MAXIMUM

Jaejoong kept a close eye on Yunho over the next few days, but his bad mood completely vanished, and he went back to his old self as if nothing had happened. They were too busy to be distracted by any outside of emotions, but still Jaejoong was a little bit worried. Yunho was the least likely of any of them to be swept up in mood swings, so his cold reaction to his mother made Jaejoong wonder if he was pushing something to the back of his mind rather than addressing it and potentially drawing his attention away from the album they were working on.

“Did you tell her?” Jaejoong asked a few days later when they were on break. “Your mother, I mean?”

“About...?”

“You not being in a relationship with Gaeun noona?”

“Oh. That.” Yunho forehead creased. “I told her not to waste her minutes on long distance calls, and that I'd talk to her properly when I got home. And not to spread any rumors about me to my relatives while I was gone.”

“You could have just told her. If you explained to her the reason why we're not answering it upfront, I'm sure she wouldn't leak it to anyone.” Jaejoong paused. “I mean the part about getting approval for noona's engagement, not the blind item.”

“I don't like taking personal calls during work. Besides, I got mad. One, because she didn't believe me when I said I wasn't seeing Gaeun noona in the first place, and is more trusting of a gossip magazine. Two, because she bothered you.”

“I wasn't that bothered.”

“I know you weren't. But still...” He tapped Jaejoong's forehead. “I don't like her talking to you when I'm not there. It makes me worry what she'll say to you. I don't want there to be anything coming from her that's hurtful, even if it's unintentional.”

Jaejoong lifted an eyebrow. “I'm not going to dump you over something someone else says.”

“That's a relief. But I feel like I have a sense of responsibility when it comes to my family. Like anything they say reflects back on how I've represented you to them. Which I clearly haven't done at all, if they think I'm in love with noona.”

Jaejoong rubbed his arms. “People won't believe what they don't want to believe. That's what kept us safe from so many people, right?”

“Mmm. I don't like feeling like I need to be safe from my own family. Or that you may not be safe, either.” Yunho shook his head, shifting into one of his aegyo pouts he pretended he couldn't do in front of fans. “Aigoooo, baby, why are you being so serious? We'll worry about all of this when we're home. Let's just escape for a little bit while we're here, okay?”

“Escape where? We're chained to the studio.”

“Escape into our own little world?” He placed his hands on Jaejoong's knees and started to lean forward to kiss him, when Yoochun walked into the room.

“Can't keep your hands off each other in the middle of practice?” he snorted. “I hate to say this, but I'm surprised it took you this long to even have a blind item written about you, and not a freaking exposé.” He paused. “I could write the exposé myself for some spending money.”

Jaejoong sighed. He hated being denied the kiss for one, but it annoyed him more that Yoochun was right. Just because their Japanese staff was very discrete, didn't mean they could go around giving the rumors around them any more credence than they already had. They'd come too close to getting in trouble too many times, but still they were playing with fire, flirting with their own destruction like fools who hadn't already been burned by their lack of caution.

“What are you doing in here, anyways?” Jaejoong asked, glaring lightly. “Weren't you playing ping pong with Changmin?”

“The little brat beat me five times in a row, so no, I'm not anymore. I came here to tell you that you have a phone call.”

Jaejoong pointed to himself. “Me? But my cell phone is in my pocket, I would know if I had a--”

“It's on the label's phone, so I'm guessing it's Hyunsoo nim or Stanley-ssi, or someone like that. No one told me what it was about, just to get you. Don't worry, I'll look after hyung while you're gone.”

“Look after who?” Yunho sniffed disdainfully.

Jaejoong went tentatively to the main office and picked up the phone left off the hook for him. “Hello?” He wasn't sure who it would be on the other line. Stan had been busy doing catch up work after his honeymoon with Dayoung, and he assumed if Hyunsoo nim called, it would make more sense for him to get in touch with Yongsoo or Yunho, who the rumors were directed towards in the first place.

But, to his surprise, it was Hyunsoo nim's voice on the line. “Jaejoong goon? I hope I'm not interrupting anything important?”

“Hyungnim,” Jaejoong straightened his posture, even though his boss couldn't see him. “No, you're not interrupting anything. I'm on break.”

“Good, good. I've been keeping tabs on you, as always, and your performance has been excellent so far. The album is going well?”

“Yes. We've put a lot of it together already.”

“Excellent. All is well on our side. B.P.M is in the middle of a comeback, which I'm sure you've heard, and Soorin is working on a solo project.” He laughed. “Who would have thought such a quiet girl would ever be able to take the stage on her own? Still, she's written so many good songs that it was only reasonable to let her. She's receiving special interview coaching, but she's certainly trying hard. You've been a good influence on her. And as someone with plenty of songs of your own, perhaps you'll be able to follow in her footsteps one day. But first-”

“Succeed in Japan,” Jaejoong finished for him. “We will.”

“Of course you will.” Hyunsoo nim paused. “I'm sure you've done your share of monitoring Yunho goon's rumor, correct?”

“Yes. We all have.”

“As someone a bit closer to the situation, I can assure that all remains well. Starkiss and DBSK fans are standing firm in their convictions, and the only warring that goes on is between them and people outside of the fandom. As for those netizens-- you would be better off steering clear of them.” He cleared his throat. “You must be wondering why I'm specifically calling you. The truth is, I can't help being a bit concerned on your behalf. I would have had this conversation with you face-to-face had the rumor broken before you left for Japan, but circumstances being what they are...”

“Shouldn't you be more concerned about Yunho ah, hyungnim?”

“Being concerned about Yunho goon would be pointless, as the one he's concerned with is also you. Maybe not about this particular rumor, but the fact that there will always be rumors of this kind around one or the other of you.”

“Which rumors are you referring to?” Jaejoong asked quietly. “Rumors about the two of us together, or rumors about us with other people?”

“Whichever you find the most unpleasant to your happiness, Jaejoong goon. If you don't feel comfortable saying it, I'm sure I can understand just fine on my own.”

Smart man. After all that's happened, he would have a clear idea of what was going on... “I can handle it,” Jaejoong said simply. “I have to. I was the first one of us who made this choice to live this life. If I regret being in the spotlight and always worrying about what people I don't even know will say about the people closest to me, I have no one to blame but myself. As long as I know what's true, it doesn't matter. It won't get in the way of me being a part of DBSK, if that's why you're worried.”

“That's not why I'm worried at all. I'm thinking of Kim Jaejoong the person, not Kim Jaejoong the singer at the moment. That Kim Jaejoong has grown up so much since coming to C&M. Truthfully, there was a reason I chose Jung Yunho as your leader, even though you were older. It was because I realized from the beginning that he was the one holding you up, and that you were unsteady without him. You had a strong personality, but there was still a sense of anxiousness about you, and whenever things were hard for you, you'd internalize your feelings and try to suffer them alone. Yunho goon was the one who lessened that side of you, so I was sure making him leader would not only help you to be at your best, but would encourage the other trainees who needed a similar steady presence. I stand by the decision, too. As both a singer and a man, you've become stronger. Now it's not Yunho alone holding you up, but you doing most of the work, while allowing him to support you. But still... I do worry for you. People will not only be attacking you, but your system of support as well. If either one of you allows yourself to weaken, you could fall apart. That is a risk of not only the industry, but also of the heart. As the one who looks after you both, I would prefer you to live happily, but there will always be such little freedom I can give you, and at many times, I will be someone who leads you down paths you'd rather not go, such as I did in this case with Gaeun. Perhaps I'm seeking your forgiveness more than anything right now. The fourteen idols we manage give C&M so much, but for our part, there are so many things we must keep from them. I do not like to do it, but I like to think some of it I do just as much for you as I do for myself.”

“You don't have to ask for my forgiveness,” Jaejoong said, surprised.

“Perhaps not. I told you before that when I was younger, I was in love with a ballad singer, didn't I? But I never mentioned before that I was her manager. That aside, it would have been a completely acceptable relationship. I was only three years her elder, was from a good family, and was closer to her than anybody. But because of my position, I could never cross the line between us for the sake of the company and keeping that sense of professionalism. So I watched quietly as she dated and later married another man, all the time wondering in the back of mind if it would have been different if I had been able to be honest and free with my feelings. But I'll never know now. So when I built C&M, I vowed to take away those limits on my idols, so they would not need to put those barriers on their hearts. As soon as Gaeun told me about her boyfriend, I said I would allow everything, provided she progressed discretely. But then I found out about Soorin's home situation, and I immediately became like the company I'd once worked within. No one can know. It was for her sake, and for ours as well. A young, beautiful idol whose father abandoned her and whose mother relied on her for financial support? The poor girl could have a television drama written about her, one that would distract from her music. I couldn't let that happen. And when Saehee got caught in her scandal, I had that moment of panic for her, too. How can you expose yourself to these vultures so easily? I forgot to see the boy I once in her eyes, and thought only of protecting her. And I still have those urges right now. As your boss, I want to tell you and Yunho to stay far away from each other, and spare your hearts and your group the pain of the lies you will tell and the fear of having everyone know. But as a human being, I only want to wish you all the joy and happiness I myself could not have. Both sides of me factor into the decisions I make, but it's not my intention to cause any pain for you or shake the foundation which supports you. Whatever fears you face or lies you must tell, I'll count on you to be strong enough not to break, Kim Jaejoong, because I don't know how to keep the vow I made and also keep you safe.”

“I... thank you.” Jaejoong was still a bit surprised at everything Hyunsoo had told him. He'd always liked him as C&M's CEO, but at the same time, he'd held it in the back of his mind that he was still a lingering threat with the power to make or break them if he knew the truth. He wouldn't have put it past some people in the same position of power to do the same, but Hyunsoo nim really did seem to have his past experiences in his mind in regards to them. In all cases, he tried to think of both protecting the company and protecting them, which Jaejoong had to give him credit for. “But really, I think I'll be fine this time.”

“Glad to hear it. The circumstances surrounding this particular rumor necessitated quick action, but next time-- provided there is a next time-- I'll be sure to talk to you both properly before any decision is reached.” He paused. “Oh, and Jaejoong goon?”

“Yes?”

“I'm serious about what I said about letting you have a chance for your songs to shine. That song you auditioned with... One Kiss, was it?... I think your fans would love to hear that. That kind of song does more than anything else to show your heart, doesn't it?”

Jaejoong smiled into the phone. “Yes, it does.” It had shown Yunho his heart, after all, and had opened the door for so much more for them both.

When he hung up, he felt much more light-hearted. They would probably never be able to have support from all sides, but they were building it on the sides that counted. Their label would look out for them as best as it could, and they would have to get better about looking after themselves, too.

But what made him happiest was what Hyunsoo nim had said of the changes in his emotional strength. I don't have to rely on Yunho to do everything I can't anymore, he thought proudly. I can be strong enough for me, now. For both of us.

0o0

The crowd stretching out before Jaejoong's eyes couldn't have been more different than the audience they'd drawn for their first Japanese fansign. At the first event, he'd been able to see individual faces and signs much easier, but now it was a crush of chattering figures, clutching onto uchiwas and copies of their newest single. When they'd first appeared in front of them to perform their new single, the screams had been so loud that Jaejoong almost thought he was back in Korea among their vast local fanbase. Had they really grown to this point? He knew they'd worked for it, but all the same, it still unsettled him a bit to see directly just how much they were capable of. We were just regular people, a few years ago, he mused. And underneath it all, the people we were are still there, just better than we were before.

“Did all these people really buy our single?” Yoochun asked breathlessly.

“They had to,” Jaejoong answered. “That was one of the conditions on our fansites for securing a ticket.”

“But it was just released this morning... and, what, there must be over a thousand people here!”

“Three thousand, I think I heard Yongsoo hyung saying.”

“So we sold at least three thousand singles.” He whistled under his breath. “That alone would put us in a pretty decent place on the daily charts. Maybe we can do better than seventh this time.”

“That's the plan.” Jaejoong waved out into the audience as the security guards lined them up, and was greeted by more screams. Three thousand people. We barely had that at our first concerts in Japan. What a difference a little time and effort makes...

When the audience began to approach their table, Jaejoong wound up wrapped up in dashing off signatures on their singles, and listening to everything they had to say. Some of them were nervous and can only stammer, and some of them proudly said he was their favorite member, and they were happy for the chance to finally see him up close. Others even cried, which still flustered him a little, not knowing what it was about him that had that effect on people. And every once in awhile there was a girl who looked down at his couple ring and smiled. “Don't let any rumors make you sad, Jaejoong-san. We all believe in you.”

“Please always smile, no matter what anybody says.”

“We'll wait for your company to clear everything up, so don't worry about us!”

“Everyone who really looks into his eyes knows there's nobody he loves more than he loves you.”

Jaejoong smiled back at them, not saying anything leading, but allowing his look and the ring on his finger to speak for him. The feeling was so good that he regretted that he hadn't been able to feel it when he'd had trouble with Dami. Having faith and experiencing this kind of reciprocal belief made it impossible to doubt in anything. With three thousand firm supporters right in front of him, it was impossible to feel alone or in any way unloved.

When they went backstage after the event finished, Yunho looked a little bit bewildered. “I thought they would hate me,” he said, blinking unsteadily. “If they thought I was dating someone else, I thought they would hate me. But every single one of them had happy things to say, and told me they were rooting for me. Why? What's so special about me that they would trust so much?”

Jaejoong laughed, surprised by reaction. “What, you thought they would buy tickets and show up to an exclusive event just to bully you?”

“It's happened before to other artists.”

“True. But you know that most of them know. Because of our rings.”

“I know, but still. I just really... I really, really didn't want anybody to misunderstand and be disappointed because of me.”

Jaejoong's expression sobered. Yunho had seemed more worried about him during the whole situation, but clearly it had been hard on him, having to worry that people would believe the rumors and be hurt because of them. Even though, whether it was true or not, he wouldn't have done anything wrong. But still, as their leader, what the fans felt was just as important to him as what he did.

Jaejoong took Yunho's hands and held them tightly. “What's so special about you? When you say something, you mean it. Every promise you make, you keep. You keep everyone else in the front of your mind, even when you should just be thinking of yourself. How could they not trust you? You make us want to believe.”

“Do I?” He smiled uncertainly. “Well, as long as they really are okay. I don't mind putting up with the rumors for my own sake, but if it made them unhappy... but I guess it didn't. The only thing I got scolded for was messing around with you.”

“Oh, trust me, when this whole thing is cleared up, you will be punished.”

“Eh? But I didn't do anything.”

“So you don't want to be punished? Is that what you're saying?”

“Well, when you put it like that...”

They all wanted to know how their single was doing in daily sales, but they wound up dozing off in their practice room while they were waiting. Jaejoong slept on Yunho's shoulder and had unsettling dreams of Yunho's family forcing him to go to an arranged marriage meeting with a girl in a burgundy leather jacket, claiming he had to marry her because the jacket was proof they were soulmates, so when Yongsoo finally shook him awake, he was in a somewhat surly mood and had a headache to boot.

“Glaring at me already, Jaejoong ah?” he asked, reaching across to tap Yunho. “Don't want to hear your results?”

“No, no,” he said, rearranging his face. “I want to know.”

“Better wake yourself up, then. Changmin ah, you all right there?”

“Is it dinnertime?” he muttered, rubbing his eyes. Junsu cracked open an eye, then promptly slumped over again.

“Come on, guys, wake up, wake up. We're scheduling interviews as we speak, so look alive.”

“Interviews?” Yunho asked, lifting his head. “New interviews?”

“Yes. You made the papers again.”

They all groaned collectively, and Jaejoong's stomach sank. “What could they possibly have to say about Yunho and Gaeun noona now?”

“Nothing. It's not about Gaeun. It's about DBSK.”

“What did we do?”

“You hit number two on daily.”

They all fell silent. “What?” Yoochun said dumbly.

“You hit number two. Daily charts. Oricon. And number one with Tower.”

“We...hit...number two?” Yunho repeated, his eyes widening. “Am I dreaming?”

“Not to my knowledge. Oh, and you better stay calm and sitting down for this part. Other Korean acts from bigger labels have been able to chart second, so that's not what all the fuss is about.”

“What is it?” Jaejoong held his breath.

“You broke the record for most first day sales for an international boy group,” Yongsoo said, his face breaking into a grin. “Congrats, boys. You've made it.”

Look at me, and the things which happened to me,
I’ve overcome everything and reached here.
I wont be satisfied being entrapped
in this small tower any longer.
From the beginning, my path was different.
Now I’ve found my own voice.
I will open the closed doors,
I will take the first step, it’s me.