Mina had not opened her eyes yet but she felt her head pounding, she was thirsty so she her lips.  She felt really uncomfortable, something that she hadn't experienced when waking up the last few days, so she extended her hand, but it was cold. 

'Chaeyoung'

Chaeyoung was not there. She opened her eyes now. 'the party' She remembered where she was so she sat up on the bed trying to look for her phone, but there was nothing there. She grabbed her head, it's been a while since she had drunk as she did. She needed to find her friends, so she got up, but first, she went to the bathroom to at least wash her face. 'You look awful' Looking at the mirror she felt ashamed of the mess she was. After that she left the room slowly, she didn't recognize the place much with this light so she walked slowly following the noise. Downstairs she remembered the place better, the girls were there, drinking coffee and cleaning. So she approached Momo. 

"Hey," Momo yawned at her. "Did you sleep?" 

"I think so." Her voice was hoarse so she cleared . She looked around for Chaeyoung but she wasn't there. 

"Morning, Mina," Sana greeted her. "Does your head hurt too? I'm dying, I swear." 

"Did you guys sleep at all?" At That Sana giggled but she didn't answer and Momo nodded while leaving to pick up trash. Jeongyeon called for her. 

"Mina," she waved at her, "here's coffee, get warmed up," she smiled at her. Mina didn't know Jeongyeon much, but she had congratulated her for her birthday yesterday and she could see she was cool so she felt grateful for the gesture and smiled back. 

"Thanks," she answered softly. Then she felt like she could help her. "Uh, Jeongyeon," she started slowly. "Have you seen Chaeyoung?" Mina was sure she had woken up in that room because she had gone to sleep with the girl, she was not understanding why she had been there alone just now. 

"Oh, I'm sure she must be helping clean up in the other room," Jeongyeon pointed at the trash bags. "We'll leave in a bit." 

"Right," she answered. "Thanks." Mina left her position to pour herself some coffee. It did warm her hands up a bit but she was not feeling okay, something was wrong, so she went to the other room looking for her roommate. Inside Tzuyu and Dahyun were with trash bags too, Chaeyoung was sweeping the floor. She approached her slowly but before she could say anything, Chaeyoung turned around, she did not make eye contact with Mina, but Mina saw her eyes before Chaeyoung turned away again and left the room. 'her eyes were red, her eyes were red she had been crying' Mina felt her stomach twisting, she remembered now, she moved her hands to her head once again, she remembered, she felt ashamed. 'I ed up, I made her cry, It's all my fault' 

"Mina," Dahyun called for her. "Are you feeling alright?" Mina was feeling far from alright, she had been so drunk but she remembered most of the things she did.

'I tried to kiss her, I tried to kiss her, no, no, no. Why did she cry, what else did I say, '

"Mina," Dahyun said again this time getting closer, so she looked up at her. 

"Did Chaeyoung say anything?" She knew her question lacked many parts and context but she was not making sense. 

"Uh, nothing out of the ordinary."

"Something happened?" Tzuyu decided to participate too, with a worried tone. Mina was not sure what had happened, she just knew it was her fault. 'couldn't they see her eyes? Did I see wrong?' Maybe she was just tripping, maybe Chaeyoung was okay. 'maybe'

"It's nothing," she answered leaving her coffee aside and picking trash too, she needed to help so they could leave soon. She didn't see Chaeyoung for the rest of the time there. They left after an hour or so, but before leaving, Nayeon, who had been really wasted last night, gathered everyone by the door.  Mina could see Chaeyoung but the girl was far away from her and she was looking at the ground. Mina felt awful. 'what else did I do, why is she reacting like this?' if anything it was only a little kiss, right? meaningless'

"Okay, girls," Nayeon talked. "Thank you all for coming to this thing." She put emphasis in the all part, looking at Momo, Sana, and Mina. "And for helping clean up too, I had a great time, I hope you had a great time too. I'd really like for the nine of us to grab lunch sometime, or coffee, or dinner, whatever fits. Anyway, let's go back now." Her words were really nice, Momo and Sana thanked her and Mina just smiled a bit, she was not with her mind in the right place. Mina liked Nayeon, it's true they had a rough start but with reasons. Nayeon was just being a protective friend, she liked that she cared so much for Chaeyoung but that made her think that she'd probably hate her again after last night or maybe Chaeyoung was not going to say anything, either way, she liked Nayeon but she felt scared of her. 

On the way back to campus the bus ride was really quiet. Everyone was tired and some more hungover than others. She was weirdly sitting next to Jihyo, Mina hadn't shared much with the girl last night, but for some reason, she was making conversation.

"Does your head hurt? My head hurts." Jihyo was rubbing her temples. Mina found it cute that the girl was talking to her like they had known each other for a long time. "I drank so much, I don't remember half of the things I did, did I say or do anything questionable?" 

Mina giggled, Jihyo was distracting her from scary thoughts. "Uh, well I was a bit drunk too," Mina began. "But, uhm, you remember your dare to Dahyun?" At that Jihyo turned to look at her with big eyes wide open. 

"No, oh my god, what did I make her do?" She asked panicking. "Oh, no, she's a baby." Mina was really entertained now. 

"Mhh, you made my friend Momo really happy." Mina was not being explicit, Jihyo was so funny. 

"Oh, god, no, wait." Jihyo made a stop sign with her hand. "I rather not know, don't tell me." 

Mina was really surprised that Momo had accepted the dare, it was a bit weird but she guessed it was just a game, and then if it wasn't just that, well, she needed to talk to Momo, but she was not going to say anything, she was going to wait for the girl to initiate the topic. She kept talking with Jihyo about this and that, it was easy. Mina liked easy.

"Is Chaeyoung a good roommate?" She suddenly asked. "Jeongyeon's my roommate, I really love her but she makes me keep everything so clean and organized, sometimes I just want to sleep you know."

"She is," Mina smiled thinking about all the things she loved about sharing a room with her. "She buys me food often." 

"Chaeyoung's so lovely, I would love to be her roommate." Mina smiled, but she felt guilty, she had not been nice to Chaeyoung at all, since the beginning all she ever did was bring her complications and now she had made her cry, just because of her stupid confusing feelings and her drunk state. She had promised herself to be better because Chaeyoung deserved it, but she had not kept that promise. She sighed. She wanted to ask Jihyo something. 

"Have you..." It was just curiosity. "Have you ever seen her cry?" 

"Chaeyoung?" Jihyo asked. "Chaeyoung doesn't cry, I mean, of course, she does, but it's not very common. She won't let you notice" Mina was grateful that Jihyo had not said anything about the odd question, it was comfortable talking to her, out of all of Chaeyoung's friends she was being her favorite. But Jihyo's answer was not what she had expected, she had seen Chaeyoung crying before. And now she was sure she had cried again. 

"I see," she answered. Jihyo didn't ask why or anything, they just kept talking about other things until they reached campus. 

Since they were going to part ways now, she said goodbye to Momo. Nayeon said goodbye too, she saw Dahyun and Tzuyu leaving too but they didn't say goodbye to her, not directly, at least, they just waved. Jeongyeon, Sana, Jihyo and Chaeyoung were all going to the same dorm, so she wanted to walk with Chaeyoung, she needed to talk to her, she was not sure of what to say but it was necessary to apologize. She tried to approach her, but she ignored her by talking to Jeongyeon. 'okay then, later' After all, they shared a room, they could talk there. But Mina had not expected that when they reached the dorm, Chaeyoung said goodbye to her friends and kept walking without going inside. She didn't look at Mina once. She was confused, she knew that she had ed up but she was not expecting Chaeyoung to ignore her with such determination. Jeongyeon and Jihyo said goodbye to her, she wished a happy birthday to Jeongyeon again and smiled at Jihyo. And they left to their room. Mina was not moving. 

"Mina." Sana was waiting for her. "Aren't you going to your room?" Mina needed to take a shower and change clothes, but she didn't feel like being in her room if Chaeyoung was not going to be there, she wanted to go find her but she was not moving. And for some reason, she didn't want to be left alone with her thoughts. 

"Sana," she was not sure if she was thinking clearly but she asked either way, "would you keep me company?" She felt embarrassed and small, she wanted Chaeyoung. 

Sana smiled. "Of course, Minari." She grabbed Mina's arm and started walking towards hers and Chaeyoung's room. Sana didn't question her, that was nice, she probably could see that Mina was not being herself. When they got to the room Mina realized that it had not been her greatest request. She felt her face getting red. 'Mina, you, ' She had totally forgotten that their beds were together, how could you explain that. 'okay, it's not that weird, right?' 

She cleared . "This, uh, is a great way to save space." 

Sana smiled and nodded. "Right," she said while sitting on the beds. "Mina, is everything okay?" 

"Yes." Mina was not okay but she couldn't say that to Sana, she just wanted company. It was not going great. "I'm sorry, you should go to your room and change clothes, I don't kno-"

"No, it's okay," Sana interrupted her. "You take a shower, okay? I'll wait here." Sana had a reassuring look, Mina felt exposed. "I'll be here," she repeated. Mina didn't realize how much she needed to hear something like that until Sana said it, she went to get changed and all, she felt better knowing that Sana was waiting for her, that she was not alone. She did it all as fast as possible, not letting time for her thoughts to appear. 

"You could take a shower too, I can lend you some clothes," Mina offered Sana when she got next to her in the bed. 

"No it's fine, I can do it later." Mina remained in silence, it felt a bit awkward, she knew Sana wanted to know what was happening with her, why was she here keeping her company, but she couldn't answer that, so she tried to talk about her instead. 

"Did you have a great time yesterday?" 

"It was totally fun," Sana answered. "I really enjoyed the party and then being with all the girls." 

"And Tzuyu?" 

"Yeah, and Tzuyu." She was not looking at Mina's eyes now. Mina felt she needed to say something. 

"I'm sorry," Mina had apologized before but she was feeling so guilty over everything that she felt she needed to apologize again, "I was awful to you." She was not finding it hard to apologize this time, not like other times. "Friends don't do that, I want to be a good friend." 

Sana smiled at Mina again. "I know you are sorry, Mina you don't have to keep saying it, it's just that you don't need to ask me about Tzuyu if you don't want to talk about it, I get it." 

"No, no, that's the thing," Mina explained. "I do want to, really. I care," she whispered the last part. Sana got closer. 

"Mina..." she began slowly. "Do you care for Momo? 'Momo?'

"Of course I care for Momo," Mina answered confused. 

"I mean, did you mind Momo last night?" 'oh, that' 

"We were drunk," Mina answered, she was not sure what Sana wanted to hear.

"Yes, but we tend to do things we are afraid to do sober when drunk." 'oh yeah, I'm familiar with that, wait, what is she trying to say?' 

"Are you saying Momo wanted to kiss Dahyun?"

"No," Sana laughed a bit at that "I'm just asking if you'd care for Momo like you are saying you care for me."

It was a weird way of asking if she would be okay with Momo liking girls too, Mina was getting tired of everyone sugar-coating things for her. But then it was all her fault. 

"Sana, I'm for real, if Momo likes girls, then it's okay." Mina felt weird saying it out loud but, hey, it was progress. "Just like I'm okay with you." 

Sana looked surprised. "You should probably tell her that." 

"I think it's better if she talks to me about it first." 

"Maybe." Sana looked around the room and then added. "It makes me happy, that you said this to me, thank you." 

"Thank you for being here," Mina answered back. It was a nice moment, but then she remembered why Sana was here. 'Chaeyoung'  "Sana..." She was going to ask something that would probably expose her but she wanted to. "Can I ask you something, but you can't ask why."

"Sure." 

"Uh, what if someone did something while being drunk, something bad to another person, a friend, how can..." She doubted a bit. "How can that person excuse their behavior, how can they ask for forgiveness" 

"Well," Sana was looking at Mina with a suspicious face but she followed along, "if that person was drunk, then it's understandable that they acted differently, but that is never an excuse, so they can only apologize with honesty, I believe most things can be fixed when talking, honest talking." 

"I see, " Mina tilted her head. "But what if they're ignoring me?" She failed badly at this. "I mean..."

"If they're ignoring them," Sana continued as if nothing had happened. "Then, the only thing they can do is wait, everyone takes different times to process things, I'm sure they'll come around," Sana ended her advice smiling at Mina.

Mina knew that Sana knew they were talking about her, but she was glad Sana had not asked anything about it. She felt better now that she had talked about it with someone, a bit. They hung for a while and then Mina convinced Sana that it was okay for her to go, so she did. Mina did feel better, but as soon as Sana left she didn't feel alone, she just felt something was missing, she wanted Chaeyoung there. 'You can only wait'  But that didn't mean she shouldn't worry for the girl, so she decided to text her.

To Chaeyoung :) 5:56pm
are u coming back soon?

It took her a while to finally send the thing, but she did, she threw herself in the bed letting out a big breath. Mina felt stupid, she had been reckless enough to get drunk and hurt Chaeyoung. But she wondered why the girl was ignoring her so much, didn't she want to hear an apology? Mina knew she had tried to kiss her, she thought about that for a while, her face immediately felt heated, she was embarrassed. Why had she done that? She needed to know why, that's what she told Chaeyoung, she let her feel her heart and she kissed her neck, she had liked that but that was not the worst part, the worst part is that she had told Chaeyoung that she liked it. 'Why would I do that, really, there's something wrong with me' What Mina was not getting was why Chaeyoung had reacted so badly, she knew she had been wrong, but it wasn't that bad right? Had she said something else? Did she do something else that she couldn't remember? Mina wanted to ask all of that to Chaeyoung, it was frustrating. The girl never responded to her text.

'why' Mina couldn't stop thinking why. Why did she do that? She didn't want to see it but deep down she knew, it was there, but she kept ignoring it, she needed to ignore it, she wanted to find a less scary reason. She was going to apologize to Chaeyoung and everything would be okay, like before. Mina needed for things to be okay, she needed Chaeyoung back and she needed to get it together, there was nothing else she could do but apologize and forget about it.

'it would be okay, it's not a big deal' But Mina still felt guilty and Chaeyoung didn't return until super late, she completely ignored Mina and went straight to bed without saying anything or answering her. Mina barely slept that night, she was so close to Chaeyoung physically but they were so far apart, she felt like crying, she wanted to hold her. She hated she was the reason Chaeyoung was being distant, she remembered Sana's words, everyone needed different times, but she was not going to be able to handle this much longer, it had been only a day but it was being harder than she thought, she had no idea she needed Chaeyoung so much. 

The next morning when Mina woke up, Chaeyoung had already left, that almost never happened, Mina felt cold once again, and it made it clear for her that she had really ed up, Chaeyoung was totally avoiding her.