The pack never believed Kris when he told them that Luhan talks in his sleep. You’ve all spent enough time bundled together in one bed – sometimes a couch or the floor – to be completely convinced that Kris only says that to tease Luhan.

Luhan was more than happy with your assumptions, and at some point, Kris stopped bringing the topic up.

Which didn’t change the fact that Luhan still talked in his sleep every time they slept together.

It didn’t really annoy Kris. Quite the opposite, actually; he pretty much ended up giggling himself to sleep every time Luhan would suddenly open his eyes in the middle of the night, say something that didn’t make sense, and promptly go back to sleep. It only happened when they were alone, though, and got more frequent around the full moon.

“Okay, I admit, I used to sleepwalk when I was a kid,” Luhan said one day, munching on potato chips loudly. “But that was a long time ago and I don’t do that anymore.”

“You don’t sleepwalk, but you do sleeptalk,” Kris said, snatching the bag of chips from him. “No more for you today, you’ll get fat.”

“Werewolves don’t get fat,” Luhan defended, scrunching his nose.

Everything changed sometime during the summer, and it all started with one of your brilliant ideas. Because it always starts with one of your brilliant ideas.

“We present to you,” Sehun announces loudly, coming to a halt after strolling out into the backyard where the whole pack has sprawled out in the sun, “the first ever werewolf-resistant beer.”

You catch up to him, carrying a glass of beer, and everyone’s attention is directed at you and Sehun, expressions caught between confusion and amusement.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Amber asks, raising her brows and taking her sunglasses off for good measure. She eyes the beer suspiciously.

“So since we – as in werewolves – can’t get drunk unless we drink enormous amounts of alcohol, we decided to try something special to spice the alcohol up and make it very capable of making a grown werewolf tipsy.”

“You’re kidding.” Chen deadpans. “An actual alcohol that a werewolf can drink and become drunk? How fast?”

“We don’t know that yet,” you say, shrugging. “We just know it won’t kill you.”

You walk over to the pack, Sehun trailing after you. Everyone gets up from the ground (or from blankets, like Eun and Yeol and Min and Sulli, and from the sunbeds your mom decided to purchase after realizing that the boys have their favorite spots on the ground and they’re destroying the grass while lying on it, these little rebels), peering curiously into the glass. Chanyeol is the first one to catch the scent of it, and he bends away – more like shoots away with his whole body – quick and hard enough for his head to collide with Baek’s. They both growl, everybody else ignores them, and Yixing inhales the scent.

“Is that—“ he says, eyes watering. “Wolfsbane?”

“Are you trying to ing kill us?!” Amber exclaims with passion. You glance up at her to see her grinning. “I’m sorry. I always wanted to say that. I know, I’m not a were, don’t judge me—“

“What kind of wolfsbane is that?” Suho interrupts, promptly shutting Amber up by literally putting his open palm on her face. The girl freezes in the middle of the sentence.

“The kind that can make you hallucinate in big doses,” you explain. “But Sehun made tests. You know, with all his awesome biology student equipment—“

“You'd be a normal student if you did better on your exams,” Sehun cuts in. "Stop pointing out how awesome my course is, of course it is, I'm Oh Sehun, what did you expect?"

"I wanted to take a gap year, shut up!" 

“Guys,” Sulli reminds. “The magic beer. How does it work?”

Sehun takes a deep breath. “It makes a werewolf tipsy just like normal beer does to normal people. I mean, hypothetically.”

“Like we said, we didn’t try it yet,” you explain. “We just know that the species definitely won’t kill you. Worst case scenario: you get hallucinations a’la mushrooms style. But the main purpose of creating this miracle was to get you all drunk.”

“So someone has to test it.” Xiumin deadpans. You lift your arms a little, presenting them the beer like it’s a prize.

“Precisely.”

“What if we drank it?” Sulli asks, speaking for all the humans in the pack.

“We’d probably throw up.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea at all,” Suho mutters.

“Nonsense!” Luhan exclaims all of a sudden, raising both his arms up. “I volunteer as tribute!”

“Even worse idea.” Kris says, eyes widening in fear. Still, he doesn’t stop Luhan from approaching you and taking the glass of beer from you. He sniffs at it carefully, his nose scrunching, and it takes a while before he seems to have made up his mind and takes the first sip.

“Has a weird aftertaste,” he says. “I trust you,” he adds, glancing at both you and Sehun.

“He’s not an engineer, though,” Tao whispers lamely.

Then Luhan downs the whole glass in one go, practically pouring it into his mouth, and making everyone gasp in mutual shock. 

Luhan lets the last droplets fall into his open mouth. He his lips, staggering back on his feet, and Kris, Kai and Suho all reach their arms out, ready to catch him. Luhan blinks a few times and everyone stares at him, and then he burps, looking up at you and Sehun.

“Holy ,” he says, giggling, and passes out.

The boys catch him. Kris heaves him up into his arms, raising a judgmental brow at you and Sehun.

“He wasn’t supposed to drink all of it,” you point out.

“Is he alive?” Chen whispers.

“Of course he is, ,” Baekhyun hisses. “I think he’s also blissed out.”

“He drank all the beer that I made,” Sehun says, pouting.

“Well, at least we know it works,” Min shrugs. “Next time you’ll make more and we’ll drink it more carefully.”

“Did you see his face, though?” Xiumin asks. “Freaking priceless.”

Two hours later, half of the pack is drunk, including you.

*

“Wow. You are ridiculously attractive.”

“Dal…”

“Instant pant dropping—“

“Dal—“

“—take me now, if you please—“

“Dal, seriously.”

“—Regulation hottie.”

Kai heaves a sigh. You grin up at him and he scowls.

“You’re drunk,” he states.

“And you have a scowl to rival Kirsten Stewart,” you slur out. Kai’s eyes become a little clearer at that, a hint of a smile playing on his lips…Until Chen lets out a retching sound, that is.

“Get a room!” he says.

“Where the is all the money?!” someone screams suddenly, loud enough to make the werewolves cringe at the sudden volume in the rather silent, peaceful night in. Everyone whips their heads around, eyes stopping on Luhan’s figure on the floor.

He's sat up on the blankets you had given him to sleep on, and is now making a face.

His eyes are closed though.

“What…” Tao mutters.

“Ah!” Luhan shouts again. You jump. Kai goes from scowling to hopeless mixed with judging. “Right. At the bank.”

And then Luhan flops back down onto the blankets and wiggles around like a caterpillar until he’s comfortable again. Slowly, the sound of TV starts filling your ears again and you stare, a bit dazed, at the boy. Then you look at the rest of your pack, finding them all confused and amused as hell.

“Can someone write that down?” Chen mutters after a second.

“I have a notebook for that, I’ll remember,” Kris replies. At this, everyone looks at him, their attention immediately pinned to the Alpha. He’s the only person that hadn’t taken his eyes off the TV when Luhan suddenly shot up.

When he feels everyone’s stares on his back, he glances at you and shrugs.

“Told you he talks in his sleep.”

*

Next weekend, Sehun shows up in Kai’s loft with Yixing in tow, carrying two crates of alcohol. Some liquids in them look like beer, others – not likely.

“Okay, so who’s staying sober tonight?” Sehun asks, putting the crate down.

“I am,” you say, raising your arm. “I had my turn last weekend.”

“Is this all laced with that wolfsbane?” Kai asks skeptically, eyeing the crates. Then he looks around his loft. “Uh. Maybe we should change the location?”

“Naw, man. We’ll drink responsibly.” Chen assures him.

They don’t.

Chen, as always, gets philosophical and gets into a long debate about the meaning of life with Yixing, who just can’t stop giggling. Sehun pretty much gets drunk for the first time in his life and he clings to Sulli, then to Xiumin, and then everyone wants to eat. Also, Amber turns on the music and they all begin to dance in the living room, the floor shaking from the bass.

You pray the neighbors won’t come to nag at you.

Luhan passes out again. You have to avoid his body sprawled on the floor when getting to the kitchen.

“Hey, can someone carry Luhan to the living room or something? He’s gonna get a sore back!” you shout. Kyungsoo practically materializes at your side.

“Want some help with the food?” he asks.

“What are you making?” Tao asks, also entering the kitchen and, just as Kyungsoo did, pretends not to see Luhan on the floor.

“Kimchi?” you say, opening the fridge. Suddenly, someone grabs your shoulder and gently moves you to the side, and you sputter a little in protest. Only then you see it’s Luhan and you shut your mouth just as he yells, “God dammit, I’m thirsty.”

He grabs the water bottle closest to him. Kai enters the kitchen, squinting at you all circling Luhan, and approaches him.

“Luhan?” he asks. “What are you doing?”

“I’m thirsty and I want water,” Luhan replies, turning on his heel and pointing at the water bottle in his hand. “But all you have is this mothering can of soup.”

“What the flying pancakes!” Chen exclaims, his voice high-pitched, only entering the kitchen now. Luhan angrily puts the bottle away, staggers away from the fridge and lies down right where he was, almost knocking Chen off his feet.

Silence ensues. Besides the heavy trap music Amber , that is.

“So,” you say. “That just happened.”

“You need to get cameras in here dude,” Kyungsoo says, nodding his head eagerly and looking at Kai pleadingly.

“I told you!” Kris shouts from the next room.

*

Kris enters his and Luhan’s apartment after a night shift, immediately freezing in the corridor when he scents Chen, Amber, Chanyeol, Sehun and Tao. He takes off his shoes, locks the door and enters the living room to find them all cackling furiously, Luhan fast asleep on the couch, mumbling something.

“What are you doing?” he asks, taken aback.

“Oh my God,” Amber wheezes. “If I had known he does that, I’d have put mics on him a long time ago.”

“I told you he talks in his sleep!” Kris exclaims. “Just—What the hell?”

“Listen, listen,” Sehun says, standing up and punching something into his phone. A second later, Luhan’s recorded voice comes from the iPhone, and Kris frowns.

“Stop wasting the silence,” Luhan says fervently. Then his voice gets softer. “Keep it safe.”

Kris outright guffaws, sending everyone into a new fit of laughter. Sehun kinda throws himself at him, unable to stand upright.

“This is gold,” he announces.

“No, stop!” Kris says, trying to control his giggles. “That’s unfair. You can’t just make him drunk as you please because it’s funny; he’s a human being and that’s harassment.”

“We’re taking care of him, don’t worry,” Amber coos. “I brought him ramen so he can eat it hot when he wakes up. And pills. And he’s wrapped in a blanket, see.”

“That’s still unfair,” Kris points out. “Now get out of my house, I want to sleep.”

“Just for the record, he actually got drunk himself. Well, not on purpose, I think—he didn’t know it’s a double dose and he only took a few sips but still.”

“Sorry we didn’t believe you earlier,” Eun says, standing up. “This is the last time. We promise.”

“She promises,” Amber sighs. “I do not.”

“Amber,” Kris growls.

She grins, stands up, pats Luhan’s head affectionately, and then trails after Chen and Sehun.

“Night,” Eun says, tiptoeing to kiss Kris’s cheek, and he smiles at her.

“Goodnight!” Chanyeol says to him, a chorus made of Tao, Sehun, Amber and Chen parroting him.

“Yeah, yeah,” Kris waves, sighing, again, and feeling like some kids just left his child’s birthday party. Or something.

He carries Luhan into their bedroom, sets him down onto the mattress, and goes to take a quick shower. When he emerges from the bathroom, Luhan is sitting up on the bed, squinting at him.

“I need to press the button,” he says. Kris rolls his eyes, approaches his side of the bed, and sits down, looking at Luhan.

“I already pressed it for you.”

“You don’t even know how.” Luhan replies accusingly. Kris chuckles hopelessly, leans in, kisses Luhan on the nose and makes himself comfortable in bed.

“Go to sleep, Luhan.”

Luhan wakes up with a terrible hangover, but Kris makes him eat ramen and then they make out for the better part of the morning. No one ever says that Kris is lying about Luhan talking in his sleep ever again and Luhan steers away from any alcohol for the next three months.

So all the things Luhan says in this chapter are sentences I actually found on the internet. I had this list some time ago, weirdest things people say in their sleep or something like that, and it got SO DEEP INSIDE MY BRAIN I can actually rattle them all off. I blame my photographic memory??? It's sad that I remember such things but can't remember when I need to pass a test???? Oops

Lova ya! (still on a road trip, but will be back soon)