WARNING: This chapter focuses on Xiumin's thoughts and actions rather than interaction with other characters and includes depressing topics that might be triggering. This is an extremely important chapter but please be careful T_T

Xiumin POV

I place my nose into the nape of Luhan's neck as I hold him in desperation. I don't want to let go; not now, not ever.

My eyes begin to water as I breathe in his sweet scent. It reminds me of a safe place I used to call home. He gives me warmth, he keeps me safe, he gives me comfort, he takes care of me; like an angel would.

He said I'm beautiful. So that means I'm perfect in his eyes, doesn't it? I'm not ugly, I'm not fat, I'm not disgusting; I'm beautiful. It's only his opinion that matters, nobody else's.

We let go and Luhan kisses my forehead. "I love you, Xiumin."

I feel the blood suddenly rush to my cheeks as I cover my face. "I love you too, Luhan."

He ruffles my hair and approaches the couch to retrieve his coat. The coat is wrapped around his body and he turns to face me. He kisses my forehead, nose and lips before he scuttled towards the door.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Xiu. I love you."

"I love you too..." my voice trails off as he leaves. I wish he could stay - his presence is the only thing that saves me from the voices in my head.

I sit at the foot of the door, my head huddled in my knees. I think of every excuse to shout him back, but my mind can only concentrate on the voices.

Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. FAT.

I know they're in my head, but they still get to me; they still hit all my trigger points that make my stomach twist and my eyes sting.

I run up the stairs into the bathroom and bend over the toilet bowl, shoving two fingers down my throat and I throw up everything I can until all I do is gag.

I love Luhan so much, but sometimes, my head gets the best of me, and all I want to do in that moment is disappear until everything stops hurting completely. One of those moments is now.

I don't like sitting in my room everyday, never seeing the sun, never communicating with anyone. My mother always told me that being afr