"Okay, everyone! That's it for today. See you next week!", I hear P Tit's voice announce that our rehearsal for the day has ended, and feel the loneliness creep up into my body. I look around the room in search of the particular person that has caused me to feel this way, and find him standing on the opposite side of the room. He is currently staring at me in a mix of concern and self blame. I know that he still feels bad for what happened a moment ago. Despite my attempts on trying to act normal, of assuring him that I was okay, he still could tell how hurt I was. Just like everyone else in the room could tell. I've heard that my eyes are very honest and expressive, and it seems that it was true. No matter how hard I tried to hide my emotions, they always came through my eyes, betraying me.

I try to force a smile to assure him that I'm okay but before I can manage it, he has already turned away. He is leaning down to pick up his backpack when his phone vibates inside his pocket. Standing straight again, he brings his phone out and stares at the screen, a smile forming in his mouth. I feel the pain return to my body, making it difficult to breathe. It feels as if a heavy rock was pressing on my chest, keeping me from breathing properly. This was not right. If I kept going on like this, I wouldn't be able to handle it. I need to accept that Captain is moving forward, and move forward myself. 

Turning around from the scene in front of me, I begin to walk to the door. I feel my heart sting a little more as I remember that I will be going home alone again. I had hoped that I would have dinner with Captain after practice but after getting rejected again, It's clear that I will be going straight home. Letting out an exhausted sight, I open the door that sends me to the outskirts of the building. I look at the beautiful night sky that is stained with stars, feelings hopeless. I couldn't understand what I was feeling and why I was feeling this way. Okay, I admit it. I knew what was happening to me, very deep inside. I was jealous. But why was I feeling jealous? Jealousy was something that I didn't have the right to feel. It's not like Captain and I were in a relationship. We were only friends. And that was my own decision. I was the one that requested us to be only "friends" and I don't want to lose our friendship again. Captain already made it clear that he was over me and I couldn't ask him to come back to me. Not after what I did. Then why was I being this way? Argh. White, you should get a hold of yourself! 

"White, White! Can we take a picture with you please? Where's Captain? Can we take a picture of both of you please?", Suddenly I'm brought back from my thoughts by different voices that are screaming my name. It has been a while since the last time Captain and I were together in public, so all fans are expecting to see us together. "Look! Captain!", As I take a deep breath and try to pull myself together, one of the fans screams and points to a place behind me. I turn to the direction her finger points, and see Captain walking towards me. "Hello~!", He greets everyone, making all the fans scream in unision. I turn to look at him and I can see that wonderful smile from his pink lips as he looks at the crowd in front of us. I can't help but silently admire the beautiful creature that is now standing beside me. He suddenly turns around to look at me, and asks me, "Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?"

"Can you pose for us, please?", Before I can answer him, I hear a fan ask us as she takes out a camera from her purse. We look at each other for a moment, silently asking each other's permission. We nod in unision as we understand a secret message and begin to pose for the fans in front of us. Without thinking too much of it, I put my arm around his shoulder. I feel him tense a little before relaxing and playing along for the fan's satisfaction.

Around fifiteen minutes pass before Captain's phone begins vibrating inside his pocket. Bringing it out of his pocket, he directly answers the call. "Hello? Oh! You're here?! Alright. I'll be there in a minute.", Those are all the things he says before he hangs up and turns to look at me. "P, I have to go now. My ride is here.", He tells me and I nod my head, ignoring the pain that crosses my chest. I really don't want to let you go, Captain. I know you will be going to someone else right now. That someone who is more special than me. I don't want to release you. But the truth is, I can't hold you back as you're not mine. That is the reality that I need to swallow. 

Slowly and painfully, I release my hold on him and give him a last smile, forcing the words to come out, "Take care, Captain." He smiles and nods his head, before bowing down to the fans in front and walking away. I watch his figure grow smaller and feel as the pain in my heart increases. Are you really going to stand without doing nothing? A voice inside my mind tells me in a mocking tone. What else can I do? There's nothing I can do. I have lost him. I respond to myself, and feel stupid for even responding to my own self. No. You haven't lost him yet. But you will lose him if you keep being a coward. The voice responds me, and I feel as an unknown force overpowers me. It's as if it was possessing me, making me move before I realize it. Without saying anything to the crowd in front of me, my feet begin guide me towards him. 

As I follow after him, I continue to interact with the fans that I come across, pretending that I'm just making my way to my car. Captain turns to look back a few times but being the oblivious person that he is, he turns his attention back in front without knowing of my intentions. It seems that he is walking towards the rear parking lot, where I parked my car this morning. This was where employers and staff members parked their cars, why was he picking up from there? I furrow my eyebrows as a thought crosses my mind. If his alleged "friend" was waiting for him back there, wasn't it because they didn't want to be seen together? Otherwise, they wouldn't be hiding from the fans, would they? But why? If they were only "friends", then what was the problem?

As we approach the place, less and less fans approach me. In an attempt to make my presence less suspicious, I take my phone out and pretend to be testing someone. The sky is becoming darker, the stars more visible than before, and the wind that blows is colder. As we come closer, a car finally appears in front of him. It's a black car with dark tinted windows, like one of those that appeared often in mystery movies. One of those cars where whoever entered, didn't ever come back. I watch Captain heading towards it underneath my glasses. I struggle to look at the driver, but no matter my efforts, it's impossible. Argh! Damn tinted windows! I need to get closer to that car! I need to know who Captain is meeting with!  

I see Captain open the door and greet whoever is inside. There's that same smile on his face, the one he wore earlier today, and I feel the stinging pain return. As I come nearer, I can hear my name being called from inside the car by a male voice. Pretending that I'm oblivious to the two of them, I turn my head in all directions, feigning ignorace. "White! White! Here! I am here!", I turn towards the car and see a familiar face waving his hands at me with a big smile. It's Fame! One of Captain's closest friends! He has the windows down and half of his face is coming out of the car. A huge smile in his face, as if we had known each other for years. When really, we only have seen each other once. Faking a smile that hides my discontentment, I approach the car and greet him, "Hello."

"How are you, White?! Are you going home already? We are planning to have dinner at one of the Chinese restaurants nearby. Want to join us?", Fame continues to speak with familiarity, as if this wasn't the first time in a while we had seen each other. "That is fine with you, right, Captain?", He turns to look at Captain who is sitting beside him, and Captain nods his head. "So, what's up? You want to come?", Fame turns back at me, a glint in his eyes, as if he honestly wanted me to come. I can see that Captain is looking at me too, but there's something in his experssion. It's as if he was happy but at the same time, uncomfortable with my presence. Does he not want me to join them? Does he want to be alone with Fame? 

Gulping down the pain and trying to feign casualness, I decline them. "That sounds like fun but I'll pass this time. I am very tired and sleepy but you should go ahead and have fun.", After saying those sentences, I can feel the pain spread through me, as if I was stabbing my own self. "Aww, alright! Then, next time will be! Well, well, it was nice to see you again!", Fame tells me with a smile and I nod my head in agreement and wave them goodbye. As I move myself away from the car, the urge of telling him the truth is so strong that I have to force my feet from taking a step forward.

There's a thousand questions running inside my head at the same time. Will Captain smile for him the same way he smiles at me? Will Captain laugh at his jokes? Are they really together? Is Captain really over me? Am I not special to him anymore? And most importantly, does he not love me no more, or did he ever loved me? I need to know the answers or else I won't be able to sleep tonight. Without hesitation, I rush towards my waiting car. Opening the door quickly to get inside, I start the engine and begin to drive after them. I need to follow that car no matter what. I don't care whether this is pathetic or how low I've dropped at this point. All that matters is the truth. I had heard my mother tell me once about the power of love. "Love makes you do crazy things, insane things. Things that you never thought you'd do.", She would say and I wouldn't believe her. Or maybe it wasn't that I didn't believe her, I just didn't believe that I would be controlled by love one day. But as I am following after them like a secret agent, I finally realize that I would. For Captain, there's nothing I wouldn't do.

[Author's Point Of View]

Hello~ This is Aleyda! ARGHHHH! THIS WEEK HAS BEEN TY WEEK. OKAY SO, I'M IN MY FINALS. OR AT LEAST FOR THIS TERM. SO I NEED TO WORK WORK WORK. OK. THERES JUST WRITING AND ART TO FINISH. BUT ARGHHH. SO MANY ESSAYS. SOMEONE MURDER ME WHYYYYY I HATE ESSAYS LIKE SO MUCH. SOOOO MUCH. MY MIND IS BLANK IM GONNA DIEEEE SOOO MANY *cries a river* AND YEAH IM SCREAMING SO YEAH LIKE I SAID, WE ARE UPDATING ON SUNDAYS AND CHRISTINA IS WRITING THE CHAPs! SO LETS ALL THNK HERRR BECUZ OTHERWISE I WOULD BE TY ENOUGH TO LEAVE YOU FOR SOME TIME (UNTIL I FINISH THIS )