[Captain's Point Of View]

It has been a week after that incident and we haven't spoken that much with each other since then. Our conversations would only be during rehearsal and solely about work. Neither of us have brought up the incident that happened that day and things keep getting more and more awkward between the two of us. I've contemplated asking him about it but I am not comfortable about it and I know that White feels the same way. I have noticed the way he would look at me with a sad look that would remind me of his words back then. Wait a little longer, he had said. Wait a little longer for what? Wait a little longer to hear you say you love me? Wait a little longer for you to break my heart again? Wait a little for what? White, what are you hiding? I'm slowly running out of patience but I know that I have to wait for him to be ready. But how can I do that when he keeps looking at me like that? When he keeps making my hopes raise only to get crushed again? It doesn't help that Fame keeps insisting that White feels the same way and just needs some time to come to an agreement with his emotions. Why are the two of them doing this to me? Why do they keep pushing me?

I should be studying for my entrance exam but thoughts keep clouding my mind, making it impossible to concentrate. I keep thinking about all the time I've spent next to White. It's been a long journey for the two of us and many things have changed. I am still trying to get accustomed to the current situation, why are they making it so hard? If you ask me about my feelings for White, I can say that I still love him. No matter how much I wish I could deny this fact and say that I am over him, I just can't. My feelings have remained the same from the moment I discovered them up till this day. But whether I would want to hold on to him.. I don't know anymore. I know that I said that I would throw everything for him and it was true, back at that time. But I've been thinking about it a lot these past days and I've realized that I am not so sure anymore. And it isn't even about me. This isn't because I'm afraid of the things I might lose or because I am not willing to make the necessary sacrifices to be with him. No, this is not about that. I am still willing to do whatever I have to do to hold him, but I've realized that I won't be the only one affected by all of this. White would get affected to and by the looks of it, he isn't ready for the consequences. I mean, he isn't even ready to confess to me and accept his own feelings. What are the chances he will be ready to sacrifice his normal life for me? I am willing to do anything to hold him but I don't want to end up with a broken heart.  I want to get as much as I give. Am I being too selfish?

As my mother drives to the concert venue today, I listen to the music from the stereo, occasionally humming to the songs that are playing. My heart is beating so fast that I have to keep on exhaling and inhaling air to control the emotion that keeps on building inside me. Today will be the final day before we end with this chapter and close the book that brough all of us together. The very last of Phun and Noh. As I think of this with a pained heart, I cant help but wonder if this will be the final chapter of my love story with White too. Although I said that I would wait for him, I am not sure how long that wait will be. Who knows? Knowing White, it might take my whole life. What if it never happens? Althought I love him, I know there will be a limit to my patience. If thats the case, then I promise myself that I won't get too hurt and move on from him.

[White's Point Of View]

As my car approaches the building where our last concert as a cast is going to be held, I can't help but to feel excited and sad at the same time. I am really excited to be able to be with him once again. I can't help myself everytime as I just miss him so much. Every day without him seems to be so dull and boring. Especially lately when our relationship hasn't been at its best. But aside from my excitement, I also feel an overwhelming sadness as today will be the last time I will get to call him my "Noh". I can't believe that everything is finally at its ending. This will be our very last time as Phun and Noh. After today I might not have an excuse to hold him anymore. I know I have to man up soon but I am not sure of what to say or do. Every time I try to talk to him, my voice leaves me.

As I park my car in the parking slot prepared for me, I gather all my stuff and start to get off my car. Once Im off my car, I hurry up towards the designed room. Although there is still a few hours before the event, I want to see him as soon as possible. As my heart keeps beating in my chest, I need to stop in my track a few times to calm myself. Walking along the blue painted corridor towards the preparation room, I meet some of the staff and production team that are currently busy organizing and making sure everything is ready for the concert. I greet them with a wai and continue walking to the changing room. I can hear laughter and voices as approach the room. Opening the door, I meet with a room full of familiar faces that look at me.

"There you are! We were just talking about you!", As usual Ngern is the first one to make any remarks the minute I meet them.

"Hello.", I simply greet him before walking to take a seat next to him, my eyes never leaving that particular person that I've missed so much. 

"So are you ready, P?", Ngern asks me, as he stands up and walk towards Captain, who is currently seating on top of a hair dresser. Putting an arm around Captain's shoulder, Ngern looks at me and speaks, "I can definitely tell you that your boyfriend here, is ready for you."

Standing up from the chair I had previously taken, I walk towards the two of them. "I am ready so please remove your arm from him. He belongs to me and I am the only one to hold him like this.", I said in a mocking tone, removing his arm and replacing it with mine. "Woah! Look who is being possesive right now! Come on, P! Share a little, okay?", Ngern sulked, teasing the two of us. "So sorry, guys but not this one.", With those sentences, all the people in the room are now giving me the cat calling sound. I just smile to them, ignoring how tense the person in my arms is. I am not sure if he realizes it but I am just as nervous as he is right now. Things have been a little awkward and both of us know the reason why. But we also know that today is a very important day and we want to make sure that it runs smoothly. No matter how awkward we are, we don't want to make it obvious and let it affect our performance tonight. Tonight, both of us will give our best for the fans and enjoy the last moments of ourselves as Phun and Noh.

All through the concert, I try to make it clear that "Noh" means a lot to me, as if in that way I could send Captain a message. I hold him as tightly as I can and look at him with the most sincere look I can muster, as if in that way I could make him see that the love in my eyes is real. There are so many moments when I swore my heart beats halted and when it felt as if I could breathe. But he simply doesn't seem to notice any of this. The concert goes on as planned until we are finally bowing down in gratitude infront of the multitude that has come to see us. As I look at all the fans, some familiar faces and some unknown ones, my whole life as a member of the cast appears in my mind as I feel happy and proud of myself. It has been a blessing to be able to be part of this cast and meet all of these many wonderful people. But at the same time, I can feel an enormous emptiness begin to creep into my soul as I know that this is the end of this wonderful experience. Even though the time as Phun and Noh is completed, I don't think I can let go yet. I still want to hold him a little longer. Is that too much to ask? The time we have spent together in this adventure isn't enough and I still don't want to say goodbye to "Noh". I have never felt so alone as I feel right now. The feeling is choking me and I feel more and more depressed. 

As I look at my surroundings at backstage, I can see that everyone is congratulating each other for the job well done. I should be joining those persons and congratulate all of them, but I just want to find that special someone that means so much to me. Standing on the tip of my toes, I look within the people in his search. Has he gone home yet? I don't think so. He wouldn't leave without saying goodbye to me, would he?

As I am still looking around the room, I look in a direction just in time to meet with his two eyes as he makes his way in my direction. Even though I can sense his uneasiness, I can't remove my eyes from his. Now, we are standing in front of each other, unable to utter a single word, just looking at each others eyes. The world around us seem to lie far behind us as we stare at each others eyes.

Unconsciously, I raise both of my hands and pull him into my embrace. Oh. The feeling is so great that I wish I could pause this moment forever. I hold him even tighter as I dont want to let him go. Not now and not ever. The feeling of completeness when he is with me is what I want to protect. Suddenly, I am brough out of reality when Captain slowly pushes me. He looks at me and give me a smile. "Thank you so much for everything, P. I will never forget this experience. It has been wonderful.", Captain says to me while he continues to smile. But there is something wrong with his smile today. It seems forced and unnatural. He was fine before but the minute the event ended, his expression changed completely.  He looked okay before and I am sure he was having a good time just like me all through the show time but that has changed drastically. Am I to blame for that? Could it be that Captain is still angry with me with what happen that day? This is not right. I want to make him better. I want to see his genuine smile. The smile that he reserves only to me. How can I make him better? I need to do something. Should I ask him out so that I can talk to him? Yes, I should do that. Than I can ask him what is the matter and make everything okay for him.

“Same here. I am really glad to be able to know you and to have you as Noh. “, I replied to him while smiling to him. "Hmm. Captain?", Captain looks at me with questioning eyes, waiting for what Im going to say next. "Are you free after this? Can we go and have dinner? Just you and me?", Shyly, I ask him out, hoping that he won't reject my invitation again. I don't remember how many times Captain has rejected me in the past month. I hope that tonight it wont be the same case.

It feels like hours when I wait for him to reply. I look at him in search of a positive sign but I have the feeling that I wont be lucky today. Please Captain. Dont do this to me again. I cant take any more rejection. "Hmm. I am really sorry P. I have plans with Fame. I am sorry.", The sound of Captain’s voice is like lightning striking my heart right now. I can’t believe he would do that to me again. How could he? I am feeling sick. I am feeling nausea right now. “Oh..Ok..”, Is the only words that come out from my mouth right now.

“Well then, excuse me. I need to go to the restroom.", I excuse myself coldly before turning around and leaving him. I need to bite my lip to contain the emotions that are building before it bursts out of my chest. As I am leaving the room, I can feel Captain's eyes on me. He doesn't say anything to stop me, and just stands there watching me leave. 

As I reach the toilet, I stare at myself through the mirror. I can feel my face is hot from holding back the anger within me. I splash the water on my face a few times to make an attempt to cool down whatever I am feeling right now.  Okay. I need to calm down. Dont let the pain take control. I need to go back to Captain. This might be the last time I might see him in a long time. I can maybe ask him to reconsider and if he offer, I can join them. Ok, I can do that. I can't let this chance go to waste.

I walk out of the restroon hurriedly and direct myself to the room where I had left him. As I reach the back of the room, I notice that most of the casts have already left. I search for him but I can't see him. Has he left already? Is he going to leave me just like that? "Hmm. Excuse me, P. Is Captain still here?", I asked one of the crew members that is still in the room. "Oh, Captain? He already went out. I think he said he had someone to pick him up.", He told me with a smile. I can't believe this. Captain is really leaving me just like that?! I am feeling defeated. The loneliness that I felt earlier now starting to consume me. Is Fame now replacing me? Has Captain forgotten about me and moved on? No! No! I can’t let that happen. I won’t let that happen. I will follow him. I need to know who Captain would choose. Me or Fame?

[Author's Notes]

Hello my kids! Aleyda again! So here is this week. I know we might be dragging it alone but we just wanted to make White suffer once more before actually getting him to move. xDD Arent we so bad? Anyways I hope that we are not boring you. Please enjoy :)