You have to know what is the last thing I ask for

That I'm desperate and according to my heart beats, I don't have a lot of time in my favor

And before I lose you from my sight, I want to look at you closely

And dream that my destiny is next to you, my love

Stay here for a second, and make me company

Stay here a little longer, I want to feel you mine

And hold me..

[Captain's Point Of View]

"Cut!", A final word from our director, followed by the clapping hands of those present, and I realize that everything it's finally over. This was the moment I had been waiting for; the day when I would be freed from this role that had been consuming so much of me. Everything was going to be back to normal. I wouldn't have to call myself "Noh" anymore nor pretend to be in love with another boy. I was going to be Captain again, just like I wanted. Then, why was I feeling sad instead of happy?

My heart begins to race within my chest. My throat feels dry and it's hard to breathe. What is this feeling called and why am I feeling like this? Slowly, I raise my head and look at my surroundings. Everyone around me wears a smile. On one hand, the staff keeps on congratulating each other while on the other, the fans keep cheering for what has been a success. If everyone was happy, why was I not?  They come and hug me, rubbing my shoulder and patting my head; telling me that I've done a "good job". I thank them for their compliments and smile. But in this moment, I feel like crying instead. Each arm that comes and hugs me provides the support that I silently need. I am letting this arms provide me unconditional strenght.

Suddenly, a hand pulls me forward and wraps me up in a tight embrace. Now I am in the embrace of a person that I know all too well. This is the hug I've grown so familiar with. This is where I have been getting all my strenght and support from. And this will be the embrace that I will be missing. Allowing myself to hug him back, I rest my chin on his shoulder. There are no words spoken. Only an embrace that speaks a thousand things. It tells me that it has been a great journey and wishes me luck, in between other things.

I let myself sink into his embrace and inhale his sweet scent mixed with his manly cologne. Trying to memorize the warmth that only he can provide me with. It suddenly feels as if this was the last time we would see each other and I can't control the tears from rolling down anymore. It seems that I'm not the only who is having trouble controlling his feelings here though. I can feel him trembling as holds me tighter, burrying his face in my shoulder and wetting it with his tears. 

Why does it suddenly feel like a definite goodbye? We were just leaving the memory of Phun and Noh and going back to being White and Captain. Nothing was changing, right? We would still talk to each other, right? We would still be able to attend events together, right? I will still see him and hear his voice, right? All these sentences and words keep repeating inside of me as if trying to console me. But, for some reason, they weren't making me feel any better today. 

"Captain..", After a while in silence, White finally brings his face out of my shoulder to mutter my name. "Hmm..?", I hum in response, getting more comfortable in our tight embrace as I wait for  him to continue. But to my disappointment, he pushes me away and looks into my eyes intently. Getting lost in his eyes, I realize how beautiful his eyes were. How come I realize this just now? It suddenly feels like they are hypnotizing me.

After what feels like minutes, I'm finally pulled out of the spell of his eyes by his voice, "Take off your slippers". Feeling confused by what he was asking, I burrow my eyebrows at him. "Don't ask me why, just take them off.", Avoiding looking at my eyes, he orders me once again. Is it me or was he blushing? Not wanting to argue, I obey him and take my minion slippers off. They had been a birthday gift from the fans and were currently my favorite pair. They were just too cute~ Minions are cute, aren't they?

Once I take my slippers off, he copies me and takes his slippers off. I watch him in silence, feeling confused by all of this. Without saying anything, he proceeds to wear my minion slippers. When they are in his feet, he signals me to wear his. I'm about to argue and ask for my slippers back when our eyes meet. As I get lost in them again, I see a secret message in them and begin to understand the purpose of all of this. He wanted us to have something of each other. Something we could look at and remember our memories together.

Feeling touched and at the border of crying again, I proceed to walk into his slippers. Feeling thankful for everything, I look at him and give him a smile. Despite the red eyes  he sports after all the crying, I can still feel the combination of sadness, love and happiness in his eyes as he smiles back at me. Pulling me back into his arms for one last time, he says, "Thank you for everything and see you around, Cap." And with those words said, he lets go of me and with one final smile, he walks away from me and at the same time, from my life.

And I realize one last time that everything was officially over now. I wouldn't be able to call myself "Noh" anymore. I wouldn't be able to hear the sweet and soft sound of "Phun" calling me "Noh" nor feel the warmth and comfort of his arms holding me. I wouldn't be able to call him "mine". Because the world of fiction I had been living in had ended. And so I, would have to learn how to live in the world of reality from now on.

[White's Point Of View]

"Don't look back. Don't look back.", That sentence repeats inside of my head while I walk towards my car, leaving the world of fiction behind and moving forward to a new beginning. It suddenly felt as if I couldn't leave those things behind and that if I came to look back, I would go back running, asking for more time. But then, that would only make me look pathetic, wouldn't it? Things were over now and even if I asked them for more time, that wasn't in my hands to decide. 

To be honest, I didnt even know why I was suddenly feeling melancholic. As I waited for this day to arrive, I, even felt excited. I thought I would be happy to finally be able to turn this page of life and begin to write a new one. I mean, there were so many advantages to this change. Firstly, I wouldn't have to pretend to be "gay" nor tolerate all the teasing from my friends. Secondly, I wouldn't have to answer weird questions in interviews or reject love confessions from other boys, who hoped that I was gay for real. And most importantly, Tina wouldn't have to bear with all the bullying she was receiving from some of my fans. All of these things were ceasing now that I was back to being just "White". 

I thought I would be happy but for some reason as I left all of this behind it felt as if I was leaving a half of me. Things were going to be different from now on and I wouldn't be able to see the people that had been like my second family as often. It hurt me to think that I wouldn't be able to hear Captain's nagging or to hear his obnoxious laughter. To hear the teasing from Pineare and Sings, who were secretly rooting for us. To see Ngern and August whisper to each other in a far corner and wonder what they were hiding. To not be able to see them grow older. To remember that we would become mere acquaintances. 

As soon as I got inside my car and began driving home, I couldn't hold my tears any more. I had promised myself that I wouldn't cry this day, that I would say goodbye with a smile, but I had been failing time after time. I didn't even understand myself right now, to be honest. I mean, it's not like I wouldn't see them again, right? I was sure I would see Captain often enough to not miss him. And the others, I would still see them every once in a while. Then, why was I being so dramatically emotional? Argh! I didn't even know. 

Once I arrived at my house, I walk inside and see my mother waiting for me expectantly. She had gotten sick of a cold and after I had insisted her, she had decided to stay and rest. Walking to me with teary eyes, she grabbed my hands and spoke in a gentle voice, "How did everything go? Are you feeling okay?" Oh, here we go! A conversation I wouldn't be able to avoid! Faking a smile to hide my true feelings, I tried to answer her with a steady voice, "Everything went well! And yeah, I'm doing fine! Just a little sleepy!" Looking at me suspisciously, she tries to find any sign that I'm lying. When she couldn't find anything, she kisses my cheek and tells me to go to sleep. Feeling relieved, this I would be able to be alone, I start to make way upstairs. 

When I walk into my room, I throw myself into the comfort of my bed and meditate on everything that I've been through. As I stare at the ceiling above me, I can't help but to draw captain's face. It had been a long journey together and I felt grateful for all the memories he brought me. From all of this experience, meeting him has been the best thing. He had turned into my role model, despite his young age. He had taught me many things and made me have a different perception of life; one that was way more open and brigther. I honestly came to love him -like a little brother!- and I hoped we wouldn't lose contact with each other.

Feeling like crying as I remembered that I wouldn't be able to see him as often now, I bring my iPhone and start to dial Tina's phone number, trying to distract myself with something. After several rings of her phone, she finally answers me in a sleepy tone of voice, "Hello..?" Smiling at the cute tone of her voice, I answer with gentleness, "Hello, baby? Did I wake you up?" Once she realizes that it's me, her voice becomes more vivid as she becomes more aware, "White?! Oh no! It's okay! I was waiting for you to call me but I fell asleep.. he he.."

After a small moment of silence as I permit her to yawn, she continues to speak , "So how did everything go? Today was the last day of filming, wasnt it?" Trying to forget about that, I change the subject, "Tina? Do you have plans for saturday? We should go out for dinner. There's a place I want to visit. They told me the food in there is amazing!" Taken aback by the change and by the fast pace of my talking, it takes her a while before she asks me, "Saturday? Ah! Yeah! I have no plans and we should definitely go!"

I have a date with my girlfriend and I should feel happy, but why is my chest hurting instead? Pushing the feeling aside, I bid her farewell while promising her to spend more time with her. We hadn't been able to spend time together because of Lovesick. Now that  everything had been wrapped up, I would be able to see her more. But why wasn't I happy like I expected myself to be?

Slowly, I place the phone down next to me and feel how the loneliness creeps back into my body as it sinks onto the soft mattress. Taking a deep breath, I tell myself, "Its going to be okay. I know it. I can do it. I know I can." Promising myself that although this "world" had ended, a better one was opening up for me, I fell into a deep slumber. 

[Author's Notes]

Hello, everyone! This is my turn to say something! My name is Christina and this is the first time I am collaborating with my two buddies, Aleyda and Vannessa! Again, we hope you are enjoying reading as much as we are enjoying writting it for you. This is where everything starts! We will continue this journey from this point of their life! Also, this is the first point of view from White! Yaay! I hope you liked it! Please share your comments and provide us with your support! Thank you and cheers!