Don't flirt, every day I'm nervous because of you.

I pray again today that you won't be taken away by someone else.

Don't flirt, honestly, you're being too much.

I pray again today that some guy won't steal you away.

[Captain's Point Of View]

As I walk towards the building where we will be rehearsing for the last Lovesick Concert, I spot a few fans outside that are waving eagerly in my direction. Feeling the feeling of apprehension as I walk towards them, I expect all kinds of questions to bombard me. However, instead of answers, the fans only ask me for a picture. After getting what they wanted, they thank me and smile in gratitude. Their bright smiles only make realize that the fans are also learning, just like me. And that now that they have accepted that there is nothing between White and I, they are contented with what I can give them. Although this makes me feel relieved as I will no longer hear about him from them, it also gives me an inexplicable pain in my chest. Resignation. That’s probably the right word to describe what I’m feeling. Resignation. Where all hope is gone and where you have accepted that you’ve lost. Even though I couldn’t deny that being in this state was painful, it was way better than the pain I experienced before, when I still hoped that he would glance my way and notice me.

As I wave to them and continue walking towards the entrance, I recall the moment when I told Pineare that I was back to being White’s friend. Just like I had expected, she held me for one and a half hours, demanding for every single detail of what happened the night I spent at White’s place. She felt so excited and happy for me that she screamed in joy. “He is going to realize that he loves you too soon. Just give him some time and you’ll see!”, She told me, sounding very confident in her predestination. I knew that her words meant no harm and that she was just trying to cheer me up as the good friend she was, but I couldn’t help myself from denying her and rejecting the hope she was trying to provide me with. This was my chance to build my friendship with White and I wouldn’t let it crumble down again because of my feelings. “I don’t think so, Pineare. We are probably meant to be friends. And to me, that’s more than enough.”, I said sounding confident, ignoring the stinging pain that my heart felt. I knew that a friendship wasn’t what I most desired, but it was enough to keep me contented. Just like my fans, I thought.

And it actually was enough. Having White as a friend was better than not having him at all. I smile to myself, remembering White’s last message. “Can’t wait to see you! I really miss you!”, He had texted me this morning, making my heart jump in delight. The past week had been a good time for our friendship to blossom. Although we hadn’t been able to see each other much because of my busy schedule, we had been keeping contact every day. From text messages to calls, he would make sure to greet me every day. I was very happy that he was trying this hard to assure me that everything was back to normal. I couldn’t let all of his effort be in vain. I had to suppress my feelings for him some way.

As I reach the room that we will be using for rehearsal, I can hear familiar voices from inside. Although most of today’s practice would be focused on the two of us, I was expecting to see half of the cast to support us. I can’t help to smile to myself as I imagine them teasing White and I. When we were filming for the series, White would jump and grab whoever would tease us and return the favor by teasing them too. White is a very clever person. He knows how to find the weak spots on others and use them to tease them back. It wouldn’t surprise me if he were to do that today, as I know that they will tease us like usual.

Standing in front of the door, I rearrange my shirt before turning the door knob to enter the room. As soon as I walk in, everyone stops talking to look in my direction. As if I was a prey in front of a pack of wolfs, they fix their sights in me. Wait a minute. Why is everyone looking at me like that? Is there something wrong with my outfit? Do I have something in my face? I stand there without moving as I am not sure what to do or say next. Suddenly as I am in the middle of my trance, I hear White’s booming voice. “There you are! Why are you late?! We have been waiting for you?!”, White rushes to my side and puts his arm on my shoulder, all too comfortably.

“Don’t listen to him, Captain. He is the one that hasn’t stop asking about you and that’s been waiting for you eagerly.”, Earn suddenly jumps in front of me, joining the conversation and making everyone laugh at his statement. “True, true! White was going crazy because you weren’t here! I even feared that he would send the whole team to search for you if you didn’t arrive in another five minutes! “, August further adds up to the teasing circle, making the laughter grow. See! I was right! They were going to tease and White is going to be pissed off by their teasing!

I open my mouth in an attempt to say something to shut them up but I am cut off by Ssing that suddenly jumps in front of me, “Not only the whole teams, but P White would send the police in Captain’s search. It wouldn’t surprise me if he called the whole town to that too,” Woah! This is too much already! My face starts to burn in embarrassment and I feel like caving a hole and hiding there. If I felt this way, how much was this embarrassing White? I couldn’t even look at him as he kept his hold on me. I am expecting him to throw some vulgar or obnoxious remarks any minute now with all of this teasing.

To my surprise, White turns to look at me with a smile before looking at others, replying, “No need for that anymore as the person who I was waiting for is finally here. So just in case you don’t know, let me remind you that he is off limit from now on, okay? I want to have him to myself now.” What the is he talking about?! Off limit?! What does that even mean?! Now everyone is making a loud noise at White’s words as I stand speechless, not knowing what to do or how to react to all of this. If you ask me how I feel right now, I would say that my heart is bursting in joy. But although I am really happy to have him back, I am not sure about how I feel about all the affection that he is suddenly giving me. I have already made up my mind that I need to suppress all of my feelings for him, but he is making it difficult with all of this.

Smiling to them myself, I look up and put my arm around White’s shoulder. My sudden movement makes him shudder and turn to look at me. I smile at him and turn to look at others, "P'White is my big brother so if he wants to spend time with me, I will be more than glad to spend time with him." As I said that I turn to look at him, expecting him to say something in return but instead, I capture a sad expression coloring his face before he turns away. What is that look, White? Why are you suddenly giving me that look? Did I say something wrong? I look at him with worry, trying to read through his actions, but only feeling confused. 

"Okay, okay! Enough of that! Let’s continue with the practice! Go to your place everyone! We have a lot of work to do!", Suddenly, P Tit's voices echo throughout the room, reminding us of the actual purpose of this meeting. As everyone starts to spread to their positions, White releases me and walks to the other side of the room. We are divided into two groups during practice before White and I have our own practice for our couple performance. Looking around the room, I can’t help to smile as I look at all the faces that surround me. Everyone wears a smile similar to my own, as we are happy to be able to be all together one last time. But despite the happiness I feel right now, there’s also a heavy feeling in my chest. I know that everything good comes to an end, and I will surely miss all of this once it’s over. Although it will come to an end, at least I’ll have all of the beautiful memories that I will treasure in my heart, forever. Bringing my hand towards my chest, I give out a deep breath before walking to a side of the room, joining my friends.

Have faith in me and be certain that I will never disappoint you.

I will hold you no matter what. I’ll only ask that you trust me just once.

I want you to know that I am here. I will look after you, never leaving you.

I’ll do it all for you with my whole heart. Just let me love you, Oh yeah.

My heart is really pounding so hard right now that I feel like I’m going to faint any time soon. As we continue to rehearse the steps for our performance, I also can feel the heartbeat from the person in front of me. If you want to know how, it is because the dance steps require us to hold each other so closely that it feels as if our body was becoming one. I am trying to concentrate on the lyrics of the song and in my steps, but I keep making mistakes as my mind feels so light as if it was floating in the air.

I can see White’s eyes never leave mine as our performance require us to make extreme eye contact. I am trying to read his facial expression to understand what he is feeling right now. Is he feeling like me? Does all of this affect him like it affects me? I can never be sure of all that. When our faces are this close, I can’t help for my face to blush and become hot. And I can see that his face is not any different from mine. He is probably a little uneasy with the lack of personal space. Well, this is what the script requires us to do, and we can’t do much about it. Yeah. We are just following a script and I can’t take the loving look in his face seriously. White is doing what he is asked to do and I am also doing the same. Even though deep inside, I know that I’m also doing it out of my feelings for him. I know, I know. I said that I would keep my feelings for him buried inside, but in this situation, it’s very hard to control myself from feeling anything. I can feel it deep inside me against my will, the feeling of love that I have for him. But besides that feeling, there’s also the feeling of sadness. It's not real. Nothing of this is real. A voice inside of me reminds me, making my heart throb in pain.

"Okay, guys. We will take a thirty minute break before doing the last rehearsal that will conclude for the day.", The dance instructor announces as he signals us to take a sit across the room. White quickly walks to a side of the room, where they keep water bottles and food for us to eat if we get hungry. Meanwhile, I direct myself to a corner of the room to sit down and pull out my phone. Turning the phone on, I realize I have a few missed calls and messages. Two of them are from Fame. He is a close friend of mine that I've known long before I met White. He has been trying to reach me and probably needs something. So I guess I should text him back to see what he needs.

[White's Point Of View]

Once the dance instructor signals us for a break, I hurriedly make my way towards the small cooler that contained water bottles and refreshments. My limbs feel like jelly and my head feels so light that I have to stop myself from stumbling as I walk towards the side of the room that has the cooler. After having Captain that close to my body, I needed a moment of privacy to be able to breathe and calm my raced heart, that was currently beating uncontrollably against its cage. Although I found our dance routine extremely cheesy, I had really enjoyed it, I admit. It gave me the chance to have Captain very close and being close to him always felt good. Even though at a moment I felt uneasy about it and feared that he would be able to look through me and find all the secrets I've been keeping from him. I feared that he would realize that I felt the same way about him. That I loved him as much as he loved me. Because once he found about that, my will power would crumble and I would end up throwing everything for him. And that was something I still wasn't sure that I wanted to do.

After drinking from a water bottle and wiping the sweat from my forehead, I turn to look in Captain's direction. He is currently seating in the opposite corner of the room, obvlivious to me as always. His eyes are glued to the screen of his phone, the corners of his lips curled upward. Who are you talking to that makes you smile in that way, Captain? Despite the pain that thinking about it brought me, I couldn't deny that I had already thought about it many times. More times than I wanted to admit, actually. Sometimes, I couldn't even sleep as I was consumed with the same thought. The thought of being replaced and of losing him to someone else. What if when he said he was over me, he actually meant it? What if he was already seeing someone else? What if I no longer mattered to him as much I used to? No. He couldnt have forgotten about me that fast, could he? But then again, I didn't know him that much either, how could I be so sure? Right at this moment, he was smiling happily to someone, how could I be so sure that he wasn't talking to that person?

Feeling the blood in my veins burn at the thought of someone else making him smile, I grab a water bottle and direct myself towards him. My eyes are staring at him intensely, but how come he hasn't noticed me? Did that someone have that much impact on him for him to forget about the surroundings completely? Did he have the same impact that I used to have? I can't control my brows from forming a frown and my lips to turn into a straight line. Even my hands have made a fist as I think about it. But the person in front of me doesn't notice me, even when I'm already standing in front of him.

I cough awkwardly to make my presence known, and he raises his face to look at me. There's the innocent expression that tells me he is obvlivious of my inner turmoil. Even though there were a thousand thoughts in my mind a moment ago, they seem to dissipate as soon as I see his expression. And this is the power he holds over me, where he makes me forget about all my concerns just by looking at me with that way of his. This is what made me fall in love with him. A moment ago, I wanted to scream at him, but now, all I can do is sigh. Seating next to him, I handle him the water bottle, "Here. I thought you might be thirsty." 

Smiling broadly at my gesture, he thanks me and grabs the water bottle. After taking the cap off, he presses the bottle against his lips and starts drinking its contents. I watch in amazement as his adam's apple moves in his throat, almost imagining the transparent liquid going down its course. What would it feel like to bite his neck? White! Control yourself! "So, who were you talking to? You seemed to be really into the conversation. You didn't even notice me standing in front of you.", I finally break from my daze and decide to ask. Although the feeling of jealousy had left a while ago, I still was curious.

"Nah. It's nothing important. Just a friend, P.", He replied to me, without a plan to further up the conversation. "Oh.. Okay..", I mumble as I turn to look down at the floor. For some reason, the expression in his face made me feel uneasy, as if he was hiding something from me. Either way, I knew that I didn't have a right to meddle into his private life, at least not when he was relunctant to tell me. All I could do was to stand quiet and wait for him to let me inside of his life. Wait as you lose him, a voice inside of me told me, making my heart ache. No. Lose him was such a strong expression. How could I lose someone that had never been mine to begin with? He wasn't mine and I knew that I didn't have a power over him. I knew that I was going to lose him to someone else one day, inevitably and yet, I couldn't help the pain from spreading in my chest like venom. No. I couldn't lose him yet. I said I wanted to hold onto him for as long as I could. And the time that had passed hadn't been long enough. I couldn't lose him. Not yet, at least.

Without hesitating any longer, I turn to look at him and ask him, "How about we go to dinner today? There's that new mexican restaurant I told you about. I really want the two of us to go." I look at him pleadingly, almost as if I was begging him. I didn't want to be rejected again, not after all the times I already had been rejected by him. He looks at me with a bright smile and I'm almost sure he will agree. However, his smile fades once he remembers something. After struggling in his thoughts for some seconds, he lets out a sigh and responds, "I'm sorry, P but I don't think I can go. I already made plans with a friend tonight. How about some other time? I promise I will treat you to dinner. Just not tonight." Wait a minute! He is rejecting me again?! How can he reject me again?! I feel the blood in my veins boil once again and my hands forming into a fist. This couldn't be! He was rejecting me to hang out with a "friend"! How could he reject me when I'm supposed to be the person that he loves?! Unless he didn't love me anymore..and had found a replacement. The thought only angers me more.

"Oh, really?! Is it the same friend you were texting with?! The one that you were smiling for?!", Before I realize it, I'm raising his voice at him, getting everyone to look in our direction with curiosity. He looks at me in surprise before his expression turns into a mix of fear and concern, "I'm really sorry, P. But I had already promised to go to dinner with him tonight. I can't go back on my promise now. I hope you understand." He tells me with pleading eyes and a soft voice but there's nothing to understand. He is rejecting me again, because of someone else. And there's a voice at the back of my head telling me that all of this time, he is been rejecting me for the same person. But what can I do? It's not like I own a right over him and I know it. The apologetic expression that he wears only reminds me of that and makes me feel ashamed of myself. How could I have the guts to treat him in this way, when he wasn't even mine? When I wasn't even brave enough to claim him as mine?

Taking a deep breath to calm my beating heart, I try to control my emotions and lower my voice. "Oh well. I guess you are right. I guess another time.", I told him, trying to sound neutral, but I still could hear the coldness in my own voice. Standing up from the floor, I leave him without uttering another word. Ignoring the curious glances from everyone in the room, I proceed to leave through the door. I really needed to be on my own and take some fresh air to calm my emotions. It suddenly felt as if I would explode and make a fool of myself if I stayed here any longer. 

[Author's Point Of View]

Hello~ This is Aleyda, again! Ugh. I'm so sorry for not updating on friday. But this is what happened. Friday came and I usually write after coming from church. And that's around 10:00pm. So I came, we had dinner and then I was writing. But then, my mom started asking me to help her pack some things (my mom makes food and sells a lot) so I was stuck helping her packing the food she was going to take on saturday to work. (Im sorry if you didnt understand.P) Then on saturday, my sister came in the afternoon and she invited me to the theater. (Hahaha. Yeah, my of a sister.. that I still love nevertheless.. Ugh. sometimes I feel like a dumb puppy batting its tail when it comes to her..) So I accepted and we went to eat and then to the theater and had a good time. When I returned it was 10:00pm. And so I edited some more, but then I fell asleep.. SO yeahh IM WEAKK IM SORRY.. I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND

PS: THIS CHAP SOUNDS TY, FORGIVE ME