"Can I walk you?"

Nayeon had left Chaeyoung in her room but Sana was still there with her. They had been talking and it was quite comfortable. Still, she had not expected Sana to ask that.

"Aren't you going to your room?"

"I want to see Momo."

'right, that makes sense' Nayeon thought. When she knew about what had happened with Chaeyoung and all, she was mad, really mad. But now she had thought about it and she wanted to at least talk to Momo first. They were not friends like Chaeyoung and her but she did consider Momo close enough. She wanted to know her side too even if it didn't justify her actions at all. "You and me both" She answered while walking outside the building. Sana followed. "But she hasn't been sleeping in our room these days."

"Oh, she wasn't with Dahyun yesterday, though," Sana said a bit worried. "I'm not sure where she might have spent the night."

"Mhh, well, you can walk with me and we can only hope she is there, although I'm not sure if I can handle myself, maybe it is best if you go with me and then if she is not, you can always come inside and we can keep talking"

"Great." Sana smiled.

They kept walking and talking about random things, it was cold so they walked fast and they got to the room in little time. In fact, Momo was not there. But Nayeon invited Sana in for a bit.

"I don't really like sleeping alone, it's too quiet." Nayeon was looking in where Momo and her kept drinks to give some to Sana, who was sitting on Momo's unmade bed and had taken the picture frame she keeps on her nightstand. "Here." She left a can on the nightstand for Sana. "That picture doesn't favor you," Nayeon joked.

"Not at all." Sana put it away. "But I'm surprised I'm even in the picture, you see, Mina gave her this."

"So kind considering you."

Sana laughed. They had never talked this much before but somehow they got each other's humor. It was fun and they could talk about this whole mess from different perspectives. "Have you ever kept your feelings for someone bottled up?"

"Not directly saying them, I guess so," Nayeon answered. "But not like hiding them, my actions speak, you know." She winked at Sana.

"Oh, I see, that's nice," Sana smiled at her. "I never keep anything to myself when it comes to that, honestly, I don't know how Momo did it, or does it or whatever... she never even told me."

"Well, she told me," Nayeon added. "That day you tried to get it out of her here."

"Really?" Sana asked surprised. "With direct words and all?"

Nayeon laughed. "Yes, it was really direct, I could see she really needed to get it out," Nayeon frowned. "She said she didn't want to tell you because you would worry too much."

"Well you see what happened now, I should've worried more." Sana looked sad.

"I didn't tell anything to Chaeyoung because, well, in the first place I didn't like Chaeyoung talking about Mina things related, but then it wasn't my place to say either and honestly I thought neither of them had a chance," Nayeon laughed. "Guess I can be wrong after all. But damn, I felt so frustrated when I knew what had happened to her, I should've said something before, I don't know if it would've made a difference but still..."

Nayeon was letting all her thoughts about the matter out, it was really nice talking to Sana about it.

"No, you shouldn't have," Sana reassured her. "It's okay. Actually, I am more responsible." Sana looked away now and sighed. "I feel so responsible not only because she's my friend but today when Mina came crying to my room, I just attacked Momo with texts asking for her to do something. Not something to Chaeyoung, of course, but I just wanted her to comfort Mina."

That was still weird. Imagining Mina crying over Chaeyoung. Nayeon really believed Mina cared and liked her. But it was still weird. "Was she really crying?"

"Nayeon," Sana looked at her, "she really likes her."

"No, I know but..."

"It's surprising, I know. But I got to see the real Mina, it's amazing how she shows herself when she is talking about Chaeyoung, her eyes shine so brightly." Sana was smiling saying all this, but she still looked sad. "She has issues, yes. But she was working on it, I'm sure."

"I just worry about Chaeyoung."

"I know, you have the right to be worried but for example," Sana crossed her legs on the bed and looked excited, "yesterday they had lunch with Tzuyu and me, both of them, together. And Mina kissed Chaeyoung hi." Sana's smile grew bigger.

Nayeon was surprised. "Wait, in the cafeteria? With everyone there?"

"Yes," Sana clapped. "I'm telling you, she was really trying but now..." She looked down again shaking her head. "Now I can't imagine what she must be feeling, I mean, it's a misunderstanding, yes. But she thinks both of them actually betrayed her, can you imagine?" Sana asked. "To have been trying all this time to agree with your feelings and trying to be brave enough, just to find out your best friend and your girlfriend were cheating on you?" Sana was so into her speech and Nayeon was really paying attention. "I know that's not what's happening, but she doesn't."

Nayeon got that. Even if Mina had reacted badly, it made sense in a way. "This whole drama ." She couldn't say more, that was the summary of it all.

Sana chuckled. "It really does."

"Hey," Nayeon suddenly remembered she had been meaning to ask Sana. "You are with Tzuyu."

"Oh," Sana seemed surprised by the sudden change. "I am, yes," she smiled.

"Is she okay, though?" Nayeon wanted to know how things worked for them, they looked happy but she didn't know much. "I mean, not that I am doubting you," she explained. Sana didn't look like a problem for Nayeon, unlike Mina. "Is just that Tzuyu never talks much about how she feels and I know she's never been with anyone and.. yeah, does she talk with you about stuff?"

"She does," Sana answered. "She does talk to me about her feelings. I have to wait a bit for her to get the whole idea out but she does, she is really honest, we do talk a lot."

Nayeon felt better hearing that. 'At least one of my babies has a good relationship' She couldn't say the same for Chaeyoung and Dahyun was just Dahyun. "Then I'm glad you're her first... well, everything I guess."

"That's a nice thing to say." Sana got a bit red in the cheeks. "Thank you."

"Just be happy with her, you know? Don't get into misunderstandings."

They both laughed again and kept drinking. Sharing with Sana relieved her a bit. She talked about many interesting things and she knew how to listen to people too. Time passed but it was not that late. They had given up on waiting for Momo to appear, now they were just hanging like they had been friends forever.

"Well, you and Jeongyeon look pretty stable," Sana voiced. They had been talking about their previous relationships. Sana had many stories.

", Jeongyeon," Nayeon laughed. They were a bit happy now. The drinks they had already had with the girls and now were enough to make them more giggly. Nayeon took her phone. "I forgot to tell her I got here." She saw Jeongyeon had already sent a few messages asking so she typed a quick response and left her phone again.

"Oh, I should text Tzuyu goodnight, I'll tell her I'm with you, bet she'll call me right away just to ask why," Sana said laughing too. She took her phone and moved to sit next to Nayeon and she typed a text.

Nayeon was looking at everything expecting Tzuyu's call. It was fun. "That girl". She pushed Sana's shoulder. "She is so overprotective, isn't she?"

"Yeah but it's cute," Sana defended Tzuyu. "Just wait." They remained in silence for a few seconds and indeed Sana got a call from Tzuyu and for some reason, both of them started laughing like idiots. "Okay, okay, I'll put it on speaker."

Nayeon had no idea how they went from being totally worried about Chaeyoung to getting slightly drunk and laughing about these silly things. They just got along too easily. It was fun.

Sana answered the call and put it on speaker. "Hey, you," she said trying to hold a laugh.

"You are drunk," Tzuyu said way too fast. Nayeon and Sana looked at each other like they got caught.

"Nooo," Sana lied awfully. "Why would you think that?"

"You're talking funny," Tzuyu stated through the phone. "Where's Nayeon?"

At that Sana moved the phone close to Nayeon who was trying not to laugh too. She cleared before talking as if it would make a difference. "Hi, Tzuyu, we just had a few drinks, I really like your girlfriend," she tried to say it clearly but then burst out laughing with her last words just because she thought it was so funny to say she liked Sana.

"Oh, I really like Nayeon too," Sana added. "You never told me she was this fun," she complained to Tzuyu with a cute voice.

You could feel Tzuyu was not that happy with their newfound friendship. "Did you two leave Chaeyoung in her room?"

"Oh, stop worrying about Chaeyoung." Nayeon couldn't believe that was being her main question right now.

"Yeah, stop worrying about Chaeyoung," Sana agreed seriously but they both laughed again. "No, no, wait," Sana added. "We did, she's okay, now we're just hanging."

"Tzuyu you're the cutest!" Nayeon suddenly remembered she wanted to let her know that just for the stories Sana had told her.

"My Tzuyu you're the cutest," Sana repeated.

"Should I go get you?"

"Oh, no, no." Sana moved the phone closer to her. "I'll go soon, don't worry, I just wanted to say goodnight, why did you call?" She asked and looked at Nayeon.

"Don't let Nayeon influence you." There it was. Sana giggled and Nayeon had her eyebrows raised in disbelief but was smiling too.

"Alright," Sana talked softly. "I'm not easy to influence, sleep now." She sent a kiss over the phone and put it off speaker moving the phone to her ear. "You're not on speaker anymore, you can tell me nice things." Nayeon kept laughing and got up to get more drinks. "No, don't go like that... oh... alright I'll go soon... yes." She kept hearing Sana talking with Tzuyu. "I won't... byeee." She hung up now.

"I'm not a bad influence." Nayeon handed her another drink. "Who does she think she is?"

"Oh, you are not at all." Sana moved to Momo's bed again using one blanket to wrap herself "Not to me at least, Tzuyu is just this big baby." She giggled. "Can you believe that? She is a big puppy that thinks I need protection 24/7"

"I'll steal you more often then." Nayeon found Tzuyu really cute but still she was planning on spending more time with Sana. "She'll see how good of an influence I can be... " Nayeon was in the middle of complaining when she heard the door. Turning around to see, Momo got inside the room. Leaving her happy state immediately she walked fast to get in front of her. "Give me one good reason not to slap you across the face right now."

Sana got up quickly almost tripping but then she just looked carefully at Momo.

Momo didn't look fine at all. She looked tired and her eyes were really red.

"You can do it if you want," she answered looking down.

"Oh, that's even worse." Nayeon moved away taking a big sip and then leaving the drink aside. It was frustrating, she'd much rather fight and scream at Momo than see her like this and feel sorry for her. She turned back to her again.

The three of them were in silence for a few awkward seconds and then Momo walked slowly and stood next to Sana. That's when she wrapped her arms around her. Sana just held her and moved them down to sit on the bed. Momo was sobbing on her shoulder.

"I ed up, I really ed up." Her words were muffled by Sana's shoulder.

"Yeah, you really did," Nayeon agreed. She didn't like this situation.

"Momoring," Sana talked softly. "You can't keep doing this to yourself."

Momo just kept crying. "I didn't want to hurt her," she whined. "I- I just don't understand, I- I felt so jealous, I couldn't accept it."

Sana didn't answer just kept holding her and Momo kept sobbing. Nayeon was hating how sorry she felt for Momo. 'I should be mad at her!' But she was not that really mad at her. Of course, her actions were awful and the way she had handled everything . But she couldn't help feeling sorry for her. Knowing the girl you liked for more than just a while, who allegedly was completely straight and homophobic, suddenly was in a relationship with a girl. For sure, Momo lost her chance and it was her fault but it certainly was easy to think of it as unfair even if it wasn't.

"Come on, crying won't change anything," Nayeon tried saying a bit frustrated still.

"I'm sorry." Momo moved a bit from Sana and wiped her tears away. "I'm so sorry."

"Sorry won't do either!"

"Okay, Nayeon, calm down." Sana got up and put a hand on her shoulder. Momo was now on the bed looking at both of them.

"See? It was better that you were here," Nayeon said to Sana. "I can't with this."

Sana smiled weakly and turned to Momo again. "She is right, though, Momoring. You hurt too many people."

"Why would you even do that for?!" Nayeon lost it again. "Chaeyoung would never force anyone, , you-" She took a deep breath. "Okay, no, I'm fine, I'm fine."

"I just couldn't believe it..." Momo apparently started explaining weakly. "I couldn't believe they were actually together and then I just got mad and went there but I- I never planned on any of this... but everything looks so blurry now, I couldn't control myself."

"That's not nice," Sana sighed.

"When Mina got there at first I didn't realize what she was saying and- and," she paused for a bit, "she looked so heartbroken, Sana, I did that," she cried again. "I did that, I hurt her." She lost again her voice and moved her knees to her chin hiding her face there.

Sana got closer and rubbed her back. "You really messed up, we know," she talked softly to Momo all the time. Nayeon wondered how she did it. This morning with Mina then she even talked nice to Chaeyoung and now Momo. "You have to explain now, you have to." Sana was really patient and Nayeon just wanted to curse everyone.

"I'm so embarrassed."

"I know, but you really have to, alright?"

"She doesn't know, she doesn't know the real reason."

"Momo... you have to tell her."

"I-" She moved her head up to look at Sana. "At that moment I couldn't explain... I even felt glad for a second that she got to another conclusion, I-"

"You've got to be kidding me." Nayeon got out of her feeling sorry trance again. "She wouldn't have hated you if you had told her, please, you kept this for too long and it's making you act this stupid, just make it all better, please."

"She thinks worse of you right now, Momo."

"I just keep picturing her face, it's awful, I'm awful, I didn't do anything to stop her... when she said she loved her and-"

"Wait, wait, wait," Nayeon interrupted. "Who said loved who?"

"Chaeyoung," Momo sniffed. "I can't stop picturing Mina's face when Chaeyoung said that to her and- and she left after that she looked so heartbroken I- I did that."

'Oh, no, my sweet baby' Nayeon looked away from Momo. 'My baby put her feelings out there and this-' "You'll apologize." Nayeon stopped her thoughts and got really close to Momo now with a serious tone. "You'll apologize and you'll fix this mess, got it?"

"I don't-"

"You'll apologize!" She raised her voice at her and this time Sana didn't stop her.

Momo just nodded. Nayeon felt mad at Momo but not as much as she felt sad and frustrated with Chaeyoung. It is always like this, with everything. Chaeyoung gives too much, cares too much, it's always her and it's like only Nayeon gets to see it, Chaeyoung never feels like she is putting too much out there, she excuses with nice words and speeches about feelings and life but Nayeon doesn't like one part of it. Chaeyoung is a dreamer and Nayeon hates how she gets hurt but never acknowledges it and now with Mina, it's the blindest she has ever seen Chaeyoung, it's painful to watch. All Nayeon wants is for her friend to be happy and receive as much as she gives.

Nayeon sighed and moved to lay on her bed. Sana kept talking with Momo.

"Momoring..." Sana said quietly. "She really likes her." It was like she said all that almost afraid.

Momo just looked down. "I know now." She started fidgeting with her hands. "I didn't want to believe it but... when I saw her all mad and- it's true, how is it true?"

"She didn't tell me sooner either, alright? No one was keeping anything from you on purpose." Sana was so sweet, Nayeon felt everyone in her life should be really grateful to have her around. "I just happened to figure it out and... Momo, she's really been trying. You know how Mina is. All of this has been quite difficult for her, you know her mom."

Momo nodded. "Of course, I- that's one of the reasons I couldn't just... tell her."

"She wanted to tell you, she told me. You are so important to her, she loves you."

"Yes," Momo laughed a bit. "But not like I love her." It sounded so sad. Nayeon felt for her, but not that much. 'honestly, how many more love confessions for Mina do I have to hear today'

"You are her friend, Momoring, we are," Sana said calmly. "We have to support her, alright? Now imagine how she must be feeling because she thinks her girlfriend and her best friend were fooling her?"

It was easy to see how Momo made a face hearing that sentence. Probably because she belonged to the friend part and because Mina having a girlfriend was not easy to digest.

"That's... I know, I'll-" Momo sighed. "I'll try."

"You'll do it," Nayeon added from her bed, still completely annoyed by everything.

Sana just offered Momo her hand and standing, Momo hugged her for a long time. Then Sana helped Momo and they both went to the bathroom and got ready to sleep. Apparently, Sana was going to stay the night. Nayeon didn't mind. 'That way I don't murder her in her sleep' Nayeon thought. But she wouldn't do that, she felt too sorry for Momo and it was frustrating.

At least she felt glad that this day had finally come to an end and she slept with company. That night somehow her thoughts were not focused on Chaeyoung, or Momo, but Mina. She wondered how things had gone with them in their room. She wondered if the girl had heard Chaeyoung. She wondered if she would ever accept her feelings. She couldn't help but put herself in Mina's place and it was not nice. She wished for her to figure it out. 'just don't hurt my Chaeyoungie no more'

 

***

 

Of the many emotions Mina was feeling, the one that stood out the most was anger. Mina was angry. How could it be that everything Chaeyoung had told her was just a lie? She saw them. She saw both of them, in their room. Why Momo? Of all people. It just didn't make sense. But it also made perfect sense. Because obviously, Mina had spent all this time trying to change and being scared, promising things and being promised things, just for nothing.

From the start it was clear in her mind, right? She couldn't be any different. She just couldn't. It didn't matter how much her heart beat every time she was close to Chaeyoung, it didn't matter how much she liked getting to her room and seeing her there, sharing with her, talking with her, receiving her smiles, her kisses, her caresses, her silly jokes, bothering her, it just didn't matter because she just couldn't be any different. No matter how much she wanted to try and change step by step, Chaeyoung was the one who made it all worth it, but now? Now she just felt stupid.

Of course, her mother was right. Mina tried to never go against her. Why would this be any different? Of course, her mother just wanted the best for her. Clearly having her heart broken was not the best. It was her fault. She allowed herself to feel this way. Different way, forbidden way, the wrong way. It was meant to go astray.

Mina felt ashamed. Because even in this state, at the back of her head she just couldn't stop thinking about her. They both betrayed her and it , but she wanted Chaeyoung so much it was painful to understand any of this was happening.

She tried to resist the tears, she didn't want to cry over that, not for her, not for them, not after what she had seen. It was not worth it. That's why when she walked out of the dorms and found Kwan waiting for her, which she had no idea, she just dried her tears quickly and put on a mask for whatever she had to endure now.

Mina couldn't stand Kwan anymore, but right now, it was not the worst person in her mind if thinking about people she felt annoyed at. The truth is even if he was a dumb stupid guy, he never did anything bad to her. Or at least, she couldn't see it right now. Because right now, everything she was feeling was her own fault, her fault for not being perfect. So if Kwan had said things about Chaeyoung and then had sent her mother their way, it was only because it was needed, right? So she could wake up.

Surprisingly, as he had never before, this time he noticed Mina was not feeling okay. So he asked and Mina didn't feel strong enough to lie. In fact, she asked for help. She wanted to leave. Being there was not helping her at all. That's how she asked Kwan to help her pack her things and drive her home.

She couldn't go back right away, because she didn't want to see Chaeyoung there or Momo. So she managed to distract Kwan for a while, he always liked talking about himself, and then, she sent him first just to make sure the room was empty.

That's how Mina got to the room again. But it felt different. Being there always felt like a safe place. Now it was just making the previous events repeat on her head. When she got in the first thing she noticed was that the mess she had started with the acrylics got worse. 'Chaeyoung...' She felt so much like crying. But she bit her lip and clenched her fist. 'Lies, it was all a lie' This room, their room, their place, was no longer special. So Mina hurried and gathered all her things.

She stopped for a while, though, looking at their beds. She didn't even mind Kwan was also there. He was strangely quiet and she was grateful because there was no good explanation of why their beds were together. Maybe Kwan was smart enough to figure it out. But she couldn't care less now. Now what she was looking at was not just the beds. But everything. Every moment. How could it be all a lie? She trusted Chaeyoung, right? But then Chaeyoung had also broken her promise of not leaving. 'I love you' Chaeyoung had said she loved her but it couldn't be true. Mina just started laughing again. Her thoughts traveled from their own special moments to picturing Momo and Chaeyoung there too. Was that possible?

"Mina." Kwan noticed her getting distracted. He sounded worried. "Should we go now?"

Mina closed her eyes real tight. Taking a deep breath ready to turn around and give him a smile, first, she took the little penguin that she had wanted to just leave there. But then, it was better with her than there. Nothing good was there. "Let's go."

Without looking back, they both left. Kwan carried her bags and placed everything in his car.

Mina always had trouble identifying her emotions or expressing them. Right now, she was so lost. She had no idea how she had managed to talk to Kwan, get her things and now be on her way home without falling apart. But now it was all coming at once. Momo rejected her, ignored her, hated her. Momo wanted Chaeyoung. Chaeyoung had lied to her, broken up with her, fooled her. Chaeyoung wanted Momo. And it was getting hard to breathe. Mina really wanted to get home. Hide, run away, cry, scream, beg for forgiveness. She felt so stupid and weak, even pathetic.

It's been a while since she's been home. Mina's house was not that big, but it was big enough. Expensive even. Every detail on her house was perfectly planned. It was not the decoration she would give to a house, but it was home. And she really wanted that now. So as soon as Kwan parked the car outside, she just got out, leaving him to get her things inside. Mina needed to breathe, Mina needed comfort. She was not fine at all.

Her mother opened the door and Mina just hugged her.

"Honey you didn't tell me you were coming back." Her mother sounded surprised. "Honey?" Mina was not answering and her grip was strong. That's when her mother noticed Mina was not okay and moved so they could be on the sofa.

Kwan got inside with all of Mina's things and stood there. Mina was silently crying. "What happened?" Her mother insisted her hair.

"I'm sorry, mom," Mina whined. "I- I'm so sorry." She hid deeper in her arms and started crying loudly. Mina felt like apologizing even if her words were extremely dangerous. "I made a mistake, I'm sorry." Her mother kept asking what had happened but Mina was too upset. "I'm not perfect, I'm not." She just couldn't stop feeling like she had failed everyone, herself. And it hurt so much because she was not sorry as in she regretted liking Chaeyoung because it was wrong, she was sorry because she still did. So much. But that kind of love couldn't be, right? It was all a lie and she had been dumb enough to fall for everything. She was just held there until she got tired of crying and mumbling things. She felt so tired, her body was not really responding well. Her mind was not really thinking much. Everything looked weird. After a while, she could hear her mother asking Kwan for help and then she was in her room, on her bed and she could hear Kwan talking right outside.

"I don't know, Mrs. Myoui, she didn't look fine when I met her at her dorm so I just brought her here, she wanted to leave."

"Alright, dear, thank you." Her mother's voice was different, she was actually worried for Mina. "You should go now."

"But I should keep her company."

"Don't worry, she'll call you later. Just go for now."

Mina couldn't see anything else but apparently, he left, and for some reason, she felt afraid. Not of her mother, but of what she could say to her. Everything was so confusing in her head, she was not exactly measuring her words. If she were, she wouldn't have apologized so much. Now, what could she say? She just felt so tired, telling the truth didn't sound that bad. Could she feel more hurt? Her heart couldn't be more broken. She couldn't see how dangerous telling her mother now might be.

"Drink this, would you?" Her mother came back and sat next to her on the bed putting a strand of her hair behind her ear. "It's okay." She passed her a cup of tea.

Mina tried to drink some but then she just felt like crying again. Being in her old room was so strange, she felt like a kid. She felt so small. She wanted to. Being a kid would mean not feeling all this. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing? It's okay." Her mother talked so softly.

"It's not, Mom, I-" Mina had a hard time talking. "I made a mistake."

"Honey." Her mother lifted Mina's head to look at her eyes. "Did Kwan do something to you?"

Mina got confused for a second. Her mother was always so in support of Kwan and her being together but now, the first thing she asked seeing her like this was this. How could she want someone for her that she could doubt this easily. Still, Mina didn't care about that now.

"No."

"Then what is it?" She looked at her face for a few seconds but then she just had to look away. Mina felt too embarrassed. And she felt like looking comfort from her mother knowing that she wouldn't approve of why she needed it was so wrong.

"I- I'm not perfect."

"What are you talking about, honey? You're wonderful," her mother smiled at her with sad eyes. "You're my perfect little girl."

She felt so scared again but at the same time, she was not thinking clearly and the idea of being honest was not that bad. She had understood everyone was the same, could her mother too? Would her mother hate her if she said why she was feeling this way? Would her mother hate the idea of how her heart flutter so much for another girl? How she feels this hurt over having lost all that? How she still wants all that?

"Mom," she began carefully.

"Yes?"

"I-"

"Mina dear, please talk to me, I can't stand seeing you like this." She saw how her mother took her hands that were on her lap. Mina had never shown herself like this in front of her mother, not ever. It was so weird. But she could feel how she cared. It made Mina feel like she could say more. More dangerous things that made her feel so scared but at the same time, she wanted to know. She couldn't hide her feelings forever, could she? She didn't want to.

"Mom, I- What if I don't like Kwan?"

Her mother left a sigh of relief. "Is that what bothers you? This much? Honey, it's okay if you don't like him."

"But you want us to be together."

"I just think he is really sweet and a good match for you." Her mother moved one hand to rub her back. "He is been really nice to me too, but it's okay if you don't like him, you don't have to date him. I just want you to be happy."

"But Mom..." Mina's heart was going so fast right now. It was just a question. One question that could make everything different. If her mother really wanted for her to be happy, then could it be? Mina was not sure why she wanted to ask all of this now. Maybe she didn't want to feel like everything she had felt was wrong. Maybe she was just confused or too tired. Maybe she just didn't feel like she could get any more harmed. Maybe there was no point or sense to anything anymore. If her mother could accept it then she wouldn't feel so stupid, so lost, so lonely. What's the worst that could happen if she was already this hurt. But then thinking everything to voice the question she just couldn't and she started crying again. She could feel a lump in . The words just wouldn't come out. Everything was so hot. She was not breathing properly. "Mom," she cried. "I can't."

Mina was shaking and her mother's touch was not helping. All she could think of was how she had already talked too much and there was no turning back. But it was asphyxiating. All this time she had been so scared and now she just wanted to be over it. It was being too much. And the truth is even if she couldn't have Chaeyoung, right now, she didn't want anyone else and the thought of that terrified her. Because she knew. She knew there was no way she was dating any man, ever. So the problem wasn't not liking Kwan. The problem was herself.

"Mina." Her mother sounded scared too. She lifted her head with a hand under her chin carefully. "You can talk to me."

Mina wanted to believe her. She really did. But there was no way anything she could say would make sense to her mother. It was still quite difficult for her to understand. But she wanted to. She needed to. Otherwise, she would lose her mind.

"You'll hate me," she managed to speak in between sobs.

"I could never hate you."

"You- you don't know that."

"You're my daughter." Her mother sounded like she herself wanted to cry. The whole scene was so complicated and Mina had no idea how everything got to this point. "How could I hate you?"

Mina opened and closed it a few times. Trying to breathe. She looked at her mother's eyes again. She looked so sad and worried. Mina couldn't stand it. She wanted to run away again. She wanted to hide. She wanted to turn back time and be in Chaeyoung's arms. Even if it was all a lie. She'd rather be there feeling safe, happy and so lucky even if it was not true. She'd rather be clueless and fall for her every day a little more than being here about to fall from a cliff. Alone. About to face all her fear just because she couldn't stand it anymore. Because she wanted comfort. She wanted to believe her mother could still love her either way.

"I got my heart broken, Mom."

"Oh, honey." Her mother was closer still holding her. "Why would I hate you for that? I know it hurts, it'll be okay."

"But it hurts so much." Mina wanted to stop crying. But she just couldn't control herself. "Ho- how do you know you love someone?"

"It's your first heartache, isn't it?" Her mother tried to look for her eyes. "I understand it hurts, but you have to breathe, alright? You're okay, baby, you're here." Mina couldn't believe anything her mother was saying even if she wanted to because she had no idea how she got her heart broken and it was making Mina more upset. "When you are in love..." Her mother kept talking to her softly and patting her back while Mina kept sniffing and shaking. "You want to be with him all the time, share with him and you just know because you feel happy to see him and you feel it here." Her mother touched her chest. And Mina wanted to stop feeling, thinking, hearing, existing right there because she had felt all that with Chaeyoung and it was wrong, wasn't it? Her mother described a man. No one else. "But Mina, it's normal to get your heart broken, it will pass, you are young, you are beautiful and smart." Mina lifted her head again and her mother fixed her hair while talking. "You're so many things, you didn't make a mistake, it's okay, it hurts now but it'll pass and you'll meet another handsome young man who'll make your heart flutter again." Her mother was looking at her eyes real tenderly, Mina wanted to believe her.

But she just couldn't keep lying and every word her mother said was getting worse and worse. "But mom..." Mina closed her eyes real tightly moving her head down. "What if I don't want that?"

"What do you mean?" Her mother kept talking nicely. "I know it hurts right now, but that doesn't mean you won't be happy in the future with someone else, besides, you shouldn't worry about that now, you should focus on your studies."

"No, Mom," Mina gulped. "I don't want any men."

"Oh, honey," her mother laughed softly. "You can't hate all men just because one broke your heart now, you'll find the one."

Mina almost felt like laughing. How was it that her mother could think all that and not get the other possibility. That Mina never had wanted a man at all. How it was so normalized that she couldn't fall for anyone else, it was being really hard to say all this in code.

She hadn't calmed down at all but she needed to say it now. It was maddening. And the truth is she needed to say it not just for her mother to understand but for herself to hear it. So taking a deep breath and with a thready voice, she finally asked, "What if I feel all that... with a girl?"

Her mother stopped rubbing her back immediately and at that moment Mina knew nothing good could come from this.

"What are you talking about?" Mina dared to look at her eyes. The woman was confused. "You can't do that." Her voice was no longer sweet. It was quite serious.

"But I do," Mina barely whispered. She knew she was not supposed to be saying all this but it was too late and there was a tiny part of her that was hoping for a good reaction different from the ones that had taken place on her mind a thousand times.

"Mina, that's not normal." But then it was shattered.

"But Mom, I'm normal," Mina cried. "I am."

"Yes, honey, you are."

"Then why- why do I feel that?" Her mother remained in silence. Mina felt hot tears streaming down her face. She was so tired of crying. "Mom, why do I feel that?"

"No," her mother shook her head. "No, Mina, stop this."

"But Mom, I can't," Mina breathed. "I can't, I can't I- I tried-"

"Mina you are confused, you are- No. Honey, if one boy did you wrong it doesn't-"

"No," Mina interrupted her mother shaking her head. "No, mom, I didn't like any boy, can't you see that? I like-"

"Mina." Her mother raised her voice now. "Stop this nonsense."

"I am normal," Mina repeated.

"Yes." Her mother cupped her face and exclaimed almost begging. "Yes, you are, you can't go around saying all that, it's wrong."

Mina just shook her head in her mother's hand. Looking at her eyes she could see her mother looked so betrayed. "But Mom, it can't be wrong, it can't be wrong if it feels so right."

"No." Her mother left her face and moved out of the bed. "You are confused," she talked strongly now. The voice she had always disliked. The voice Mina feared the most. She felt so small again. "Who put those ideas in your head? Was it your friend? That girl you shared a room with? Was it her?"

Mina just kept shaking her head. She had no idea why for a moment she had hoped her mother could react differently. "No," she whispered.

But her mother kept talking loudly. "It's wrong, Mina! We taught you that, you know that."

"No..."

"Tell me you are joking, right? You can't be like that! I knew you should've changed rooms sooner, I'll go, I'll complain, she must've done something to you."

"No..."

"You would never- you-" Her mother was having a hard time talking now and Mina couldn't take it anymore.

"But I did! I did, Mom. It wasn't her, it was me," she cried trying to look into her mother's eyes. "I couldn't stop it, I tried, but mom, I can feel it, everything you described, everything and more." Her mother's face had an expression she had never seen before. Mina was so scared but it was in a way like a big burden had been lifted from her heart and mind because she was saying all this and not just leaving it ignored at the back of her thoughts. "When you sent me on dates I- I never felt any of that, I tried, I swear I tried and I thought there was something wrong with me, but Mom, I do feel it, I do." She stopped for a bit, her lips were trembling. "When I'm with her, I do." She just wanted her mother to understand. To love her for just Mina and not perfect Mina.

Her mother didn't say anything at first. Just looked at her. She looked angry and completely disappointed. Mina felt like she was disgusted by her words. It was not nice. "How could you do that to me?"

"I'm sorry." Mina tried to reach for her. "I'm so sorry." But her mother moved away and left the room all so fast.

Mina couldn't stop crying. She had been wrong. The pain could be indeed more than what she was already feeling. She just wanted her mother to be by her side. Was she not going to love her anymore? Her mother had said she could never do that. But now?

Now Mina had no idea what to do. Where to go. How to... be. She just got in bed even if the sun hadn't even set yet. She hid under the covers and curled up hugging her legs. She had done it. She asked her mother. It felt awful how she had looked at her and how she just left her there. But at the same time, weirdly, having said it made her feel so much better. The constant worry was not there anymore. She was not hiding anything. 'Chaeyoung would like that...' Her thoughts went back to her. Chaeyoung would like that, she would congratulate her. 'She would kiss me, she would be proud of me, she would- she wouldn't' Mina felt ridiculous. She felt so much pain in her heart. Because of Momo, because of her mother, because of Chaeyoung. Yet she couldn't stop thinking about her.

She had gone to her room filled with hopes and dreams, ready to commit fully to their relationship but then, Chaeyoung had already made up her mind. She wanted to break up. She wanted someone else. Mina was sure she saw them kissing. How could they do that to her. Specially Momo. She had been so worried that the girl hated her for just being herself but it turns out she just hated her because she wanted Chaeyoung. Why? Why would they both do that to her.

Was it just in that moment? Was it before? Since when? Mina was now thinking everything in detail. But then Mina didn't have many memories in detail of important things. When Chaeyoung had tried to break up with her, Mina had just understood what she wanted to understand and then when Chaeyoung had tried to explain what had happened in their room with Momo, Mina was too angry and in shock to hear her properly. So it wasn't clear in her head, anything.

All she got right now is that she was stupid enough to believe they could ever be happy together. Even if she was scared and her mother hated her, she didn't have Chaeyoung and that was the worst. Because there was no point, right? Why would she say all of that to her mother if she didn't have her? But Mina always reacted in this way. She didn't think at all, she just talked too much and she just couldn't stop.

Mina thought about it and the hard part was that even if she could turn back time and never have changed rooms or never have been friendly to Chaeyoung, she would've still got to this state. Because it's not like anyone put those ideas in her brain like her mother had said. They have always been there. Maybe she wouldn't have her heart broken, that's one thing. But the other part? Mina didn't want to accept it but it was there. She had tried to explain to her mother. Mina knew.

She kept thinking many things and also trying not to think many things. Her head hurt and hiding under the covers was not quite helpful with that but she felt better there. She liked it more when she could hide in Chaeyoung's arms. Or when Chaeyoung was there to clear her head. But she wanted to stop thinking about Chaeyoung. Or at least not in that way. She was supposed to be mad. She was. But then she didn't have the strength to remain angry, she just wanted Chaeyoung back. With her. Not Momo, not anyone else. A part of Mina wanted to hate Chaeyoung and the other part wanted to believe that Chaeyoung actually wanted her and this was all a big joke.

'Why would she say she loved me' Mina wondered how could she just come up with that in a second. How could she just lie to her face after seeing them together, it was frustrating. Mina closed her eyes tightly and after a while she fell asleep in that state, sniffing and utterly confused.

Hours passed and she woke up sweating. It was not nice to wake up and immediately remember why she was there and all the previous events flashed in her head. She stood up leaving her bed and went to the bathroom in her room. She looked awful so she didn't pay much attention to her reflection. She just took her time and then got back to the room. She was hungry, it was already nighttime. But she was not sure of leaving the room. She was not sure how her mother was going to react. 'She didn't kick me out, did she?' Mina was afraid of what was going to happen now. But thankfully she was not crying anymore and her breathing was okay. She felt like in a limbo. An in-between of what had happened and how things would proceed now. She was there. Just waiting. Alone. About to hear her sentence.

She sighed and looked for her phone. It was not with her. She probably left it outside her room. 'I'm not going out so...' She ignored her growling stomach and just went to bed again. Wishing for a miracle that would make everything okay again. Or maybe not again, it's not like things were ever that okay, but she wished to feel at ease. And inevitably, she wondered if Chaeyoung was sleeping alone. If she had thought about her. If she had looked for her. If she really loved her. Mina wondered if everything they shared had been actually real. Hugging her pillow real tight, she wished it was real for Chaeyoung, because for her at least, it was. Every part of it.

Mina had a hard time falling asleep this time, she only had managed to get a couple of hours when she heard movement. She was not ready to face the day.

"Wake up." The cold voice of her mother made her body shiver. This didn't feel good.

Slowly Mina sat on her bed looking at her mother who was opening the curtains. She was not sure what to say or why the woman was waking her up like this. "Mom..."

"Get dressed," her mother hurried.

"Uh, can we-"

"Get dressed," she said again and left the room fast. She was really mad, Mina could tell. What was going to happen now was scaring her so much.

She couldn't just ignore her so she got up and washed up. After a few minutes, she was ready to leave her room. Physically at least. Because she paced around just trying to get the courage to go out. For what felt like hours she finally opened the door and got out.

She went to the kitchen, slowly, looking for her phone on the way there. Her heart was going fast expecting to find her mother there. When she finally got there she took a deep breath before trying to speak. "Are you-"

"Eat." Her mother pointed at the table where she had left breakfast for Mina. The girl moved to sit feeling so frustrated by this whole situation. She kept getting interrupted.

"Mom, please-" A loud thud interrupted her this time. Her mother had strongly put down her phone on the table next to her food. "T- thanks."

"I turned it off, it wouldn't stop ringing." It was the longest sentence she had received. "I'll wait in the car." And she was gone again.

'oh' She felt so embarrassed now thinking that if Chaeyoung was the one that called so much, then her mother saw My Cry Baby calling. She would need to change that. Or delete the number, right? 'no...' Either way, Mina had no idea why would her mother wait in the car or where she wanted to go but she hurried eating, not like she felt much like doing so and then got in the car too.

An awkward silence was formed until her mother the car. Mina wanted to know where they were going but then she knew her mother was not in the mood for talking. It was ridiculous. She was an adult. She should make her own decisions. Yet, here she was, like a mess, bouncing her leg up and down and biting her thumb, an awful habit that almost never happened but that her mother hated, like many things about Mina her mother hated. But Mina was not doing well with her perfect Mina title, so she didn't realize, until her mother talked.

"Stop with that." She immediately knew it meant the biting, so she moved her hand down but she kept biting the inside of her cheek. She felt so like nothing. She was no one when she was next to her mother. She had no personality, no control. Yesterday she had made a mistake, losing control, talking too much, being honest, hoping stupid things. 'she won't ever accept this'

Then, she realized, their destination didn't make sense. "Why- why are we here?" She didn't get an answer. "Mom, why are we here?" Silence. Mina's heart couldn't get a break, she was getting more anxious by the second.

Her mother parked the car where usually Kwan did and then she turned to Mina, slapping her hand that once again had found its way to . "Mina," she called for her and Mina turned immediately. Her mother looked like she had cried. And she knew it was her fault. "The things you said to me yesterday are wrong. Right now, we'll go and talk to that girl. You'll make it clear that you are not like that."

Mina shook her head, that couldn't be. "No, no Mom, I-"

"Even if you think it's your fault, you'll go." Her mother was talking really seriously right now, in the strong voice she had used the whole morning. "And you'll end things."

"There's no need," Mina tried. "It's already over, we don't have to go."

"We'll go either way, I can't have anyone thinking my daughter it's like that, do you hear me?" Her mother insisted. "I need to see it."

"Mom, I'm-"

"It's disgusting, Mina!" She raised her voice and Mina felt like crying immediately. 'disgusting...' She hated all this so much. She could go, she could run away once out of the car, right? Then why couldn't she? Why did her mother have so much control over everything she did or felt. "You are not like that, that girl influenced you!" Hearing that Mina realized, since yesterday her mother probably thought it was Sana the girl she had felt things for. Then her mother got out of the car quickly and opened Mina's door. "Come on, get out."

Mina just obeyed, nothing was making sense. "Mom." They were walking towards the building. "Mom, do you hate me?" Silence again. "You said- you said you couldn't hate me, you- "

"You'll get better."

"Mom," Mina insisted. "Don't you love me?" She asked on the verge of tears.

"We'll fix this." It was the only thing she got for an answer and she realized her mother was walking towards her old room. Mina stopped walking. "Don't stop." Her mother grabbed her arm.

"No, Mom." Mina was not sure if telling the truth or just barging into Sana's room. But that wouldn't make much sense. And a part of her wanted to see Chaeyoung even if she felt betrayed, even if it was the last time. "It's... it's here." She walked a couple of doors down the hall and seeing her mother's face realize that was Mina's current room was not easy. 

"What?" It was strong but not that loud. Her mother could talk that way because there were no people around, if it were, then she wouldn't make a scene. Her mother was all about appearances.

Mina looked down. "I'm sorry." It was a thousand times worse for her mother to know that she had been all this time sharing a room with the girl she liked. When she said sorry, her mother started scolding her, asking why she had lied to her, asking explanations, calling her things, demanding things, grabbing her arm real tight, Mina was not sure of anything her mother was saying to her. There was a ringing in her ears. She felt so dizzy. She just wanted for her to stop. For everything to stop. It was like everything her mother had kept to herself yesterday, was now leaving with so much indignation. Mina just wanted to cry. 'just stop, please stop'

 

***

 

Fixing things. Not just with her love life, but with everything. That morning Chaeyoung took her time waking up. It was not nice waking up alone again after getting used to being woken up by clingy Mina. 'I should've let us stay in bed whenever she wanted...' But she only felt sad and regretful for a couple of minutes. Then she got back to her positive thoughts. She got up early and started cleaning everything up. Later she was going to study for her last exam tomorrow.

She made her bed and tried not to get sad about Mina's empty one. She checked her phone to see if Mina had answered but she only found a text from Nayeon. It was a link to a site. Chaeyoung was intrigued, but once it loaded, she scoffed and closed it immediately. It was a blog about how to have a healthy relationship. Chaeyoung didn't find it funny, it's not like she didn't know how, right? It was just the circumstances. So she didn't give Nayeon the pleasure to get an answer complaining or anything, just used the opportunity to tell her what was the situation now.

To Nayeon💙
she left

It was simple, hopefully, Nayeon would get it. But Chaeyoung didn't wait for an answer just left her phone and tried to focus again on cleaning. She arranged her clothes and stuff that was in the wrong places. Then she walked to her desk.

Contemplating everything for a moment she just sighed. "I'm sorry Waddles." She moved the canvasses to the other desk now empty and then brought things to clean the stained desk and the paint on the floor. "We just had a little misunderstanding," she kept talking out loud while cleaning. "But we'll fix it, you know? It's normal to have ups and downs." She kept scrubbing the floor. "I wouldn't cheat on her, you believe me, right?" She sighed again. "She was always apologizing for not being brave enough to tell people and stuff... she must have thought I got tired of waiting but that's not true," Chaeyoung chuckled a bit, "why would I get tired just when we were making progress with that? It's not fair, is it?" She got rid of the paint from everywhere while talking. Then she took the canvasses again.

"I guess it's ruined." She scratched some paint with her nail on the canvass that used to be their board. Chaeyoung remembered she had told Mina why she liked to paint; you can always paint over but now there were just too many layers.

"I'll fix it." Smiling to brighten up her mood, she moved that canvas to the floor and focused on the one that had got paint but it was still functional. She was going to paint Waddles for Mina, she knew how much she liked him.  But first, she was going to take a shower and get dressed. So she did.

Warm water helped to keep her thoughts clear. Not sadness, not anger, not frustration, just clearing things up, that was it.  She just needed to get a hold of Mina.

Chaeyoung had assumed Mina was home. Because she couldn't be with Momo, right? but then she was not sure where exactly was home and so she considered asking Sana. But what could she do? Just get there? She couldn't do that, it would be exposing Mina too much, she was not going to do that. So she was not sure for the moment how to exactly fix things other than keep trying with her phone but hey, she was still expecting the best outcome.

Dressed and deciding whether to study, eat or paint as she had planned, first, she checked her phone again. But nothing. Except for Nayeon's answer.

From Nayeon💙
How? did you argue?
you should've told me I'll go see you once I'm done.

Chaeyoung felt bad that Nayeon got so worried for her. It was nice that her friends cared, of course. But she didn't want to keep making them waste their time on her. Nayeon probably needed to study for stuff too.

She was going to answer for Nayeon not to worry, saying that it was okay. There was no need for her to come or anything, Chaeyoung firmly believed she could handle herself. But then she heard the door and her hopes went really up again.

Moving fast and seeing Mina enter the room she couldn't help but smile. "You're here." She tried to get close to her but that's when she realized Mina was not alone and she didn't look fine. At all.

Chaeyoung's heart started going fast immediately, this couldn't be anything good. She took a step back. Mina only looked at her eyes for a second that was enough to understand she hated all this too. And the voice of Mina's mother filled the room.

"This is your roommate?" She directed the question to Mina who had her head down but the woman kept looking at Chaeyoung, who was getting annoyed. "Delivery? Mina, you lied to me!"

At the increase of the volume of her voice Chaeyoung took a step forward again, she could be her mother, yes, but she was not going to let her scream at Mina that way. At least not in her room. "I lied, not her." Chaeyoung was not sure from where she was taking this confidence, but she was mad. Mina didn't deserve that and she didn't either. Besides, how could anyone be that mad over being roommates, it was stupid. She made eye contact with the angry woman for a second and then bowed trying to start a normal conversation. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm Son Chaeyoung, Mina's roommate." She thought apologizing and introducing herself was a good start. Chaeyoung understood the woman had her beliefs and mindset and didn't like when girls looked like her and stuff but she couldn't understand why would being her roommate could be that awful. But when she stopped bowing and looked up again, Mina had lifted her head and caught her eyes again just for a second, shaking her head slightly.

Chaeyoung got confused. 'She knows? Did she tell her? But what exactly? oh, Mina'

"Was it you, then?" She ignored Chaeyoung's greeting completely. "You were the one that put those ideas in my daughter's head?"

"What ideas exactly?" It was a risky question, she didn't want to provoke her but she didn't like her tone or anything about her, really. Yes, they liked each other, so what? 'ing narrow minded p-'

"Don't mock me." 'okay maybe that's not the way'

"Mrs. Myoui," Chaeyoung tried again now knowing that she knew it was not just roommates the information she had. "I'm sorry I lied to you, I know you don't approve of the way I... look." It was much more than just the way she looked, Chaeyoung knew, and it was so hard for her to apologize for that, it was so stupid, but she also knew there was no other way of treating with these kind of people.

"You know?" She scoffed.

Chaeyoung looked at Mina again but the girl was still looking down. She could see how nervous she looked even without seeing her face. Chaeyoung wanted to hold her so bad. But maybe Mina was still mad at her, right? She needed to clear that up.

"I know." Chaeyoung looked back at Mina's mother again. "But I also know how I feel for your daughter, I'm serious about that." She tried to sound as confident as she could. Ignoring her heartbeat and sweaty hands.  "I don't expect you to approve, but Mina's an adult and I'm sure she is serious about us too." Chaeyoung was not sure. She knew Mina cared for her, that she was sure of but about their relationship? Mina must still believe she cheated on her.

"Serious?" The woman looked at Chaeyoung like she couldn't believe her nerve and then turned to Mina. "Mina, tell your friend here how serious you are."

That's how Chaeyoung got to hear Mina's voice for the first and her heart felt so heavy. "Mom, please j-"

"Mina," the woman insisted and it made Chaeyoung clench her fist.

Slowly Mina lifted her head but didn't look at Chaeyoung, just forward. Chaeyoung could tell she had cried a lot. She opened but she didn't say anything.

Chaeyoung hated all this so much she moved forward closer to Mina. "Mina." She needed to be heard. "What you saw was not what you think. She got here, she..." Chaeyoung wondered if she should tell about Momo's real reason to Mina, in normal circumstances she probably wouldn't but it's not like she had any sort of pity towards Momo, so she just kept talking, "she likes you." At that Mina did turn to look at her with red eyes but frowning and confused. "She was jealous, you have to believe me I would never do anything to hurt you, Mina..." Chaeyoung was impressed how she got all this talking time without being interrupted by any of them. "I am serious about us, I know I tried to break us up but it was just because I thought you'll be better off without me but I was wrong, I was hurt, do you believe me?"

Mina's expression changed with every word that left Chaeyoung's mouth. Chaeyoung could see how Mina had that face she had seen many times. When she felt small and insecure. When Mina got confused and just wanted to hide in her neck. Or when she didn't feel like thinking much and just decided on kissing her. They made eye contact for more than just a second now. It hurt seeing her like that. Chaeyoung felt so much anger towards Mina's mom. Mina looked so lost, so afraid.

"Chaeyoung," Mina said weakly and Chaeyoung could see the tears forming in her eyes. She was going to talk again but her mother interrupted.

"Mina, apologize."

'apologize?'

Mina's lips were trembling and she kept looking at Chaeyoung like she was screaming for help. It was quite obvious she was not there of her own will. "I'm sorry," she began quietly. Chaeyoung loved her voice, but it was hurting so much. "I was confused, it was a mistake, I- "She was talking like she had memorized what she had to say but she hesitated and her mother put a hand on her shoulder. Chaeyoung couldn't be angrier, she wanted to stop all this but at the same time, she couldn't move. "I know it's- it's wrong." She closed her eyes now softly and Chaeyoung could see how tears fell down. "It won't ever happen again," she said last and turned around completely facing the door. Chaeyoung was sure it was because she couldn't open her eyes again and look at her. Chaeyoung knew she was lying. She knew she was being forced.

"Does it look like she is serious now?" Chaeyoung looked at the woman again. "I sincerely hope you get better too, please don't ever bother her again," she said and grabbed Mina's wrist moving them out of the room.

Chaeyoung knew Mina must be holding her tears so badly, it was awful, this whole situation was so ugly and unnecessary. She couldn't move. It was so overwhelming she was not reacting. But then she just ran out of the room too. "Mina!" She shouted for her, surprisingly Mina turned to look at her way too fast. Chaeyoung knew everything was being so hard for her, of course, Chaeyoung knew that it was not her fault. So she tried to smile at her the best way she could. Even if her heart ached so much. "I believe in you," she talked loud enough to be heard across the hallway. She could see how Mina looked almost as if she wanted to run to her arms but she could see the strong grip her mother had on her wrist. "I know one day you'll be brave enough," she shouted again. That's when her mother pulled from her and they kept walking getting away from Chaeyoung's sight. "I can't be for the both of us..." she whispered feeling tears now that she had held, she didn't want to make Mina feel any worse by letting her see her cry.

She walked back to her room and sat on the bed hugging a pillow and all the adrenaline from before was gone. She tried to maintain her breathing properly but she just kept hearing Mina's words on her head and seeing her face. It was so so unnecessary, Chaeyoung was so frustrated she couldn't do anything and that's what Nayeon and Sana tried to tell her, she could try but after all, it was not her fight, it was not her issue to fix. 'I can't fix everything, I can't'

After all, it was Mina the one that had to be perfect. 'but she is, just Mina, only Mina, she's perfect to me'