Random thought#3 - If there is a decade of real good music, it would be the 80s. I didn't grow up with 80s music, okay. I'm not even born at that time yet. lmao. But, what I'm saying is, all the good ballads and rock music were born in that era. Awesome. So awesome. You guys should try listening to them. I think there are some playlists available in Spotify for music in the 80s.

And speaking of good music, damn heck, Taeyeon's "Gemini" is so much underwear-dropping. No kidding. With all her simple whistles there??? omfg, so much eargasm. I would recommend you guys to go for a one-week Taeyeon music marathon and I swear, your bias list will be wrecked. She's not even my snsd bias in the first place. lololol

PS. Thank you so much for the wonderful comments! Keep 'em coming, please! xoxo

But this is angst time. enjoy crying.

"Wh-what?" I uttered. My heartbeat started to race. My breathing became uneven. "What are you talking about, hyung? Why? Why would--?" My vision started to get affected by the information that I learned. Everything started to shake and became unstable in my vision. "Y-you're lying. That cannot be true."

"It is the truth, Taeyeon." Jongin-hyung said then repeated, "Dad died by the hands of Vincent Jung."

"You told him...?" Dambi-noona said to him as she entered the hall.

"This is now the right time to tell him, Dambi. No more lies." he said.

I looked at both of them, "Y-you told me it was an accident. Tell me, you two are just messing with me." I forced a chuckle.

Dambi-noona smiled at me apologetically as tears fell from her eyes. She went near and held my hand. "I'm sorry, Taeyeon. I'm so sorry. We didn't mean to hide it from you."

"You're lying." I said to my hyung. "You're lying. Tell me. You could just be mistaken, hyung." Tears have threatened to fall from my eyes too.

"I was there, Taeyeon. I was there when dad was killed. I saw that Vincent Jung's smirk when he aimed his gun straight on father's head. I heard him laugh as dad fell on the ground lifeless, Taeyeon. I was there." He started to cry as he continued, "I didn't know what to do. I couldn't make myself move to do something at that time. I couldn't run towards dad to shield him. I couldn't do anything to avenge dad. I was ing shocked. He shot him with no remorse, Taeyeon! He doesn't even have any reason at all on why he killed him!"

I am losing my mind. I lost my balance and fallen on the couch. I pulled my hair out of confusion. I started to hyperventilate. "Dad was murdered..." I uttered in repetition. "Dad was ing murdered... He didn't leave us by accident... He was murdered..."

"Brutally murdered, Taeyeon." Jongin-hyung said. "That man is a monster... He tried to run away from what he did. He left America then moved here, even brought his family and continued his life as if nothing happened. He ran away from the crime he committed, Taeyeon. That is because he thought he's so ing powerful! He thought he can do whatever he wants and run away from it that easy!"

He went near me and held me on my upper arms. Hatred. Pain. I can sense it from him. "He was a very cruel man. He tried to fabricate each and every piece of evidence that can be taken against him. His wife even helped him out too!" 

Rage has started to consume me. I felt my blood boiling out of the hatred and fury I am feeling for that man. That ing Vincent Jung. He deserves to die. He deserves to ing die!

"Wh-why? Why didn't you all tell me?  Why did you all ing lie to me?!" I shouted in frustration.

"Taeyeon..." Dambi-noona called as she consoled me. 

I was then overwhelmed. I could no longer control myself. Mad, Furious, Frustrated. Depressed. My emotions became so overwhelming.

It was like I lost myself and descended into darkness.

---

I opened my eyes. I am inside an almost empty room. It was just a hospital bed inside and no other furniture. The walls and ceiling were all white too. I then noticed I was tied up on the bed as well.

I didn't know what happened or how I ended up here. The last memory I remember was when Dambi-noona and Jongin-hyung told me the truth about my father's death in our home.

I continued to just stare at the ceiling. It was complete silence. Stinging silence. Nothing comes through my mind.

A few minutes later, I heard my mom conversing with a doctor outside the door. "Mrs. Kim. I am afraid your son needs to stay in the psychiatric ward for a couple of days."

"No. My son is stable enough. He can handle himself. That moment was just an outburst of his emotions. Forcing him to stay here is too much! My son is not psychotic!"

"You have to calm down, Mrs. Kim. Your son staying here does not necessarily equate to him suffering psychosis. He just needed to be tranquilized here for a short period once his emotions are stable again."

"This is still too much. This is too much..." mom said and started to sob.

"It's alright, mom. Taeyeon's going to be okay..." Dambi-noona said to her.

The doctor uttered, "I'm so sorry, Mrs. Kim. We are just doing this for the sake of the well-being of your son."

"Junsu... Junsu..." mom mumbled softly. "Why did you have to leave me alone...? I can't handle this on my own..."

I am a disgrace to my family. Maybe, I should just stay here for good...

I have lots of mental disorders on my plate. The avoidant personality disorder is the mental state that was diagnosed officially on me but I am certain my psychiatrist have detected lots within me too. It's just that my mother was being overprotective of me and had not disclosed the rest.

I am not only a weirdo. I am a crazy, psychotic person too. And that fact is something my family is ashamed of me. It's what I am ashamed of myself too.

But, then, my dad... 

--

"You have a beautiful mind, Taeyeon." my dad, Junsu, said to me.

"You're the only one saying that, dad." I said.

"No, no." He chuckled, "I swear to you I am not kidding on this. You have a very beautiful mind."

"What makes you say that? All my classmates say I am a weirdo. Even mom, Jongin-hyung, and Dambi-noona think so too."

"That's because they are beneath you. Even your older brother. You are better than him." He held me on my shoulders. "You are my successor."

"Successor?"

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