Chapter Eleven

Aeiyoung smiles shyly at Reya as she meets her eye. She didn’t expect she’d be coming back in the next five minutes. As they walk past her, she hears Jongin say toward his assistant, “I’m not available for the next hour. I don’t want to be interrupted.”

“Okay, Sir.” Reya bows with respect and sits back down as her boss and Aeiyoung enter his office.

Upon entering, Jongin takes off his blazer after taking the lady to sit. On the table, the lunch she made is already set out on the table. The lady breathes in relief to see that it’s still warm.

“Wow, you cooked so much.” He comments, seeing the lunch boxes over his table, taking a seat across to face her.

So much? Aeiyoung smiles, “Not close.” She only cooked two dishes after all, plus the kimchi and rice. She gives his chopsticks and tells her, “Hope you like it?”

A wide and bright smile is plastered on his face. He’s already sure it is good and he’ll like it. Now, it’s just getting it to his taste buds and see how delicious her cooking is.

He takes the chopsticks from and tries the dish that is closest to her. He sees at the corner of his eyes that she carefully watching him as he puts the juicy marinated beef inside his mouth and chewing it.

After what seemed like forever to Aeiyoung, the male finally speaks, “It’s good.” She breathes in relief. “Really delicious. The beef melts in my mouth.” He’s about to continue eating when he notices an Iveely folder on the other side of the table. “What’s this?” He asks as he reaches for the folder.

“Oh, that’s what the team have worked on so far. You can check it with your sisters and tell me or ask me if there’s any changes or questions — part of the design setup is there.” He flips over the pages with her continuing to speak, “As for the restaurant, it’s confirmed. It’s rented for the entire day as you wanted.”

Jongin’s mouth drops slightly. She managed to get a prestigious, exclusive and high-class restaurant rented in a short amount of time. It’s only been a little over a week and she already reserved it that rather has a tight and strict policy.

“We just need to finalise the menu for their part as the next step.” She informs. “As we are still working on the final layout.”

“Okay.” He puts the folder down. “Speaking of menu, I’m really hungry. We’ll talk about it later.”

Aeiyoung chuckles. “Okay.” She watches him eat and suggests an idea. “Or I can continue talking about and you listen.”

He looks at her subtly, “You’re not going to eat?”

She curves her lips gently, “But the food is for you.” And she reasons lamely, “And there’s only one pair of chopsticks.”

Jongin smirks, “That’s easy. I can get Reya to bring in a spare one.” He gets up and takes a seat closer to her. “We can share the food. Let’s eat together.” He urges more, “Please? We don’t have much time and you’ll have to leave soon.”

She maintains the look in her face before giving a nod with twinkling eyes. Will she ever be able say no to him? He’s too hard to resist. “Alright. You’re so persistent.”

With a jubilant grin, he tells her charmingly, “I can be, especially with you.” Then, he leans towards his right for the phone that is sitting on the side table. He presses a button and within a second, she hears Reya’s voice.

“Yes, Sir?”

“Bring in another pair of chopsticks.” He glances at Aeiyoung. “Miss Ji will be joining me for lunch.”

“Right away, Sir.” She says and the line cuts.

In less than two minutes, she knocks on the door before opening it, placing the chopsticks over the table, gesturing to both her boss and the lady.

When she’s out of his office, Aeiyoung looks at the male. “What?” he asks.

“Your assistant is very beautiful.”

“She is, isn’t she?” He agrees.

“And you never liked her? She’s very attractive.”

Jongin shakes his head, “No, never.”

She tilts her head. “Why not?”

“Well, apart from the fact that we enforce the conduct of professionalism between employer and employee, Reya isn’t really my type.” He says, digging in with her food.

“No?” She asks and gestures towards the second dish she cooked. “Try that. It’s chicken. One of my favourite.”

“No.” He affirms, reaching his arm out to try what Aeiyoung told him to. He continues, “For the entire time she’s been working for me, she did not and doesn’t attract me the way you did to me.”

Aeiyoung feels the temperature in her cheeks heat up, the pink blush in her cheeks are visible with her heart thumping a little too fast. She clears , “She never liked you?” Jongin’s brow quirks. “I mean, you’re attractive so… it’s not impossible.” She says quietly.

He smirks. “No, I don’t think so. I think she’s one of those ladies who I don’t have any effect towards.” He bobs his shoulders. “Or could be the fact that her heart already belongs to someone.”

“Belongs to someone?”

He nods, “She’s engaged.”

Oh. Aeiyoung tracks back but doesn’t notice if there’s a ring on her finger or not. If that’s true, she thinks how nice it would be to find that one in your life, the love of your life. Reya is lucky, she thinks to herself.

When she snaps out of it, she notices how much Jongin enjoyed her food. He’s eating in a such appetising manner that she feels her hunger as well. She proceeds to join him eating. When they’re finished, she’s shocked at the sight to see that all the lunch containers are spotless and clean. It’s hard to lie if the food is really delicious or not. And that sight confirmed to her that he wasn’t lying. She can’t believe it but above that, she’s happy. All her worries about it are long gone.

Jongin drinks his glass of water that Reya brought in earlier along with hers.

Aeiyoung chuckles, making him look at her. “You’re full?”

He puts a hand over his stomach. “Very. I particularly liked the chicken.”

“Me too. Chicken is my favourite.”

“Mine as well.” He reveals.

With a grin, she nods understandingly and sips some water.

A little after that, she leaves for her next appointment. They walk out of his office and Reya bows upon seeing them. She particularly eyes on her hand and sees the shiny engagement ring on her ring finger. It’s true. She’s engaged. It must be nice, she thinks.

When they are inside the lift, she tells him.

“I saw the ring. I didn’t notice it before.”

He puts his hands inside his pockets, standing casually. “I’ve met the guy.”

“Really? How?”

“I was on my off work and he picked her up.” He comments, “He’s nice, a well-mannered man.”

“So, for how long have she been your assistant?”

He hums, thinking back. “Around a year after I established J.KEH?”

“Wow.” circles in awe. “That’s amazing.”

“She’s exceptional at her job.” He commends.

“Well, is she well-compensated?” She reasons, “You said she’s exceptional and I’ve seen it. Don’t you think she deserves it? She’s going to have a family soon too.”

Aeiyoung notices it’s his little habit of lining his bottom lip with his forefinger whenever he’s thinking about something. They arrive at the ground floor and make their way out of the building. “She’s well-compensated but she does deserve a raise.” He smiles at her, “I’ll see about that.”

“I like her.” She says. “More than being a professional, she seems nice outside the office.”

He bobs his shoulders. “I don’t know. I never really interacted with her outside of the office.” He changes the topic, “So anyway, when will I see you cook for me?”

“When I’m free and you are free?” She answers cheekily. “It’ll happen.”

He looks at her, stunned at her unforeseen confidence and determination. He likes it. “I promised you, didn’t I?”

“That you’ll make time?” She asks, earning a nod from him. “Then it will happen.” She trusts.

“I can’t wait.” He expresses. “Thank you for that.”

They arrive by her car. She turns and tells him, “You liked it so I’m happy.” She unlocks her car and Jongin opens the door for her.

“Be careful driving.” He reminds.

“Of course.” She curls her body and settles in the driver seat.

He gives a smile and closes the door. Just like that, his day is made.

Aeiyoung is just about to leave her office when Kangjun knocks, standing by the door. Her eyes noticeably darken.

“Ji Aeiyoung…” He walks toward her desk.

She puts her bags down and gestures him to sit. “Why’d you come here?”

“I wasn’t sure if you were going to see me if I went to your place. So, I came here.”

“And…?” She questions. “I’m sure you came to see me because you have something to say.”

“I do.”

She sits down with her jaw clenched. “What is it?”

“Whatever I said yesterday, none of them are what it seemed it meant.” Aeiyoung remains silent. “That wasn’t me.”

“Then who was that? Your alter ego?”

“Aeiyoung.” He calls helplessly. “What I did, I didn’t do them to buy my chance for you. I just want you to know how much I like you. But you just remain ignorant about it.”

She crosses her arms. “And you’re losing patience?”

He shakes his head. “I’m feeling hopeless.”

“Then, I’m asking you to stop it.” She sighs. “Stop pursuing me.”

“Is there really no chance for me?” He asks but though he hasn’t even heard her answer yet, he can already feel his heart cracking and painfully breaking.

Kangjun’s mother was heavily against him leaving Japan. It’s the first time he disobeyed his mother’s wishes and commands. All his life, he had been nothing but a good, obedient and kind son. He did everything his mother told him. She had full control over her son since her husband died. He didn’t complain. He didn’t want to. He couldn’t. He saw how absolutely devastated his mother was when his father died and he didn’t want to add to that pain at any point.

However, the time came when he realised that he needed to live his own life. He needed to control and manage it himself; it can’t all be his mother. The only way out of it was to leave Japan. Doing so, it left a deep wound for the both of them. He believed it’s a decision he had to make; to be able to finally his own life without anyone controlling him but he didn’t realise that starting off would be this painful.

A week after he arrived, more than four months ago, he asked the lady out only to be rejected. But he didn’t dwell on it too much. Maybe, he thought, it was too quick for her. He considered her and this so called ‘timing’. After all, he never got to tell her that he likes her even before he left for Japan. Hence, the rejection he got didn’t become a reason for him to give up. That only urged him to try and do more.

Following weeks after that, he gave her time to think but always reminded her that he hasn’t given up. He slowly tried to bring back what they both had when they were in University. Because maybe then, the chances he’ll get to hear her say ‘Yes’ will be higher.

But was it the years they were apart that made it all seem impossible?

Aeiyoung eyes on his reddening eyes, about to tear up. It’s pricking her heart but she can’t give him false hope. If she’s going to hurt him anyway, then she might as well do it now. Maybe, that way, it’ll hurt else. Pain is already something she inflicted to him and she can’t take it back now.

With a heavy heart, she tells him remorsefully. “I’m sorry.”

Hearing her drop such words, it’s Kangjun’s breaking point. Maybe, there are fights in this world he’s supposed to surrender without even getting started. Just happened so painfully that it had to be his love for Aeiyoung he should give up.

Kangjun is in the verge of crying but there’s no way he’ll cry in front of her. He’s already a loser and he didn’t want to appear any lesser than that. Moreover, in front of her.

He stands up, feeling as though he’s being dragged down. He catches his breath he held for the longest time. Feeling a big lump at the back of his throat, he whispers, “I see.” Silence engulfs them for a moment. “Okay.” He hasn’t really got any words to say; neither does she. It’s a reality he needs to accept even though he doesn’t understand.

When she sees him walking out, she leaps up from her seat. “Kangjun!”

“Don’t call my name.” He begs. He looks at her, broken. “Please.” But before he takes a step further, he tells her, “You know, you’re my first love. What’s so wrong about me that you won’t let me in?”

Aeiyoung closes her eyes painfully, “Nothing is wrong with you… Nothing.”

Kangjun clenches his jaw. “But it’s you, huh?” The lady doesn’t say anything but it is more than an answer. “Over the time that I have known you, I know there’s more than to an intelligent, very clever and introvert Ji Aeiyoung. I know that behind your aloofness, there is a story you’re hiding from everyone. Yet, despite that, I accepted it because I know that you are worth it. I know that maybe if you at least let a little bit of me in, maybe I’ll get to know it and I’ll still stay with you then. It is worth loving you and you… you just can’t see that. You didn’t see that in me.”

“Kangjun—”

“I’ve clearly told you not to call my name.” He sternly reminds, cracking. His expression is grim with a dull gaze. “You’re too frustrating, you know that? When we were in University, for once, I thanked myself for studying so hard since I started school. Because then, I can keep up with you. Meeting you gave me a feeling never in my life have I once experienced. You gave me a reason to love my suffocating life. Meeting you was a combination of a lot of things. You made me love what I hate, you gave me reasons to hope, be motivated and for once be myself. Every time I am with you, I am not the controlled, robotic Seo Kangjun. I am me. But then, it’s also because of you that all of that dismantled. I hate you, Ji Aeiyoung.”

Saying such words only stabs the wounds in his heart deeper. “I hate you because I will never regret loving you. And if you think that not giving me a chance would just stop whatever this…” He pauses and inhales deeply, tapping over his chest “…is feeling for you, you are wrong. I am still going to love you even if I did not have that chance. So, don’t stop me from loving you. I can stop pursuing you. I am giving up but I will never, ever stop loving you.”

When he turns to take steps to walk out again, she asks, “Will I still see you?”

"I rather not. Give me this to myself.” He answers before finally walking out.

Aeiyoung clenches her eyes only to realise that a big pulp of tears has already formed in her eyes as it streams down to her cheeks. She lost him. She hurt him and it breaks her as well. Being broken is something she knew too well.

When he’s out of her sight, she, also, breaks down. She’s not sobbing but she’s crying quietly. Without any sound but just her tears streaming down her cheeks. What is she supposed to do now? She just lost another friend she didn’t want to lose. She failed to protect the friendship she wants to keep.

Unlike her other wooers and admirers in the past, Kangjun is her dear and precious friend. He isn’t just anybody so breaking his heart for every rejection was somehow breaking her too. But if she accepts the feelings he has for her without intending to give at least a dot of it back, then she’ll only be hurting him even more.

She cries. Will there ever be a right way to break someone’s heart? Does rejection always have to be painful?

Kangjun is driving down as he abruptly slams his foot down the break, halting his car, screeching its wheels against the rough road. He hits the steering wheel, attempting to pass and let go of the frustration and pain embedded in his torn heart. A heart full of regrets, what ifs, rue, agony and misery, he feels as though it will explode together with his mind.

He never even had a chance to love his first love.

When he realised his feelings for her, it was the same time his mother told him that they would be migrating to a different country. That time, he’s too busy trying to figure out what would his life be like without her, too busy trying to find a way to tell her that he’s leaving, he’s too busy worrying he never got the chance.

Over the years, he’s there, studying, graduating and finally working, he met a hundred other girls but he didn’t like any of them, the same way he likes Aeiyoung. But even being friends, Aeiyoung is such a closed book. She didn’t let him in. She didn’t let him read and understand her pages. He didn’t have the power to tear and burn all the pages or maybe even chapters of her life that gave her so much pain. She never recognised his willingness to be part of her story — in fact, she never even thought about it. Loving someone you never had a chance to…… it was the most indecipherable part of his story with her. No, erase that, they never had a story, a love story or even just a mere story with her. Yet, here he is, broken and devastated.

Maybe, he convinced himself too much. He thought or rather persuaded himself to think that all she needed was time. And the truth was, for him, she did not need any time because it was not considered anyway. But he’s a man in love, he loved the idea of her needing time than him not being given a chance at all. Because to her, he will be nothing more than a friend. And to him, she just became a woman who smashed the chances he’s in the midst of building.

He cries for not having that one chance to fight the feelings he has for her. Because she did not even let him be a warrior for her heart. She’s too busy trying to save the friendship he overlooked a long time ago.

Aeiyoung doesn’t know for how long she’s been sitting down, crying, behind her desk surrounded by the dark. But she doesn’t plan to get up anytime soon. She doesn’t want to let Mina see her in such condition even though at this point, it’s her best-friend she all needs.

She sniffs when she feels her phone vibrate. It’s been ringing and vibrating for a while but her mind is too clouded to hear and feel. She takes a hold of her phone, taking a deep breath and clearing before answering.

“Hello?” Her voice a little croaky.

“Finally, you answered!” Mina breathes in relief. “Where are you?”

She swallows, “I’m still in the company. Just doing something.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing.” She whispers. It’s too hard to hide things from her best-friend.

“You stay right there, I’m going to you!” She says, hanging up the call.

Mina turns to Chanyeol, who also has been anxious for the past two and a little more hours, as they couldn’t contact the lady. She closes her eyes, releasing all the anxiety and restlessness she felt when her best-friend wasn’t answering her phone call at all. Considering everything was okay at the start of the day, and now, it turns like this.

Chanyeol takes a step closer to her and leans her head to his chest. “Shh, relax.” Kissing the top of her head, he says, “At least, we know she’s safe.”

Mina pulls and looks at him. “But she’s not okay.” She whispers.

He slides his hand down top hold her hand. “Let’s go. I’ll take you to her. Your best-friend needs you.”

Without a word, Mina bobs her head weakly before heading out. Chanyeol drivers her to Iveely, leaving a kiss on her forehead before she gets off, jogging her way inside. She greets the guard who is familiar with her and lets her in.

When she reaches her office, she sees Aeiyoung with head down, resting her forehead over her arms. She opens the door and sees no reaction from her best-friend. She takes quiet steps towards her.

Aeiyoung looks up to find her best-friend already standing next to her. Wordlessly, Mina bents down and hugs her best-friend, letting her cry on her shoulders.

“I broke Kangjun.” She cries, with full of guilt. “I lost him.”

Mina will only be lying turning to a hypocrite if she tells her that it’s all okay because she knows it isn’t. She can’t deny the amount of effort the male did to catch her best-friend’s aloof and unwelcoming heart. But neither can she deny or blame Aeiyoung for being like that. She can only try but she can never force. And now, she can be nothing but a crying shoulder. It’s the most she can do.

When Aeiyoung has calmed down, Mina looks at her face and wipes her tears away. “You did what you think is right, Aei. You did the right thing of not giving him any false hope.” Because apart from being broken, being given false hope is another thing Aeiyoung is not a stranger of. She knows all too well what that’s like. “Let’s go home. Let’s get you to rest.” She says softly.

Her best-friend weakly stands up on her feet with her grabbing her bag and phone. They make their way out of the building and towards the parking lot.

Mina assists her to the passenger seat, deciding to drive — Aeiyoung is too out of herself to do so. She places her bag to the back seat, putting her phone inside it. She accidentally presses the home button to see missed calls and numerous text messages from Jongin. Just like she was, Jongin is worried too.

Too many people are loving her best-friend yet, she’s too blind to see.

Three days pass, Aeiyoung hasn’t heard anything from Kangjun. She worries what is happening to him but she holds herself back from contacting him. She can only hope that nothing bad happened to him because she’ll carry it for the rest of her life.

Despite trying her best to appear like her usual self, the bags under her eyes are dark, her gaze tired and exhausted. She’s smiling but it didn’t even reach her cheeks, or even if it did, it’s rather dull. And Jongin didn’t miss it.

He initially thought that maybe she was just not having a good day but when it dragged on, he knew straight away that it’s more than just a bad day. He cancels his dinner meeting to go to her. He can’t bare another night ending with her like that.

He goes to Iveely, surprising the lady by saying he simply just wants to have a cup of coffee with her. But it is more than just that. Aeiyoung agrees lifelessly, but she places all her belongings in her car before going with him to White Haven’s.

They walk and enter the café wordlessly, not even a tinge of enthusiasm in her face can be seen. It pains him to see her continually like this. They order two hot chocolate drinks before sitting in a corner table. They stay there, none of them saying anything. Her drink untouched.

When he can’t bear the silence anymore, he prompts, “Are you okay?”

She forces a smile. “Yeah, work is just stressful.” She reasons but he can sense it’s none of that.

Jongin nods. Looking around, this is not the time to confront Aeiyoung. He hardly holds himself back until they decide to go and call the day off.

When they exit the premises, he tells her, “Let Gyo take your car home. I’ll drive for you.”

“Okay.” She nods.

He feels his heart clenching. He turns to his heels, walking a few steps away to make a phone call. When he gets back, he asks for her keys to give it to Gyo when he arrives.

He takes her to the passenger seat of his car and walks around. He buckles himself, noticing her do it in such apathetic manner.

Driving off down the road, he pulls over, causing the lady to look at her. If he doesn’t do it now, he’ll never get a chance to and he doesn’t want to risk it. Such action causes Aeiyoung to momentarily look at him in surprise only to catch his worried and concerned gaze. She’s about to ask what is wrong when it hits her that nothing is wrong with him; what’s wrong is with her.

She looks back down to hear him call her name rather desperately. She turns to him again to meet his dark-coloured, alluring orbs. It’s the first time that night. He is right, behind those dull, lifeless eyes there is more and he wishes to know.

“You’re not okay.” He says. “You’re not.”

Her eyes wander around, unsettled, trying to find everything of all kind — inspiration, words, strength, courage. Everywhere but his eyes. Looking at his eyes makes her want to break down but she’s reluctant.

If she tells him about what happened between her and Kangjun, Aeiyoung fears that it will change the way how he looks at her. What if it’ll cause him to stop and hold back what he’s feeling towards her? What if he stops, thinking that she’ll do the same what she did to Kangjun? The thought of him disappearing in her life is too tormenting. Whenever she’s with Jongin, she feels sense of comfort and security. It’s as though Jongin is her home.

When her gaze lands on his, he holds it, pleading. “What happened?”

Aeiyoung can only look at him. He won’t drift apart, right? He won’t leave. He can’t…

AUTHOR's NOTE:

I've already written up to Chapter Thirteen. And omg, I'm excited for the chapter after it. HAHA