I am feeling down. I saw Jessica and Yoong at a top of a tourist double-decker bus weeks ago. It was on her birthday. They both looked so happy and enjoying each other's company so much. They were even doing lots of public display of affection too like kissing, hugging and taking pictures together. And throughout the whole time, they were looking at each other lovingly.

I hated myself for walking around that street when I saw them. Now, I couldn't get the picture off from my mind. It's like the reality was so much being slapped on my face.

Oh well. Dambi-noona's right. It has been more than a year and Jessica has already moved on from our tragic relationship. I really have to move on too. Sunny could be the one for me.

That moment I saw at the top of the bus is also the last time I've seen Yoong. I guess he's been really busy dating Jessica, though. Yes. I have not seen Jessica around too. They could be out of the country right now. Well, I think with both of them being away, makes me feel a bit relieved and free. I can actually move around without actually bumping into them and see them go cheesy all over the place again. No heartaches for me... which is good.

However, I guess I jinxed it. I finally have seen Jessica. She's there alone at one of the benches in the football field. She's wearing her Gothic makeup again. Well, when I saw her during her birthday with Yoong, she freaking removed that and was only wearing natural-look makeup at that time. And now she's back to this?

As I went closer, though, I finally noticed the extreme sadness in her eyes. She was crying as she browsed the photo gallery of her phone, looking at her pictures with Yoong.

What the hell is going on?

"Yoong..." she uttered then closed her eyes. She kissed the upper edge of her phone. Tears continued to roll down on her face.

"Jessica, is everything alright?" I asked.

She was startled by my presence. She quickly wiped her tears away. "Taeyeon. What are you doing here?"

"I just saw you from afar. Is everything okay?"

"It doesn't concern you." She stood up then started to leave.

I quickly reached for her hand. I felt a sudden warm feeling as our hands touched. She seemed to have startled by my gesture too. "Hey." I uttered. "Jessica. You can tell me."

She looked at me with her eyes eager for an answer, "Why are you like this to me, Taeyeon?"

"I..." I avoided her gaze. "I don't know..."

She slowly removed my hold of her hand. "Thank you for the concern but this has nothing to do with you."

I looked back at her, "Did Yoong hurt you? Did he? Just tell me. I'll talk to him."

She didn't respond. She just dispiritedly looked back at me. Tears dripped down her from her eyes again. She turned then proceeded on walking away.

What was that? Did Yoong really hurt her?

I quickly went to the accountancy building, hoping I could see him. Fortunately, I found him at the locker hall conversing with a girl.

That had me suddenly furious and agitated. I walked briskly towards them to confront him. However, I stopped halfway as I read through his lips when he spoke to her, 'I'm sorry I cannot return your feelings.'

The girl faked a smile and was about to tear up, 'It's okay. I understand. Thank you, Yoong...' She started to walk away.

I finally had taken a good glance at Yoong's face. He looked so depressed and sad. This is the first time I've seen him like this. When he was assaulting Yuri back then, he seemed to be just mad. This is totally different. It looked like he had lost hope in the World.

He looked down then sent out a bitter smile, 'ing false hopes...' Tears have formed in his eyes. He quickly wiped them away. He went back to busying himself on arranging the things in his locker. He couldn't help but break down in tears again, though.

Jessica's crying. Yoong's crying. What is really going on? Who hurt who?

I continued to follow him as he went out of the building. Then, I decided to approach him. "Hey, Im Yoong. Whazzzzzuppp." I cheerily greeted.

He was taken aback by my presence that he tried to hide from me that he wiped his tears away. As I got closer, he faked a smile and greeted back, "Hi, Tae-hyung." Tears still forming in his eyes, though.

"What's up with you? We haven't seen you for the last two weeks."

"I'm good."

"Have you been skipping classes?"

"No. I've always been here."

Hmmm. I see... Probably, he just wanted to hide from us...

He then said, "Anyway, I got to go now, hyung. Let's catch up some other time."

Yet, before he could leave, Sooyoung and Yuri arrived just in time. "There you are." Sooyoung snapped to him. "Dude, why you're missing in action for the past weeks?"

"I was just busy with school stuff, Soo." he said.

Yuri seemed to have noticed the sadness in his eyes, "Did something happen?"

"What do you mean, hyung?"

"How are you and Jessica?"

Sooyoung then repeated in confusion, "Jessica?" 

Yuri nodded to him, "Yeah. Jessica is Justine."

"Whoa!"

Yoong suddenly corrected him, "No, no! Hyung! You got it all wrong. Jessica is not Justine. Don't ever mix them up." Tears have formed in his eyes again. "Anyway, I am hungry. Are you guys hungry? I think you all are. Let's go for a steak meal. My treat. Let's go." He then started to rush out of the campus.

The three of us just ended up looking at each other, confused.

---

We occupied a four-seater table with Yoong and Soo on the same side while Yuri and I at the opposite of them. The usual for us four, Yoong ordered a lot. It's probably almost twenty portions of steak. Yet, it was only Sooyoung, Yuri and I who are eating at a normal pace. Well, Sooyoung is a fast and big eater but that's the normal terms for him and Yoong. But then, Yoong, he seemed to be slower than usual.

"So, Yoong." Yuri snapped. "Why have you been avoiding us for the past weeks?"

"N-nothing. I was just busy with school stuff."

"You are never busy with school stuff, Yoong. You have everything scheduled."

"He does?" Soo asked.

"Yeah. He always got this to-do list every day. Organized."

"How did you know?" Soo asked teasingly.

Yul then answered him, irritated, "We have the same habit in time management, Soo. I know you're gonna tease me of being gay on snooping around him but that's not it."

"Gee, Yul. You are as grumpy and as know-it-all as ever."

I then repeated Yul's question to Yoong, "So, what's up with you?"

"I was uhhmm... busy dating."

Yuri asked, "Justine?"

"No..."

"How are you and Justine?" he asked again.

"Justine is not Jessica."

"Yeah. I am not saying she's Jessica. I am asking how are you and her."

"Why do you keep on asking about Justine?"

"Yoong." I called. "Come on. You can open up to us."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Dude." Sooyoung uttered. "We are your hyungs. If something is bothering you, you can tell us about it."

"Come on, Yoong. It's alright." Yuri said. "Maybe we can help you."

"No. It's just... This is a personal problem of mine." Then, tears that have been accumulating in his eyes finally surrendered and dripped down. He faked, "This steak is so good."

"Yoong..." I uttered. "Come on, man. It's better if you let it out."

It was another long moment of silence. He was just staring at his meal. Then, it was a deep sigh from him. He uttered,

"Justine ended us..."

We all went into silence as he broke down in so much tears.

"I love her. I love her so ing much." he said as he sobbed. "It's just that... We're already there. We're almost there. Then, she backed off. Like, she left me hanging in the air. It's just so unfair..."

...

"I know I am not in the position to be hurt about her decision. I know I am just a nobody to her. I am just the annoying guy in her eyes. And I know that's all I can ever be for her.

But, the ... She's been giving me all the wrong signals, man. I hold her hand, she holds my hand back. I hug her, she hugs me back. I kiss her, she kisses me back. Sometimes, she's the one who's doing that to me. So, I took the risk. Even if I know she'll never try to proceed to the next level of relationship, I didn't ing care. I don't care if she just wants us to be that way." He chuckled bitterly, "She said she didn't want to give me false hopes but her actions said the otherwise. How and where should I position myself then?"

"Yoong, maybe you should just give her some time." I said. "Maybe, she's still not ready or something."

"She'll never be ready, she said." He chuckled bitterly again as he cried, "Yeah. I think I am just that ing delusional guy who still tried."

...

"She gave us a chance. It was a chance for a day. We were both so happy. I could feel she's very happy with me. We both felt everything's in the right place. She even said that to me. She was very happy. She admitted that. Then, suddenly, the next day, she pushed me away. She said it was wrong. What we had was wrong. She told me to not ever come back, not ever see her again, not even try to communicate with her again. She said I already got what I want so I should stop bothering her."

...

"She said she's still in love with that guy who broke her heart. That guy who destroyed her life. She said there's nothing I can do to help her forget him. Do you know what I felt when she said those words? I felt... I felt like I was played. I was ing played. Maybe she was just bored she entertained me. Maybe, she was just missing him so much that's why she's been giving me those confusing signals. I was nothing for her. That's what I ing felt."

...

"But, I said I didn't care. I told her I don't care if she's still in love with him. All I just want is for her not to shut me off completely. I can be just a friend, I can do that. I didn't care. All I just want is to be by her side. That's already enough for me. But, still, she even took that away from me too."
  
He broke down and sobbed harder. Sooyoung rubbed his back in comfort. "I never thought that falling in love would this really really hurtful. I feel like every single day, it's harder for me to breathe. It hurt so much. It ing hurt