Rosé's One Sided Love

How do I turn off my feelings?

One sided love. It’s painful, heart wrenching, and crushing. It was something Chaeyoung assumed as a work of the devil. It was one of the painful words and situations to get yourself into, and Chaeyoung could attest to that. 

She confessed to _____ when they were still trainees. Chaeyoung was a YG trainee, while _____ was from JYP. She thought that her feelings would be reciprocated since her best friend treated her better than anybody else. She was the one _____ would run to when the latter had problems. She was the one _____ would rant to when the latter wanted to kill another girl named ‘Chaeyoung’. She almost asked her mother to change her name because of it.

In spite of all of that, _____ told her that she only sees her as a friend, and that she didn’t want to lose their friendship. But Chaeyoung wasn’t let down easily by the rejection. She told _____ that she’ll patiently wait for her until her heart opens for her. 

Chaeyoung waited, but _____’s heart didn’t open for her, it opened for Jennie.

And so when they broke the news about them being a couple to Chaeyoung, they broke her heart as well.

“______ confessed first?! That’s a miracle!” Lisa exclaimed, clapping her hands in amusement.

The four girls gathered around when Jennie told them about _____ and her. They were certainly happy about the news, but a certain member wasn’t. After all, someone’s happiness is another person’s grief. 

****

_____ was waiting for her friends and girlfriend at the latter’s dorm. She had just arrived and wanted to surprise her girlfriend, who she already missed even though they were apart for merely 4 hours.

The sound of the password being punched on the key pad brought excitement to _____, but turns out it was only Chaeyoung. ______ figured that Chaeyoung went ahead of her members.

Standing up from the sofa, ______ went over to chaeyoung. “Oh! Chaeng. Have you—“

“Why does it have to be Jennie unnie? Why?!” The anger and sadness Chaeyoung held in was released once she saw ______. 

Completely surprised by the sudden outburst, _____ was only able to utter some words. “Chaeyoung-ah. I’m sorry.” ______ went closer for a hug, but Chaeyoung backed off and avoided it.

“Don’t. Just Don’t.” Shaking her head, Chaeyoung locked herself inside her room. Letting herself be surrounded by the darkness of her room, and be comforted by her own unsteady breathing. 

_____ badly wanted to follow her, but she knew that she should leave Chaeyoung alone. 

****

Seeing her best friend, who had been avoiding her since the other day, _____ went over to her friend and tried talking to her. ______ didn’t want to lose chaeyoung, but she didn’t know if she’s capable of giving her what she wanted.

“Chae, I—-“ She reached out for her friend’s hand, but got rejected.

“Don’t worry, _____. I can move on.” Chaeyoung said, but she couldn’t. She smiled with confidence when she still couldn’t bring herself to accept the new couple.

Moving on. It’s very hard for Chaeyoung. Who moves on in just a day? Surely no one. It takes time and determination to forget all your feelings and come to acceptance. 

Weeks had gone by and it had been a series of faking a smile in front of others, while breaking down once all of them already left.

The members had been worried for Chaeyoung. The girl barely talks to them anymore and was very focused on practicing. However, no matter how many times they ask, they only received the same answer: A smile and ‘I’m doing great’.

“______. Can’t you talk to Chae? She’s been practicing nonstop and would come home very late.” Knowing that ______ is one of Chaeyoung’s closest friend, Jisoo asked for a favour. 

Overworking is something _____ did when she was a trainee, which is why she knew that it wouldn’t good for her friend to overwork herself. ______ didn’t wait for the next day to talk to chaeyoung, she went to the company immediately. She knocked on the door of BlackPink’s practice room.

The blasting music was paused, before she heard steps and saw a sweaty Chaeyoung, obviously exhausted. 

Not waiting to be welcomed, _____ made her way inside and looked around, as if it was her first time there.

“Is there something…?” Chaeyoung trailed off, her eyes fixed on the girl at the centre of the practice room.

“I just wanted to see you.” A smile was flashed on her way, as _____ stepped closer to her. _____ took out her handkerchief and wiped off the sweat falling down on Chaeyoung’s face. The latter, still haven’t move on from her one sided love, held her breath and became as stiff as statue.

She hated it, but she loved it. 

“Are you okay?” 

Chaeyoung was brought back to life. She shook her head, and backed away, confusing _____. She thought it was better for all if she stays away from _____. Actually, it was better for them, but not for her.

“I’m fine. Why?”

“You just seem distant lately. We haven’t been hanging out.”

Well, if you weren’t so busy giving all your attention to your girlfriend, then maybe we were able to hang out. Chaeyoung wanted to say, but of course, she didn’t. 

“I’m just working hard, that’s all,” She said instead.

______ knew that there was something wrong, but she didn’t push anymore, not wanting to pressure Chaeyoung. 

Just like what she always do when her friend is upset or feeling down, ______ closed the gap between them, kissing Chaeyoung’s forehead and embracing her tightly. If only she knew what her actions were doing to Chaeyoung, she wouldn’t have done it. Because instead of solving Chaeyoung’s problems, she only added fuel to a burning heart.

***

“I’ll be