[White's Point Of View]

The last time I saw Captain was at the Meet and Greet festival event. In other words, it's been almost two months since we saw each other and we haven't contacted each other ever since. I wish I could say that I'm doing okay and that this long separation hasn't affected me in any way. But the truth is that there has not been a moment where he wasn't inhabiting my mind. He is in my mind 24/7. I have even come to question if there's a miniature Captain living inside my mind. Would that be possible? A little Captain that is living in my mind and feeding off my brain, torturing me every day with our memories? If that's possible, then he should get the out of there and leave me alone. I am still trying to figure out what I am going to do with these feelings. Mini Captain should stop making it harder. I get it. I am in love with you. Now stop it.

I have already accepted myself as of now. I have accepted that there's no return now that I have fallen in love with another boy. Not just any boy but someone who has won a place in the hearts of many, Captain Chonlathorn. I have allowed myself to break the law I was born with, and gave up to my feelings. But whether I am ready to take the next step, I am still unsure. Confessing my feelings would be a huge step and probably, something that would change my life permanently. I want to make sure that I am ready and that those inflicted are ready as well. 

I'm also a little afraid that Captain might reject my feelings. One thing I have learned from all of this is that people change, and at the same time, feelings change too. After Captain's last rejection, I've grown afraid that his feelings for me have changed. Would that be possible? That his feelings for me have changed and that there won't be a chance for us to try? That he realized he doesn't love me or even worse, that he has never loved me and that everything was a misunderstanding? No. I can't lose hope yet. I have to try first before I can give up.

After all of this time without him, I will finally see him tomorrow. We are going to Japan together because of a work schedule.I know that this might be the last chance I will get. I will have to use it to grow closer to Captain. I'll use this opportunity to make everything go back to normal, or.. if Im brave enough, I'll use it to tell him how I feel. 

Yes. I will use this opportunity to the maximum.

With this thought in my mind, I close my eyes and allow myself sink into the cushion of the bed.

*********************

Next Day.

"Why is he still not here?", I mutter the question that has been bothering me unconsciously, getting the person beside me to look at me with eyes full of curiosity. "Are you referring to Captain, P?", He tells me with an amused smile and the simple pronunciation of his name makes my heart shake. "You are right. He is taking his sweet time.", Ngern comments casually, as he turns around to show me a gift he had just gotten. 

"Isn't it beautiful? I just got it from a fan!", He said excitedly, before leaning down to place the small gift box inside his suitcase. A watch. A gift from a fan. Speaking of fans, there are many of them surrounding us. Even though not all of them approach us, I can still feel their presence near. Curious eyes watching us from the shadows, reminding me of the person that should be here by now. But he isn't here. The only Captain that is here is mini Captain, who is driving me crazy in this moment. If he isn't here, then where is he? And why is he not here? I question myself as I stomp furiously on the floor.

Palming me in the shoulder and giving me a friendly smile, Ngern reassures me, "Hey, calm down. He will be here soon." I am thankful for his support and all. But sadly, it isn't working. In normal circumstances, I wouldnt be worrying this much. But these are not normal circumstances any more. This is war. A war with myself and a war with him. Sounds dramatic, doesnt it? But that's how my life is now. A melodrama.

For the past month and a half, I've been holding myself back. Forcing myself to not call him, or reach out for him in any way. I've been dying to listen to his voice, to check if he is alright but I told myself to wait for him to make the first move. But what did I get in return? A big fat nothing. He has not tried to contact me in all this time. This has me over the edge. Why is he not calling me? Does he no longer want to do anything with me? How could he get over me so fast? The last time I saw him, he seemed like a stranger. Maybe that's what he wants. He wants to become strangers. But how can we do that after all that has happened? No, it can't be like that. Anything but that. I can accept being friends, but I wouldn't stand being strangers. I should really talk to him. I've been waiting for this day all of this time, so I could talk to him. But why is he not here yet? He couldnt have canceled, right? I gasp as the thought crosses my mind. What if he canceled because he didnt want to see me?! Waves of pain pierce into my heart and I find myself biting my lip strongly to hold a whimper. 

Suddenly, Ngern taps me in the shoulder, getting me to look at him. "Hey.. If you are so worried, call him.", He suggests, making me shake my head furiously. "Come on, White. Call him. Go, go, go!", Ngern insists. I bring my phone out of my bag and stare at it hesitantly. I want to call him, I really do. Who am I kidding. I've been dying to call him all of this time. But I'm afraid he might decline my call. 

"...", I stare in silence at my phone, trying to find the courage in me to tap those digits into the screen. "Here. Use my phone.", Ngern hands me his phone, making me look at him. He is currently giving me a knowing look. "I figure it out that you might want to use my phone, that's all.", He tells me, and I dart my eyes to the device and stare at it thoughtfully. If I am calling from Ngern's phone, then there's no chance that he will reject my call, right?

Nodding my head slowly, I pick up the device from his hand and begin to tap Captain's phone number, which I had memorized by now, with trembling fingers.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

I wait anxiously, tapping my shoe against the floor. I can feel cold sweat form in my forehead, glueing my bangs against my skin. Please answer me. Tell me that everything is alright. Please, Captain. Please.. I unconsciously mutter my thoughts out loud, making Ngern raise an eyebrow in my direction. I could read his face. He was probably thinking, you need help. Which I probably did. I had turned into a train wreck because of him. What have you done to me, Captain?

Ring. Ring. Ring. The long lasting seconds pass and I'm starting to lose hope. Maybe my gut was right for the first time. Captain didn't want me anymore. He didn't want to know my feelings. He had gotten over me. It was game over. I had lost my chance.

I'm about to hang up when I finally hear a voice on the other line, "Hello?"

My heart immediately gets filled with joy and I feel an overwhelming need to cry. He answered me! Okay. He basically answered Ngern. But that's something, at least. "H-hello? C-aptain?", I stuttered, making me curse mentally at myself. Way to go keeping calm, White! What a loser! 

"White? Hey! I am on-", His voice vanishes and for a while the line goes silent, making me fear that he has hang up. But then he comes back, making my heart beat again, "Sorry. I am at the aiport. Making my way to our meeting spot. The place is fill with fans! I'll be there in a few minutes."

"It's okay. I just wanted to make sure you were coming, that's all.", I tell him and regret it later. Great. I probably sounded very stupid right now. Oh, I just wanted to make sure you were coming to a schedule you were paid to attend beforehand. I was afraid you would cancel and return the money because you didnt want to see me. I almost had a heart attack, by the way. It's nothing. Don't worry. "Oh, why wouldnt I? I've been looking forward to this!", He tells me excitedly, making me relax a little. He sounds okay. Am I okay? I should be okay. If he is okay, i'm okay. I should probably calm down my nerves now. Everything is going to be okay.

But how can I be okay when he appears in my sight. The person I have missed so much is finally here. Not here, here. But some space away from me. He looks beautiful, even in simple wear. His skin is shining and his smile is dazzling. I feel the overwhelming need to throw myself into his arms and just spill all of my feelings for him once and for all. But I glue myself to the seater, admiring him as he waves his hands at all the screaming fans that have gathered around him. He receives a couple of gifts with a smile and poses for a few pictures before looking in my direction. Our eyes cross and my heart stops. What should I do? Should I wave a hand at him? Or should I wait in silence? He is going to come whether I do any of those things or not, right? 

As I am contemplating what to do, he smiles a timid smile and my heart races as he takes a step forward. Everything is going to be okay. I tell myself. But how can I be okay, when my heart feels like it's going to burst in joy?

[Captain's Point Of View]

"Hello.", I greet the two boys in front of me, hoping to hide the nervouness under a casual tone of voice. As I stand before them, I can feel White's piercing eyes staring up at me in mesmerize, making my heart race even more. It's been more than a month since we saw each other, so his mere presence is enough to make my body shake in a mix of nervousness and excitement. 

"What took you so long?  We were so worried about you.", I place my hands behind my back to hide the fact that they are trembling and sweaty, and concentrate on Ngern's face as he talks. I am not brave enough to hold eye contact with White yet. I am afraid that I won't be able to stop myself from wrapping him in a tight embrace if I look into his eyes. It wouldn't be a good idea, considering that we are surrounded by fans and other strangers that are awaiting their flight. Not to mention my mother, who is currently a few meters away from us, speaking to our manager about the trip. What would she think about us? She would probably grow suspicious about my feelings for White and if she came to find out the truth, she would be disappointed in me. How do you know if you haven't tried? Don't jump into your own conclusions, Captain. Fame's wise words echo in my head, making me grow nauseated. But what if these conclusions are right? What am I going to do then?

Shaking my head lightly to get rid of my inner afflictions, I stare back at Ngern and bow my head slowly. "I am sorry to make you wait. We got caught in traffic jam.", I apologized to him before turning around to meet the face of my mother. She is probably waiting for me to say goodbye before she can take her leave. How do you know if you haven't tried? Don't jump into your own conclusions, Captain. These words resonate in my mind, as I stare at the person who's been with me for the past seventeen years. She has always been there for me and she promised to stay beside me. "No matter what", she had said confidently. But does her "no matter what" cover my mistakes? Just as much can she take before she abandons me? Just as much disappointment can a mother bear before she gives up on a child?

Suddenly, the warmth of a hand rests over my shoulder, making me turn back to meet the face of the person that is the cause to all of my troubles and who at the same time, makes me feel so at ease. "Are you okay, Captain?", He asks me in a soft voice that speaks of vulnerability. I know how White might be feeling right now. I know him too well by now, to know what he is in his mind at this moment. He is probably wondering if I am angry at him and blaming himself for it. I admit that this might be my fault. My attitude towards him wasn't the best the last time we saw each other. Not to mention that I haven't contacted him ever since. He probably misunderstood my actions and thought that I was angry at him, which is not the case. I just needed time back then. Time to think about all of this mess and understand what I wanted. Time that I don't need anymore. What I need right now is to talk to him and fix things between us. This time helped me realize that this is not only my decision. This is his decision as well. I have to give him at least a chance to confess to me what he feels. I want to see if he is able to take that step into our relationship.

"I am okay.", I cover his hand with mine and give him an honest smile. This seems to put him at ease right away and he returns my smile with one of his own. My heart skips a beat as I stare at his face. I see myself in his pupils and feel how much I mean to him. This makes me feel at ease and slowly, my worries melt away. If only he is willing to fight for me, then nothing else matters. 

"I need to go and say goodbye to my mother. I will come back, okay?", I tell him before I turn to look at my mother, who seems to be oblivious to everything. My poor mother. Who doesn't see anything coming her way.

How do you know if you haven't tried? Don't jump into your own conclusions, Captain.

But I know. I know that my conclusions are correct. 

****************

- Mom, what do you think was Noh's parents reaction when they find out about his relationship with Phun? -

- Why are you asking me this, Captain? -

- No. Its nothing. I was just wondering. Since the book doesn't talk about that. -

- Hmm. I don't know. How am I supposed to know that? -

- What would be your reaction if Noh was your son? -

- Captain, are you hiding something from me? -

- No. I am just curious. That's all. -

- I wouldn't know what to do. Just think about how embarrassing it would be. 

What would your father's new family say about us? They would make fun of us. 

Captain. You aren't talking about yourself, right..? -

- No, mom. It's not me. -

- Good. And it should stay that way. For the sake of our family. -

- Yes, mom. -

****************

Letting out a sigh, I run towards my mother and wrap my arms around her.

I am sorry, mom. But I will be going after my happiness now. 

****************

Author's Point Of View

Hello, everyone! This is Aleyda. I'm so sorry for not being able to update last week. Some things have been happening around the family. You know, the usual problems with my sister. So I really didn't feel like doing and so I didn't do . I am so sorry. I hope you forgive me and enjoy this chapter~ The two of us, specially Christina, have been working very hard on this. I hope you enjoy.