You're walking up the stairs with Kyungsoo following you when the boy stops abruptly and seems to perk up at some noises. You know that face - he's listening into something, and you stop as well, tilting your head curiously at him. You nod at him after a few seconds of silence. "What's up? Something wrong?"

"I think Kai is fighting with someone," Kyungsoo finally says. You look at him wide-eyed.

"What do you mean by fighting? Screaming fighting or fighting fighting?" you hiss, turning on your heel and jumping up the stairs. 

"Screaming fighting," Kyungsoo says as he follows. "Well, not exactly screaming, but he does sound a tiny bit distressed." 

"A tiny bit?" you mutter to yourself, finally getting to the door. You push it open and practically run into the loft, tripping over the living room's threshold and falling into the room in a tangle of limbs, a little panicked. You're met with two pairs of lively eyes. "Hi." 

Kai and Jaejoong look at you, surprised. Jajeoong has his arms crossed over his chest, protectively, while Kai's are propped over his hips. He clenches his jaw when he sees you, and you feel a pang of guilt and hurt at that. 

He probably hears your heart stuttering because his head immediately shoots up. 

"Hey," he says. Jaejoong uses that exact moment to practically run out of the room. You barely see him as he walks past you, that's how fast he goes, and you follow him with your eyes until you hear the door shut. You look at Kai, slowly, and find his eyes pinned to where Jaejoong disappeared. 

Kyungsoo enters the room awkwardly. Silence fills your ears. 

"Are you okay?" you ask. "What happened?" 

"Nothing," Kai replies, shaking his head. He walks past you, touching you briefly on the nape of your neck, and stretches his arms out towards Kyungsoo. "Bought groceries?" 

"Yeah," Kyungsoo mutters, handing him the bags. "Are you okay? You sounded pretty angry." 

"Is that why she ran into the room?" Kai asks Kyungsoo, quirking a brow at him. 

"I should've kept my mouth shut, probably," Kyungsoo whispers, looking down. 

"She always runs in anyways," Kai says, shrugging, and turns to look at you with a soft smile. You feel your heart swell a little. You follow him when he goes into the kitchen. 

"Kai," you call. He looks at you and opens the fridge to put away the eggs and milk. "What did you talk about?" 

"Him," Kai answers, heaving another sigh. "Just—him. Him leaving us. Him coming back right now. I'm—"

He doesn't finish. He leans over the kitchen counter and you cross your arms on your chest, trying to catch his eyes. 

"You're doing it again," you tell him. 

"I'm being angsty, I know," Kai growls out. "I'm stopping." 

"I thought you'd forgiven him." 

"I have!" he argues, throwing his arms out and looking you in the eyes. His own are flashing hazy red. "I have. I'm not mad at him. There's just—there's that bitter part of me that blames him for some stuff. I think I—I can't just. I can't let go of all of it." 

You try to understand how he feels, what he thinks. How would you feel if one of the boys accidentally let in someone evil into your home, or into Kai's loft, and led to death of people closest to you? How would you feel if they disappeared for years?

"You're mad at him," you say slowly, gaze focused on Kai, "because he left without telling you." 

Kai frowns. "So?" 

"And that's because you left too."

Kai stares at you, squinting a little. His eyes gleam. 

"That's not the same—"

"The fact that it's not the same makes it annoying to you," you state. "Jajeoong left because of guilt. Because he couldn't look you in the eyes for what he'd done. You had to go through losing a family member again. He left your family pack when you were all the weakest. So you knew how it's like to lose people. And then your alpha powers started getting stonger, and you were forced to leave. You did what Jae did, only you did that because you had to. And you feel guilty about it. And it just makes you even angrier with Jaejoong." 

Kai just stares at you, his eyebrows creased. Then he looks down, re-evaluating, and puts his hands over his face, growling silently. 

"," he says. "I totally got angry at him because of my own stupid guilt, didn't I?" 

"You might've," you nod, slowly approaching him. You touch his wrists gently, wrapping your fingers around them and then withdrawing his hands from his face. He looks a bit shocked. "But it's because you're worried and because you feel guilty about lots of stuff. It's understandable." 

"No, it's plain unfair," Kai says, snapping his eyes up at yours.

"Well, it's not too late to understand that," you tell him. "Kai, you can't be mad at yourself forever. You know that it never does you any good."

"Or you," Kai sighs. You wonder when he'd become such a person. Suddenly, you remember how he used to be - a bit violent at times, growly, not good with words. Now you have him in front of him and he's sincere, open, and listening, and patient; your heart swells with pride and warmth because you think that maybe, just maybe, you did that. A little. Just a little. "I'm sorry." 

You tiptoe and kiss him on the nose. Kai looks at you, sincerely. 

"You should tell Jaejoong that," you state. "And stop feeling bad for what you did. Everything you ever did was to keep your family or us safe. And we are. Safe, that is. So stop thinking about it and worrying that you've hurt someone, because as far as I'm concerned, you're the best thing that's happened to me. Aside from being a part of your pack, that is." 

He surprises you with a kiss on the lips that makes you freeze completely. It's brief and fast, and before you can move your lips, Kai is already withdrawing, his pupils blown as he looks down at you. You swallow hard. 

"That was nice, I want more," you say. 

"No. You're still on the bench." 

You send him a questioning look that quickly turns into disbelief. 

"No I'm not," you scoff. Kai cuts you off with another kiss then; this time a deeper and longer one that leaves you craving for more. 

"Ewww!" Kyungsoo shouts from the living room.

*

"Okay," Kai says, puffing out his cheeks. He looks at you, then back, at Taemin and Jaejoong who are sitting in the backseat of his car, and raises a brow. "Ready to go?" he asks. You turn towards Jaejoong as well and you and Kai give him mutual, curious looks. Taemin joins in and Jaejoong's cheeks go pink.

"Okay, stop doing that mutual creepy staring thing," he says, "and then I'll be fine and ready to go."

Kai turns on the engine. 

"This is gonna be excruciating," you hear him say. 

"Shut up, it won't," you answer, rolling your eyes.

The drive to Seoul is the longest and the most awkward drive in your life.

You turn on some music and it’s the first time Kai doesn’t complain about it. This time it’s Scandinavian rock. And well, maybe Kai doesn’t complain because Scandinavian music is freaking badass.

Still, it’s awkward, and your neck feels stiff from all the not looking at Jaejoong. You wouldn’t want to be Taemin.

You breathe out with relief when you reach Seoul. You get stuck in a traffic for half an hour, and at this point your CD ends, and you stare at the road in front of you like a zombie.

“Okay,” you say after ten minutes of piercing silence. “Let’s play one hundred questions. I start.”

You get three similar grunts of acknowledgment. You go for it.

“What do you dip a chicken nugget in?” you ask.

“Barbecue sauce,” Taemin says.

“Honey mustard,” Jaejoong and Kai say in unison. You see Kai glance back at his older brother and his cheeks get a bit pink. You pursue your lips to stop yourself from laughing.

“Okay. Do you sleep with your door closed or open?”

“Closed,” Kai says quickly.

“Open,” Taemin says.

“Open,” Jaejoong admits. You want to giggle like a madman.

“Who’s better: Batman or Superman?” you ask.

“Batman,” they say in unison, in such perfect synchronization you want to cry and laugh and throw rainbows and cotton candy at them. You’re the goddess of brotherhood, the enemy of awkwardness!

“Do you sing in the shower?” Taemin asks suddenly. You feel yourself growing more and more excited as they begin to actually talk.

“Yeah,” Jaejoong says. “I don’t even know when I’m doing it.”

“Taemin is the same,” Kai adds. “He also dances. And he sometimes does interviews with invisible people.”

“I’m practicing for the day I become famous,” Taemin says in a diva-like tone. You snort. “Do you chew your pens and pencils?”

“No, gross,” Kai says, chuckling.

“I second that,” Jaejoong mutters, a soft smile on his lips.

“You can’t be human then,” Taemin mutters, disappointed.

“Do you still watch cartoons?” you ask. You know that Taemin and Kai do, so it’s more of a question to Jaejoong, and he nods.

“All the time. And Ghibli movies.”

“We need to have a Ghibli marathon,” you say out loud. “I bet that I can sing every single main theme song from every tingle Ghibli movie.”

Taemin snorts. “It’s on.”

“Oh, you think you’re gonna be better than me?”

“Honey, I know that I’m gonna be better than you. My Aoi Teshima slays.”

“Oh, it’s on. I eat the likes of you for breakfast.”

Jaejoong and Kai both laugh at that. Then they both get flustered and cough awkwardly.

“Favorite food?” you ask, smiling.

*

"Okay, we're here," Kai says, stopping his car. Jaejoong peers out of the window and looks at the huge apartment block right in front of them. He swallows so hard you wonder if his own saliva could tear his throat. "Calm down." 

"I'm gonna puke. I think I'm gonna puke." 

"Okay, calm down," Taemin repeats after Kai, placing a hand over Jaejoong's shoulder. "It's your family. The same you knew years ago. Nothing's changed. They'll be happy to see you." 

Hyoyeon slaps him in the face.

You all freeze, not daring to even look at the girl. Jaejoong lets out a strangled sound and his head whips back; he has to take a step back to regain full balance, and then he looks up, shocked, hurt and guilty, to see Hyoyeon hiding and nose in her hands and crying her eyes out. 

She lets out a single sob. 

Then more people start to emerge from the apartment, curious about the sudden commotion, and everyone is awfully silent. Hyoyeon stares at Jaejoong, and Jaejoong stares at everyone. Then his eyes stop at Hyoyeon once more, and the girl lets out another sob, this time a heart-wrenching one. She moves quickly and Jaejoong braces for another slap, but...he gets a hug instead.

Hyoyeon sobs into his ear. He hugs her back after a few seconds of hesitation and shock, and when he does, she practically melts into him. 

"Dear God," someone says. You see Jaejoong's mom fall onto the ground, her husband holding her hand and trying to help her stand up. "My baby." 

"Son," Kai's father says, stretching his arm out towards Jaejoong. The man's shoulders are shaking and his whole face screams relief and love. Jaejoong lets out something akin to a sob as well, and - with Hyoyeon still in his arms - walks towards his parents.

Before you know, he's in-between all of them - Hyoyeon, his parents, and Sooyoung, who doesn't even say anything, just jumps right at them, being the only person that's actually laughing. Taemin goes to join the hug with a huge grin on his face, and Kai, after a second or two of hesitating, follows his lead, almost getting squished to death by Hyoyeon's strong grip.

You hear the door open behind you and you turn just in time to see Donghae coming in with Kyuhyun in his arms. He frowns when he sees you, and then squints at the pile of bodies in the hallway. 

"Hi," he says. "What's going on?" 

Hyoyeon, Kai and his dad move a little and that's when Donghae sees Jaejoong's face. He sways on his feet.

They stare at each other. Jaejoong's eyes are watery and his cheeks and nose red; Donghae goes completely pale. 

"Jae?" he whispers. Then he walks towards them, Kyuhyun in arms, and punches Jaejoong half-heartedly on the face, then on the shoulder, then pulls him into a hug, squeezing Kyuhyun between him and his younger brother. "You freaking assbutt." 

"Little ears!" Kai's mom reminds him. 

"Chickenbutt!" Kyuhyun screams, trying to wiggle out from between two bodies that are suddenly all over him. "Daddy, it's hot, let goes!"

You watch Star Wars. Kyuhyun cries when Kai tells him Darth Vader is a bad guy. You go into a heated discussion about how Darth Vader redeemed himself in the end and how he went through a lot but still built an empire; and you pretty much divide the whole family into Darth Vader haters and Darth Vader protectors.

Jaejoong and Kyuhyun fall asleep on the couch together. Kai’s dad covers them with a blanket and begins sobbing when staring down at his son. Sooyoung laughs at him and forces him to drink some tea with her.

Everything seems to be well. Kai boops you on the nose when walking to the bathroom, and then, when you complain about it, he comes back to kiss it.  

"I'm still angry with you," he says, pointing an accusing finger at you. You laugh.

"No you're not."

love you lots pecan pies :)