[Captain's Point Of View]

"Fame? Can you please come and pick me up?", I ask the person on the other line who's name you might already know, and hear him stutter a bewildered "what" in return. 

"Can we go to that restaurant you told me about? The one that you said just opened up?", I continue unfaced by his previous reaction, swallowing the doubt that consumed me inside. 

"Right now? Aren't you at the Lovesick concert you told me about? I was planning to go and see you but by the time I tried to get my tickets, they were sold out.", He continues to rant about how big our fanbase is, but the things that he says enter an ear and leave through the other without entering my brain.

"You really have them all cra-" "So, would you be able to pick me up or not?", I interrupt him suddenly, making him stay in silence for a few seconds. "Hmm. Arent you going to have dinner with White and the others? I mean, this might be the last chance for all of you to be together.", He reminds me of what happened just minutes ago, making my heart sting at the memory of White's dropped gaze. No, I can't do this. I have to be strong. For both of us. 

"Well, I didn't get any invitations, so I thought I could go and celebrate with you instead. You did say you wanted to take me to that restaurant. And I rejected you because of homework, remember? How about right now? Do you think we can go? Would that be alright?", I insist as I feel my heart accelerate in nervousness, hoping to hear a positive answer. I had already told my mother that I would be with Fame and so I had no ride back home now. I know that it was stupid of me to take such a big decision without asking Fame first. But as I stood infront of White, an impulse overcame me and I acted without thinking. And so now I was standing in a fine line, hoping that Fame wouldnt cut it and let me fall to the dark descent of my thoughts. After what felt like an eternity but were only a few seconds, fame finally lets out a sigh and responds to my pleading petition, "Alright, alright. I'll be there in ten minutes."

After hanging up the phone, I allowed myself to exhale in relief. Resting my back against the cold surface of the wall, I stared at a blank spot and revived some of today's events. I think about the excited screams and squeals from our fans as they witnessed their favorites moments from the show come back to life. I think about the satisfied smiles that each and one of the cast members wore as we bowed down to the multitude below. I think about his smile, specially. The smile that I don't want to destroy and that I want to treasure in a corner of my heart. I also think about our long journey as Phun and Noh. About all the embarrassing moments and all the happy ones as well. I think about how it all has come to an inevitable end and feel my heart sting as I realize that this is it. Just like the saying goes, all the good things will end and this is it. This is the end of the story that touched many hearts and molded the two of us. This is the end of our story as Phun and Noh. Would it be the end to our story as White and Captain as well? I cant help but to ask myself as I contemplate my earlier impulses. 

I am not sure what overcame me in that moment but as I stood in front of him, my heart suddenly got overfilled with doubt. And then when he brought me into his arms, those arms that make me feel so warm and so safe, I realized how much I loved him and how much pain it would cause me to see him suffer. There's another thing I realized as I stood still within his loving embrace. I realized that his feelings weren't so different from mine. Fame was right. White loves me too.  I could feel it as he held me so tightly, as if I was the most treasured thing he had. And as I realized this, I suddenly became afraid of how much harm the love he felt for me could bring him. I've never feared anything. I am not someone who easily becomes frightened. But today, I became afraid of my own person. I'm scared of seeing him hurt and lose those he loves. I'm even more scared of being the reason to those things. I don't want to see him drop low because of his love for me. This love that shouldn't be there in the first place.

Oh, how dumb and blind have I been all this time? Believing that it wouldn't matter if I lost everything as long as I could be with him. It does matter. It has always mattered. I just had been too lost in my feelings and my mourn to see it. Because this is not only about me, it's about us. I won't be the only one losing, he would lose as well. And perhaps, his loss will be greater than mine. He has so many friends, so many relatives, so many people that look after him and that he cares for. Would they leave him? What about Tina? She loves White as much as I do and would be devastated if she were to leave her for me. Despite everything she did in the past, I can't help but to care about her. And then there's me, with the same amount of people that are fond of me. What would my family think about me? How much would it hurt them? Would they accept me? I barely convinced my mother to let me play "Noh's" character, how could I expect her to? She had always been against my decision on taking the role and yet, she had supported me. Would it be the same case? Although there was still some hope that she would, I refused to be that hopeful. What about my father and his new family? What would they think about me? Will I be able to look into his eyes without seeing disappointment and feel ashamed of every single decision I've made?

I know that I had said that I would do it for White before. So confident of myself, so ignorant. I know I said that before and back at that time I was sure, but I've found myself consumed by all these thoughts suddenly, growing afraid and doubtful. When he asked me out, I wanted to say yes. Goddamn it. I was dying to say yes. But then, as I stood inside his embrace, all these thoughts overcame me, making me act out of impulse. The hurt in his eyes as I rejected him yet again felt like a bucket of ice water. And as I watched him turn around and leave, I wanted to run and hold him. But my limbs were frozen and prevented me from moving, and all I could do was stare. Pathetic, I told myself. I thought I knew what I wanted and yet, I still had no idea. What did I really wanted? Captain, what do you really want? Time. That's the only thing I can think of. Time to think about all of this.

"Captain? Captain?", Suddenly, a voice makes me comeback from my thoughts to find two curious eyes gazing at me from centimeters away. "Ngern?!", I exclaim with surprise as I try to scoot away from his face, but find myself pressed against the hard surface of the wall. 

"What were you thinking about? Or better yet, who were you thinking about?", He asks me with a mischievous expression, his dark black eyes staring into my soul without an invitation. I shake my hands furiously and respond, "No! I wasn't thinking about no one!" trying to sound as confident as I could but I knew that my trembling voice gave me away.

He raises an eyebrow in disbelief but decides to not press into it anymore, "I'll let you off the hook this once."

"Thank you.", I muttered as my shoulders relaxed, although I wasn't exactly sure why I should be thanking him.  

"Actually, I was looking for you. Good thing that I found you.", He informs me and I look up at him with questioning eyes. "My parents won't be home tonight, so August and I are planning to go to my house and celebrate! We were wondering if our main stars, you and White, would want to join us.", He explains to me and adds, "There will be beer and pizza! Oh, and we rented a few of horror movies!"

I can't help but smile as I stare at the enthusiastic person in front of me. He looked so excited and happy, like a person who was about to throw the perfect party, when it was only a small celebration. But then again, excited and happy was what I expected him to be. That was how all of us were expected to feel. Excited and happy, as there were many things and new oppportunities awaiting for us. And that was how I was supposed to be, as well. But I wasn't.

I feel my smile vanishing as I remember my current plans and my previous worries. "Hmm. I would love to but sadly, I can't join you, guys. I already made plans with a friend. I'm sorry. Maybe next time.", I tell him and watch as curiosity covers his eyes.

"Ohh~ So does that mean I wont have to ask White either? I mean, he is probably the friend you are talking about, isn't he?", He tells me with a smirk, making my heart jolt in my chest. "Umm. No. White is not the person who I'm having dinner with. So, I think you should ask him to join you.", I respond to him and witness how the smirk in his face falls down and the glint in his eyes vanishes. 

"Wait a minute, are you saying that you are going to leave the three of us to have dinner with someone else? Captain.. How can you do this to us? This is a moment that we should celebrate together, not with someone else.", He says sourly, making me hold my breath. I stood silent as I didn't know what to say that wouldn't make me look like an , which I probably was.

"I thought we meant more to you.. I'm kind of disappointed..", He finally says before leaving me behind, feeling like trash.

[White's Point Of View]

As I walk along the corridor of the building, I can feel how fast my heart keeps pumping the blood to my whole body. I am feeling anxious and worried at the same time. What if Captain finds out that I am following him? What would I say to him? I have barely managed to escape the question by telling him to wait for me. Now I am doing the same thing again and it would be difficult for me to explain to him if he finds out. If that happens, what will my explanation be? Can I escape from it as I did before? Or can I tell him the whole truth of why I am doing this? Would I be able to share to him my feelings towards him? But wait, do I really want to do that?

Suddenly as I walk mindlessly through the path, I bump into someone and hear a person whine, "Ouch!" Raising my head to look at the owner of that familiar voice tone, I find Ngern standing infront of me. "Oh, its you, P! Is there something wrong? Why are you in a hurry?", He looks at me with curious eyes along with that friendly smile of his.

"Oh sorry, Ngern. I didn't see you there. And.. no, I am not in a hurry.", I tell him as I lower my head, feeling gloomy suddenly.

"Are you looking for someone? Captain perhaps?", I turn to look at Ngern who is now excitedly looking at me. When I don't respond to his remark, he continues, "I just saw him around the corner. I think he was waiting for someone." Probably Fame, I think to myself, sighing internally "Do you want me to take you to where I last saw him? Maybe you can still catch him up?", He offers me but I shake my head slightly.

"No, It's okay. I have to go home.", I give him a faint smile and turn around to leave. Everything was game over already. Captain had shown me that he didn't want to be with me today. There was no reason for me to keep molesting him.

"Hey, White?", Ngern's voice makes me stop in track to look back at him with a questioning look.

"We are going to go have dinner. Would you want to join us?"

[Captain's Point Of View]

The journey to the restaurant take us to this beautiful country side venue that I have never been to before. From what I heard from Fame, the restaurant had recently opoened not long ago and not many people knew about it yet. Fame had been bugging me to come with him ever since it opened, but I had been unable to join him due to my school and work loads. 

But now that we were here, I had to acknowledge that he was right about everything he had told me. The place had a beautiful view and it was very peaceful as not many people roomed around.  And despite the headache and the exhaustion I'm feeling, I am glad that he accepted to bring me here as this is a place that can allow me to relax and ease my troubled mind and my tired body. Things have been so hectic and crazy in the past mnths and I was dying for a break from all of this. I was still not sure about what I was going to do about White but I wanted to push those thoughs away, at least for this moment. I would think about it and decide what would be my next step, but before that, I wanted to find some rest. 

"Ok, what do want to eat, Captain?", Fame shoves me the menu while looking at me. "You can order anything you want, it'll be my treat. Just don't ask the whole menu as I don't think I brought enough money for all that.", He smiled while saying that. "Just order for me. I am okay with anything.", I said to him while pushing the menu back to him. "Oh really? Okay then! Anything, right?", Fame asked me and after seeing me nod, he returned his attention to the waitress while opening up his menu again.

I'm not interested in their conversation nor in the flirtatious smiles Fame throws at the girl, so I turn to look at the outside view instead. The scenery outside the window is really calming and soothing. The cloudless sky is full with stars and the city lights in the distance lighten the empty streets below. I remember the day when I confessed my feelings towards White. The sky that night had been so dark and cloudy, completely opposite to the one that I was facing now. The pain of being rejected still lingered within me but it was much better now that we were back to friends. Even with the current situation we were facing, at least we know that we can depend on each other when the time comes, or so I hoped. 

"Captain? Captain? Are you still here or is your mind floating towards certain someone again?", Suddenly, Fame's voice breaks through my course of thoughts. "Floating? What do you mean?", I ask him feigning ignorance, even though I know exactly what he means. 

"You should have gone with him, you know. I bet he asked you out to dinner and you rejected him again.", Fame tells me in a casual voice as he played with a glass of wine, spinning it around with his fingers. I remain silent and drop my gaze, hoping for him to understand that this is not something I want to talk about.

"Am I right?", After ten seconds, he asked me. "I.. I dont want to talk about it, Fame.. Can we please talk about something else?", I tell him, a silent plead.

"Why didnt you go with him when you had the chance? I think he is trying to tell you something.", He says as he delicately drinks the contents of his glass. Red wine. I wondered if he was old enough to be drinking this. Was I old enough too? Drinking myself to death didnt sound like a bad idea right now.  

My thoughts are suddenly disturbed by his voice again. "I think you're wasting so much time. He is trying to tell you his feelings and you keep neglecting him. If you keep doing this, you will lose your chance, you know.", He continues telling me his opinion about White, ignoring my uncomfortness. "Please. Leave it.", I tell him in a firm voice, trying to sound threatening but once again, getting ignored.

"You know what? I think you're scared. You are scared of what might happen. If he were to love you too. You know that once he tells you his feelings, you will be unable to reject him. And so youre afraid of the consequences and this is why you keep avoiding him.", He points an accusing finger at me, making me reach the edge of the cliff.

"And so what if im scared?!", I snap at him, making him wince. "What is that to you?! Why do you care so much?! Whether I am scared  or not, whether he loves me or not, it's not your business! Your life is not the one at risk! It's ours! Have you ever thought about what might happen if they find out?! What will happen to me and to him?! They will probablu cast us away. Dont you understand?! Its not as easy as it seems!"

"How do you know if you havent tried? I mean, how do you know that it will go that way if you havent even tried it? Dont jump to your own conclusions,  Captain. The world is changing and Im sure that your family knows better than that. And I'm sure White's as well.", He tells me firmly making me raise my head from my hands to look at him.  "Now I am not trying to make a decision for you nor trying to pressure you into anything. In the end, its up to you. I am just trying to make you ssee that it might not go as you think it will. Life is full of surprises. So please think about it before making anything stupid, okay?"

Letting out a sigh, I nod my head slowly and turn back to the window. Life is full of surprises, I tell myself and slowly fall back into my thoughts.

[White's Point Of View]

As I seat on the leather couch, I stare at all the two happy faces that surround me, feeling envious of them for a moment. The two of them were enjoying themselves, why was I not? Why was I still holding to what happened despite the pain it caused me? I was being foolish and a masochist, I told myself as I stared at Ngern while he spoke happily to August. Something about climage change, or so I heard. "What's wrong, White? You've been quiet all this time?", August asked me as he took a bite out of his slice of pizza.

Ngern took his eyes off of August to place them on me. "August is right. You aren't eating either.", He said with concern in his voice before coming to seat next to me, putting his arm around my shoulder. I had noticed that he had been acting a little too nice towards me today. I couldn't help but question why. "No, it's nothing. I'm fine, really.", I lied to them and took hold of a slice of pizza.

"You're having problems with Captain, aren't you?", Ngern finally asked, making me choke on the cheese that had been flowing down my throat. "What?", I stuttered, looking puzzled. 

"Don't lie to us, White. You don't have to, really. We already know.", August said sounding offended. I looked from one face to the other, seeing the two of them staring at me with a demanding expression, before letting out a sigh. They already knew. I had been caught. In the back of my mind, I couldnt help but wonder, was I that obvious? If they had been able to tell, why had Captain not? "Alright. You're right. I have a problem with Captain and it's really bothering me.", I confessed, throwing the slice of pizza back on the box rather harshly. 

"We are here to listen if you want to talk about it.", August said with a gentle voice, bringing his hand to hold mine.  I stared at him incredously for a moment, before giving him a faint smile. If I was the guy I was before, I would've probably flinched by now. But now that I was head over heels in love with another boy, that would only make me an hypocite, wouldnt it? 

"Thank you, guys..", I simply said as I concentrated on the feeling of August hand over mine. It seems that If I was only a little gay, it was exclusively for Captain as I felt a little uncomfortable with August's hand on top of mine. Gay.. A word I had found obnoxious before.. Was the word now aplicable to me? Did they think of such word when they looked at me, I wondered as I looked at them, as they stared at me expectantly. Whether it was or not, I preferred not to think about it. 

"But anyway, I would rather go home. I'm very tired and I dont want to be depressing you with my gloominess.", I said as I stood up from the couch, making their eyes be raised in my direction. "Aww. you aren't bothering us at all. Right, August?", Ngern said as he stood to stand by my side, August nodding from the floor. "I really appreciate it, but Im tired and I wound rather sleep.", I said as I started to walk towards the door, with Ngern following me from behind. 

"Good luck with August too, by the way.", I whispered in Ngern's ear and winked, before leaving through the door. I didnt have to look back to see the blush that was creeping on Ngern's cheeks. 

As I drove myself back home, I looked back to today's events. Everything had gone the way as planned, or almost. I think about Captain's rejection and feel my heart sting. I didnt understand him, honestly. He said he loved me and now, it felt as if he was running away from me. I couldnt help but feel a little scared. Scared that he might given up on me. Maybe we both needed time. I, to understand my feelings and to accept myself completely, and him, to get ready to accept me.