BACK!!! :D

Miss me? kekeke...

I don't want to rant about school anymore cause well you guys know how torturing school can be...

Anyway 2 exams today kinda drain me out but I still had energy to write so here I am :D

And this is the mini pre-...

If you have read my previous stories you would know that whenever I get to the of the story...

I would update really fast ^^

Cause I would have lots to write about it :D

But another thing is that my other story,

Challenges in Love is reaching chapter 100...

Also one of the so my brain is full of details on the two stories...

I hope to be back with another chapter tonight ^^

For now I have to update the other story :D

Till then <3

Seunghyun mama was at it again. He was bound to hurt me and all I could do was to be cornered by the two mamas and receive whatever they have up for me. And I thought I would never experience something like that again especially in Jiyong mama’s quarters. I tried not to look afraid when Seunghyun mama was so closed to my but I was shaking all over. When Seunghyun mama attempts to reach for my cheeks, assuming that he was going to slap me, knowing that he would get angry with my actions but I shove my tongue to the side to puff my cheeks up so that it would hurt lesser when Jiyong mama stopped Seunghyun mama from whatever he was doing.

And right in front of me is Jiyong mama siding for me. Because of me he was warning his brother for his actions and words. I was rooted right to the ground at whatever just happened when Jiyong mama ordered for me to head up to his room to let him settle things with his hyung but before I could even get myself together and leave, Seunghyun mama actually assume that Jiyong mama was going to bed me. I was shocked. I know how it was a daily routine for Seunghyun mama and Bom mama but as a traditional woman, I looked at it as an insult to not only me but to my deceased family members and most importantly Haraboji.

“Hyung mind your words. Lee Chaerin did you hear me?!! I said get up to the second floor now!!!”

It was this sentence that woke me up. Jiyong mama never ever called me along with my surname. I knew Jiyong mama was worried for me and he didn’t want me to be there so that his hyung can continue to attack me. And when I didn’t comply with him, this was the only way he could push me into actually listening to what he said. I head up to his room, closing the door behind me and was pacing up and down the room when I couldn’t take the pressure after all this that has happened as I squat down, curling myself into a ball blame myself for all that has happened that I didn’t notice Jiyong mama coming into the room as he settles beside me,

“Chaerin~” Jiyong mama called out and not expecting him here, I flinch a little but he held me close to him.

“M…mama…” I said with a shaking voice as he caresses my head.

“Chaerin I’m sorry for raising my voice at you earlier on. I don’t mean it but you weren’t listening to me to get away from hyung and noona.” He said softly as he tries to calm my fragile self down.

“N…no mama…I should have listened to you…” I mumbled softly.

“Chaerin don’t be scared alright? I promise you hyung and noona would never get to hurt you again huh?”

“Mama…I’m sorry…sorry for causing you all this trouble…”

“Chaerin it’s no big deal. There is no need for you to apologies to me.”

“Youngbae mama asks me to take care of you but instead…you are the one taking care of me…this isn’t right. I’m not doing my job.” I said and just then he got up quickly as he walk away from me, making me look at him.

-Jiyong’s POV-

Aish Youngbae again! What is it that Youngbae did to cause so much impact on her? She took such a long time to get close with me and even when I touch her slightly she would flinch but why is it that I see her throwing herself into Youngbae’s arms earlier on to cry on his shoulders? Call me jealous or whatever you want but I’m just not happy. I’ve done so much for her, saving her out from hyung and noona, when she was down I cheer her up and even bring her out to the palace while Youngbae and her only met for merely 4 times. What is it that Youngbae does is what she wanted? What is it that I do that she is not happy with?

Yet at the same time I was angry at her for being weak. Why can’t she for once stand up for herself? She jolly well knows what hyung is going to do to her yet she just stands there and does nothing to defend herself. I know she is a gungnyeo and if she was going to go against any mama, it would cause her her life for being defiant but still she is human too. Right now, she is obviously shaking from fear yet all she can think is about her failing me.

“Chaerin can you for once think about yourself and not others?!!” I said as I lose my cool.

I’m tired from having to save her all the time because that would mean that she would always be hurt when I have to save her. I’m sick and tired of seeing her breaking down because of the nature of her job and she can’t do anything about it. At times like this, I hate how she still puts at me in the first place when obviously I’m stronger than her physically and mentally. Why is she trying to put on a strong front when obviously she is like any other girls who need protection?

-Chaerin’s POV-

I was left shocked once again for the nth time of the day. What did Jiyong mama mean? Think of myself first before others? Is that what a gungnyeo is supposed to do cause the last time I remember my job as a gungnyeo is to think for my mama first. Everything I do I have to take into consideration of how my decision would affect the mamas. So why is he telling me to think about myself before him? He is starting to confuse me…A LOT. And what’s with the sudden outbreak? Did I say something wrong or something that I wasn’t supposed to say?

“Mama did I do something wrong?” I ask.

“Chaerin can you…” Jiyong mama tried to reinforce his words once again as he pulls me up to my feet only to feel my vision blurring and spinning. “Yah are you alright?” He asks me as he supported my falling body up.

Why of all times do I have to experience this now? I thought I could last until Jiyong oppa dismisses me but I’m wrong. Chaerin quickly think of a way to divert Jiyong mama’s attention! If he finds out about this, you might get yourself kicked out of the palace or maybe pity in you and assign you to somewhere where there isn’t anything to do. Besides it isn’t…it isn’t that serious is it?

“Chaerin answer me!” He said shaking me but all this was making my head hurt more as I tried my best to stay on my feet.

“I…I’m fine mama…it’s just a common dizzy spin…been squatting for too long.” I said and when he notice I could stand on my own, he let go of me and head to the door of his room.

“Go back and rest.” He plainly said as he opens the door for me.

“Mama I’m really fine…”

“If you are not going back then don’t bother to come back tomorrow.”

“M…mama…” I said when he moves from the door to his bed while he took a sit.

“You’ve already cooked me dinner and that’s all that I need from you today. I’m going to rest early after dinner too so you’re dismissed early. As for the dishes you can always do it tomorrow.”

“But…”

“No buts. I want you out now!”

“Neh mama~” I said bowing to him before leaving the room as I close the door behind me.

Ever since that night, I don’t know why but it seems like Jiyong mama wasn’t the one I used to know. A week ago he would bring me out 3 times a day, regardless whether at the market or night market. As for the other times, we would either be at the villa or I would be studying while he is reading in the quarters. Sometimes, he would even play on the piano and I was his audience. He seldom get together with Youngbae mama and the others, even Dara mama and only when Dara mama forces Jiyong mama will he then bring us two girls out. If Dara mama doesn’t force him to, it was as if the market was Jiyong mama and my secret place.

I don’t know what I did wrong in but nowadays Jiyong mama refuses to set an eye on me. That night when he dismissed me early, it was as if he was a completely different person and the way he treated me was different. He never brought me to the market again. Even when Dara mama got him to bring me out when they were heading to the market, he would always use the excuse of me being sick to refuse from bringing me out. He would always dismiss me earlier than usual as if he didn’t want to see me again.

I was fine with all this. Maybe it was something that I really did wrong in, maybe it was really my health that he is taking into consideration with, or simply…simply because he wanted to spend more time with Dara mama. This few days, Dara mama and he were sticking to one another and that made me think that they really are couples together. I thought it wouldn’t be affecting me in anyway cause after all I’m just a gungnyeo brought to the palace to serve Jiyong mama but I was wrong.

“Chaerin~ What are you thinking?” Seungri said as he pat my head, making me brush his hands away.

“Aish why do you always choose times like this to come and annoy me?!!” I ask as I turn to the other side.

“That’s because my job is to come and assist you when you need help.” He said settling at the side of me on the edge of the bed.

“I don’t need help so leave~”

“Chaerin you and I know very well something is bothering you. If not why would you need alone time.”

“Panda are you hearing yourself? You said I need alone time and here you are invading my privacy?” I said with my arms crossed in front of my chest.

“Well apparently I’ve given you enough alone time but you’re still not working things out that’s why I’m here~”

“Grrr annoying~”

“Come on tell me what’s in your mind.”

“Not in a million years.” I said looking out of the window to see the snow falling on the ground that was covered with snow.

This reminds me of my first snow here in the palace. I experience my first snow with Jiyong mama, who promised me to bring me out on this day and indeed he fulfil his promise as he brought me to the shrine. At there, the both of us look at the snow falls as it covers the whole place pure white. We made a wish side by side to one another and to even believe that we had a snow ball fight. There was only the two of us, without Dara mama, without those disguised guards that was post to take care of Jiyong mama, just the two of us.

But now, it was Dara mama, Dara mama and Dara mama. He used to call me Rinnie but now, he calls me Chaerin more often. Was he trying to draw a line between the both of us? Has he finally realise that he need to stay away from me because he is a mama? Or is it that Dara mama has occupied his heart and she is his priority now? Maybe, if only if he would realise his love for Dara mama earlier and that Youngbae mama and this panda over here wouldn’t convince me that Jiyong mama actually has a different feeling for me I wouldn’t have fell so deep into this endless hole.

“Panda…”

“All ears Chaerin~”

“I want to leave the palace.”