Chaeyoung loves waking up next to Mina. She loves her presence, how beautiful she looks, how she moves when she's dreaming, hearing or feeling her steady breathing, catching random words the girl says sometimes, how warm everything feels, knowing that when she wakes up she gets immediately so clingy. Moments she gets to enjoy only when she wakes up first, which is rare, or in this case when she didn't sleep at all. Chaeyoung felt tired but this morning was not that different from others, even if she knew they were not fine and she was going to leave before Mina could wake up and there were not going to be any kind of kisses, jokes, or caresses, Chaeyoung felt the same, of course, looking at Mina, she smiled. Her feelings had not changed one bit, that won't happen so easily, actually, it was not her intention for that to happen. She even felt them stronger than ever and it was breaking her heart the decision to let go because a part of her just wanted Mina forever. She reached with one hand to remove a strand of hair from her face. 'god' Chaeyoung liked her so much, she felt a lump in , it was getting harder to leave now.

Last night it was a mess, but it could have gone way worse. Mina had not stopped crying until really late and Chaeyoung could see in her eyes how much she cared, even if her words were not being enough, that was always a blessing and a problem, Chaeyoung knowing how Mina felt, even at the beginning she knew deep inside there was more than just friendship, she just refused to look more into that because obviously, she could end up hurt, but Mina's eyes never lied, even when she got all confused, Chaeyoung could see right through her. Which was odd considering how slow Chaeyoung could be sometimes, maybe with Mina things were just different, they always had been. Mina was so special. Mina was in a way her special little secret, they had been with each other living this perfect fantasy inside their room with no one else, they both liked that, but now their bubble had been attacked.

Somehow Chaeyoung knew a moment like this would come, that's why maybe, she was being too rushed with her decision, maybe they didn't need to break up, just take a moment to get back on track. 'wishful thinking' Chaeyoung sighed. She could see Mina's chest rising and falling. She remembered a couple of nights ago when Mina said her heart rate got so fast because of her. It made Chaeyoung so happy to feel her heart every time, to know she had that effect in her. It was what started all in a way, just like Mina playing with her hair, the beating of their heart was what started making everything so risky and confusing for the both of them, she knew Mina could feel her heart whenever they were holding each other in these innocent ways when the both of them were just (Un)knowingly getting closer and closer in silence.

Chaeyoung found herself getting closer again, carefully she got next to her face. "Hey," she whispered just to check if the girl was actually sleeping. She didn't want to let go, now that the intensity of the actions from yesterday had died down, she started thinking about all the things before that, them, how they were, how perfectly they fitted. Chaeyoung has never felt anything like this for anyone, could she just give it up? She had told Mina not to worry about her when she was sad about losing Momo, she told her, that she didn't have to stress about losing her too but there she had been last night, pushing her away. 'Promises are supposed to be kept, Chaeyoung' And the hard part is that she knew it was not exactly Mina's fault, it was just the way things were. 'our worlds are different' She can't blame her for that.

Feelings are just confusing, life is uncertain, things just change in the blink of an eye, that Chaeyoung knew quite well so she used this moment just to ease her mind. "I love you," she whispered really quietly looking at Mina's peaceful face and then closing her eyes tightly so she wouldn't cry. It meant nothing saying it like that, but hearing it felt right. She just wished she could say it one day and Mina would feel the same, without fears, just love. But Chaeyoung was not sure if Mina was ever going to be brave enough to do that.

Getting away before Mina could wake up, she got up. She got dressed, she left. She needed some time away from their room. She knew Mina might get sad again waking up without her, but it might be for the best, it could clear her head, when they were together, Mina's solution for most things was just kissing her, they couldn't keep doing that. Chaeyoung didn't leave for class, she just left to be in a different scenario, she had to keep in mind that there was more to life than just this and their drama. Otherwise, it would be really easy for her to get immersed in the bad parts and that wouldn't be good even if she found drama okay. Why? Because it made things real, unlike Mina, who tried to feel as little as possible, Chaeyoung liked to live every emotion, every part, when she felt something she had to act on that, even if it might be complicated. She took time with Mina to get to that, but the truth is she never was that careful even if everyone was telling her to be, she wanted to explore all that. And right now these feelings surrounding her were not that nice, getting into them would be too dangerous, but still, the only way out was going through them. Or at least, that's what she believed.

She left the dorms and walked slowly. 'I need some cake' No, it was not forgiveness cake, Chaeyoung also usually got cake when she felt sad or just sweet things in general. Outside there were no more leaves on the trees, Chaeyoung liked every season's charm. The walk was being nice, she put effort into thinking just silly things. 'it's going to snow soon... I'll go home soon'

Winter break. It was after all a good time for them to break up, that way they didn't have to share a room. Chaeyoung got to the usual shop and decided to eat there.

'Yes, all my relationships problems will disappear with cake' She took a bite and left a big breath out. 'I should buy her some...' She couldn't help it, half of her mind was always Mina. She took a while just taking little bites, trying to think of anything else, but at the same time, every thought got back to Mina.

It was being stupid, she wanted to go back and regret it all. She wanted to go back and screamed that she loves her. 'Okay, no, no more screaming confessions' But she did want to go back and just hold her there forever. She remembered Mina saying they could live there forever 'And get a pet, yeah, that would be nice. No homo, though' She let out a weird laugh, she felt like crying. That must be how Mina's mind works, right?

Clearly, Chaeyoung was having second thoughts, and she felt grateful now that Mina had not exactly let her say the words, so they were not officially broken up. 'Maybe she's right... we can talk'

She finished her piece of cake and stayed there for another while, taking sips of her milk tea until it was over too. It was not her usual kind of morning, suddenly she started missing Mina's lips so much. Any other day at this hour, they would be holding each other, stopping Mina from wanting to skip classes and then receiving so many kisses. 'I love our routines' Chaeyoung thought 'How can I be letting all that go?' Chaeyoung could see that they were not exactly being in a healthy relationship at the moment, but now she couldn't see the urgency of why yesterday she had come to all those conclusions. Now she was starting to argue her previous thoughts, it was confusing. It wasn't their fault. They wanted each other, the problem was in a way everyone else. 'If it were just us, then we'll be okay' But that was not life.

Looking at her empty plate she felt her eyelids heavy, she had not gotten any sleep at all. 'I should go back...' Then her phone vibrated on the table.

From Tzuyu🧡
Are u okay?

'not really' Chaeyoung answered mentally and then wondered why Tzuyu was asking her that at this hour out of nowhere. So she decided to ignore it, she could answer later.

From Tzuyu🧡
answer me

'must be important' Chaeyoung found it strange, they never used this chat, just the group chat. She gave up.

To Tzuyu🧡
yes why

Chaeyoung thought there was no point explaining to her friends anything, at least not now, she herself was not sure where Mina and she were standing at the moment. 'I must call Nayeon...'

From Tzuyu🧡
are u sure?

'God, Tzuyu'

To Tzuyu🧡
yes, whats the matter

From Tzuyu🧡
nothing, just know I care for you
always

'what?' Chaeyoung thought that maybe Tzuyu had done something wrong, she got worried, she was so sleepy she didn't think about other possibilities.

To Tzuyu🧡
wait, are u okay?
something happened?

From Tzuyu🧡
🙄K,bye

'k, bye!?' Chaeyoung scoffed and threw the phone again on the table. 'what a weird exchange' It was not helping her morning. She considered calling Nayeon or maybe going to see her, that could be refreshing. 'as long as she doesn't get mad at Mina again... or me' No, maybe that was not a good idea, she was not going to be able to hide it from her. 'no more secrets' She sighed again and got up to leave. Talking to any of her friends was not an option, Chaeyoung felt it was embarrassing to tell them their secret one day just to break up the next one. 'must be a record'

Walking really slowly again she was wondering if going back, maybe she needed to wait a bit for Mina to leave the room, would she leave? 'She doesn't have classes today' But Chaeyoung indeed had to return at a certain time to get her things for classes in the afternoon. A part of her wanted to go back already and accidentally coincide with Mina there, a whisper on her mind was begging her to return, this time if Mina tried anything, in terms of no talking just kissing, she was not going to stop her. It was tempting. 'no, no, stop it'

She kept walking just appreciating the sky and her surroundings, it helped her to be at ease. She took the long way back, even if she wanted to bump into Mina, she was nervous because she knew it would only end either on tears, kisses or both. The fresh air was making her exhausted body and mind feel sleepier. She wanted to be in Mina's arms so badly. 'comfy...warm...safe...' She was just daydreaming when her surroundings suddenly were not looking nice at all.

Chaeyoung was not a jealous person, at least she liked to believe that, but this guy brought out the worst in her. 'Not this er' She was passing by the nearest parking lot to her dorm and once again, Kwan was outside his car looking at his phone. It made Chaeyoung immediately annoyed. 'He has no reason to be here, really' Seeing him there like he had the right made Chaeyoung wake up. Not just from her sleepy state but all her thoughts were now pointing to one thing. 'I'm her girlfriend, I am' She felt mad and dumb. 'How could I ever even just for a second thought that a guy like him is what Mina needs' She bit her lip and started walking really fast now, she wanted to get back to her room and stop Mina from going out with him or whatever. 'Of course is not who she needs, is just who she's suppose to be with, that's not right, that can't be' It was stupid, she wanted Mina, she thought breaking up with her was going to be good for her, but right now, she couldn't stand the idea of her being with someone else. She had not thought about that, not like this. Breaking up was not good, she was not going to be able to stand seeing her with anyone else. 'we've come this far' She couldn't stop thinking about how hard it had been for her to really believe Mina actually wanted to be with her. 'She took the risk, even if it is still hard for her sometimes, she didn't want to let go' She got to the dorms and ran to her room. 'she told me, she told me so many times how scared she was but that it was better when I was by her side, of course, I need her as much as she needs me, '

Seeing him was like a revelation, she didn't want Mina away, of course not, she wanted what's best for her. 'And that's me, not some other guy. I need to tell her how I feel, I can't keep that to myself, she needs to know' Yesterday she felt that this kind of thought was selfish, but she didn't mind now. 'love is indeed selfish and messy and ruthless and I ing love her so much' She was completely erasing the belief in her head that their love couldn't work because it needed to be easy and uncomplicated. Chaeyoung is indeed quite sensitive and a dreamer, everyone knows that she loves the drama and the fantasies but she had forgotten about the other important part. Even if their problem was facing real life, they still could have each other, even if their bubble had been broken. 'Fantasies have enemies too' She had told yesterday to Mina that they weren't easy but that was not a good argument to break up, just to try harder. They just needed each other, nothing else. Last night she had not held Mina the same way Mina held onto her, because she didn't allow herself to, but if they both felt the same, then it was pointless drifting apart. They just needed to be brutally honest with each other.

That was what Chaeyoung was feeling now. Getting inside the room she left the door open, if she couldn't find Mina there, she was going to look for her outside, there was no way she was letting her go with him. She grabbed her phone to call her.

Before she could do that, though, when she turned around to leave again someone pushed the slightly open door and got inside. It was not Mina, Chaeyoung got confused but before she could talk she was pushed making her drop her phone.

"Who the do you think you are, Son Chaeyoung?!" Momo was completely mad in front of her.

Chaeyoung didn't like to argue, she was never the one to start any kind of fights or raise her voice that much, but she had been annoyed at Momo and now, this was just unacceptable. "What are you talking about?!" She answered trying to match Momo's tone.

Momo took a step forward and pointed her finger aggressively at Chaeyoung. "You made her cry!" She shouted.

Chaeyoung scoffed. "Right, you made her cry first, what are you even doing here?" Chaeyoung blurted back. "You disappeared, you made her feel like , I had to-"

"YOU BROKE UP WITH HER! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!" The way she was screaming at her was making Chaeyoung slightly afraid now. She was about to answer but Momo kept going. "It's not easy! It's not easy for her, you-"

"Why do you care now!? You didn't care when she trusted you!" Chaeyoung moved a bit backward.

"HOW CAN YOU BE SO STUPID!?" Momo took a step forward again.

"Excuse me!?" Chaeyoung was not understanding. "You're the one that-"

"You had her, you ing had her and you just left, you- you don't do that, she is- she is everything!"

Chaeyoung wanted to answer but her mind was too busy processing all this. Momo looked completely different from what she remembered, she had never seen her so angry, well, she had never been in an argument like this, it was getting scary and everything was happening so fast and suddenly. That's why she lowered her voice to try and make her calm down. "Momo, calm down."

"I won't calm down! I can't calm down! You had her," she kept talking loudly and full of anger but there was something else, "you ing had her and you just pushed her away! She's everything- everything I've ever wanted and- and you just gave up on her!" Pain. There was pain, Momo was completely furious but she was also hurting.

Her eyes looked so dark and intense, Chaeyoung didn't realize but she had started quivering a bit. It was all so weird, but it made sense. "You like her," she whispered looking down.

"Like her?! I don't like her, I love her, I've spent all these years just- I knew- I know she is not- She can't," Momo was not making much sense, "I- You!" Momo pushed Chaeyoung again, making her look at her eyes. "She's not like that!" 'she is in love with her' Chaeyoung thought. 'she is in love with her but she never acted on it because she knows how Mina was and how her world is'

"Momo, she-"

"You don't get to talk about her!" Momo pushed her shoulders again, Chaeyoung wanted to move but she was a bit in shock. "You- you did something to her, of course."

"I- What are you talking about?! We like each other," Chaeyoung urged. "You ignored her, she loves you, she thought she had lost you, how could you just-"

"STOP!" Momo pushed her again. "You have no idea!" She pushed her again, pressing her shoulders against the small hallway wall. "How did you do it, uh?" Momo's voice was so strong and Chaeyoung couldn't get out of her grip. "Did you go to her bed every night? Did you force her?!"

"How can you say that?!" Chaeyoung was scared, yes, but she was also completely mad and disgusted by the situation, she wanted Mina here, Mina could make it better.

Momo was not releasing her and her grip was getting tighter, Chaeyoung tried to move but it was useless. "I saw how she was treating you at first, she- She wouldn't- She doesn't- She ing can't be like that, you must have done something, she is- She is not like that!" Momo was screaming at her face all this really fast.

"Get away from me!" Chaeyoung was finding breathing difficult now, she didn't like this at all. She tried to push Momo away but the angry girl took her wrists and pushed her again against the wall without releasing her. "Momo, stop! Please." It was not just scary now, Momo was out of control, she was being so aggressive, the grip was hurting Chaeyoung. More mentally than physically. She really wanted Mina now. Or anyone, really.

"Tell me what the did you do to her!"

"We just ing like each other, what can't you understand!?" Chaeyoung screamed too. "Are you slow!? We like each other, she likes me, she is my girlfriend, we-"

"Stop."

"We ing sleep together and wake up together, we-"

"STOP!" Momo got even closer to her, not only having her wrists pushed strongly against the wall next to Chaeyoung's head but also her whole body was now pressing her against the wall too. "No," Momo shook her head, "no, you must have done something you- Just tell me. Are you threatening her!? Is that it?"

"Are you ing hearing yourself right now? Momo, get away." Chaeyoung tried to push her again but she was so at disadvantage and her trembling body was not helping. "If you never told her how you felt then don't co-"

"SHUT UP! No, no," She kept shaking her head and eyeing all of Chaeyoung's face, "you must have forced her into this," Momo was talking really fast again, "you must have, there's no way she- She- Couldn't have just... would you like that!?" Momo suddenly yelled at her again, her eyes looked so weird, Chaeyoung had never seen someone in the state Momo was in right now. "Would you like that? What if I did that to you? What if I forced you? What if I kissed you now, uh!? Do you think that's okay!? Is that what you did to her?" Chaeyoung shook her head at everything Momo was fast saying, it was stupid, it didn't make sense at all, she felt like crying. "Would you ing like that?!" Momo was so close to her face exclaiming all this, Chaeyoung had her eyes tightly closed now, she was not sure Momo was just speaking her mind and scaring her on purpose or if she actually intended to force a kiss out of her just because she firmly believed she had done that to Mina. It was all so fast, she could feel how close Momo got to after saying all that. She didn't hear the door.

"That's why you wanted to break up with me?"

'Mina' Chaeyoung felt relieved hearing her voice, Momo immediately let go of her. Chaeyoung was trying to calm a bit and process all this, she had not realized how this all looked like for Mina. She had not realized what she had asked. That's why when she tried to get close but Mina got away abruptly she was not understanding.

"Don't touch me." Her voice was not right. 'oh, no'

"Mina, wait, it's not like that." She now realized how compromising the position Momo had her in looked like for Mina.

But Mina was not seeing clearly, at all, she ignored Chaeyoung and passed right through to where Momo was now with an unreadable expression, way different from the one that was pinning Chaeyoung against the wall.

"I thought you were my friend." Mina didn't scream but her voice was so cold. "I thought you hated me for-" Her voice died down, she was holding tears back. Chaeyoung could tell. "But you were just jealous, of course, from the start you hated how much time I was spending with Chaeyoung, you!" Mina turned around, she was not fine.

"Mina, no, let me explain." Chaeyoung tried to get close and explain before she could get worse but she reacted badly again.

"I told you not to ing touch me!" Mina now did raise her voice and she had stopped fighting the tears, Chaeyoung didn't like this one bit. This was not supposed to be happening. Mina never talked that loud, much less screaming, she had never seen her like this, not even when she allegedly disliked Chaeyoung. "I can't believe this," Mina started laughing. "Of course, it was all a joke to you, right?" She turned to Chaeyoung and making eye contact was hurting her so badly, Chaeyoung shook her head at every word. "You broke up with me, you got bored, you had her now, easier right? That's what you say, it had to be easy." She was talking fast and forming conclusions on the spot.

"Mina, no, calm down," Chaeyoung tried to talk fast too, "I- I wouldn't do that, Momo, Momo say something." Chaeyoung turned to Momo and pushed her shoulder. "Explain!" She shouted at her. "C'mon you tell her something."

Mina kept laughing and crying. "How could I be so stupid," she was talking more to herself than to anyone else, "of course."

"Mina, she came in here and-"

"I thought about it, I did, but then I thought it was stupid, it couldn't b, and- And I was wrong." Mina was not hearing anything Chaeyoung was trying so desperately to explain. She was just talking under her breath and then she turned to Chaeyoung again. "I got it all wrong, of course, I let myself feel things for you, I knew I was not supposed to. Mom." This was so different from all the other times she had seen her cry, she looked completely betrayed now. "My mother was right," Mina whispered. Chaeyoung kept eye contact even if it was difficult, she needed to see. "This kind of love is not real, she told me, it's not real." Her voice was so shaky.

"That's not true," Chaeyoung tried, feeling so weak. "No, no, Mina, look at me." Mina was not only mad and heartbroken over this, but she was also questioning everything. Not just their relationship but everything Mina had been progressing on.

"I made a fool of myself!" Mina raised her voice again. "I cried my eyes out for you, I got this far, I put-I-" She was not breathing correctly. "You were just playing with me! I wanted you so badly and you just broke up with me for-" She turned to Momo again, Mina now looked completely furious and heartbroken. She started walking and Chaeyoung tried to stop her. But Mina was rejecting her touch completely. "I told you not to touch me! Stop, okay?! Just stop." Mina was shaking. "I spent the whole morning- And you just- I begged you." Chaeyoung had tears on her face too.

"No." She kept shaking her head. "Mina I wouldn't do that you, you ask her." Chaeyoung turned to look at Momo again but the girl had her gaze completely lost.

"Stop, just stop." Mina kept moving around the room. "How could I let myself get so confused?" She was pacing from one side to the other. "Oh, god, I-" She started laughing again. "I came here for you, I- actions," she said. "Right, you love this, don't you?" She looked directly at Chaeyoung's red eyes with her own. "You played with me, you love this, the drama, are you enjoying it?!" She shouted at her. Turning around again to their desks she grabbed some of Chaeyoung's art supplies, acrylics. "How's this drama for you?" Chaeyoung thought for a moment she was going to end up covered in paint, but Mina didn't empty the bottles on her head, she didn't turn around, she emptied everything on all of the desks, on the canvasses, on Waddles.

"Mina." Chaeyoung tried to hold her hand but Mina strongly moved it away.

"How's that drama for you?!" Mina turned around and was really close to Chaeyoung now. "Are you enjoying it now?!" Her lips were trembling.

"Mina, stop, please, just look at me," Chaeyoung begged. "I didn't do anything with her."

Mina just laughed. "Right, then why did she ignore me, why did you try to break up with me?!" Her voice was so fragile but she still talked loudly she had her hand splashed with the paint she had emptied. "We were-"

"Mina," Chaeyoung begged again unable to say more.

"I know I was difficult, I know it was being hard I- But I wanted to try, I wanted you and only you, so bad, and you just-" She didn't shout that. Her voice died down looking at Chaeyoung. That hurt. A lot. Of course, Mina wanted her, of course, Mina cared for her. She could see it all over her face.

She needed to say it to her, right? Was now a good moment? Never seemed to be a good moment, this was a complete mess. Chaeyoung couldn't see what Mina was seeing, it was all a misunderstanding. She had no idea how to make her understand none of the previous events and this one were related. She was desperate. "Mina, I wouldn't do that you, I-" They were close, but she tried to get even closer. "I love you," she finally said looking at her eyes just hoping for her to miraculously calm down. Chaeyoung didn't want Mina to hear it like that, not now, not like this. But they didn't seem to do any of those things properly.

She could see how the words slightly changed Mina's expression but then she got her face closer to Chaeyoung's. Her heart was going so fast, but not the nice kind, she was terrified, scared, nervous, sad, mad, annoyed, hurt. She didn't want for any of this to be happening, she was regretting having left this morning, they could've talked, Mina wanted her, they could've fixed things but now, everything was hanging from a thread about to give up. They were completely far away.

Mina maintained eye contact for so long, Chaeyoung could see her pain. But then Mina answered. And it was the worst. "Don't you ever talk to me again," she whispered. Full of tears. She turned around and left.

Chaeyoung was left completely heartbroken. She got out of breath for a few seconds, her heart hurt like never before. 'This is not real, this is not happening' She took a big breath, many, just trying to calm. There was a ringing in her ears.

Then she felt furious, turning to Momo who hadn't said a word to help the situation, she let it all go. "WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING, ANYTHING!" Momo was crying too, silently,  but Chaeyoung couldn't care less. "GET THE OUT OF MY ROOM."

Momo didn't look at her eyes, she was so lost, she left slowly closing the door like she had not just produced the worst mess ever. Chaeyoung was now completely alone. As if nothing had happened just now. She was still breathing hard and that's when all the paint caught her eyes.

She was not thinking, she just reacted. Grabbing the acrylics Mina had left on the floor she kept emptying them on the two canvases Mina had messed up. Frantically. In her mind everything just kept repeating, every word, the image of her sad eyes, the image of her peacefully sleeping this morning, everything. She opened more acrylics and just emptied them all, she spattered the paint with her hands, everywhere, it had no form, the floor was stained too, the desk had paint too and both cloths in front of her were completely changed now, covered in the paint Mina used and the paint Chaeyoung was using. It was a mess but it was making her channel all the emotions she had in one thing, it helped her to breathe better, it made her not lose control in other ways.

When she had run out of paint and she got tired of just spreading it everywhere she moved away, throwing herself on the floor just crying. Her hands were all colorful. She was sobbing uncontrollably. Since the paint had not dried yet, she stained her clothes and her face but she didn't realize nor care. She just wanted everything to stop. Everything she was feeling, everything that had happened, it made no sense at all.

She couldn't stop reliving everything in her head. And she knew, Mina was just as heartbroken as she was because it was stupid, it was all a misunderstanding. 'I wanted you and only you so bad' She could hear Mina's words. 'She thinks I just gave her up' She couldn't stand any of this. 'don't you ever talk to me again' That couldn't be, that was not right, it was not okay, they both wanted each other. Mina had misinterpreted the situation and put everything together with the worst way possible.

Her head hurt, both from how exhausted she was from the lack of sleep and the thoughts that wouldn't leave. Her wrists hurt too. she felt dizzy, she wanted to throw up, she could feel the sensation. But she had stopped crying, she was just there on the floor. She needed to move. So she did.

Without bothering to clean up the mess she had done with the paint, she got out. She was not thinking much, she found herself outside Jeongyeon's room.

Jihyo opened the door, smiling immediately at her. "You said I could always come..." Chaeyoung talked quietly. Jihyo realized she was not fine and pulled her inside holding her tightly.

Chaeyoung didn't hug her because she didn't want to stain Jihyo with paint but she let her hold her. "You've been getting in so much trouble lately," Jihyo talked tenderly patting her back. "I thought next time I see you, I was going to be congratulating you and giving my warnings to Mina." Hearing her name, Chaeyoung hid deeper on Jihyo's neck. "I see..." She kept talking in that way without asking her what had happened just making a one-way conversation. They moved to sit on one of the beds. Chaeyoung liked the way she talked to her, Jihyo was really good at making things a lot less difficult than they appeared. "They'll be here any minute now, is that okay with you?" Chaeyoung understood that they meant Jeongyeon and Nayeon so she just nodded, she didn't mind now. "I was heading out to a class but I'll wait a bit, I won't leave you alone, okay?" Chaeyoung nodded and there was no more talking for a few minutes until the door was opened.

Nayeon got in first followed by Jeongyeon, Chaeyoung could hear them talking about stuff happily. It made her feel sad that she's been bringing these sad moments to her friends. When Nayeon and Jeongyeon saw her there they stopped talking. "Alright." Jihyo looked for her eyes. "It will be fine, okay? I promise. You are stronger than you think." Jihyo caressed her cheek and stood up. Chaeyoung was not crying, she was exhausted and confused. Jihyo whispered something to Nayeon and then she left.

Nayeon got in front of Chaeyoung and pulled from her arm so she could stand, slowly she guided her to the bathroom where she closed the door. Chaeyoung was not thinking much, she just got to this room because she needed comfort, but she had not said much. And she had already released most of her anger and tears.

Turning the faucet on, Nayeon grabbed Chaeyoung's hand and tested the water's temperature for then moving them under the flow and started washing the paint away. For some reason the silence, the warm water and the way Nayeon was taking care of her were making Chaeyoung so emotional, she just wanted to curl up somewhere and feel safe.

When the paint was almost all gone, you could see that there were two red marks that weren't from the paint on Chaeyoung's wrist. Momo's grip had been quite strong but she had not paid attention to the hurtful part, she had just wanted to get out of it. Maybe her skin was sensitive. Still, it was a tiny mark. Nayeon noticed and turned the water off. "What happened here?" She talked for the first time.

Chaeyoung looked up at her eyes. She couldn't keep eye contact for more than three seconds when she just moved and hugged Nayeon tightly, supporting her head on her chest. Nayeon received her immediately. Nayeon knew Chaeyoung since forever, Nayeon felt like home. "I don't know," Chaeyoung talked with difficulty.

They stayed like that for a bit more until Chaeyoung moved back again, looking down. "Chaeyoungie," Nayeon said. "You have to take care of your heart."

"It... it wasn't our faul.t" Chaeyoung wanted to believe that. "It's not fair." It was weird for Nayeon what she was saying but she didn't ask right away.

"We'll go outside now." She cupped Chaeyoung's face cleaning just a little bit of paint the girl had with her thumb and kissing her head. "And you'll explain to us everything, okay?"

Chaeyoung nodded. They got outside where Jeongyeon was waiting looking through the window. She had set a small table similar to the one in Chaeyoung's room. Apparently, they were there to have lunch, Chaeyoung didn't see the bags when they entered the room.

"Did you already have lunch, Chaeyoungie?" Jeongyeon smiled at her. "Here." She signaled for them to sit. "Let's eat something."

It was nice. Chaeyoung felt okay here. Even if it was just for a moment. They all sat down and she knew she had to explain but was not sure how to explain everything, it was confusing in her head too.

She tried to eat some and then she just didn't feel hungry. Actually, her stomach hurt. "I... Thanks but I'm not that hungry."

"That's okay," Jeongyeon answered. "You ate enough."

"What happened to your wrists?" Nayeon had given her enough time, she understood that now she was being more direct.

Chaeyoung looked down for a few seconds and then started talking. Just trying to explain everything. From Momo getting mad at Mina, to Mina's mom, her attempt to break up, her attempt to regret it and when she got to the part that explained what had happened to her wrists, it was a bit harder.

"So I went back but she wasn't there and then..." She shook her head. It was weird saying it out loud, it made her mad, she was angry at Momo, she could see that really clearly now. "Momo got there."

"To your room?" Nayeon asked. She had asked many questions in between Chaeyoung's narration. Jeongyeon instead had kept quiet but she was looking attentively.

"Mhh." Chaeyoung massaged one wrist with one hand. "She uh..."

"She likes Mina," Nayeon said suddenly. "She got to your room, she was ignoring Mina. Chaeyoung," Nayeon said seriously now. "Was she the one that hurt you?"

It sounded weird hearing it again, that Momo likes Mina. "You knew?" Chaeyoung asked.

"Yes," Nayeon blinked. "That's not relevant, did she hurt you?" She was getting more and more serious. Chaeyoung saw Jeongyeon moving a bit in her position, ready to hold her.

"Yes," Chaeyoung whispered.

"Motherfu-" Nayeon looked away taking her head with one hand. She groaned and left a big breath. "I'm so sorry, Chaeyoungie."

"It's not your fault."

"I know but I might have done something I don't know I- god, I'm so mad." Nayeon got up fast so Jeongyeon got up fast too.

"Bunny, wait."

"Wait?" Nayeon moved closer to Chaeyoung. "Look at her arm." She showed Jeongyeon Chaeyoung's tiny red marks. "She hurt her, I'm not going to stay here and-" Nayeon stopped and kneeled next to Chaeyoung. "That's not what's bothering you, what happened next? How did she do this to you?"

This part was even more confusing, all the things Momo said were awful. "She was angry that I broke up with Mina, but then I didn't break up with her we just- And she was acting all scary. I couldn't understand why she cared now and not then but that's when she started saying more stuff and I got that she likes Mina." Chaeyoung didn't like to think about that again but telling it was making it all less grave. She could see from a different perspective. "It made sense then that she reacted badly to Mina telling her about us but it's still a ty thing to do, right?"

"Totally." Jeongyeon nodded.

"She pushed me many times... I was mad too, I am mad too and then she started saying that there was no way Mina was like that. That I must have done something for her to be acting like that, she said I was forcing her, can you believe that? And that's when she... well she had my wrists, 'cause she had me against the wall and I... I'm tiny, I couldn't move, I tried, I was scared but she wouldn't let me and she was convinced I had done something wrong to Mina but I'd never I-"

"We know," Nayeon said noticing that Chaeyoung was getting a bit upset at that part

"She challenged me, asking if I would like that, for her to force something on me, just like I supposedly did to Mina... That's when she got really close to my lips and, and Mina got there and misread the whole situation I-"

To say Nayeon was mad, was an understatement. She looked like she was ready to end anyone. Chaeyoung kept explaining how Momo didn't help the misunderstanding she had caused and how Mina thought she was cheating on her all this time and how she had left and asked her to never talk to her again. Chaeyoung's heart was still aching, but she was not crying, she was mostly angry and tired. Being here with them made her feel less lost. She just needed to talk to Mina, right? Even if she had asked for her not to, that was silly, they needed to trust each other. Communicate. Right? Mina couldn't stay with her heart broken over a stupid matter of perspective and Momo's troubled self. Neither of them deserved that.

"Chaeyoungie, you're not in high school!"

"Hey, I don't think she needs more yelling." Jeongyeon caressed Nayeon's shoulder. "It's not her fault either, you know that."

Nayeon sighed. "I know that. I know," she talked calmly now. "But they are acting like teenagers."

"Bunny, not so long ago we had a bit of drama of our own, it's not an age thing, it's just a human thing, a feelings are complicated thing." Chaeyoung liked Jeongyeon's perspective of things. They were both dreamers.

Nayeon looked at Jeongyeon for a few seconds, Chaeyoung wondered if they were communicating in a sort of way, that was nice, they were each other's confidants, Chaeyoung wanted that.

After their little moment, Nayeon got closer to Chaeyoung again. "How did you get the paint?" She sighed. Apparently giving up the other topic. It's not like she could change something by being mad at it.

"Oh," Chaeyoung felt a bit embarrassed now, "I... I don't know I just started emptying acrylics too." She scratched her head.

"That seems fun," Nayeon smiled weakly at her and started caressing the back of her head. "Listen, I can't tell you what to do now but you have to think about you and not only her. Otherwise, it won't be healthy."

Chaeyoung nodded. She understood that, she knew. But in her mind, it was just not fair and she couldn't stand that. Why did she have to suffer the consequences of someone else's behavior, why did their relationship have to be affected by so many external factors, she just wanted Mina. Only Mina. And she was certain Mina wanted her too.

Supporting her head in Nayeon's shoulder she allowed herself for the third time that day to speak her mind entirely, "I'm in love, Nayeonnie, I love her."

Nayeon laughed softly, still holding her nape. "Did you hear that, babe? She's in love."

"Why are you laughing?" Chaeyoung hid on her neck.

"Love, Chaeyoungie?" She could feel Jeongyeon getting close to her from the other side. She put a hand on her back. "How do you know?"

Chaeyoung thought for a moment, she had come to that conclusion some time ago, she could feel it but it was a different feeling, it was not exactly a feeling, it was a mix of many things. Moving away from Nayeon, she looked at her hands.

"I can feel it here." She touched her stomach.

"That's called being ," Nayeon interrupted her immediately.

"Wha- No" Chaeyoung protested.

"So you don't get around her?"

"I- "Chaeyoung felt her face heated. She knew Nayeon was messing with her to make her feel better, it was working in a way.

She loves her friends so much. Most of the people in Chaeyoung's life are amazing. Her family loves her, her friends love her, she loves herself too, even if sometimes she has felt like not being enough. Now, she was putting her heart through all these heartaches because she feels she is in love too and she firmly believes, Mina might love her back.

Jeongyeon pocked her cheek. "Where else do you feel it?"

"Just everywhere and every time. When we talk and when she smiles and when we joke and even when we are in silence I feel so at ease and nervous and I just know." Chaeyoung was convinced. "I don't want it to end, it's not fair, I need to tell her, she can't keep thinking that I actually cheated on her or something, that's-"

"Alright, Chaeyoungie, we know, we know you didn't. Calm down now, it'll work out." Jeongyeon took her hand.

"I want what you guys have."

"Aww." Nayeon reacted immediately at that. "That's so nice, but you can't, we are one of a kind."

"Bunny don't be mean, of course you'll get something like that Chaeyoungie."

After that, they stayed there most of the afternoon. Chaeyoung remembered she had a class and that she had to print and hand an essay but she was exhausted and Nayeon could tell, so she sent Jeongyeon to do all that and Chaeyoung slept for a while. It was not difficult to fall asleep and she didn't even have the time to think more about anything. So she could really rest. She didn't even dream, only slept deeply.

She woke up feeling way better. She was alone in the room, she wondered if they had left her to rest alone or if they were doing something. She felt like texting them but she hadn't brought her phone. She went to the bathroom just to wash her face and look at her reflection. 'you're fine, Chaeyoung, it will be okay'  Weirdly, she was feeling quite optimistic, maybe that was her way of reacting to disaster.

After a while, her friends returned, Jihyo too. They had bought some drinks and chicken.

"We are here to heal a heart!" Jihyo hugged her quickly. She couldn't help but smile.

"My heart is not that hurt, it'll be fine, I can fix it."

"Chaeyoung..." Nayeon frowned at her. "What are you talking about?"

"I told you, it was a misunderstanding, I can fix it, I know."

Nayeon looked at her frowning for a few seconds, then she just sighed and looked away. Jeongyeon who had left the food and drinks on the table went to hug her and they moved away from Chaeyoung.

"Okay, okay, don't worry about that now, we'll have some drinks, we'll eat and then we'll sleep." Jihyo moved her away too from the couple and signaled Chaeyoung to open all the plastics with the food.

Chaeyoung didn't realize why Nayeon looked at her like that. In her mind, it was pretty obvious that misunderstandings could be fixed. Easy.

They had all set. Nayeon and Jeongyeon had stopped talking in their corner and then more people arrived. Dahyun, Tzuyu and Sana. For a moment she felt happy to have more people here. But then she didn't feel like explaining any more things.

Although that might not be necessary because as soon as they all got inside Dahyun took no time hugging her tightly. "I'm so sorry, Chaeyoungie, I love you."

Chaeyoung frowned. "Dahyun, what are you talking about?" Maybe they already knew the whole story.

"For sleeping with the enemy." She hugged her tightly, Chaeyoung saw how Tzuyu who was behind Dahyun rolled her eyes.

They did know, then. Chaeyoung felt mad at Momo again. But she couldn't be mad at Dahyun, that would be stupid. And she was feeling positive enough to take it with humor. "Is she rough with you too?" She moved away from her embrace and tried to smile.

No one seemed to like the joke but Dahyun apparently took the question seriously. "Well, we-"

"Dahyun, please, you don't have to answer everything." Tzuyu moved her away from Chaeyoung and got in her place. "You don't have to joke about this" She said in front of Chaeyoung. "I texted you, you said you were fine." She looked quite mad.

"I was when you asked." Then Chaeyoung felt curious. "Why did you text me, though?"

That's when Sana got close to them. "Chaeyoung," she said in her sweet voice. "I'm so so sorry."

Everyone seemed to be sorry. "Why?"

"I know it's not my fault but I feel responsible for Momo. The way she has been acting has no justification. You don't deserve to be affected by it. I don't know everything but from what Nayeon told us, just know that she was just saying things, none of it makes sense and for Mina... She was with us this morning. She was really sad, she didn't want to lose you." She heard Nayeon coughing after Sana said that. But Sana didn't mind. "Whatever she might have said to you at that moment, it was not what she actually wanted to say." She grabbed her shoulder reassuringly for a few seconds and then both Tzuyu and Sana moved to sit somewhere. Chaeyoung liked that Sana was as patient as she was with Mina.

It was a bit weird, that they were all there just because Nayeon had invited them to keep her company and make her feel better. It worked, though. Chaeyoung liked being with them. But everyone saying sorry and stuff was not that nice. Still, after all that, they just ate and drank and talked about everything but her drama. It was more than good. And she tried to think little about it too. Now, she was sharing with them. Later, she could fix everything.

Chaeyoung was observing everyone from her spot in one of the beds. Most of them were surrounding the table. She felt her heart warm. They all cared for her here, she felt strong. She could definitely fix things and if she failed, she had her friends protecting her back.

She could see how everyone was looking attentively at Dahyun who was telling a super interesting story that she had not caught up on too busy feeling her emotions. Nayeon was in Jeongyeon's lap and she loved that so much. Jihyo was paying attention nodding aggressively and eating at the same time. It was funny. And then, who caught more her attention and she kept her eyes there for a longer time was Tzuyu. The girl was paying attention too, but she was also mindlessly playing with Sana's fingers and Sana had her head tilted supported in Tzuyu's shoulder. They looked so cute. Chaeyoung had seen them at lunch sitting close or greeting each other with little kisses, but this scene looked different. They looked really close, not just physically. They looked like what she had seen today between Jeongyeon and Nayeon, talking without talking. It made her a bit sad again because she really wanted that. Could it be that if they had had their time together outside their room, people could have seen them acting like what she had seen today in her friends? Could people have seen them like a couple who fitted? She felt like crying again, just a bit. She had to look away.

"Oh!" She heard Dahyun suddenly. "People, she's leaving us again, she is leaving, give her a drink." Yes, Dahyun was a bit happier than normal for the couple of drinks she had had.

Jihyo obeyed her words immediately and moved to be with Chaeyoung on the bed and handed her a bottle. "Come back, drink that." She smiled at her.

Chaeyoung just accepted, it was true she was about to get down again. She tried to smile at them. "Alright, I'm fine." She took sips slowly, it was indeed better than just drifting apart.

"Perfect, I'll hug you all night." Jihyo looked excited.

"Oh." Chaeyoung scratched her head. "I'm not sleeping here, I'll go back." At that everyone turned to look at her.

"Are you sure?" Nayeon moved from her position and got on the bed with Jihyo too. "I don't think that's a good idea."

Chaeyoung had no idea everyone had assumed she was staying there and not going back to her room. Because she actually was looking forward to it, even if it might be a bit sad or complicated, she at least wanted to see Mina. And if the girl didn't respond to her immediately, it wouldn't be the first time they shared the room with only her talking. It could work, they needed to talk. It was like right now, everyone could see some awful bad thing that had happened and Chaeyoung was unaware of the gravity of the issue.

"Why not?" She asked. "It's my room and she's my girlfriend."

When she said that the looks on everyone's faces changed, well, except Dahyun who smiled at her and gave her a thumbs up. Actually, Chaeyoung liked to say that, she had not said that many times, this was the first time she had said it to her friends in this direct way.

"Uh," Jeongyeon cleared , "Chaeyoungie, you said she asked for you to never talk to her again. I'm no expert but I do believe that sounds like a break up."

Everyone nodded at her words and gave Chaeyoung these pitiful looks. Chaeyoung didn't like that.

"What? No. I told you guys, it was a misunderstanding." She was getting impatient. Everyone remained silent so she talked again. "It's not our fault, it will work out, I just have to-"

"Alright, Chaeyoungie," Sana stopped her. "You're right," she said and Chaeyoung felt relieved.

"Thank you," she emphasized.

"You could go back, you're right, it's your room but then, maybe Mina doesn't want you there right now. I'm not saying that's fair, but if you see each other now maybe it will be worse."

"But..."

"I know she likes you," Sana said. Hearing it through Sana's sweet voice was really nice.

"Okay!" Nayeon clapped, trying to stop Sana, but the girl ignored her and moved forward in her position, looking at Chaeyoung in the eyes.

"She really does, I'm sure you know that," she kept talking. "But I'm sure you also know she gets confused really easily, she reacts in these ways and then she sits to think about it. I think you can go back to your room but maybe you shouldn't do the talking, do you get that?" Sana really knew how to talk to people, even if Nayeon had tried to stop her, everyone was listening attentively and Chaeyoung liked what she was saying. "It's her turn now."

Chaeyoung was not sure if she understood what Sana was saying, but she understood what she wanted to understand and it sounded okay. Still, she added. "She doesn't know, though. That it was a misunderstanding, she really thinks she saw Momo and me kissing"

"She can ask, she can ask Momo, you, us, but she needs to do things on her own and you can't do everything, alright?"

Chaeyoung just nodded, she was not sure she got that but it was okay. "Right, I'm still going back, though."

After that everyone just finished the remaining food and drinks. It was night time and they had to go back to their rooms. She said goodbye to Jeongyeon and Jihyo and thanked them for everything. She also said goodbye to Dahyun and Tzuyu and then she was outside in the hallway with Sana and Nayeon.

"I'll walk you," Nayeon stated. Sana was with them because she had to go the stairs to get to her room in the same building.

"You don't have to."

"I know, I'll go either way." Nayeon rolled her eyes at her. "C'mon, walk."

"Stop being mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you."

"You think I'm being stupid."

"And yet you keep acting like that." Chaeyoung sighed. She knew how Nayeon was with this. "Okay, listen" Nayeon talked again as they walked. "That day I went to your room after the show you guys set up in my room you know I talked to her."

Chaeyoung knew, she had said to Mina to ignore Nayeon and Mina had said they shouldn't but that was it. "Yes."

"So she was really honest, you know? She apologized and told me that I didn't need to worry anymore because she was going to take care of you. She said she was serious about you." Chaeyoung smiled weakly. Knowing that only made it worse for her because Mina was right now thinking that she had cheated on her. "I believed her, I do believe she likes you and all but that has nothing to do with the fact that she is confused and she can't take care of you like that."

Chaeyoung stopped walking, she didn't like that word. "She is not confused."

"Okay, clearly, she is attracted to women. I didn't say anything to you but she wouldn't stop eyeing me that day, I'm not saying your girl was captivated by my beauty but that's exactly what I'm saying," Nayeon confessed to her and Chaeyoung just frowned. That was interesting. Thinking of Mina in that context. "That girl's not straight, that's not up to question, but she doesn't want to admit it and that's affecting you and you have to know that there's nothing you can do about it."

"Yes," Sana agreed. "That's exactly what I was trying to say to you earlier."

"Was she really eyeing you?" Chaeyoung seemed to only care about that part.

"Of course, I had to call her attention, I might even say she's gayer than you, you've never looked at me that way."

"Ew, Nayeon, we're almost sisters!" Chaeyoung scrunched her nose.

Sana laughed at that. "I never paid attention to Mina looking at other girls, but now that you mention it, I do agree with you." She nodded at Nayeon. They had stopped by the stairs a moment ago when Chaeyoung stopped walking and they were immersed in the conversation. "No one that acts that bothered by gay people can be totally straight, and trust me, she really hated me," Sana emphasized. "She was jealous, when I knew about her and Chaeyoung it made so much sense."

"I have to admit I was a bit like that too, but never at her level..." Nayeon seemed to forget about Chaeyoung and started talking with Sana about their coming out and acceptance process and how homophobic people most of the time are just in the closet and stuff. Chaeyoung was looking at them a bit confused about how they had completely forgotten her and were talking between them so she tried to leave on her own and that's when they stopped talking.

"No, no," Nayeon took her hand, "I'm still walking you, alright, let's go." They resumed their walking but she kept talking with Sana, who didn't go to her room, apparently, she was keeping them company now.

"Okay, guys, I can go in myself," Chaeyoung interrupted them once they were outside her door. She had to admit she was nervous and her heart had started going fast but it was okay, she needed to do it.

Nayeon and Sana both said goodbye to her, reminded her what they had talked and wished her luck. They left and she took a deep breath before going inside. 'you'll be fine, Chaeyoung'

It was dark, she didn't like that. Turning the lights on she passed the small hallway, the mess she had done with the paint was still there. But looking everywhere she could see that, not only Mina wasn't there but also all of her things were gone. Her bed was only an empty mattress, her desk was empty, all of her clothes were gone, everything.

Chaeyoung had not seen that coming, it was starting to get hard to stay positive. Looking for her phone to text or even call her, she found it on her nightstand. 'she must have left it here' Chaeyoung had not moved her phone from the floor where she had dropped it. She saw she had an unread text from Mina and her hopes went up again.

From Only Mina
Are u mad? are u sad? please don't be sad, can we talk?
if you are sad don't be sad alone, come
I'll be in our room
Chaeyoung you mean so much to me, you know that, right? Please let's talk.

But the message was from this morning, before Momo. She felt like crying again. She was not sure if because she didn't want Mina to be feeling sad and betrayed or because she deep down knew things were not looking fine at all. Probably both. But she kept repeating to herself. 'It's fine, it'll be fine, I can fix it'

That night she tried calling her many times but Mina didn't answer and after a while, it started to send straight to voice mail. She sent many texts too but if the girl had turned off her phone it was useless. She didn't get any answer but still, she kept repeating. 'it'll be fine' and after a couple of hours, she just fell asleep. After all, she was quite tired.

The sensation of being alone there was not nice at all. But she dismissed her tears, they were useless and she kept trying to convince her brain that things were going to be okay. Curled up hugging her pillow she drifted off to sleep thinking of Mina's warm embrace. 'I'll fix