[White's Point Of View]

When we enter the room, we are met with darkness, which causes the whole tension to grow. The only source of light is the moonlight that comes through the window, illuminating the queen sized bed in the middle of the room, reminding me that I’m going to be sleeping there beside Captain, unless he suddenly decides to walk back in his words and leave this room which wouldn’t surprise me considering that he hasn’t spoken to me ever since my sudden outburst. I am really hoping that he doesn’t do that. I’ve been looking forward to this moment all this time. Although I’m not expecting anything to happen, I can’t help but feel thrilled. Even though I’m not planning to overdo it, I want to show him my feelings with my actions tonight. I’m going to be extra caring with him. I’m going to hold him while we sleep. Maybe even kiss him. And if he wants to, maybe we will..

Suddenly, I hear someone cough awkwardly behind me, making me break from my erted thoughts. Are you serious, White?! What the are you thinking?! Moving inside, I turn the lights on and look at Captain, who passes me by and walks towards his suitcase. Without saying a word, he carries it and throws it over the bed. ping the zipper, he opens it and starts rummaging inside. Taking out his batman printed pajamas and his tooth brush, he stands up and announces, “I’m going to take a bath and change. I will be right back.”

I nod my head slowly and watch him disappear through the bathroom door. As I stare at the wooden door in thought, I question his cold attitude towards me. He was okay this morning. He was smiling and sticking to me like glue. I was so happy then. But then when I thought I lost him, I became anxious and lost my temper with him. I was a little loud I should admit, but was that enough of a reason for him to be this cold to me? Shouldn’t he let it pass? Either way, I know that I should apologize and get us back on good grounds. 

[Captain's Point Of View]

I came into the bathroom with the purpose of taking a bath to clear my mind. I couldn't let myself be bombarded by negative thoughts now. Especially when it seemed I was the only one still holding to earlier events. White would never hurt me and I know it. He might look frightening and like a troublemaker, but he is kind and he has a big heart that worries about those he loves. That was the reason he got so mad at me this morning. I shouldn't have gone far without consulting them. What if I had gotten lost? What if someone kidnapped me? They would probably get blamed for my disappearance. I should admit to myself that It was inconsiderate of me and I am to be grateful that White was there to make me realize that I shouldn’t be so careless. It wasn’t safe to be on my own in a foreign city. Anything could happen.

But even though I know this, why is my heart still aching as I remembered White's angry voice? If I'm honest, I have always been a little afraid of White. Since the day I saw him, he made me feel intimidated and small. At first, I thought he wouldn't take his job seriously and end up leaving us halfway filming. He just complained too much. About playing gay, and hugging me and above all, about kissing me. He just seemed very bothered about it. I was bothered too, I am not going to lie. But whenever I saw him making disgusted expressions when they told us about the kissing scene, my pride kind of hurt. Was I that disgusting? I remember asking myself. Or was he that straight? I mean, I was also straight back then but I wasn't being that blunt about my disgust. But now that I think about it, was I even disgusted? Or was I only telling myself that I was disgusted? No. I was just being professional. Right? Argh! I don't even know. I just remember that when I saw his face of disgust back then, a part of me hurt. My pride? My ego? Was I offended because he didn't want to kiss me? But then again, I've never been popular with girls. No one had looked at me and felt desire. It wasn’t the first time that it happened. If I was already used to it, why was I hurting? And most importantly, what made White change so much? Why was he suddenly acting like this? What had changed? Was this a game to him? Or was he being serious? It was still hard to believe that he was being serious. That this wasn't just a dream, an illusion.

And as I think about all of this, I finally realize what was really bothering me. I wasn't mad at White for screaming at me. I was just afraid. Afraid of him. I still couldn't believe that he liked me. That he was now willing to open himself to me. I was afraid deep inside. That all of this was a game to him. That he wouldn't take it seriously and that he would leave me after playing with my heart for some time. Just like back then. The same fear that he would leave half way. I didn't want to get hurt by him. It would destroy me. I was afraid to hear him scream at me to leave him alone. I was afraid of tiring him. "No, captain. He won't leave you. He didn't leave you with filming. He was responsible and stood till the end, despite all the judgment and mockery he received. White wouldn't leave you, he wouldn't hurt you. You need to trust him." I tell myself silently as I stare at my reflection in the mirror. Taking a long deep breath, before letting it go, I turn around and jump into the shower.

After turning the shower off and drying myself, I proceed to change into my clothes. The pajamas I was wearing were a gift from my mother last Christmas but this was the first time I had been able to wear them. Looking at the mirror, I smile at my reflection, checking up my teeth. I still had to brush my teeth. I wouldn't want to have bad breath, would I? Not that I was expecting anything to happen regarding of my mouth. (That sounded a bit weird, didn't it?)

Putting the paste into my toothbrush, I begin to brush while I'm in thought. White wouldn't hurt me. Why was I doubting him? He hadn't even tried to make a move on me. I was probably making my own conclusions about his feelings. What if he was just being a good friend and accepting me for who I was? He said he was going to do that after all. That didn’t mean that he liked me. But he also told me to wait for him. Wait for him for what? It could mean anything. It didn’t automatically mean that he loved me. What if my mind was making me believe things that weren’t? What if I had been imagining everything and his earlier outburst was what brought me back from my world of lies? I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid. I wash my teeth harshly, making me whimper as I hurt my gums.

"Are you okay there?", White asks from the other side of the door, making me jump in surprise. "Yes!", I scream back at him, hoping to assure him. I hear footsteps as if he was going from a place to the other and then they stop, and I hear the bed grind. Letting out a sigh, I take the brush out of my mouth and spit the paste that's on my mouth before rinsing. I give my reflection another quick glimpse, as of giving myself strength, before proceeding to the door.

When I open the door, I find White seating in a corner of the bed. He gives me a cautious glimpse as I walk myself to join him on the bed. At this moment, I am all better and not planning to continue giving him the cold shoulder. I carefully seat beside him, staring at the television screen and asking him, "What are you watching?" He trembles a little in surprise, possibly not expecting me to initiate the talking, and answers in a quiet tone of voice, "The news. There's nothing to watch. Everything is in Japanese." I smile to myself as I remember where we are. I can't help thinking, duh, we are in Japan. But instead of making my remark, I simply hum. I continue staring at the screen in silence, as the weather man gives us the prognostic for tomorrow. Partly cloudy. That's what I conclude when he points at the small emoticon of a cloud standing over Tokyo.

My attention is taken away from the television by White, who quietly mutters my name beside me, "Captain.." I simply hum, still concentrating on the man of the screen. He kind of reminded me of an uncle of mine. "Are you mad at me for screaming at you this morning?", His question is what takes me aback and makes me turn to look at him. His sad puppy eyes fixated on mine, making my heart race within my chest. "I was.. But I am not anymore..", I was going to lie at him at first, but the words that came from my mouth betrayed me.

"I am sorry..", He apologizes, looking regretful. "I don't know what overcame me. I just got very scared thinking we might lose you. But I shouldn't have screamed at you like that. I’m sorry.", He continues as he looks expressionless at an invisible point in the floor, making me feel bad for my previous behavior. He was only caring for me, I should've known to act like that.

I make a bold move and hold his hand, getting him to look at me. "Hey. It's okay. I am not mad anymore. I should also apologize for getting all moody about it when you were just caring for me. So don't worry about it. It's behind us.", I reassure him with a smile and feel his hand turn around to interlace his fingers with mine.

I stare into his eyes and unlike months ago, his stare no longer makes me want to look away. It keeps me captive inside this brown eyes, making my heart race within my chest. Half thrilled, half afraid. I wanted to know so many things. What I meant to him, what he was planning to do with me, what awaited for us. We couldn't keep going like this. It was making me inpatient. Uncertainty was driving me crazy and the fear, the fear of not being assured that I had a place in his heart, was slowly growing. But even though the questions were tormenting me, I just couldn't bring myself to speak. What if, what if I was misunderstanding something and he felt bothered and turned away from me? I wouldn't be able to stand that. He told me to wait for him. I had to endure. But wait for what?

We stay looking at each other for a moment before he abruptly stands up. Looking back at me, he announces, "I'm going to take a bath now." I nod my head slowly and let go of his hand, before climbing to the bed and lying comfortably over the mattress. I had been too busy with my concerns to pay attention to our hotel bedroom. Although it wasn't the best hotel I had been in, the bedroom was beautifully decorated. The walls were painted a pastel blue color and it had a balcony, where you could enjoy the view outside. I can't help a smile from pulling at my lips as I remember a scene from our characters. They had been in hotel room like this and sadly, it hadn't gone well. Was I going to share the same fate? I suddenly feel restless as I lied alone in the enormous bed. Why did the bedroom felt so huge all of a sudden? Was it because I was alone with White? Just him and me in this vast space.

I hear a zipper being opened and turn to look at White who is crouching beside his suitcase. I stare at his back curiously as he rummages through his clothes, searching for his pajamas. My heart is still beating fast in my chest and the questions come back to me once again. What did he feel for me? Did he loved me? If so, was he planning to start anything with me? What was wrong with me? I couldn't understand why I was suddenly so afraid of being played. Only girls are afraid of those things. Guys are supposed to be courageous and strong. And yet, guys are supposed to like girls and here I am..

"Wait for me, Captain," White's voice brings me back to find him standing beside me. He fondly caresses the top of my head, making me blush and feel fussy within. "I'll be right back.", He tells me in sweet tone of voice before walking towards the bathroom, leaving me dumbfounded. Why did he have to act like Phun?! He wasn't making it any better here.

As soon as he disappears through the door, I let my back rest over the mattress and the back of my head sink into the pillow. I stare at the ceiling in daze. My heart was beating even harder at his gesture and my mind was even more cloudy. I wanted to laugh in joy and scream in frustration at the same time. I really needed to distract myself before I went nuts. I feared that I would pass out soon.

Seating back up, I scratched the back of my head and revised my surroundings. There were so many things and yet nothing that could keep my mind off of things. At last, I found a card lying on top of the desk that had the Wifi password painted in vibrant red letters. Grabbing my phone, I hurriedly began to type the letters. I needed to talk to someone right now.

As I wait for the cause of my turmoil to return, I type a quick message to Pineare, hoping for her to be awake at this late hour of the night. It has always been known to me that she is an early sleeper and that one she falls into dreamland, it's hard to pull her back from there. Even though I wouldn't be angry at her if she were to be asleep at this hour, there's a small hope in me that makes me wait anxiously for her to reply.

My phone beeps a few minutes later, making me jump startled in my bed. I quickly unlock my phone to reveal a message from her, "What is it? Not enjoying your honey moon with White?" Next to the sentences, there's an emoticon with a laughing face. I stopped to think about what I wanted to say before replying her. I wanted to tell her my feelings and I needed someone to advice me. But at the same time, I felt a little stupid for doing just that. It was kind of funny if I thought about it. A few months back I wouldn't have thought of opening myself to someone, less to a girl. But lately I found myself doing that frequently. Whether it was Pineare or Fame, I was always opening myself to them, asking for advice. And even when I wasn't looking for advice, when I just needed someone to talk to about my feelings, they were always there. I had grown dependant of their support and I felt a little ashamed of it.

"What is it? Is something wrong?", Noticing my tardiness, Pineare texts me again. Although there's only letters, I can hear her voice full of genuine concern inside my head.

In the past several months, Pineare had demonstrated me that she was someone i could trust. I knew that whatever I told her, would remain with her (and perhaps Sing, but he was harmless.) This moment was another one in where I needed to trust her. Right now, I needed to be reassured. Reassured that everything was going to be okay, regardless of what may happen. Pushing the shame out of my way, I let out a sigh and start typing. Before I realize it, my message has become an entire five paragraph essay of what I'm sure is pointless ranting. I tell her everything. From the moment we arrived at the airport, to White's anger outburst, to his apology a moment ago. I also tell her about how I felt and the feelings that have started to gnaw at me. Like habitually, she doesn't interrupt me and remains in silence, the small check mark under my messages the only thing that lets me know that she's reading my messages.

After the moment it takes her to read my messages, she finally replies, "so?" At her reply, I stay dumbfounded. What did she mean with "so?!"

"What do you mean so?! I am afraid that he will break my heart and just be using me for some dirty thing! Who knows?! What if his curiosity about same has awaken?!" I text her in a haste, not really thinking about the things I'm writing.

"Seriously, captain! You need to calm down. I think you're just overdramatizing! I don't think he would do something like that. I mean, have you seen White?! He looks like the straightest man alive. The worse thing that could happen was that he suddenly realized that he didn't like you and returned to Tina." I felt my heart sink deeper at her words. What a nice way of making me feel better, I wanted to say but before I could reply her, the bathroom door flew open.

I quickly returned to the home screen of my phone as I stared at White with a smile that said "nothing suspicious going here" on my face. I almost gasp when I realize that he isn't wearing a damn shirt and that his still wet torso is exposed. My eyes betray me as I look down at his chest in time to see a droplet of water roll down his flat abdomen. I gulp down without realizing before staring back at him, who currently has a cocky grin in his lips. "So, you're done?" I state the obvious as I nervously decide to return my attention to the cellphone.

I hear footsteps as he paces through the room to where his suitcase is. "Yeah. I forgot my shirt.", He says in a nonchalant tone of voice as he carries his suitcase to the bed and starts searching for the desired shirt. After a while he finally brings out a sleeveless shirt that gave me a perfect view of his biceps. Great! Just great! Now he is wearing a sleeveless shirt! I think as I steal a quick glance at him before continuing findling with my phone. Carrying the suitcase back to its previous place, he throws it aside before returning to me.

I feel the bed sink as he throws himself beside me. "So, what were you doing?", he asks me with curiousity, peering at my cellphone screen. "Searching the web.", I say as I stare at an empty search box. Searching the web? What the ? I beat myself mentally and hope for him to not ask any more. Thankfully, he simply nods and leans over me to grab the remote for the nightstand. I can smell a sweet but musky fragrance coming from him. Is he wearing cologne to sleep? I ask myself as I continue staring at the empty search box. Yeah. How casual.

"Mind if I change the channel?", I hear him ask and raise my face to realize that I'm still watching the news channel. "Nah. Go on.", I tell him as I put my phone away, not finding any point in keeping my act any longer. "Just put something fun.", I tell him and he nods his head and begins searching for a channel that sounds entertaining enough for us to watch without understanding. As he searchs, I can't help but continue worrying. The worse that can happen is that he realizes he doesn't like you and goes back to Tina. Pineare's words echo in my head, reminding me that Tina was still the third wheel in our relationship. Actually, I was the third wheel in their relationship. This fact makes my heart ache in my chest.

"Hmm. So, how are you and Tina doing?", In the middle of the silence, I hear my voice ask. The person beside me tenses and stays with his eyes fixated on the television screen. Although he has yet spoken a word, I know that he feels uncomfortable at his girlfriends mention. After a long while, he answers briefly, "Good, I guess."

"I heard you went on a trip together. Fans were going nuts about it. Ha ha.", I laugh but my laughter sounds fake to my own ears. Before he can respond I continue, "How was it?"

"It went well, I guess." He responds silently. By his briefness I can tell that this is something that he doesn't want to talk about. But even though I know that I should stop before I hurt more, the stubborn side of me insists, hoping for him to tell me that it isn't true, that he wasn't happy with her as he is happy with me.

"It must have been fun. I saw some pictures on Instagram. The two of you looked so happy together.." I say in a empty voice, but deep inside, my heart is aching and I want to cry. He seems to have noticed and so he tries to cheer me up by looking at me with a smile and saying, "It was fun but not as fun as today." Although I know he is lying, it sure helps to soothe the ache a little. I smile back at him and open my mouth to thank him but before I can pronounce a word, he speaks up, "So what have you been up to? You said you had a new project? What is it about?"

I am slightly taken aback so it takes me a moment to gather what I'm going to say. "Well, I have been studying a lot, my entrance exams will be soon. And I also got a new project. It's a series that's based on some book series or so I heard."

He looks at me with a raised eyebrow and says, "Really? Me too." I simply nod my head as I no longer feel like talking about it, or anything at all. It suddenly feels as if Tina was a ghost haunting me. It reminds me that he hasn't broken up with her and that he isn't planning to. Which only means that my conclusions were wrong as I had so much feared. Stupid captain. Here you go again with your pathetic hope making you have delusions.

My stomach feels uneasy and I'm suddenly feeling nauseated. My heart is still aching and there's tears welling up at the corner of my eyes. I just want to sleep and forget about everything.

"I think I'm going to sleep now.", I announce in a small voice as I tug myself in the comforter. "Are you sleepy already? Is there some thing wrong?" He asks me, his stare investigating my face. "It's been a tiring day, that's all." I tell him as put an arm underneath my head, close my eyes and let out a long sigh. I feel him move and tug himself underneath the comforter. His body warmth radiating from him, causing the comforter to grow in temperature.

There's a long moment in silence. The television the only sound in the room. At the relaxing and quiet atmosphere, I slowly start to drift asleep. Small fragments of colors appear behind my closed eyelids, announcing that sleep is near. I don't know how much time passes. Ten minutes? Twenty perhaps? All I know is that I'm half asleep when I hear White's soft voice call my name, "Captain.."

I open my eyes and find him leaning over me, each of his hands at my sides. My heart stops within my chest at his proximity, and I stare at him in mesmerize as if I had been caught in his spell. Slowly, he starts leaning down towards me, his eyes fixated on my lips. I stay paralyzed, not knowing whether this was real or if I was already dreaming. I feel his bangs caress my forehead and his breath grace at my lips.

I gulp down the apprehension and close my eyes as our lips meet. The first touch of his lips is soft and brief, like the ones we had done before. He simply pecks my lips before looking at me. His eyes asking for permission to continue. At this moment, I don't even know what's happening. I'm slightly taken aback and still feel a little drowsy and incoherent. But I want more of those lips and more of him so I simply allow him to lean down again and kiss me.

This time his kisses are deepening. He is at my lower lip and biting it every once in a while. And I'm lost in the sensation, sometimes even forgetting to kiss back. My heart is racing and the blood in my veins is rushing. I feel hot, very hot and my breath keeps getting caught in my throat. I'm nervous about this. Actually, I'm terrified. This is entirely unknown territory. I've never made this much progress with anyone ever, much less with a guy. Anything could go wrong and if my fears resulted true and White ended being just bi curious, I could get my heart broken into pieces.

Suddenly, a thousand thoughts scatter in my mind, making me become unresponsive. White seems to notice this and decides to help me out a bit. He grabs my arms and puts them around his neck. I hesitantly cooperate and hold him by the neck, letting my fingers trace the back of his neck. This wasn't so bad. It was actually quite nice. What pulled me back a little was when he was trying to get my legs to tie around his waist. I opened my eyes and realized the position we were currently in. He was now completely on top of me, his body pressed against mine. As I stared at our linked bodies, I wondered if this is what I really wanted. White moves from my lips and begins kissing my chin and slowly moving to at my neck. Holy flying ! He was really into it, wasn't he? Abort mission! Abort mission! My mind screamed at me but my body didn't seem to be listening.

After attaching my neck long enough, he came back up to kiss my lips. His kisses had become messy and I could hear his heavy breathing and feel him sweating through his shirt. I also could feel his bulge pressing against my tigh, making me grow even more scared. This really meant business to him. If I didn't stop him, he would go all the way.

What pulls the trigger for the last time is when his hands start roaming my body, touching me in my most intimate places. Although I can't deny it feels good, I can't keep doing this any longer. At least not with all these uncertainty and fears. At least not until I hear him say what I want to hear at least once.

Pushing him back to look at his face, I try to recover my breath before speaking, "Are you going to say it now? What you said I had to wait to hear. Are you going to say it now?"

He remains speechless, his chest moving up and down as he tries to regain his breath. His eyes are staring into mine, uncertainty reflected in them. Although he opens his lips several times in order to speak, no words come out. After a while, he finally manages to mutter a single word, "Sorry.." Feeling the disappointment grow in me, I push him off of me and turn to face away from him. My chest feels heavy once again as I realize that I possibly had been right. I was just being used by him.

[Author's Notes]

And here we go~ Second part~ Hahaha. We have some y White! Who was the one that watched a ton of gay , you ask? HAHAHA. The real ert has been White all along. hahaaha. Anyways, hope you enjoy~!!