By the time Luhan returned to the palace, it was already 6 at night. He knew dinner would be ready soon but he didn't have an appetite. Just the thought of sitting with Sehun and Haru, after seeing them kiss, made his stomach hurt and his head dizzy. He couldn't help but this of how Sehun had kissed him just weeks ago. He couldn't forget the feeling. It was a hesitant but deliberately gentle touch that left him wanting more. 

At the dinner table, Luhan tried to keep his spirits up but it was clear that he wasn't in a good mood.

"Hyung, you're eating so little..I made a lot of mackerel today." Kyungsoo tries with a smile.

"Yeah, Luhan! I personally saw Kyungsoo make it myself! You should really try som-"

"I'll try it!" Haru exclaims with a laugh and Kyungsoo tries to hide his frown as she leans over the table to scoop the fish.

"Sehun, too!" She adds, placing fish onto his bowl. Sehun mumbles a 'thanks' before taking small nibbles of it.  Luhan tries hard not to look disappointed.

"Luhan, why don't you try some?" Sehun says, surprising everyone including himself. He didn't know why he had the urge to say that.

"I'm fine." Luhan shakes his head, picking up some rice with his chopsticks.

"You can't just eat rice," Sehun tries to make a playful conversation but Luhan wasn't in the mood for it. As Sehun spoke, Luhan tried not to focus on his pink lips. It was a fatal temptation.

"I'm not that hungry." he says quietly but Sehun insists.

"Here, I'll get some for you." Sehun takes the spoon from Haru, who hadn't sat back down from shock, and gets a spoonful of meat.

Stop it. If you keep doing this, I'll break. I can't. I can't be shaken.

"No, you really don'-"

Please stop. It's official.

"Come on, just a b-"

"No, Sehun! I don't want the damn fish!" He exclaims, getting up from his seat. This caused everyone to stop eating and the air suddenly became heavy and awkward. Sehun stared at Luhan and his ears were red. Haru tried to ease the situation but instead, it made Luhan's blood boil.

"Luhan-ah, this is not how you behave at the dinner table." Halmeoni says with a frown but Luhan doesn't respond. How could he when all he can think of is Sehun's kiss with Haru? It hurt him to ignore Halmeoni after all she'd done for him but he was too broken to break.

Without another word, Luhan walked away from the table and Kyungsoo attempted to stand up but Jongin held his arm down, shaking his head. Kyungsoo glanced at Haru, who simply smirked, enjoying the vegetables in her bowl. He just wanted to ruin that pretty face of her's.

Sehun suddenly dropped the spoon and ran out after Luhan. Jongin nearly coughed on his food and Halmeoni resume her meal. Haru scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"So, Haru..have you ever gone anywhere outside of Japan?" Kyungsoo asks and Halmeoni looks at the two boys to her left before glancing at Haru sitting on the right.

"Uhm,..not really. Korea." Haru states as if she didn't really care about her response.

Jongin tried to not roll his eyes. "Other than Korea?"

Haru laughs. "Oh right, uhm...I've been to England and France when I was younger. America once, too. But I don't really remember what I did there. I must have been 2 or 3 years old."

Kyungsoo fakes a laugh. "Wow, that's cool. Anywhere recently?"

Haru picks at the rice in her bowl. "No. Not that I can remember."

Kyungsoo wanted to call her out, tell her that she had indeed gone somewhere, but holds it in with a tight smile.

"I see. I've never been to Japan before. What is it like?"

"It's okay. It's quite boring actually. China's a lot more fun and lively. The people ther-"

"Oh, so you've been to China, too?" Kyungsoo asks, a smirk threatening to pull on his lips.

Haru pauses and blinks a few times. "Y-Yeah..Oh silly me, I've forgotten about that place..It's been a while since I've gone so..yeah. I went to China. I mean, it's so close to Japan and Korea."

Kyungsoo glances at Halmeoni and Jongin tightens his grips on his boyfriend's hand. They all knew, Haru was caught.

--

"Luhan!" Sehun follows behind the brunet down the hall. Luhan wasn't running away. He was only ignoring his calls and avoiding eye contact with the persistent prince.

"Yah!" Sehun pulls Luhan by his wrist, and Luhan tries to not scream at the warmth of his hand. He wanted to get away from Sehun. He didn't want to see him.

"What?" Luhan says, almost emotionless. It was like a reverse of their personalities, which caught Sehun off guard. It felt weird to be on the receiving end of such cold responses.

"What were you thinking? You embarrassed me in front of everyone! In front of Haru! Like, you could have just refused if you didn't want i-"

Luhan couldn't hold in his anger anymore. Sehun was being ridiculous and he was in no condition to be treated like trash.

"I embarrassed you? No, you embarrassed yourself! I told you I wasn't hungry, that I was fine, but you just kept pushing me to eat the stupid fish! How is this my fault?! I don't understand why you keep doing this!" Luhan cries, trying to not let his true emotions show. He wasn't angry about the fish. It was something deeper than that.

"Doing what? What don't you understand?"

"This!" Luhan lifts up their connected hands and shakes it in the air. "Why do you keep trying to hold me down? You and Haru are going to get married in less than a week, am I right? Why do you pretend to care about me when you have Haru by your side? I-I'm only a brother to you. A hyung..." Luhan exclaims with frustration.

"This was about Haru? That's why you're angry?" Sehun asks, his eyebrows furrowed as he steps closer.

Luhan shakes his head. Why didn't Sehun understand?

"No! I don't give two s about Haru. Everything isn't about her!"

"Then what?! What are you so angry about? You never tell me anything!" Sehun was now raising his voice.

"How am I supposed to tell you!? What am I supposed to tell you?! Haru wants you to herself and you've moved out of our room. I don't see you most of the day and when I do, you don't look at me. You don't even bother to start a conversation but when Haru is suffocating you, you turn to me. I'm not a rebound. I'm not someone that you can just push yourself onto when things get rough. I'm not a toy, Sehun. You can't toss me around when you don't want me anymore."

Sehun's grip loosened and his lips fell open. He stared at Luhan.

"Y-You remember?"

A rush of panic washed over him but he tried to not show any emotion, despite them two standing barely a foot away from each other.

"Remember what?"

"Our marriage. Us. You remember, right?" Sehun stepped closer to Luhan. Just the idea that he might have remembered made his heart thump loudly. His Luhan was still there. His Luhan. He didn't have the right to call him that. He belonged to someone else now and Luhan was no longer his. In fact, he had never been his to begin with.

Luhan glared at him. "Why the hell do you keep bringing that up? It never happened and it never will! Get that through your head, Sehun! We're brothers, not lovers."

"But I-"

"You what? Tell me Sehun." Luhan says with hatred in his voice.

He knew Sehun would never admit it. He would never say that he confessed to him, that he had ever loved him. He knew Sehun wouldn't admit their kisses, that they were intentional. It was a hopeless wish. If Sehun could say it to him now, Luhan would drop the act and leap into his arms. He was hug him in a tight embrace and confess his plan to forget Sehun but he knew it wouldn't happen. Sehun valued his pride too much.

Sehun blinked before sighing. "N-Never mind."

Luhan tried to hide the tear that slipped down his cheek by turning around. "Exactly."

--

There were only two days left till Sehun's wedding and Luhan had been avoiding him at all costs. On his own time, he had been planning how to leave Korea. He intended to tell this to Halmeoni but there was a slim chance she would let him leave. Then again, he wasn't her grandson until he and Sehun get married, which was something that would never happen. He couldn't help but think of all the possibilities of how to handle the situation. He could simply stay in Korea and suffer the pain of seeing Haru and Sehun raise a family. He could stay in Korean and move back to the country side with Kyungsoo, and continue to run their restaurant. That seemed to be the best solution but there was also the option of going back to China. It always remained in the back of Luhan's head, but he never put too much thought into it. He was scared to leave Korea. Scared to leave Halmeoni and Kyungsoo. Scared to Sehun.

Luhan was able to obtain a journal from one of the tiny bookstores in town and during the past week, he had been writing all of his deepest thoughts. He wanted to keep track of all his memories with Sehun. He wrote down every moment he could remember with the prince, including their kisses, their accidents, and even their first meeting. He wanted to write them down before he would force himself to forget. He had to forget. Sehun had to be part of his past now. There was no going back.

That afternoon, Luhan bumped into Haru in one of the hallways and unlike usual, she stopped him. He hasn't seen her due to her dress fittings, which take up to 8 hours of the day. Just thinking about that made Luhan's head hurt. He couldn't help but compared how on the day he and Sehun were to get married, it took less than 4 hours to get the finest suit due to the lack of time.

"Luhan, can we talk?" She asked with a friendly smile. Luhan wanted so badly to refuse but instead, he nodded his head. As the days passed, he seemed to be less important in the palace. Everything now was about Haru. Her wedding was coming up so quickly and Gorou demanded the best of everything for his daughter.

Luhan stood before Haru to the side of the empty hall. It was early in the afternoon and they had just finished lunch an hour ago.

"So, my wedding is coming soon." Haru says and Luhan nods. Of course he knew. Everyone in the palace knew. Hell, everyone in Korea and Japan knew. Gorou was paying millions to have their wedding announced throughout the kingdom and in his own country.

"Yeah, I'm glad for you two." Luhan spoke with faint enthusiasm in his voice.

"Thanks. I've waited so long for it and I can't believe it's actually going to happen. Sehun and I, are finally getting married!" Haru say with a bright smile and Luhan only nods.

"Anyways, I just wanted to ask you something." Haru brushes a strand of hair behind her ear. Luhan couldn't help but notice, for the first time in 2 weeks, how beautiful Haru really was. Her skin was pale and flawless and her eyes were big with double eyelids. Her make up was done to perfect but he knew she would look just as pretty without it. Her hair was silky and soft, falling just past her chest.

Haru took Luhan's hands into her own. What was she doing?

"Sehun didn't have the guts to ask you himself. He can be such a coward at times. But, if you don't mind, could you be his best man for the wedding?"

It was as if a bullet was shot right through him. He blankly stared at Haru before him.

"I mean, I thought he would ask Jongin if anything but he specifically said he wanted you t-"

Luhan pulled her hands from Haru's grip but she caught him as his wrist. Luhan turned to her with hatred in his eyes but she only smirked.

"Anything you say to him now won't change the fact that we're getting married, Luhan."

Luhan simply tugged his hand away and ran as fast as he could.

He didn't know where he was running to but he just went wherever his legs took him.  How could Sehun do this to him? How could Sehun expect him to be there at his wedding?

He stood before his room. Luhan pulled open the door and just as he did, his journal dropped to the floor.

It couldn't be happening. It didn't make any sense. Sehun hadn't been in their room since the day he moved out.

"What are you doing in here?" Luhan didn't know why he raised his voice. Just the anger of seeing him there made Luhan walk over to the blonde and snatch the book from the floor. 

"You lied to me." Sehun says and Luhan can feel all his nightmares coming to life.

"Get out,:

"You said you didn't-"

"Get out, Seh-"

"No, Luhan! Why would you do this?! Why would you lie to me?!" Sehun exclaimed, clearly in pain. It hurt Luhan just to see Sehun like this. He hadn't prepared himself for this.

"Why are you going through my things?! Why did you even come back here?" Luhan's eyes began to tear and his chest burned. It was as if the air was being out of him. He wanted to disappear.

"Stop putting the blame on me! Why the would you pretend to forget?!" Sehun stepped closer to Luhan. He was now overcome by anger, rather than hurt.

"You started it! What was I supposed to do?! You called the wedding over!"

"I had a legit reason, Luhan! I had to call the wedding ov-"

"Then why would you confess to me?! " A tear slipped down his cheek and for the first time, he showed his weakness in front of Sehun after the rejection.

Sehun didn't say anything at first.

"Did you even like me? Was it all a game to you? Was I just a waste of time?!" Another tear trailed down the side of Luhan's face.

"You don't know what you're talking about-"

"Yes, I do Sehun! I ing do! You told me you loved me then you left! You left to get re-engaged to Haru in Japan when I was losing my mind figuring out if I had the same feelings you for! You couldn't even eat or sleep, thinking of how to tell you how I felt! I was going crazy because I missed you so much but when you came back, you were so different! You even asked me to be your best man at the weeding! How could you do that to me?! You tricked me-"

"I didn't Luhan. I've never been sure of anything in my life but if there is anything I'm sure of, it was that you weren't a fling. Okay!? I lied. I couldn't accept the fact that I liked you at first. We're both guys but for some reason, you're so addicting that I wanted you to myself. I wanted to lock you up in this ing palace so that no one else could look at you. I wanted to steal you away and do all sorts of things to you because that's how obsessed I had become. You did this to me and I couldn't handle it. My heart would beat so fast just thinking of the life we had ahead of us! But when Gorou sent a message that Haru wanted to marry me, it was like a snap back to reality! The first thing I thought of was a new chance to restart. That it was only a phase. That I wasn't ever in love with you. During those days, I forced myself to believe them and when you confessed to me, I could only think of pushing your feelings away for my benefit. If I had known you hadn't actually forgotten, I wouldn't have asked you to be my best man. I had thought about it but Haru insisted that I shoul-"

"You don't love me, in fact you never did. You're a ing selfish coward! You don't care for anyone but yourself! I don't even know why I like- no, loved you. I can't believe I wasted my time on you!" Luhan cried, turning to leave but Sehun tightly grabbed onto his forearm. Luhan tried to break free but Sehun was too strong.

"It wasn't a waste of time. We weren't a waste of ti-"

"There is no 'we', Sehun. Don't you get it?! You and I weren't real. It was all fake." Luhan laughs to himself. "Now I understand."

"No you don'-"

"Yes I do! I completely understand! Don't pretend like you aren't having fun with Haru either! I saw you two kissing."

Sehun narrowed his eyes. "Where? We neve-"

"You took her to our place! Your mother's meadow! I thought I was special to you but I guess you take any there. I was probably not even the first!"

"You don't know Haru like I do. She will get what she wants no matter what it takes-"

"Well doesn't that sound familiar." Luhan scoffs. "You're exactly like her. You only care about getting what you want!"

"Any kiss that you saw, whatever it was, I promise you that it didn't mean anything! You're special-"

"Don't give me any of that bull crap, Sehun! You don't give a damn about m-"

"Why won't you ing believe me?!" Sehun was now desperate. There were so many things to be said between the two of them but neither of them could take the pain. They were too deep in this mess.

"You said it yourself! Don't pretend now. There's no point in holding me. You have Haru. She will provide you with an heir, with connections, power, wealth, everyth-"

"But I don't want her, don't you see? I don't want anyone but you! She doesn't make me smile when she smiles, and she doesn't make me laugh when she laughs. She doesn't make my heart flutter when she's beside me. She doesn't wake up clinging to me in the most annoying yet adorable way. She doesn't have the short fluffy hair that makes me want to run my fingers through it." Sehun looked right at Luhan and with each step, he stood closer to The shorter male.  "She's too tall and I can't rest my head on her's. Her voice doesn't calm me and her personality is too demanding. She's fluent in Korean and she doesn't need me to teach her. She's too skinny that I can't feel comfortable with her leaning on me. I can't talk to her the way I talk to you. She doesn't understand me the way you do and I just can't see her the way I see you."

By now, they stood before each other, less than an inch away but Luhan couldn't move. His body was frozen and he was in a trance. Sehun was closer to him than they had been the past weeks and with all these words being thrown at him, Luhan couldn't help the tears that kept slipping down his cheeks. This had been all he had wanted to hear from Sehun but now, he wished he never did. When he had finally made up his mind, Sehun brings him right back to square one.

"I-I don't believe you. I can't." Luhan attempts to take a step back but Sehun wraps his arms around Luhan's waist, pressing him against Sehun's body. The heat made his ears turn red.

"What can I do to make you believe me?" Sehun whisper was low and it was getting too much for Luhan.

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing."

"Are you sure?" Sehun leaned closer.

"Positive." Luhan tried to say as defiantly as he could. His legs were weak and he couldn't concentrate on anything but Sehun face. How could Sehun be so handsome? It was so unfair. He was so unfair.

Sehun's lips stopped just centimeters over his. Luhan knew this was dangerous, that he should back away but he couldn't He had desired for Sehun's kiss for so long. Now that it was right before him, he had to pull away. He couldn't let this carry on any further. He had a limit that couldn't be exceeded. He couldn't be tempted.

"Tell me..If you don't want this, push me away and I'll leave you alone. But if you still love me, you won't."

The journal fell, this time out of Luhan's hands, for the second time.

 

---

NO WORDS NEED TO BE SAID ABOUT THIS! *fangirling over this intense Hunhan chapter* Sorry if there are many grammar mistakes! >,<"

Leave a comment! What do you think Luhan did? What do you guys think of Sehun now? Do you guy trust Sehun? What will happen to HunHan? :O

Thank you so much for reading! Comment, Upvote, and Subscribe!! <3 <3