession, she had not missed him at all.

"I've been really busy with work, I don't like it but I've had to attend many meetings it's...." And he kept talking and talking about many things work-related. Mina spaced out immediately.

She wanted to see Chaeyoung. She liked it better when she was talking. It was getting ridiculous, comparing both of them. Mina had thought that going out with Kwan could work as a distraction, but she hadn't stopped comparing them, she didn't even realize, but everything he had said or done, Chaeyoung did it better.

She wanted to leave. They walked through the park, it was quite chilly it most certainly was going to rain later. Kwan kept making light conversation. Mina was not helping much maintaining it. She had never been this bothered around him before. Bored, yes, but not annoyed.

"We should get something to eat before it's too late," Kwan said. "Then I can drive you back." He hadn't let go of her hand. She just hummed positively while nodding. They walked back to the car and drove to a nice restaurant. 

It was nice, the whole thing if you look at it, seemed perfect. He was good to her. But Mina didn't want to eat expensive food at some nice restaurant, she much rather be at her room, eating delivery with Chaeyoung. Playing video games with Chaeyoung, watching Chaeyoung paint, annoying Chaeyoung, arguing with her about silly things, and then, sleeping next to her, warmed. Her whole date with Kwan had been all about Chaeyoung. She needed to go back and find her. 'you don't'

Half into their dinner, when Kwan was talking about some trip he had made, Mina couldn't take it anymore. "Kwan." 

"Yes?" He cleaned his mouth with a napkin, smiling at her. 

'don't say it, don't go, don't do it' "I think I'm not feeling well, it's my stomach," she awfully lied but he got worried. 

"Was it something you ate?" He looked at the table and then at Mina again. "Should I drive you back?" 

"Yes, please." There was no turning back now, she needed to get to her room and talk to her. 

Kwan paid for everything and they walked to the car. "Do you want me to buy you something at the pharmacy?"

"No, it's fine." Mina felt bad for lying to Kwan but honestly, it wasn't important anymore. "I think I have something." They arrived in a few minutes. Kwan got out of the car to open Mina's door. 'I do know how to open a door, but okay' He had an umbrella, it was raining now. 

"Let me walk you to your dorm." Kwan smiled and grabbed her hand again. Mina was feeling more impatient. 

"No, it's fine," she tried to leave alone, she didn't want to keep holding his hand, it was all wrong. It was all so much wrong, she wanted Chaeyoung, she didn't know how she was, she needed to apologize and explain everything. "I'm feeling better."

"It's raining," he smiled and started walking with her. "I can't let you walk alone under the rain, come on." He had his umbrella covering both of them, they were more than close now. They arrived outside the building, outside the door, there was no need for the umbrella now, but he was still so close to her. 

"Thank you," Mina said hoping he would leave now. 

Kwan turned to look at her to say goodbye, he had not released her hand. "I hope I can see you again soon," he said smiling and looking directly at her eyes. Mina just smiled, a really big fake smile that he must have believed real, because he moved both his hand to Mina's shoulders and leaned in, getting real close to her face. He wanted a kiss, but Mina turned her head quickly, making him kiss her cheek.

"Right," he sighed. "Another time then, take care, Mina." He squeezed her shoulder and turned to leave. Mina felt almost sad for him if her mind wasn't so focused on the one thing that was making her feel so anxious.

'I need to find Chaeyoung'

She was not going to wait another sleepless night. Going into her room, it was no surprise that it was empty. Mina was determined to find her now, determined to get rid of all her bad feelings. She was not going to be able to spend another night without her, another day being ignored. It just wasn't right and she needed Chaeyoung to make it right. She was awfully scared, the feeling in her stomach was stronger, but she couldn't keep ignoring it. Not now that she had realized losing Chaeyoung felt this awful. So she texted her. Again.

To Chaeyoung :) 7:04 pm
I  know youve seen my texts
are you okay? 
are you inside? its raining

There was no response either, it was useless. Texting Chaeyoung and not receiving an answer was making her feel worse. But she kept trying. Walking back and forth in the room, scratching her head and looking at the screen as if something was going to change.

To Chaeyoung :) 7:25 pm 
You could send an emoji
Chaeyoung, please  im losing my mind here.
I miss you   

It was all true, Mina was losing her mind and was missing Chaeyoung like crazy. So she tried another way. 

To Momoring 7:31 pm
Momo, are u in your room, is Nayeon there?

It was the best she could think of, she didn't have the number of any of Chaeyoung's friends. 

From Momoring 7:35 pm
yeah, why 

To Momoring 7:35 pm
Ask her if she knows where is Chaeyoung, please 

She waited for Momo's answer, but instead, she got a call from her. 

"Momo?" 

"Chaeyoung is not in her room?" It was Nayeon. Mina panicked. Nayeon sounded serious and worried. 

"Do you know where she is?" She was a bit afraid of Nayeon but finding Chaeyoung was the important thing. 

"She told me hours ago she was going back to her room," Nayeon spoke fast and Mina understood that she had no idea where the girl was and was worried as well, so she said thank you real quick and hanged up. She was going to go look for her, there was no other way, she couldn't wait, it was maddening.  'she must be alone, what if she's crying again, what if she's outside, what if she's cold' So she went out too, grabbing an umbrella, she was going to find her, she had no idea where to look but she was going to. It was so clear in her mind now, that she needed Chaeyoung. 

Outside she just started walking, she had no direction in mind, just Chaeyoung. It was empty outside, the rain had scared everyone. Maybe Chaeyoung was with one of her friends, maybe she was not even on campus but Mina was not thinking much, thinking was never her strong side, she was just acting.

Time was passing, she just kept walking feeling that it was useless, the possibilities of finding her were so low, it was ridiculous, Mina felt ridiculous. But she kept looking because it was the only way to ease her mind. She was about to give up, it was cold and the rain stronger, she was about to go back defeated, but she saw her. Tiny Chaeyoung completely alone sitting on a bench, drenched. 

Mina's first reaction was excitement. "Chaeyoung!" she said in a worried tone getting closer, then her second reaction was getting mad at her. "Why are you here like this, you'll get sick, it's freezing, you're completely soaked." She was standing in front of the girl that was sitting on the bench, still looking down. Mina had put the umbrella in a way that was covering both of them. Mina was worried now because the girl was not answering or moving, maybe this had been a bad idea, maybe Chaeyoung hated her.  'please say something, please' 

"I bought cake," Chaeyoung said slowly. Hearing her made Mina leave a big breath she hadn't realized she was holding. 

She had heard her words, but she was not understanding. "What?" 

Chaeyoung looked up slowly at Mina, getting up and moving her hands to show a tiny box. 'She got cake, of course she did' Just like last time the girl had screamed at her. Mina felt like crying, it only meant that Chaeyoung was apologizing, that was not right. 

"Chaeyoung," Mina said now in a soft voice. "I'm so sorry." her voice was a bit shaky, she let go of the umbrella and threw her arms around Chaeyoung's neck, holding her tightly. She didn't think, she just knew she needed to hold her. Her heart was beating so fast. The fact that Chaeyoung wanted to apologize, made Mina's heart felt heavy, Chaeyoung was not at fault, it was all Mina, Mina felt guilty, she knew. "You didn't do anything wrong." Mina was talking with her head buried in Chaeyoung's neck. Chaeyoung had not held her back, she was holding the box with both hands in between them. 

"But I did," Chaeyoung answered. With every word that Mina got to hear from her, her stomach felt weird. She had missed her so much. She let go of her, they needed to get out of the rain. 

"Come with me, please." Mina took the umbrella again. "Don't leave again." Chaeyoung just nodded and they walked back, Mina couldn't help but thought that she had been in this similar position with Kwan before, but she had hated it, and now, even if Chaeyoung was not holding her as Kwan did, it felt amazing to be next to her again. They got to their room, Mina turned Chaeyoung's night lamp on. "Get changed." Mina might be feeling sorry, but she was worried and mad at her for being in the rain like that either way. Chaeyoung just obeyed and after a while, she was sitting on the bed, where Mina was waiting. 

Mina felt nervous, so she was only finding it easy to keep scolding the girl. "You didn't dry your hair." She got up to look for a towel. Chaeyoung was in silence, it only made Mina more nervous. She got back to the bed with a towel, kneeling in front of Chaeyoung to dry her hair with it, surprisingly Chaeyoung let her. They were in silence. Mina kept carefully moving the towel, the girl had her head down, Mina for some reason tried to lift it, it worked but Chaeyoung had her eyes closed, Mina stared at her without realizing she had stopped her previous task. 

But she liked staring, she always had. Her heart was going so fast again, she let go of the towel and caressed Chaeyoung's cheek with her thumb, Mina was not thinking again, but then Chaeyoung spoke. 

"Don't do it, please." Chaeyoung was begging. Mina's heart hurt, but she didn't remove her hand. 

"Chaeyoung, I'm sorry." 

"You keep saying that," Chaeyoung now opened her eyes, making Mina feel small, "but it's okay, I made a mistake." 

"You did nothing wrong." Mina was scared, she had been wanting to talk to her all this time but now the words were not forming, she was feeling like hiding again. 

"But I did." Chaeyoung had said that before but Mina had ignored it. "I let myself feel things for you, I shouldn't have done that, I know it was all in my head, so I shouldn't have screamed at you, it was my fault." Chaeyoung was speaking in almost a whisper, her look was full of sadness and she looked down while saying the last part. 

Mina lifted her head again. "It wasn't," she simply said, she needed to say more, explain. But she was so scared. 

"I saw you," Chaeyoung spoke again looking away. "I got the cake earlier today, but I saw you." 

"What are you talking about?" Mina was lost now. 

Chaeyoung kept looking away. "With him, I saw you, I wanted to apologize to you, but when I saw you with him I-" she stopped for a second, "I got mad again, so I left. I know it's stupid, I know I have nothing to do with it, I know it's-" 

This time Mina stopped her. "Chaeyoung, he is not my boyfriend." 

At that Chaeyoung let out a laugh. "Right, but you kissed." 

At that Mina let out a laugh now, trying to move Chaeyoung's head again to look at her. "We didn't." She looked directly at her eyes. "You saw wrong, Chaeyoung." 

"Whatever, it's the same." 

Mina needed to explain, she was not going to feel better if she kept avoiding it. "Chaeyoung, hear me out," she now took hold of both sides of Chaeyoung's face, "I'm not with him, I don't like him," she tried to sound as honest as possible, her heart was going so fast she was afraid of speaking more. "You did nothing wrong either because- " she had to say it, she needed to say it. "Because it- it was not just in your head." Chaeyoung didn't answer so she kept talking, there was no turning back now. "I feel it too, when I'm around you, I feel nervous, but I like it." She wanted to cry so much but she was fighting it. "I like doing things with you, I like sleeping next to you, it wasn't just in your head, I swear I feel it too." Chaeyoung was just looking at her. "But I'm scared, I'm so scared you have no idea." She let go of her face and got closer, hiding her face in her neck once again. "I'm so scared, Chaeyoung." 

The girl accepted her by holding her tightly this time. They remained in silence. Mina was thinking so many things, all the things she had done, from the very start. All the things she had been ignoring, she felt jealous of Sana because the girl knew who she was. Because she was not afraid because she was herself all the time and Mina wasn't. She sent the text because she felt jealous. It made her so mad, it really did. But why? She knew why, it was just blurry, she needed to fix it, she needed to see. So she got away slowly from Chaeyoung's neck, but she kept really close to her face. Mina needed to know, Mina wanted to know how it would feel. Her hands were on Chaeyoung's shoulders, she was not looking at her eyes, she was looking at her lips. It was right there, all she wanted to know was right there. So she got even closer, she could feel Chaeyoung breathing fast, she could feel her stomach twisting and her head was occupied only by Chaeyoung now. She needed to get closer, she looked at Chaeyoung's eyes but Chaeyoung was looking at her lips too, she felt funny. She wanted to do it, there was no place to hide now, but she just couldn't. 

She needed Chaeyoung to do it, or else it wouldn't happen, but she knew that even if she was this close, the girl was not going to do it, just as she had not crossed the line in her room when she had implied it, until she said it out loud, so she needed to say it out loud now too, that's why she whispered really close to Chaeyoung's lips, "Kiss me." But Chaeyoung didn't move or respond. "Please," Mina really needed to feel it, "please..."

This time Chaeyoung moved her hands slowly, to hold Mina's head, and she closed the space in between them, really slowly too, almost afraid. Chaeyoung's lips were so soft. Everything was so warm. 'This is it' Mina's heart was fast like never before. 'This is it' It was all she had wanted to feel, what she hadn't felt with anyone else before. 'This is it' 

Chaeyoung move one of her hands to Mina's neck, to support her head, Chaeyoung kissed her lips so tenderly, Mina felt so right, she was scared of how right it felt and after some seconds, Chaeyoung moved back again, making eye contact, Mina saw that Chaeyoung had tears on her face. So she moved her hands from her shoulders to the back of her head. "Don't cry." 

"But I'm scared too," Chaeyoung whispered. 

"I've never felt anything like this," Mina confessed softly, caressing Chaeyoung's hair that was still wet. "But I want it." She tried to smile at her. It was true, she really wanted to keep feeling like this, it was all she wanted, what she hadn't felt with other kisses, Kwan had not once made her heart race so fast, but Chaeyoung did it all the time just by being around. This is it, what she was looking for. This is what felt right. So this time she leaned down to kiss her again, less softly, less scared. 

Chaeyoung didn't back away, she had her hands on Mina's waist now. Mina kissed her trying to let her know that it was real. Chaeyoung pushed her a bit, leaning her on the bed, Mina's whole body tingled, she felt like dreaming, Chaeyoung kept kissing her but she wasn't slow this time, it was taking over Mina's all senses, it was clouding her mind, and then the girl backed away again, leaving Mina out of breath. When she opened her eyes she saw that Chaeyoung's lips were trembling. "Hey," she said slowly, moving so the girl was not on top of her anymore but next to her, she moved her thumb to Chaeyoung's lips. "What is it?" 

Chaeyoung's breathing was as fast as hers. "I just-" She looked away. "I don't know if it's real." she sounded embarrassed. Mina was not letting her feel like that, she was not going to let Chaeyoung doubt herself ever again, so she moved, leaning her on the bed this time, Mina had one arm for support and she was passing her fingers through Chaeyoung's lips.  

"It's real," she whispered. "I'm here." She moved her hand down to Chaeyoung's heart now. "I liked to sleep on your chest, because I could feel your heart," Mina smiled, "I liked being in your arms because I felt safe." Chaeyoung's eyes were watery again, but Mina kept talking, "I'm sorry," Mina leaned down to kiss Chaeyoung's forehead, "I'm so sorry." She kissed her nose now. "It was not all in your head, Chaeyoung, I swear." She got really close to her lips again. "Your lips are so soft." She was not afraid of saying what she was thinking now, Chaeyoung blushed furiously. "You look so beautiful like this...." Mina caressed her red cheek, 'this is it' Mina was sure she wanted to feel this all the time. She was not afraid of being honest to Chaeyoung now, not here, not right now, no one else mattered, no one else existed. She was liking it all so much, she kissed the corner of Chaeyoung's mouth, making the girl smile. Chaeyoung hadn't smiled until that moment, Mina felt like she had earned it. She wanted more smiles, so she kissed the other side and Chaeyoung giggled. 

"What are you doing?" Chaeyoung found her voice again and Mina felt so relieved. 

"I'm making fun of you." Mina had missed bothering Chaeyoung like this, it was her favorite hobby. She felt all the nervousness and seriousness of their situation had lifted, they were just them now, in their silly little bubble. 

"Get off of me." 

"You don't want that," Mina objected. 

"I'm serious." But she was laughing.

Mina left a kiss on her jaw now. "You are not." She left another kiss. She could see Chaeyoung closing her eyes tightly, it was so cute. "Do you feel is real?" Chaeyoung shook her head. 'clown' Mina moved down a bit, leaving a kiss on her neck. "Do you feel it now?" But Chaeyoung shook her head again. There was no other solution, Mina kept kissing her neck, just with little pecks, one by one, until Chaeyoung couldn't keep denying it. 

"Okay, okay, I do feel it, you can stop now." 

Mina stopped and moved up to look at her face. "What if I don't want to now?" Chaeyoung looked away, her face was all red. 

"Why are you so bold now," Chaeyoung asked annoyed. "I haven't forgiven you." 

"Are you telling me I have to keep kissing you until you do?" 

Chaeyoung laughed again. "No." 

"Then do you forgive me now?" Mina asked looking a bit worried, it was something she felt Chaeyoung had done, but she wanted to make sure. 

Chaeyoung noticed it was a serious question so she moved up, sitting on the bed again, making Mina move too. She looked at her eyes. "It's okay," Chaeyoung said. "I do forgive you, and you know I'm sorry too, right? It's okay."

Mina smiled, she felt so happy, Chaeyoung made her feel so happy. "Thank you," she whispered, resting her head on Chaeyoung's shoulder, Chaeyoung caressed her hair. They stayed like that for a long time, it was comfortable. It was really late, but they weren't paying attention to anything but each other. 

"We should sleep," Chaeyoung broke the silence. 

"Okay," Mina answered getting up to change clothes, it all almost felt like how they acted before, but it was so much different. When they were ready to sleep, they got into bed, and even though minutes ago they were kissing on it, they remained at their own sides.

"Sleep, okay?" Chaeyoung said from her side. "Good night."

"Good night," Mina answered and she stayed on her side until she decided that she had spent enough time without her, moving closer to Chaeyoung who was on her side, she surrounded her from the back leaving her hands on her stomach and her head was close to Chaeyoung's neck. It was comfy there, she had never been in that position before, she liked it. "You're tiny."

"I'm not," Chaeyoung protested as always but she grabbed Mina's hands that were on her stomach. "Sleep."

"But I like that you are tiny." Mina was enjoying saying all the things she had never dared to say before, and it was even more pleasing that all the things she was confessing made Chaeyoung feel shy. Chaeyoung didn't answer so Mina decided to keep bothering her. "Are you crying again?"

"Oh, shut up." Chaeyoung let go of Mina's hands. Mina laughed softly. It was so easy. They stayed in that position, Mina cuddling Chaeyoung. It felt so surreal, but she had done it, she ignored her voice of reason and acted because she wanted to. It was the best she had ever felt, she had stopped thinking about the consequences, or what would happen tomorrow, how things will change, she had not taken any of that into consideration, she just wanted Chaeyoung. Maybe she was being selfish again, but she didn't realize because she just wanted Chaeyoung to see that she felt the same. 

"Do you really believe me?" Mina whispered letting Chaeyoung know her worried thoughts. The girl turned around slowly to face Mina. Chaeyoung looked at her eyes but Mina looked down. No response could be heard, for minutes Chaeyoung just kept staring. Until Mina felt a hand on her chin lifting her head. Chaeyoung was really close, Mina couldn't help but look at her lips again.

"I'm scared I'll wake up and you'll be gone," Chaeyoung finally said in a really quiet voice. Mina thought about it for a second, she was not going anywhere, but there was a much deeper meaning behind her words. Did Mina realize what could happen next? What tomorrow meant. She was not thinking about that, she just wanted Chaeyoung. 

"But I'll be here," Mina answered back

"No, I know, but-" Chaeyoung couldn't finish because Mina interrupted her with a quick kiss on the lips.

"I'll be here," Chaeyoung just smiled, "don't think now." 

"Okay." 

They stayed in silence after that, just looking at each other, caressing and holding each other, it was peaceful. It was just them. Mina felt happy and Chaeyoung had accepted her apology, they were fine, more than fine, they had each other. Mina fell asleep with a tingling sensation all over her, thinking that she had finally found what she had been wanting to feel. 'This is it' Nothing else mattered at that moment. Only them.