From what she thought was a small matter grew larger.

Who would have thought that feeding someone blood was like proposing marriage? Hana took light of the matter until she realized, Kai was avoiding her. Maybe he was forced to, or maybe it was an act of will, but all she knew was that he would not bear to be in the same room as her.

She didn't like the idea of being so close, yet so far away from him. Kai was the only one she could trust right now. He was her only ally, her only friend. She felt extremely apologetic now that he was suffering for the consequence of saving her.

The clans have traveled across the land, getting to the forest once occupied by the elves. The sun was strong there, with daylight lasting much longer compared to the nighttime. As the only clan suffering from the light, vampires hid themselves under the shelter. They found caves, or abandoned castles and stayed over the night.

Having to plan the war once again, the clans needed a little more time over a week. Though their loss in the last battle wasn't much, it was still quite a number. It was then, that the council of the vampire called for Hana for the very first time. Though they weren't as influential as the Elders, they held their own roles in the public.

It was like déjàvu when Hana entered the room with twelve persons sitting quietly. Last time she had Jaejoong by her side, but this time she was all alone. She had to admit she was a little nervous about this meetings but she wouldn't let it show on her face.

One of them was Kai's father, sitting as a representative of the Kim family. He nodded courtly to Hana, in which she returned. The others followed suit as a formal greeting. Hana sat down on the very end, so that everyone was facing her. She felt a little intimidated, but slowly, she got used to the stares people threw at her.

Hana was normally a very shy person, and a scaredy cat. Almost anything scared her. She didn't know how she became this way, but it was just the way she grew up to be. She could be very strong, though, when she needed herself to be, when she wasn't putting too much thought into her head and her words. But most of the time she over thought, even though it killed her sometimes.

"Lady Jung," the current head families of the Seo family spoke up. She was a woman, whose face looked no older than Jaejoong. Her real age, though, Hana could only guess. Her eyes showed calmness, like water, but once provoked, she proved to be quite vicious and violent. It was nothing less expected of a female leader who must lead the family after the death of her husband.

"I must apologize for calling you in the midst of everything, but do know that we won't ask for this unless it is extremely important."

"Of course," Hana smiled a little, nodding at her in appreciation, "Please tell me what's bothering you."

"This is about The Lord of our clan, on whom you still haven't decided yet," Lady Seo spoke in a careful tone so that she wouldn't insult her. Hana took a long pause, thinking about what they were all going to say. In the end, it was about the husband talk again. She faked a smile and nodded at her to continue,

"Lady Jung, as long as you haven't chosen, the Lords won't be able to use the ability fully, and you know how dangerous it will be when we're facing strong enemies like the Elders and the other clans," The Lord from Kwon family spoke instead, "We do not want to push you into this, but it is important for the clan to survive with a leader."

"Even though Lord Sehun is technically a Fallen, he is still a rightful heir for the throne. It's entirely up to you to choose your Mate, but we urge you to choose quickly... And wisely. We are being a traitor to Lord Jaejoong by saying this, but we won't push you to choose him immediately."

"Is this the matter of power and politics or loyalty and love?" Hana looked at him sharply. She had a feeling that they were trying to ask her to choose Jaejoong, which even after a long thought, she knew she wouldn't.

"It's both at the same time," Lord Kim replied. "We notice your fondness towards Sehun."

Hana refused to back down, but fear was visibly there in her eyes. She was distressed over this choice.

"Yes, we do notice it, Lady Jung. If it is your choice to choose him, but please. Think wisely. It's not just about who you love anymore. The person you choose will lead this clan in the future, until the two of you are ready to retire, or a new heir show up like you did. Your choice will include is whole clan, and if it's the wrong choice, everyone will suffer."

"So you're indirectly telling me to choose Jaejoong?" Hana shivered. Her voice trembled a bit. She glared at all of them, expressing her rejection over this idea, "What makes you think Sehun is unworthy of this clan?"

"A vampire who choose to betray his own clan and be a Fallen is enough proof," Lord Kim retorted, in the cold voice that scolded Kai not few days ago. "What makes you think he will love you in return, Lady Jung? Might I remind you, he is a Fallen. He's aiming for revenge to Lord Jaejoong."

Hana became quiet in her reply. She diverted her glare from them to the table, thinking.

"We've been in this world much, much longer, my Lady. I know a Fallen's way. They do not feel, they do not care, and most of all, they know no love. Their world consist of blood, lust, kill and deaths. They know no bond and no relationship. Sehun's probably still aiming for the revenge, and he will stop at nothing. He probably thinks that being mated to you will distract him from his original purpose."

She wasn't supposed to doubt him. But Lord Kim had already planted a seed of it in her heart. Her hands grew sweaty, and she was looking at them, contemplating on how to answer. She knew Sehun, but at the same time, she didn't. Hana knew that male was hellbent on his revenge.

"I am his uncle. I know him better than anyone, with the exception of Lord Jaejoong. He is probably just using you to get to Lord Jaejoong."

Hana blinked. She swallowed the lump of saliva and forced herself to look at Lord Kim in the eye.

"Like we said, Lady Jung. Think wisely. Lord Jaejoong might be a better choice for you."

Lady Seo looked at Hana, her eyes weren't as hard and fierce as before, "It's just a crush, my Lady. I'm sure you will get over it soon."

Hana felt something choking her from the inside. They were killing her with this question. She knew it was going to be Sehun. No matter what she would choose Sehun. And call her stupid for still believing the little good in him, but she knew the one touch she craved for, the one person she would always be looking for... It would always be Sehun.

She couldn't think of a life with anyone other than Sehun. Was it tears that streamed down her cold, hard cheeks? Harshly, Hana wiped them away.

Everyone gave her an understanding look, and one by one bowed down and left the room. Lady Seo was one of the last, giving her a pitiful look, because she understood her more than anyone else. After all, she lost a mate at such a young age. She remembered the feeling of being lost without someone to guide her. She had wanted to die. But responsibility prevented her from doing so.

"Lady Seo," Hana called out to her, and she stopped in the middle of her track.

Lady Seo turned back and softly sighed.

"Yes, my Lady?"

"You've lost a mate, haven't you?"

The said woman lowered down her gaze and smiled sadly, "Yes, I have, lady Jung."

Hana was thankful Lady Seo didn't look at her face to face. She didn't want to see anyone's pitiful look on her right now. No, Hana didn't need pity nor sympathy. She didn't need consolation nor advice. She just needed to be alone right now.

"Does it get easier after days?"

The head of Seo family bit her lips, showing her vulnerable side she tried so hard to suppress.

"Is it really that easy to lose someone you love so dearly?"

A soft purr was heard. Then silence.

Minutes passed and seconds ticked by.

Hana didn't mind waiting though. She just needed that answer from Lady Seo's own lips.

"No, my Lady, it doesn't. I'm sorry..."

Because it got harder everyday without him. And even when you didn't count the time, days passed by, years came and gone. But he was always there. He was never physically there, no. What hurt was what was once him turned to ashes. You couldn't touch, you couldn't hear the voice anymore. He was there. And only there in your memories.

No one remembered but you alone.

***

Jaejoong smiled a little. His gaze was heartbreaking. Anyone who saw would know he was in great despair. Lord Kim knew. After all he watched the little nephew of his grew up to be a fine young man. He grew to be a leader, though sometimes cruel and rude, he was a great leader.

He couldn't believe this was the man who'd murder his own father for throne.

"So...?"

"I told her," Lord Kim grabbed a mirror and looked at his own reflection. Old, wrinkled, dying, though he appeared young and healthy. Nothing was left in this thousand year old body. He grew weary and he grew tired of life. He was thinking of retiring, soon with his dearest wife, lying somewhere for eternal sleep, but he couldn't just leave when the clan was in chaos. He felt the responsibility to watch over Jaejoong and the others as a replacement of his brother. And until then, he wouldn't go away.

"You told her?" Jaejoong softly whispered. Inside his tough facade, lied a fragile soul.

He didn't want to hurt Hana. But he had to.

He had to, because he was selfish. Love made a person selfish they said. It was true. But then why... Why would he feel so desperate and helpless when he was already winning in this? Knowing how much it would break her... How much it would break Sehun...

"It's not anyone's fault, Jaejoong," Lord Kim gently squeezed his shoulder, "You have to do what you should do for this clan. That's what makes you a better leader."

"And your son?"

Lord Kim put down the mirror and made a circle around the old, dusty library. The books looked old and worn out. No hands had touched and cared for them for a long time. Smiling at himself, he blew out the dust.

"What about Jongin?"

Jaejoong grimaced. It wasn't like he cared much for his family. But family was still blood bonded to him from the day he was born to the day he would die. There was no escape, and as much as he hated to admit, he knew he cared for Kai just the slightest. And it was enough to make him worry.

"Doesn't he love Hana as well? Won't it hurt him that I did this?"

Lord Kim locked his eyes with Jaejoong. He let himself vulnerable for a moment, letting Jaejoong see his true intentions. With a shake of head, he replied,

"Sometimes, you will realize that a sacrifice is needed to make a better amends with life..." 

A/N: Lady Seo is Seohyun because I love her so.