I'm running out of time. Now I can't be another day without you. Now the tears are starting to fall.

I've begun to see the beauty of a beginning and the sadness of the end.

But how much it hurts me, the fear of having you.

How to have you? When it already hurts to lose you. [x2]

[White's Point Of View]

"We don't need him! Let him leave!", I hear Captain say bitterly before he starts to walk away, leaving me in shock. I stare in disbelief at Captain's figure until he exits the mall before turning to look at Ngern, August and Sing who are just as confused as I am. The four of us look at each other, trying to find the answer to the same question but to no avail. We had never seen Captain act like that before. No matter how angry, he would never explode like that. So for him to react in that way, it must had been a big deal that I wasn't joining them. 

"You know what, how about we join you guys for dinner? That way I can keep my promise to all of you.", I ask them and hope for them to agree. Thankfully, the three of them nod and smile. "Great! I'll call Tina and let her know!", I tell them and walk away,  taking my phone out of my pocket and dialing her number. She is quite familiar to all of them so she won't mind the change of plan that much, right?, I try to reassure myself even though I wasn't so sure.

"Hello?", I hear her answer almost instantly. "Hello? Tina?!", I'm about to tell her about the new plan but she interrupts me excitedly, "Oh, white?! I'm on my way to the restaurant. Are you already there?!"

"Yeah. I'll be there in ten minutes. I was calling you to tell you that the other guys are joining us for dinner. You don't mind, right?", I ask her, hoping for her to be okay with it. There's a pause before she speaks in a quiet tone of voice that isn't like her, "Oh. I thought we would be alone.." 

"Well, we just finished watching the movie and they wanted to join us.. But if you aren't okay with it, I can tell them no.", I tell her as I grow nervous, fearing that she won't agree. After another long pause, she finally lets out a sigh and agrees. Saying goodbye to her and promising her a proper date later, I hang up and start to run towards the outsides to catch up with Captain.

I'm really in a hurry now. Rushing out, I quickly go to Captain's direction. Seeing him walking towards the restaurant, I fasten my steps to catch up with him. "Captain! Wait up!", I call him as I run towards him and once I reach him, I grab onto his hand and make him stop. He turns to look at me with a pissed expression. I need to make things right again; I need to make sure that he is happy again. "I will be joining you for dinner!", I explain to him quickly as I strive to get oxygen into my lungs after all the running. He looks me into the eyes before his lips form into a smile. That's it! That is what I wanted to see! "Is it okay?", I ask him to make sure that he is okay again and Captain nods excitedly.

[Captain's Point Of View]

I stare at the couple in front of me as they whisper secrets to each other and can't help myself from rolling my eyes, feeling annoyed. This wasn't what I was expecting when White said he would be joining us for dinner. If I had known she would be coming too, I wouldn't have come. "May I have your order?", A pretty waitress comes to get our order and I can't find it in me to stare as I would do usually. Im way too concentrated on planning the murder of the two persons in front of me.

"Captain?", Sing who is seating next to me shakes my shoulder and pulls me out of my thoughts, making me turn to him as he speaks to me, "They are asking for your order." Not having read the menu and having lost my appetite at her presence, I state the first food that comes to my mind, "Salad". All of them turn to look at me confused; with the same question in their minds.

"Ha! Are you really coming to a chinese restaurant to eat salad?", When the waitress writes my order and leaves, I hear Ngern laughing at me and I send a glare his way, making him hush and gulp down. "Are you sure you dont want ot eat anything else? You are already skinny, you should eat more.", White's gentle voice is what makes me stop glaring at Ngern to look at him, who is looking at me with concern. Holding myself from rolling my eyes at him, I just lower my face and stay quiet. Well, its because of you that I'll be losing weight now..

Once the waitress returns with our food, we begin to eat in silence. The atmosphere is so tense that if I wasn't in a bad mood, I would be suffocating already. Just like Tina, who keeps shifting on her chair uncomfortably. Or August, who insist on coughing awkwardly, drowning in his anxiety. In an attempt to break the silence and through my mood, White grabs a piece of his meat and places it on my plate. Looking at me with a soft smile, he tells me in a gentle voice, "You should try some of this meat. Im sure you'll love it."

My heart beats faster and for a slight moment the ice in me is melting but then, I hear her voice, "Yeah, Captain. You should try the food in here, it's very delicious!" My annoyance returns and before I know it, Im placing the piece of meat into her plate, and saying coldly, "Nah. You should have it instead. Youre his girlfriend, after all."  She lowers her face and shifts in her chair again and I want to slap myself for being an . She didn't deserve to be treated in this way, I knew it. She was a good person. Honestly, I used to like her a lot. I even followed her on instagram. But today, I was extremely jealous of her. Jealous..? I didnt even know why I felt this way. I didnt even had a reason nor a right to be jealous of her. 

"Oooh~ It seems your boyfriend is not happy with your girlfriend presence. Are we going to have a competition with them both or what?", I hear Ngern comment teasingly, making Sing giggle loudly. Instead of feeling annoyed with their teasing like I would usually, I felt amused because it only made Tina more uncomfortable. "Hey, don't joke like that, guys. Youre going to make Tina misunderstand about me and Captain.", White argues and my heart feels heavy again. Oh no. Here we go with the pain again.

"Oh, dont worry, White. I know you're not like that.", Tina comments with a smile, adding to my pain. "How are you so sure about that?", Sing asks as he rests his chin on his palms and looks at her curiously. Yeah, how are you so sure about that? I mean, he might as well fall in love with a boy like Phun did, I try to deceive myself. "Even though there's no assurance that he might not be like that, I believe our relationship is way too serious for him to back out now.", She says confidently and grabs to White's arm, making my heart writhe in pain. 

"How serious is your relationship for you be so sure about that?", Sing insist and her smile widens, as if she had hoped for that question to be asked. "Oh, its very serious. Who knows? We might surprise you soon.", She holds White's arm tighter and looks directly in my direction, as if daring me to do something. My hand makes a fist as the anger mixes with the pain, making me unable to control myself anymore. I had to forsake before I ended up exploding in here. Standing up abruptly from the table, I make my way towards the restroom without saying a word.

[White's Point Of View]

Suddenly Captain raises up from his chair and leaves to the restroom. I knew that he was pissed off at me but I didnt know why. Here was my chance. I needed to see him. I needed to know what was happening.  And most importantly, I needed to see him smile again. I excuse myself and tell Tina that I need to use the restroom for a while. Captain, I didnt meant for this to happen. I know that you want to spend time with me and I do want to spend time with you too. But I couldnt cancel given that I had already promised Tina to have dinner with her. I hope you can understand. I rehearse these sentences over and over as I walk towards the restroom.

"Captain?", Not to alarm him any further, I call him slowly once I enter the restroom. He doesn't look at me. With his hands on both sides of the sink, he looks straight at the mirror. Through his reflection, I notice the difference in Captain's eyes. As if he is not here. I mean, he is here physically but his mind is drifting out from him. "Captain?", Calling him one more time, I slowly raise my hand to touch his shoulder but he twists his body away.

I am taken aback by his reaction but I dont want to push it. Keeping my emotion intact, I ask him in a gentle voice, "Hey, are you okay?" Without looking at me, he raises his voice at me, "I'm fine!" Woah! Where did that come from? That doesn't sound okay at all. Before he is able to rush out of the bathroom, I grab to his arm and turn him around to look at me. "No, you're not. You're not being yourself. Tell me what's happening. Did I do something wrong?", Trying to hold him and also to hold onto my emotions, I did what people would normally do, shaking him and asking him again and again.

Just like I expected, no reply comes from him. He just pulls away and leaves the bathroom. Shocked by his behaviour, I rush out to follow him. I can see that he says something to the boys and proceeds to leave the restaurant. I stand there motionless, watching him every step until he is out of my sight. 

Going back to the table, he boys ask me if something happened. Shaking my head, I sit down and release a long sigh. My head is spinning right now as I analyze what had happened. Why cant he just be honest and tell me what is happening? I need to know in order to correct my fault. Suddenly, something struck me.. Wait..was he jealous? While Im trying to find my own answer to all of this, I feel a warm hand lie on top of mine. Looking up, I see Tina looking at me with concern, "Are you alright?" 

"I am fine, just a little tired, that's all.", Lying to her is the best thing I can do right now. I cant even explain my feelings right now let alone explain what happened just a moment ago. It was not a good evening for me, and probably less for Tina. I feel sorry to her but I can't pretend like nothing is happening. Not willing to forget about the subject Sing keeps interogating me, "What did you do to Captain? He was okay earlier and then, suddenly he became moody." 

All of them turn to look at me in question. Everyone is hoping for me to provide them with some kind of explanation to this situation. But I'm just as clueless as they are. "He was having a headache just now; thats why I told him to go and rest.", Now I am lying to everyone, including myself. But the one that is having a headache is me. This is what we call Karma. My head is pounding and my heart is beating so fast that I'm becoming nauseous. "You didnt fight with Captain because of me, right?", I hear Tina asking me in a whisper. I look at her without an answer. Honestly, I was asking myself the same question. 

[Captain's Point Of View]

I enter the house hurriedly and close the door harshly, creating a loud sound that echoes throughout the house. Startled by the noise, my mother wakes up from her sleep and stands up from the couch to look at me surprised, "Captain?" Avoiding looking at her face, I start to walk towards the staircase without saying a word. However, she runs towards me and stands in my way. "Captain, did something happened? Why do you look so pissed?", She asks me with a soft expression, reaching to caress my cheek but I take a step backwards before she can touch me. This takes her by surprise and she looks at me concerned. I knew that she knew something was not right. This wasn't how I usually acted towards her. Forcing a smile to hide my true feelings, I try to reassure her, "Im okay. Just very sleepy."

Letting out a sigh, she decides to step out of my way and let me off the hook. "Good night then.", I hear her mutter as she seats back on the couch and I know that she's hurt that Im not trusting her with my problems. We had discussed about this before; that I didnt trust her and how hurt she felt about it. I knew that she deserved my trust. But despite this, I still wasnt ready to tell her. First, I had to understand myself before expecting others to understand me. And thats what I was going to do; try to understand these feelings that were growing quickly inside of me. 

After locking myself inside of my room, I rest my back against the cold wood of the door and stare mindlessly at whatever I have in front. Why was this happening to me? Why did I felt so jealous of her all of a sudden? I aksed myself and when I found the answer, I finally exploded.  Running to my bed, I grab a pillow and start punching it with all my might, trying to get rid of all this anger and pain I felt. Why was this happening to me?! Why was life being so unfair to me?! Ten minutes passed before I grew exhausted and lied on my back, staring at the colorless ceiling, feeling my heart race at the thought of white. 

There was no more denying it, I had fallen in love with White.

And there was something else I knew; I was scared..

because no matter how much I wished.. 

                                                        he would never be mine..

[Author's Notes]

Hello, dear subscribers! So finally another chapter update! This chapter was ready since last week but like Aleyda has already told you, we will update every saturday, so please be patient! I want to thank you all for your comments and support, It really makes our day whenever we read them! Please keep them coming~! 

Sincerely, Christina.