Chapter Thirteen

Aeiyoung skips dinner, sitting nervously behind her desk with the letter folded on top of it. Her room is dark as the table lamp dimly lights her entire room.

She has been in there, in the exact same spot for nearly an hour. She trembles as she picks the handwritten letter, unfolding it. She takes a deep breath as her eyes land on the first word.

Aeiyoung,

I’m writing this letter for you because I thought, you need to know how I’m doing. I intentionally didn’t write or contacted you any sooner because when I do, I want to show you I’m doing okay. For the past days, I’m going to admit that yes, I’m not going to lie to you, I’ve been having a hard time. I suppose this is a natural thing. No heartbreaks are easy.

But despite my intentions, as I’m writing this letter, I’m not completely okay. But I’m better. At the very least, I like to think I am. I know you and I also know how you like to worry about people. I’m no exception.

I want to let you know two things. First, I decided not to go back to Japan. I went here, partly because of you, but it was also because of myself. But now, I am staying and this time, it’s just solely for myself. I think it’s about time I have full control over my life; not influenced by Mum or you.

Second, I’d like it if we don’t see each other. I’d like it if you forget about me. I know considering our lives, sooner or later, we’ll bump into each other. And when that time comes, please pretend you don’t know me. At least, until I am okay and I’ve moved on from everything. Because if we keep things the same, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to accept what happened between us. You’re still someone important to me and despite what happened, you are still my friend but not now. Please, let’s be strangers for now.

I want to be okay. Okay, in a way, I have accepted you’ll never be mine.

Also, I don’t want you to blame yourself for what is happening to me. It’s on me, not on you. You’re right. You didn’t tell me to love you but I did. I still do. When I first met you, you just mesmerised me. So much. You mesmerised me so much and you kept fascinating me at everything you do. I found myself admiring and caring for you. Now, I’m questioning myself. I know I love you. But maybe, I guess, do I really love you or am I just in love at the thought of being in love with you? Maybe it’s not you who’s hurting me, it’s me who’s hurting me.

Till we see each other in a time when our, my heart is okay.

- Seo Kangjun

Falling into tears, she presses her lips together. But the teardrops streaming down her cheeks isn’t sadness. She’s happy, not because he’s not okay but because he’s trying to be and finally, he’s accepting the limits of their relationship as friends. It’s selfish of her but she’s relieved that Kangjun doesn’t resent her like she expected.

A wave of relief runs through her heart because his life didn’t stop on her. Not that she wanted such but it’s what she worried about for the past weeks. Kangjun is continuing on in his life and that is more than enough for Aeiyoung. And although, the friendship they both used to share won’t ever be the same again, it is better than imprinting deeper wounds in his heart.

At the very least, Kangjun is nothing like her — like how she dealt with her heartbreak from her past relationship. She let that ruin her, if not, stepped at its very edge. She let that heartbreak too over her for so long. Being her first love, Aeiyoung let her world revolve around him, only to be crushed as it took a blow on her.

But Kangjun is different and she’s incredibly satisfied and relieved with that.

Aeiyoung picks up her phone and dials the contact of one person, she only wants to talk with right now. After two rings, Jongin picks up.

“Aeiyoung.” He greets.

She clears , drying the wet stream under her eyes. “Hi.”

“Hello?” Jongin halts what he’s doing. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” She smiles. “I’m great.” Picking up the letter back again, she tells him, “I heard from Kangjun. He… He sent me a letter.”

“What did he say?”

She leans back and looks up. “He’s okay. More precisely, he’s trying to be okay.”

“That’s good.” He asks her. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling okay. Relieved. At least, I know he’s okay. That he’s not doing anything rash.”

Jongin’s head tilts. “Why would you think that?”

Beat of silence before she answers, “Just because, you know… some people could be.” Like her.

He doesn’t say anything but nods his head albeit the other can’t see. They stay on the line, wordless, but they like it. Neither of them has to say anything, and they’re both glad they are at that stage of comfort.

“You know, Aeiyoung…” He opens. “I’m lucky.”

“What? How?”

“Because you haven’t rejected me yet.” To him, it’s the only thing he fears.

“Why would I reject you?”

“I don’t know.” He leans over his table. “Mina’s definitely mentioned how you rejected every guy who liked you as soon as they started.”

“That’s because they’re not you.” She answers absentmindedly. Her eyes widen as soon as she finishes what she’s saying while a wide smile appears in Jongin’s face. She hears him chuckle quietly. “I mean…”

“It’s okay, Aeiyoung.” He bites back his chuckle, biting the bottom of his lip. “You don’t have to explain.”

Her shoulder relaxes, even though she’s still feeling a little embarrassed for what she said. “Since, we’re on this topic… I just want to thank you for always being there. For squeezing me in into your busy schedule.”

The past days, whenever Jongin is free, and Aeiyoung is, too, he would take her out on dates, taking her to places. But since they’re both busy in their both demanding careers, the only time the male would have a chance is at night.

Given that situation, he takes the mindset that how things end is better than how things start. Thus, even though he feels bad for only having the chance of taking out her when it’s already dark, at least he has the chance to end the lady’s night right and warmly.

And Aeiyoung appreciates all the effort. How lucky is she to have someone like Kim Jongin in her dark and messy life?

“Anything for you, Aeiyoung.” He says warmly.

The more time pass, over the fifteen days, the more he gets to know her, the more it is evident to him that he just doesn’t like her anymore. His mother is right. He loves her. Or well, he’s starting to love her. But does it really matter? Whether he loves her for long or just started, the point is, he’s gone beyond liking her. It’s deeper than mere admiration and interest.

For the first time, Jongin isn’t to choose to admit and express it. He’s not the coward Kim Jongin he was from the year before.

“It’s getting late. I think it’s time for you to have some rest.” He suggests.

Aeiyoung glances at the clock. “It’s time for you to rest too, isn’t it?”

“I still have work to do.”

“I hope you’re finishing off…?” Slowly, Aeiyoung is finally realising how Mina felt every time she notices her overworking herself as she finds herself in the exact position as her best-friend when it comes to Jongin.

The male smiles as he feels her caring nature.

“Jongin?” She calls when she doesn’t hear anything. “If not, then I’m not going to eat dinner.”

The curve in his lips instantly disappears, he creases his brows “You have not eaten dinner yet?”

“No…” She answers warily, hearing his worried tone. She knows he doesn’t like her skipping dinner. “I was too anxious when I got Kangjun’s letter so I skipped dinner.”

“Aeiyoung—”

“I’m going to eat dinner,” she promises but with a condition, “only if you promise me you’re finishing off whatever you’re doing now.”

He shakes his head not even listening to her words. It’s late in the night and she hasn’t eaten dinner. No wonder. He takes a deep breath and asks, “What do you feel like eating?”

Off-guard, she answers with what she’s been craving for days. “Thai food.” It’s her turn to question. “Hang on, why?”

Not answering her question, he tells her, “I’m going to finish off work now.”

“Okay.” She nods, remembering her promise, she assures, “Well, I’m going to make some dinner. Good night, Jongin.”

“Good night, Aeiyoung.”

The call ends with a smile on her face. She stands up and quietly goes to the kitchen, placing her phone on top of the kitchen counter top. She opens the fridge and pantry, thinking what she can cook quick to fill her empty stomach. Grabbing some ingredients, she grabs a pan and begins.

About fifteen minutes later, her phone rings. She wonders who would be calling her at such hour.

“Jongin?”

“I’m outside.”

“What?” She asks, completely baffled.

She turns her stove off before heading outside, seeing Jongin standing by the hood of his car, carrying a paper bag with his hand.

She sprints the towards him, opening the gate. “What are you doing here?”

He raises the bag, “Brought you food.”

Shocked but delighted, she asks, “Thai food?”

“Yep.” He answers proudly.

She takes the bag, turning to hold his hand with her other, “Come, eat this with me then.”

Jongin is not going to refuse. Seeing Aeiyoung just completely wiped off his tiredness from the entire day that was loaded with work. He’s so happy with just her presence.

As they enter the lounge, she places the bag over the centre table at the lounge area. She makes him seat while she brings bowls and glasses for drinks. They sit on the floor, on the same side. Jongin shifts himself slightly so he can take a good look at her.

“Why did you decide to bring me my cravings?” She asks, but really, as they spend more time with each other, she’s gotten used to it. Not in a bad way as being thoughtful is Jongin’s natural trait.

Though, he didn’t really have to do this, it’s one of his many and ton of thoughtful ways. And she admits… she likes it; to the point she’s gradually opening and becoming the same way herself for him. And she won’t fall back. One of these days, she’ll do something for him too. The thought already excites her.

“Because you haven’t had dinner yet.” He answers with the obvious. “And my excuse to see you.”

She tilts her head fondly. “You’re too sweet.”

He hums, “For you?” He bobs his head. “Definitely.” Aeiyoung giggles. “Eat now. I’ll watch you.”

Puckering her lips, she says in disapproval. “I don’t like that.”

“Then, feed me.” He resolves.

“But I can get you another pair of chopsticks and spoon.”

“You’ll have to get up for it, then. No.” He adds, resting his elbow over the table with the side of his head leaning against his palm, “ You can’t stop eating. Besides, I’m already comfortable.”

She chortles in defeat. “Okay.” Before she takes a first bite, she inquires, “Do you have an early start or meeting tomorrow?”

Jongin thinks, “Not that I know of. Why?”

“Then, are you up for a movie?”

He nods with a happy smirk, “Yeah, I am.”

After that night follows another after another and another but different. Each giving them memories to keep, paving ways to get closer and closer to each other.

For one of the nights, they go to themed café, a puppy café to be specific. Aeiyoung is a little nervous bringing him in there, not knowing if he even like dogs. All of it washes away, however, when she sees his eyes bright up as they enter the café; turns out, he likes dogs too, the way she does. Both being puppy friendly, they are quickly approached by the puppies as few of them sniffs all over them, making the lady giggle in laughter. Jongin can’t help but watch her admiringly.

The night is followed with both of them deciding to go a park filled with colourful LED lights all over. They decide to take pictures of each other like carefree man and woman, having the time of their lives, laughing, grinning, and even blushing. Follows another night for dinner at the rose garden restaurant in a rooftop, a stroll at the stream and down the city streets. But most of it are frequent exchange of text messages, random phone calls, and casual chatting whenever they can meet and don’t really feel like going out; some of it are movie nights. At times, they also decide to meet in the morning to have breakfast before going on with their busy day.

Times pass with neither of them realizing. It’s not as long as months close to years, however, as Jongin’s mother’s birthday is yet to come in a week. But, both feel as though they’ve known each other for long. After all, time isn’t really measured with the clock ticking but the moments made every second. If that is so, perhaps, it is safe to say that both Jongin and Aeiyoung almost have forever in their hands?

Aeiyoung is driving down the road, heading to J.KEH. She’s from the airport wherein she sent Mina and Chanyeol off to Prague. They will be there for six days for Mina’s Aunt’s wedding and also, tour around as she is already there with her boyfriend. But before boarding, her best-friend makes her promise that she will attend their high-school reunion because as quoted by her, “It won’t be the same if the smartest in the batch wouldn't be there.”

She’s not planning on going since Mina isn’t going to be there anyway, but since she succeeded in making her promise, she must go. Aeiyoung doesn’t break promises as much as she can.

She has perhaps visited a lot of times that by the time she arrives into the lobby of the building, the receptionist welcomes her without needing to hear her intentions of visit. As the lift opens in the CEO’s floor, Reya gives a polite nod and smile.

“Mr Kim is just on a meeting with Ms Cha in his office.” She informs.

“That’s okay. I can wait here. Will he be long?”

“They should be finished shortly.” She answers. “If you want, I can inform him that you have arrived.”

She shakes her head. “Oh no, there’s no need for that. It’s fine.”

Reya nods. “Would you like anything to drink?”

“Uh, no, I’m good.”

“If there is anything you need, please do call me.”

“Okay.” She says, sitting down at the couches on the lounge area, outside Jongin’s office.

Not long after, the door swings open, walking out are two figures. One is Jongin, and the other one is a young fine lady, wearing a black tight dress which highlights the curve of her body. Aeiyoung freezes in her spot as she watches the male interact with the other lady. As she turns and walks closer, she gets to see her face – her very beautiful face that can captivate any men. She looks like a model, with features of her face as though sculpted by artists and her long and slender legs.

But what is not amusing her is the way Jongin has been interacting with her. She witnesses him being a little too friendly than usually, casually smiling as they change pleasantries. His eyes are sparkling which only hits the lady’s insecurities.

She stands up, unamused. And that’s when the male notices her presence. He excuses himself from the lady and walks towards her.

“How long have you been waiting?” he asks.

Aeiyoung doesn’t answer as she notices model-like woman staring at her with a slight frown. She turns to him. “I think she still needs you.”

He turns his gaze back to Ms Cha and back to the lady close to him. “I’ll be back.” He bids quickly to walk the lady to the lift. He wants her out so he can be with his girl.

Ms Cha steps into the lift, giving a flirtatious look. “I’ll see you again, Mr Kim.”

Jongin only gives a courtesy of nod with a small smile, masking his disinterest with her intention. When the door slide close together, he turns to Aeiyoung, who hasn’t moved from her spot with an unimpressed expression. Or more if he’s to interpret, it’s jealousy.

He takes steps towards her direction and when he’s a step away, she holds an intimidating gaze to him.

“Let’s proceed on. Your mother’s birthday is coming soon.”

Making way into his office, he gives Reya a look, giving a wordless order. His assistant knows the drill that whenever Aeiyoung is over, he doesn’t want to be interrupted unless, it is an emergency.

Aeiyoung is noticeably quiet compared before although she’s talking, her tone is cold and distant. She hasn’t even looked at him properly since she came in. He didn’t miss it that it’s making him feel anxious.

“This is the final guest list and here,” She grabs her iPad and slides through the set of 3D photos of the whole set-up for the night. “this is how the restaurant is going to look like. Both Sera and Jaein looked over it and they approved. It’s just yours now.”

Jongin takes the paper and the devices out of her hand and places it down on the table, not even taking a glance of it. He keeps his eyes on her. “Did I do something wrong?”

She looks at him tiredly. “No, why would you say that?” she asks, still hiding her irritation over the lady earlier.

“You’re different than usual… like I did something wrong.”

“You didn’t.” She moves her head. “The lady earlier just irked me, that’s all.”

“Who? Ms Cha?”

She sighs heavily. “Who else?”

Jongin stands up to sit closer to her. He looks at her endearingly which makes Aeiyoung slightly feel conscious. But before she gets into any further trail of thoughts, he tells her, “Ms Cha is only a business associate.”

“She’s very fond of you.” She comments and adds, “She was flirting with you.”

“She was.” He agrees, causing the lady to scowl. “But I’m not interested.”

“Well, you seem fond of her too.” She mutters.

“Oh no,” he shakes his head, denying. “I’m not fond of her. Nothing like the way I am fond of you.”

She pushes him lightly away from him. “Don’t mess with me.” She says softly, nothing stern.

“I’m not.” He says firmly and then shrugs, “Besides, she can do whatever pleases her but it’s not like I’m going to cooperate or she has any effect on me. Doing that would be like her flirting with a wall.”

Intrigue, she asks, “And why is that?”

“Because she doesn’t have the effect like you do to me.”

Aeiyoung feels her cheeks heat. She turns away, but he reaches for her hand, the same time he lifts her chin with his other, making her meet his gaze. “I would need to see her again but it’ll only be for business and I have to be friendly with her.” He assures, “There’s no need for you to worry about her.”

No, they’re not yet together officially as boyfriend and girlfriend, but, the very moment he admitted the feelings he had for her to himself, he vows to be everything like a real boyfriend to her. And a good and real boyfriend will not let his girl be jealous over another woman.

She puckers her lips, mumbling softly. “Alright.”

She thinks to herself in mild frustration and affection: Why does Kim Jongin have to be so attractive?

Aeiyoung is in a grill and bar restaurant with her high-school mates. It’s been a while since she last heard of them and it’s good to see that most of them have reached their dreams, and most importantly, they are doing well in life.

Some of them are teachers, medical assistants, lawyers, doctors, writers, web developers, creative directors, and a lot more. Some, on the other hand, have in fact their own families. Some are too career-oriented that they don’t even plan on settling down soon. And others, don’t have a stable job but they are enjoying living their lives. They are all at different stages and Aeiyoung supposes that it is safe for her to say that all of them are happy and contented in their own lives, more or less.

“You okay?” One asks her, the most confident girl in their batch.

She nods her head with a friendly smile, holding the cool drink within her hands.

“You’re still so quiet.” She comments. “But it’s good to see you here when Mina is not. I highly doubted you were coming when she told she won’t make it.”

Aeiyoung chuckles. “She made me. And I’m the same. Everyone has really generally gone to good places. It’s amazing.” She says, looking at everyone.

“Yeah, I totally agree.” She bobs her head towards the left side. “See, Woobin right there, he’s our batch’s worst performing student but look where he is now. Who would’ve thought he’ll become a lawyer.”

“Maybe, some of just really have our own strengths that takes a while to be figured.” She reflects. “And you, I’m happy for you.” She eyes on her wedding ring. “Any kids?”

She shakes her head. “No, it was only last year when we got married and we thought to do everything we can as couples before we actually have kids.” She returns a question, “What about you? Any boyfriend or fiancé, perhaps?”

She shakes her head.

“Still focusing on your career?”

“Yeah…” Aeiyoung doesn’t really want to share a lot about such matter. It’s for her to keep. Luckily, she is saved when another of their former batchmate calls the other over. She excuses herself and the lady is more than willing to let her go.

She, for most of the time, sits quietly behind the table, smiling at people from time to time, chatting briefly but she really isn’t someone who would socialise a lot, especially to the people she knows but barely.

When she notices the time, she stands up and bids everyone a goodbye.

“You’re leaving? No way… The night is still young.”

“I have to be early for work tomorrow.” She reasons, which is half true and half lie.

“Oh, okay. Then I guess, we’ll see you around?”

Aeiyoung nods, saying softly. “Yeah…”

As she makes her way out of the restaurant, she hears something from behind that makes her blood run cold.

“And, so you’re here.”

Aeiyoung freezes in her tracks at the sound of hearing the voice she hasn’t heard for a long time since they last saw each other. With a heart thumping in disquietude, she turns and balls her fists into a ball. It’s Lee Yoo and the last time she saw him, she was ruined.

“I thought you wouldn’t come. But I’m glad you did.”

“What are you doing here?” She asks, with much tension heard in her voice.

He’s not supposed to be here. The last time she heard about him was that he flew over another country, trying to escape the whatever mess he made back then. As she looks at him, nothing has changed. The way he walks, he looks at people, he raises his eyebrow, the way he smirks, moving his jaw in conceitedness, the way his voice sounds, his attitude and personality, all of it are the same – absolutely the same.

Looking at him is a big reminder of what happened to her a long time ago. One, that caused her to gain more scars, to fear to love, to fear to be in a relationship. The man standing before him is one of Aeiyoung’s biggest nightmare.

The male chuckles darkly, shaking his head as he gives her a mocking dark gaze. “Why? Aren’t you happy to see your ex-boyfriend?” He smirks, “Do I have no right to attend this high school reunion? As far I remember, high school was when you and I happened. Don’t you remember?”

Aeiyoung’s jaw clenches. The same time she’s trembling. , she remembers. She remembers after almost ten years. How can she forget what happened ten years ago when it continues to haunt and besiege her, a reason why she lives everyday hopelessly, causing her to hurt the people she cherishes and preventing her to be happy and beatific?

The image in front of him just amuses him. He feels contented and triumphant seeing her still under his control and helpless. With a smug smile, he takes steps closer to her and she wants to take back but she feels as though her feet are glued on the ground.

“You’re still the same naïve, pitiful, easy girl you were back then.” He hovers his fingers over her arms, making her flinch. “Fun to play with.” Her breath hitches. He’s right – she’s a desperate, acquiescent girl then. The side of her she wants to forget, the past she badly wants to omit.

“Go.” She says vulnerably. “I’m going.”

But being himself, a haughty, egotistical and pompous man, he grins victoriously. He puts an arm around her shoulders and calls out on everyone.

“Guys, Ji Aeiyoung! Our batch’s consistent dux, is still apparently head over heels for me.” He proclaims proudly.

Aeiyoung closes her eyes, heat taking over her chest, boiling. But just like the teenager she was then, she stays still, tears already falling out of her eyes. There’s no one to save her now.