November 2005

Dearest Joohyun,

                How are you? I hope you’re feeling better even after your brother left. I’m currently at our dining table writing, I just got home from school when the mailman drop your letter so I decided to read it as I make food. Mom still not home, dad moved out last week of October. There wasn’t really much to say but see you soon. He told me to take care of mom, I was on the verge of screaming “Isn’t your job to do that?!” but I was so out of it that I didn’t even budge. Even if mom never showed me, I knew she cried. Her eyes we’re puffy the next day and aside from that, I heard her sniffing from her room, though the door is close, I was able to hear her, she was on the phone with my halmoni I heard her say “He left eomma”. As much as I want to do things for my mom, I can’t, I also have my issues to get through. I should man up, right? But I can’t Joohyun. I’m just a kid myself. And as much as I hate to admit it, I still need both of them to guide me in life. I don’t know anyone whose parents are divorced so I’m wading this solo.

                Mom and I are still adjusting to the fact that it’s just the two of us now. She kept asking me to tell her my thoughts and feelings, to open up, it’s like every dinner is a session with a shrink. I just want her to be my mom not my psychiatrist. To be honest, I feel nothing right now, not even anger, resentment, sadness. Their first hearing will be this coming Tuesday. Should I ditch school and surprise them? Nothing is funny to me nowadays. Do you think that’s bad?  And let me think about your question and I’ll get back to you.

                When is your recital? Is it over? Is that for school? I know you’ll do well. I’ve seen you do it, and even if it’s just once, once is enough to say you are the best. And no I am not saying that becau