It was early but Sana was already awake and dressed. This day of the week she got to spend it with Tzuyu, since dance classes were over for the semester, she had the day free and her girlfriend only had one class later. They were both already awake and dressed, Tzuyu had spent the night again. Not because Momo had invaded her room but because she had wanted to. And Sana was more than okay with that.

She was sure Tzuyu did it to keep making her feel better. Sana was okay, but she was still worried about Momo. She had not stopped texting her, she was sure Momo was reading everything, she only had to wait for her to appear, in the meantime, Tzuyu was being extra nice and cuddly.

They had eaten and now they were sitting in bed. Tzuyu was behind Sana, who was sitting in between Tzuyu's legs. Sana had her laptop on her lap and was working on a paper that she had to at least advance some more and Tzuyu was just scrolling through her phone supporting her cheek on Sana's shoulder. It was somehow really comfortable, they usually spent time with each other even when doing assignments and surprisingly, they did make progress on them.

Sana was humming a melody, she was actually into her work, it was not that hard to write now because she had already collected enough information, she was just paraphrasing and explaining ideas. After a while she felt Tzuyu move, leaving her phone and putting her chin on her shoulder.

"Did you get bored?" Sana kept writing. Tzuyu didn't answer just stayed there. "I'll finish soon."

Sana kept working not really minding that Tzuyu had not answered. Then Tzuyu moved her head back and put her hands on Sana's back, moving them upwards. Sana thought nothing of it until Tzuyu also moved all of Sana's hair to one side and leaned down into the crook of her neck. It made Sana smile, she never knew what to expect with Tzuyu. In a good way, though. So she remained silent, to see what she intended. But Tzuyu didn't do anything else, just stayed there really close to her skin. Sana could feel her breathing, though, it was a bit distracting. Then Tzuyu moved up slowly following her neck. Sana was trying to ignore it and just keep writing but then Tzuyu blew some air onto it.

Letting out a soft giggle that she couldn't resist she asked, "Okay, what are you trying to achieve?"

"I'm collecting data," Tzuyu finally talked, making Sana's spine tingle from her warm breath.

"Really?" Sana couldn't stop smiling. "How so?"

Tzuyu kept quiet again and left a soft kiss on Sana's neck. It took her by surprise but you couldn't tell without looking at her face, still, she moved her neck a bit granting Tzuyu access. The girl left another kiss lower making Sana bit her lip, she loved Tzuyu's random boldness. She felt more kisses, all in different places, until Tzuyu left a kiss closer to her collarbone, making her move a bit involuntary. 'damn'

"There," Tzuyu said moving away. "Now I know that if I ever kiss your neck again, you like it there"

Sana laughed softly. "Am I your subject? An experiment?"

"You are really funny," Tzuyu laughed as if Sana had said that for real. "But I do have a record."

Sana tilted her head and blinked a couple of times. "How's that?" She left her laptop aside, Tzuyu was being more interesting.

"Well," Tzuyu explained "I know now that here," she kissed the place she had kissed before, "is where I have to kiss you the most if I'm kissing your neck. I also know that when we kiss..." she moved her hands slowly, holding Sana's waist, "you like it when I hold your waist."

Sana turned her head around a bit, to try and look at her. "How do you know that?"

"Because when I hold it, you smile," Tzuyu explained quite confidently. Sana had no idea she took so much attention to everything, or she did know but not about these things exactly.

"What else do you know?" Sana was intrigued.

"I can't tell you everything, it's my research."

"I'm not your subject of investigation," Sana said moving away from her position, she turned around kneeling on the bed to be facing Tzuyu. "I'm your girlfriend."

"That's why I need the data."

'god' Sana was finding all of this really weird and adorable, she just liked Tzuyu so much. Looking directly at her eyes she leaned down slowly, holding her cheek with one hand she reached for her lips, she knew Tzuyu liked to have control when they kissed but she wanted to mess with her. So she kissed her without letting her take it. With determination, parting her lips and even using her tongue. Tzuyu reacted a bit late. Sana felt playful, slowing down her kiss she carefully on Tzuyu's lower lip and backed away looking at her eyes again. "Did you get any data from that?" She asked mischievously.

To her surprise, Tzuyu answered without much trouble. "Yes," she said. "You are so hot," she stated moving forward to capture Sana's lips again in a quick movement 'oh, okay'

Sana felt her blood flowing, they were not usually like this, but she liked how Tzuyu had surprised her once again. And she had started, so she just let her. Tzuyu's lips were just so kissable and she had got really good at it. 'Of course, I trained her' Sana thought, almost making herself laugh but right at that moment Tzuyu used one hand to travel under her shirt, surprising her even more. 'oh' She did want to mess with her, she had not expected this reaction. But it was amazing, she liked it. 

She felt Tzuyu's hand taking a strong grip on her waist underneath her shirt. Their kiss had not stopped, the girl was really into it, but Sana managed to follow her quite thoroughly, yeah, she took pride in her kissing skills.

Tzuyu left and moved quite fast again to attack her neck. Sana felt her breathing increasing, she definitely was not expecting this, she needed to keep her cool, right? "Are you collecting more information?" She moved her head up biting her lip.

"Mhh," Tzuyu answered too focused to say anything else. Apparently, she indeed had made good research because she left sloppy kisses all over Sana's neck until she reached where she had kissed her earlier, it was indeed a spot that made Sana weak. Tzuyu didn't kiss it, she on it. Sana gasped, it felt really good. "See? It works." Tzuyu stopped.

"Tzuyu," Sana complained. "You can't just stop like that." She was not trying to keep her cool now.

"Ah, right." Tzuyu leaned down again kissing the other side of her neck, Sana felt all her body warming up. Then Tzuyu got back to her lips, kissing her a bit messier than before.

Sana was still on her knees and Tzuyu was sitting but she took a strong grip on the other side of Sana's waist and pulled from her. "Come here," she said fast leaving just for a second. Sana straddle her and they kept hungrily kissing for a while. They had shared many kisses and tender caresses, nothing much like this, at least not in this kind of position or intensity.

Tzuyu started caressing Sana's sides going up and down fast, Sana liked it, but she still backed away stopping their kiss and joining their foreheads. She saw Tzuyu frowning. "What?"

"I don't want to stop," she said still frowning. Sana let out a laugh, she kissed Tzuyu's forehead.

"I'm not stopping anything," Sana explained softly leaving a kiss on her cheek. "But there's no need to be rushed." She left another kiss close to Tzuyu's mouth, the girl tried to capture her lips again but Sana moved. "No," she giggled, "look, collect data from this." She fixed her position on Tzuyu's lap and looked at her eyes, it was not that difficult to make eye contact with her now. "Okay?"

Tzuyu just nodded, looking at her with a confused expression. 'perfect' Sana was feeling confident, her fears of messing up with Tzuyu were gone, she knew how to handle things. Without a warning, she grinned and removed her shirt slowly staying only with her bra. Tzuyu now didn't have a confused look, she had her eyes wide open, Sana saw how her eyes traveled her body quickly for a few seconds and then she turned her head to the side, looking down with her cheeks completely red and removing her hands from Sana's waist. 'Not so bold now, I see'

Sana left her shirt aside and used a hand to lift Tzuyu's chin and move her head back to her eyes. "Slow is better," she whispered leaning down to kiss her again. Tzuyu didn't react immediately but then she caught up. Sana was indeed kissing her quite slowly just using her lips. She took Tzuyu's hands and moved them to her waist again, guiding them up and down slowly this time. "Better, see?"

Tzuyu nodded once again, apparently, she was not feeling very much talkative. Time was passing, Sana Tzuyu's upper lip asking to deepen their kiss, Tzuyu opened wider and their kiss was now like before but slow. So slow. Sana could taste and enjoy everything. She really liked slow. At least in this context. And ever since Tzuyu appeared in her life, she had learned to slow down. She could feel how warm Tzuyu's hands were and how her respiration was a bit agitated now. Sana was enjoying all this too much, she was so glad her roommate was not there. She probably didn't notice but she started bucking her hips, it felt really nice. Tzuyu didn't mind, she had got used to their position now and how things were going. 'My little fast learner'

The thing is Sana now wanted more, she had challenged herself too much. And as if Tzuyu could read her mind, her hands moved only up this time without going back down, she carefully position them and started kneading her chest. Sana let out a little moan on Tzuyu's mouth, seemingly, it made Tzuyu more eager, because she tried to kiss her roughly again so Sana moved a bit away. "Slow," she breathed out, Tzuyu's hands were for sure making a good job. "Slow," she repeated moving one hand to the back of Tzuyu's head to push it to her neck again, moving her head up. Tzuyu understood and kissed her there, everywhere, slowly. Then she kept leaving kisses lower and lower, where she removed her hands carrying them to Sana's lower back, and kissed the exposed skin there on her chest.

", Tzuyu," Sana couldn't help but breathe out, once she felt her lips there and her hands on her back helping with the movement of her hips, that even though, slow, were clouding her senses.

"Is it not okay?" Tzuyu asked, misinterpreting her expression.

Sana had no time to think about how adorable that was she just answered before biting her lip again.,"It's perfect."

Maybe she didn't know how to handle things, because she was not much in control now, her body was just reacting. She started increasing the movement of her hips.

Tzuyu left her back and put pressure on the grip of her hips. "No, slow," She reminded Sana. 'oh, please' Tzuyu moved her head up and Sana down, they kissed again, Sana attacked her lips hungrily but Tzuyu moved to the side. "Slow," she stated again. Sana could see her trying to fight a smile from showing. 'okay, it's my fault'

"We don't have to be slow now," she explained fast. She was not in the mood for explaining anymore.

"We do." Sana felt frustrated. 'I've created a monster'

"Please, Tzuyu," she moved to the girl's ear, "the idea is to increase, you just don't have to be fast so quickly." She on her earlobe to try and make her change her mind, it worked. It worked immediately, Tzuyu stopped the pressure from her grip that was stopping her hips and kissed when she got back, so feverishly. Everything in her mind was just Tzuyu who moved her hands to her chest once again.

Sana couldn't help it, she was panting in Tzuyu's mouth. She could feel the pressure between her hips forming, maybe she needed to slow down but it just felt too good. She had wanted to provoke Tzuyu, not getting to this risky side of her.

"W-wait, Sana," Tzuyu talked between kisses and moved her hands to Sana's shoulders.

"Mhh..."

"I really like this," Tzuyu said and Sana just nodded. "Can we stop?"

"What?" Sana let out a bit lost, then she got back to reality. "Ah, yeah, o- of course." She stopped kissing her and slowed down every action, taking Tzuyu's hands and intertwining their fingers. She left a kiss on her cheek and then brushed her nose with Tzuyu's. "Of course."

Her heart was still going way too fast, she was regaining her breath, but she got that Tzuyu was not ready yet.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to distract you from working."

"What? No" Sana put her head on her shoulder. She couldn't handle how cute Tzuyu sounded, of course she didn't mean to distract her, her intentions were so pure Sana knew she was indeed just collecting data or whatever but she had attacked her. "That's okay, that's perfect." She knew it had to be like that, but she was enjoying it so much she just let her reason go for a moment there.

Tzuyu let go of the hold of one hand and moved to Sana's back caressing it softly. "My heart was going too fast," she declared a bit impressed. Sana who was still accelerated just hummed in her shoulder as a response. "I did gather information, though," Tzuyu kept talking and caressing her back. "Next time we won't stop."

Sana moved her head to look at Tzuyu. "That's okay, you are amazing." She smiled widely at her. Tzuyu had her face all red. It was beautiful.

"Here." Tzuyu moved and handed her her shirt.

Sana found her so adorable she wanted to kiss her again. "Thank you." She passed it over her head and leaned down to hug Tzuyu. She was calmed now. She felt a bit embarrassed, she almost loses all her self-control, that was not her plan, she had just wanted to kiss her girlfriend a bit nicer. Maybe she was just too attracted to her, she couldn't help it.

She needed to move from that position but she felt sleepy all of a sudden, Tzuyu was so comfortable, they stayed like that for a while. Until a knock was heard. Barely.

"Who's that?" Tzuyu asked.

"I don't know," Sana whispered. "Guess I'll go." She moved from her position and got out of bed. She fixed her hair a bit and shook her head to wake up before opening the door.

The sight that opening the door brought, though, was enough to wake her up completely. "God, Minari, what happened?" She took Mina's hand and pull her inside closing the door.

Mina got inside but as soon as she saw Tzuyu she turned back around. "I- sorry, I should go."

"What? No." Sana got closer to her. "It's okay here." Sana didn't know what had happened, but Mina had her eyes all red, she didn't look nice at all, her clothes didn't match one bit, it looked weird and her voice was so fragile as if she could start crying any second. "Mina," Sana repeated looking at her eyes. "It's okay here."

"I didn't know where else to go," she whispered. "I didn't dare to call Momo." Mina was looking down. That reminded Sana 'ugh, Momo, you're driving me crazy' with Tzuyu here she had completely forgotten about that now it was all coming back.

"Come here." Sana moved Mina so she could sit on her roommate's bed, Mina's old bed. She sat next to her and gave a look to Tzuyu. Tzuyu just had a serious face. Sana was sure this was because of Momo, she took her phone and left another message quickly.

To MOMO
won't you appear already I got Mina crying here.
she needs YOU
she looks like I've never seen her like thst, pls
I bet it's your fault, she loves you cmon

'Maybe that would do'

"It's weird to be here again," Mina said softly. Sana got what she was saying so she immediately looked up at Tzuyu and mouthed her and it's okay so the girl wouldn't get mad, she knew how she felt most of the time towards Mina.

"Mina, what happened?" Sana asked carefully taking her shoulder.

"I'm not sure I- She was gone." Sana remained quiet, she needed to give her time. Mina lifted her head to look at her. "She hates me." The way she said that and the pain on her face made Sana's heart hurt. She hated this. She was about to answer when suddenly Mina wrapped her arms around her, it definitely took Sana by surprise, Mina was never like this with her, ever. She put her hand on her back, patting it.

"Mina, I'm sure Momo doesn't hate you, I swear, it's just-"

"No, no," Mina cried. "Chae- Chaeyoung." her voice died down in Sana's neck. 'What?'

Sana turned to look at Tzuyu, she didn't seem like she knew anything.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know, Momo hates me too and- And Chaeyoung I- I can't be-"

"Okay, Mina, you'll need to breathe." Sana kept patting her back. It was really heart-breaking, she had never seen Mina like this, not even that day when she knew about her relationship with Chaeyoung. "You can cry, alright? it's okay, just explain when you're ready."

She could feel Mina was trying to calm her breathing. But she could hear her sniffing too. After some minutes she moved a bit away from her neck and talked softly, "She broke up with me." it was only a whisper and she could've sworn there was a bit of doubt in her statement. 'that can't be right'

"What?" Tzuyu talked for the first time, her voice was strong. Sana tried to look at her but she was looking directly at Mina.

Sana was confused, how could that be true? They had just told everyone about them, Mina even kissed her at lunch, really cute by the way, it made Sana wonder how physical they were, it was weird picturing Mina like that, not that she needed to think about that but she still felt a bit high from her kiss-not-just-a-kiss with Tzuyu, her thoughts couldn't help but head to that direction now. 'That's not what matters here, Sana, focus' "How did that happen, Minari? Did you talk?"

Mina was fidgeting with her hands. "I'm sorry I didn't know where to go, I didn't want to be alone and I couldn't call Momo." She kept looking down. "I miss Momo so much." Sana moved closer to hold Mina, she could feel her shaking a bit. "Thank you," Mina cried. "You- you've always been here for me regardless of how stupid I can be."

"Now don't call yourself that, I'm here, I won't go, would you tell me what happened?" Sana talked softly. "It would do you better."

It was interesting, Sana thought, how life works in these mysterious ways that now Mina was back in her room, crying over a girl, just like the position Sana had been in many times and Mina hated so much. Sana now knew that the hate part of Mina was partly just confusion, but still, it was a sad way of seeing how bad Mina had been and the universe was putting her in the same spot. Or you know, maybe just her mistakes.

Mina avoided Tzuyu's sight all the time, but she didn't reject Sana's hold at all. "Yesterday my mom was here." 'oh' "At our room, I panicked, Chaeyoung got there too and I panicked but she lied for me and- And it was okay, partly, but I- I-" She took a deep breath. "I was not- I'm not feeling alright, she, her eyes, I could feel my mom could see right through me, through Chaeyoung, she was in our room, there I- She was not supposed to be there, I was not making sense, I never do so I just kept talking, bad things, Sana." Mina had tears on her cheek, it made Sana feel like crying too, she was sure Mina had cried a lot. And she knew, of course, how it was to be afraid, Sana may look really confident and proud but she knows this kind of fear, it's not nice. "She heard everything and then... I know I messed up, I know but-" She just couldn't keep talking anymore.

Sana waited a bit before talking, just holding her there. For some reason, she felt more annoyed towards Momo, not because she had to be comforting Mina but because she knew Momo could make it better for her. She took her phone over Mina's shoulder, texting again quickly.

To MOMO
OK it wasn't you but still, she misses you
She got dumped are you happy now
she's not she needs u stop hiding

Putting it away again she focused on Mina. It didn't make much sense in her mind that Chaeyoung had done that. "I know that is hard, but I'm sure you guys can make it, did you talk?"

"Yesterday I couldn't say much, I wanted to but words just wouldn't leave my mouth, not the right ones, I thought we would talk today but I woke up and she was gone." Mina started moving her leg up and down. "She never leaves like that, that's not supposed to happen, we-" Mina sighed. "I just didn't want to be alone, I'm sorry."

"No, don't be sorry, you can always come to me." Sana knew the words she needed to say, but the thing is she was not understanding why this was happening.

To MOMO
I'm sure she's been crying all night, pleeeaasee

"I don't want to lose them both."

"You won't, you..." But Sana was not sure anymore.

To everyone's surprise, Tzuyu talked, "She does not hate you," she began. Mina got surprised hearing her voice, Sana could see how she got more nervous. "I know Chaeyoung, I've never seen her so into someone as she's with you, there's no way she hates you." Tzuyu paused but no one said anything, she looked to the side a bit as if she was trying to come up with the right words, maybe not so harsh ones and then kept talking, "Clearly you made a mistake, one of many." Sana got a bit worried about what she could say. "But if you are so sorry and don't want to lose her then just don't," Tzuyu stated quite easily.

"I said-"

"No," Tzuyu interrupted. "Words won't do, words brought you to this situation. You need to show her, with actions, if you want her then let her know with that. It's the only way, then if you're not brave enough, she is making the right call." It made sense, Sana thought, if Chaeyoung didn't want to hide all the time or deal with these difficult things, then she could walk away, right? And Mina either let her or tried harder. Tzuyu suddenly got up. "But I'm sure she wants you, like a whole lot." Sana now smiled looking at her, it was nice seeing her talking decently at Mina and of this sort of things, also she loved whenever Tzuyu said a whole lot, it reminded her of their first kiss. "For her, it's all or nothing, by being with you she was already putting that in doubt. You just need to show her, if you want to." She grabbed her jacket by the chair. "I'll go now and buy you coffee, you can talk more." She turned to Sana for a second and then turned to leave but when she opened the door she got back. "Besides, she's an artist, you know? She has a thing for the dramatic. I'm sure that even if she thought her decision through, she still chose the hardest path for her, she is weird like that." Now she actually ended her speech and left.

There was a small silence and then Mina whispered a bit impressed, "She did like her."

Sana smiled hearing that. "How did you know?"

Mina turned quickly with a worried face. ", sorry." Then she frowned. "Wait, you know?"

"Of course I know."

"How? Chaeyoung hates the topic it makes her mad that she never realized it, she told me everyone was just playing with her."

Sana laughed. "I didn't know she could be clueless too," Sana sighed. "Well, if you really wanna know, it was just too obvious, since our first date she wouldn't shut up about Chaeyoung but I just figured it was because she was pissed at you... Then even if she apologized, she would always bring her up in the weirdest ways so I just asked."

"You just asked?"

"Yes, we talked about it, that's what you do when something bothers you, you know?" Sana mocked her a bit. "She explained that she indeed had a crush for quite a long time now, but that she had gotten over it, that she never acted on it, so it was just that, they are friends."

"Oh."

"That she doesn't like her anymore, she is not expecting anything more than friendship, she doesn't want more but that she will always love her, in her own words, a tiny bit more than she does Dahyun,"  Sana giggled. "It was funny and I get it, it's fine, she's with me now."

"You don't feel jealous at all?"

"Of course not, why would I? It's like having an ex, I can't be mad at my partner for having previous affairs, besides, Chaeyoung's hot, you know I-"

"Okay, you've said enough," Mina frowned at her for a second, Sana found it amazing that she was not making her stop like she used to with disgust but because she was jealous. "Well, it does make sense that she feels bad when the topic is mentioned if it was that obvious even you could tell, what a clown," Mina talked looking down, somehow she was not crying anymore.

"You really like her."

"I do," Mina answered. "I really do, I don't want to be without her."

"Mina, I'm sure you guys can figure this out if you show her." She used Tzuyu's words, she was so proud of her girlfriend.

"But I keep making mistakes." Mina got serious again. "And she promised, she promised she was not going to leave but she did, what if she likes someone else?"

"That seems unlikely."

"My head hurts, won't tears ever run out?"

"I haven't achieved that yet, no."

They were talking better now but you could tell there was something wrong with Mina, she looked so weak. Sana wondered if she should text Chaeyoung too, but it was not exactly her business, unlike Momo, who was very much her business.

To MOMO
She thinks she's lost you
you and chaeyoung both
I don't care if you felt betrayed, you are a good friend, act like one
She is heartbroken!!

'Please, Momo' Sana was so pissed with her. How can she just disappear?

"I'm so scared," Mina whispered again. "She said I could forget her, that it would be easy, how could she say that? After everything."

"I'm sure she said that to make it easier on you, like when she accepted to give her phone number and you said she lied for you to your mom." Sana wiped a single tear from Mina's face. "And Tzuyu said she usually takes these hard decisions, I'm sure she just thinks it's what's best for you."

"Then she doesn't know, she doesn't, it's stupid."

"Mina, what did you say yesterday that she heard?"

"I apologized."

"That's not enough sometimes."

"Then she doesn't trust me."

"Trust is earned."

"Haven't I-" Mina bit her lip. "Alright, sorry, I just, I'm not thinking clearly, as if I ever do that, now it just feels worse, I keep picturing her just I don't know drawing penguins for other people," Mina pouted.

"What?"

Mina didn't answer just kept fidgeting with her hands, she was indeed a mess. And probably had some trust issues, yes, she was a jealous person but she was thinking too much. 'She has just issues in general' Sana thought, Mina always seemed difficult.

Tzuyu came back after some minutes, she gave Mina coffee and bought a tea for Sana.

"Thank you, Tzuyu," Mina whispered carefully. "For everything."

At that, Sana looked at Tzuyu, blew her a silent kiss and then smiled quickly at her. 'My Tzuyu is the best' It's not like she didn't want Mina here, she knew the girl needed comfort, but she also felt like kissing Tzuyu again, their actions from before had awakened something in her.

"Minari, don't you have classes at these hours?"

"I already passed that class, I only have a few final exams and stuff."

'well, I tried' "That's good."

"You should go look for her," Tzuyu said. "I'm telling you drama is key, she thrives from that."

Sana wondered if Tzuyu was genuinely advising her or she also felt like being just the two of them in the room right now, she'll figure it out.

"I'll go back to our room, I'll try, I just- okay." Yeah, Mina was not fine, but what else could Sana do, right now, not much. 'Momo can make it better'

To MOMO
just ing do something
anything

Sana didn't like to use bad words, but honestly, she was so annoyed with the girl that maybe emphasizing the message would do the trick.

Mina got up with her cup of coffee. "Thank you." Sana got up too and guided her out, where she gave her a hug.

"Don't overthink, just be honest," she said last to her because she was sure Mina was having trouble with... pretty much everything. "You've come this far, don't lose that."

Closing the door she walked back to her bed where she got in front of Tzuyu who had her legs crossed. "You don't thrive from drama, do you?"

"I don't." Tzuyu moved her head and left a quick kiss on her lips.

Sana smiled and left another kiss on her lips. Tzuyu did the same and they both giggled like idiots. Then they cuddled and Sana decided it was better if they took a nap, they could have another make-out session some other day. They both loved just cuddling.

***

Yesterday she had woken up cold because she was with less clothes, Chaeyoung had made her feel one of the greatest sensations she had ever felt. It was not a bad cold. This morning, though, she woke up cold because she was alone. It was the worst.

As soon as she felt the empty bed and the silent room, all the memories from last night came back to her, the heartache, confusion and guilt hit her all at once.

'It's over, she's gone' Mina felt dizzy. 'It's all my fault' She knew what she had done, she had been always afraid of this, getting this far and losing everything because of her confused mind and all the issues and fears that followed her everywhere. She knew she was fragile, even if next to Chaeyoung she wanted everything to be different, under her mother's gaze, not even that had been enough. Mina let herself down, Mina let Chaeyoung down. That was a lot.

Even when they were not together and Chaeyoung was ignoring her, she thought she had lost her and it was the worst. Now even if she had not let her say the words, the fact that she had left before she could wake up was indicating that Chaeyoung had no intention of changing her mind.

Mina couldn't understand. She knew she had acted wrong, she knew she had said stupid things but she was not seeing what Chaeyoung could. Everything the girl had tried to explain to Mina last night, was not adding up in her head, in Mina's head they just couldn't break up, she depended too much on Chaeyoung, why? She was not sure. She just needed her close, every part of her, that she was sure of. And in her mind, she wanted to make her happy too and all nice things, but she never could or when she was achieving that, something bad had to happen, something that, most of the time, if not always, had to do with her fear and recklessness. Mina acted so selfishly without even realizing it. She wanted Chaeyoung to be happy, but with her.

Mina could just close her eyes and hear her laugh, that is what she wanted all the time, just them. That's why after taking everything that happened last night in, she grabbed Chaeyoung's pillow and hugged it tightly, closing her eyes, smelling her scent, just thinking about her, trying to feel her close, putting all the bad parts aside. Mina was trying to form just the good memories in her mind, she liked those, she liked happy Chaeyoung, silly Chaeyoung, clown Chaeyoung, cute, patient, kind, warm, shy, just Chaeyoung, holding her as no one had ever done before. Feeling protected and safe and so so real.

But it was not being enough now, she knew, she had spent too much time in her head. And now everything was falling apart and all she had managed to do was cry. Right now hiding her face on the pillow she tried to fight the tears, she really didn't want to cry anymore. Without Chaeyoung it was worse letting them out, she felt so weak.

Mina has never found it easy to name what she is feeling or acknowledge her feelings, it's hard for her. At home everyone is somehow the best version of themselves, that's why she knows she has to be perfect and that has never allowed her to understand what she is feeling or what is really bothering her because she just couldn't let that affect the best version of herself she had to be. A model daughter. The problem is even if she does not want to be that all the time, she does not know any different, making it difficult for her to act towards what she actually wants. That's why words sometimes just die in , the things she feels take a long road before she finally understands what those are.

It took her a lot to realize the way she was feeling towards her roommate and it's usually the strong emotions or actions that indicate that to her. Chaeyoung had to ignore her, she had to spend an awful date with Kwan, she had to make the connection to finally understand that she didn't want to be ignored by her because she likes her, everything they did and shared was making her develop these feelings for her, feelings she knew were not supposed to be there but they were, too much of them. Mina tends to ignore things just because it's easier for her brain, just like she had ignored she likes Chaeyoung, now she had been ignoring how her feelings for her can't just be locked in their room.

It was getting harder to breathe again in her room, without Chaeyoung it was worse, Mina didn't want to be alone. Her first instinct was to grab her phone and go to Momo's contact, but then she remembered that situation too. Mina felt so lonely. A thought cross Mina's mind for a second, what if she texts Momo about this, wouldn't it make it all better? Maybe Momo would stop being mad at her, if she no longer was seeing Chaeyoung, because that was the problem, right? But it was silly, Mina wanted Chaeyoung, no, they were not breaking up, they couldn't.

Getting out of bed she put on some clothes, sort of, and just left her room, it was not being the perfect place she adored so much, not without her. That's how she found herself in Sana's room. She felt she could be a burden but Sana was always there for her and even if it had been weird for her to accept it, she always made her feel better somehow and Sana understood her, in a confusing way for Mina, Sana was always good to her no matter what and they were friends, for real. So she just knocked.

She was not sure how could being there could make her feel less agitated but it was. A bit. Mina had not thought about the possibility of Sana being also with Tzuyu, she scared her a bit. But it was for the best, her words, just like last time, helped her.

'Actions' She could see in a way now that Chaeyoung just wanted to see her committed. 'words are not enough, of course' Even if it was all blurry in her mind, the guidance Tzuyu and Sana had given her, were working, sort of. It made sense with what Chaeyoung had said last night. 'She is doing it for me' Which she still found ridiculous, she needed to tell her that, not with that word, but she wanted to tell Chaeyoung how much she felt for her. Mina wanted to believe that she could make it, for her, at least she wanted, was that enough? She wanted to be enough for Chaeyoung.

To My Cry Baby
Are u mad? are u sad? please don't be sad, can we talk?
if you are sad don't be sad alone, come
I'll be in our room
Chaeyoung you mean so much to me, you know that, right? Please let's talk.

Mina felt a bit nervous texting her, she had not done it this morning, now getting out of Sana's room, she could do it. Mina was going back to their room. She wanted to tell her how much she meant for her, she might not do much now, but she could talk better, cry less, think a bit, she could say more things, just reassure Chaeyoung. 'she is my baby, she needs me like I do' Mina came to the conclusion that she was not the only one that needed her, of course Chaeyoung needed her too. 'she is my cry baby, she is tiny, I can protect her, I know I can' Mina didn't want to be weak, she wanted to show Chaeyoung that they could make it together. She felt a bit embarrassed too with what Tzuyu had said, not because of the content but because of how much the girl knew Chaeyoung, Mina knew Chaeyoung too. 'Of course she is doing it for me, I need to show her she is not alone in this' Mina knew how hard it had been for Chaeyoung to believe her, she had broken that trust but she could fix it, that was what this was all about, right? It was okay if they had ups and downs, the important was that they both were on the same page to fix them. Mina wanted to hold her so much, she felt a lump in , just thinking about Chaeyoung alone yesterday coming to this conclusion of letting go, it must have been so hard for her, Mina didn't want that, she wanted to ease her mind, even if her own was not that in the right place, she knew Chaeyoung was all that mattered.

She was finally thinking not just about her but about Chaeyoung, what Chaeyoung tried to say last night. Mina made her way back quite slowly, she was rehearsing what she was going to say to Chaeyoung in case the girl was back in the room. Mina even thought that they could use some time, not apart but just a sort of trial time, so she could show her commitment, progress. Was that too lame? Mina didn't mind if it meant not losing her. Because she had been making progress, right? They told their friends and she kissed her at lunch, she was giving little steps, she could give more. It was just her mother appearing out of nowhere, was skipping too many steps, she just panicked. And she knew she had said stupid things, but she could explain better now, she could. Chaeyoung said it shouldn't be this hard, then they could fix it, she was willing to make more progress, of course, she had always wanted that, together they could do that.

'I just made her feel bad, but she needs me, she is making herself go through the pain too' Mina understood now that Chaeyoung might have reacted out of fear of feeling more hurt, of course she felt like that, everything that she and her mother talked yesterday had been awful, but Mina hated it too, she could explain Chaeyoung. Mina hated that version of herself too, the one that just reacted. The one that adapted to the situation according to what would hurt her less, Mina needed to start risking more for Chaeyoung, she got that now, she was telling her all that as soon as she could. Most of the time Chaeyoung just said she understood why she acted how she acted, but Mina now wanted to tell Chaeyoung more, about her, how her mind gets confused, how her mother was, how home was, not just Chaeyoung figuring it out.

She could explain and comfort Chaeyoung, she didn't want to make empty promises, she was going to be honest, completely.

But then, the versión of Mina that had come out of Sana's room and had made her decision through the walk back to her room, felt completely confused once she opened the door and everything that she had just come to an agreement with in her mind, was not adding up. At all.

And her confusing thoughts from this morning and last night and even the day before yesterday were resurfacing, all at once. She felt her already wounded heart, breaking into a thousand pieces, and then everything was black for a second and rage took over her senses.

"That's why you wanted to break up with me?"