A/N: Everyone else having Yunjae feels through the roof this week? Even putting up with antis wasn't as big of a pain, because there's no way you can say Yunjae hates each other without sounding dumb after Jae's "Yunho~yahh~" love message. My AKTF feels T_T. Hope you enjoy the new chapter, and thanks for reading and commenting!!!!

WHATEVER THEY SAY

Jaejoong stayed in the break room with Soorin until the broadcast ended to make sure her mood stayed good, and just as he was leaving, he ran into Brie in the hallway. She smiled and touched his arm. “Thank you,” she said quietly. “For actually listening to her when she tried to talk to you.” She patted him once, then made her way to the break room and Soorin without saying anything else. He looked at her retreating back and nodded. He'd wondered before if Soorin was the odd one out in Starkiss, but she had more people on her side than maybe she even knew.

He pulled the DVD of them singing at Yunho's out of his bag and clutched it tightly. He didn't mind looking out for Soorin, but his own future was just as important, and it was about time he did what he came here to do in the first place.

Hi Stan was busy on his computer when Jaejoong came in, but he waved for him to sit down in the red vinyl chair and wait for him to finish. Jaejoong listened to the beats he was working on, bobbing his head along with them. He wanted so badly to be at the point where he could work on songs along with him, but he knew he had a lot to learn. Most of the songs he'd written had been only for himself, and he needed to start thinking about working with a group in spite of the fact that he didn't have a full group to work with yet.

Finally, Stan wrapped up his work and swiveled his chair to face Jaejoong. “Your sister isn't turning you into a messenger today, is she?” he asked, grinning widely. The silly look of someone in love, Jaejoong thought to himself before realizing that he could very well be making the same look in front of Yunho without realizing it.

Jaejoong shook his head. “She sends kisses, though. I actually wanted to talk to you more about what we discussed last time.”

“Ah. You certainly are a step closer, aren't you? That Changmin was a good find, so imagine my surprise when Dayoung told me that he was a friend of yours and Yunho before he auditioned here.”

“I didn't know he was that good until right before he auditioned, honestly, or I would have encouraged him to do the first round auditions with us.”

“No harm done. But we do want to be firming up more of a stable line-up for your unit soon, if we want to get serious about debuting. Hyunsoo nim will wait for the walk-on auditions, but after that...” Stan tapped his fingers on the desk. “I doubt he would settle for a trio, given you're a boy group. With male idols, it's best not to skimp on the fanbase. If I had to pick from the new trainees who would go well with you, I'd lean towards Shinwon and Jongwoo. What do you think?”

“That's what I wanted to talk about.” Jaejoong lifted the DVD up. “Along with Changmin, Yunho and I had two other people we sung with sometimes. One of them is a trainee at another company, and another one is planning on going to the walk-on audition contest. I just... wanted to know what you thought about... leaning towards them as potential members of our unit?”

Stan lifted an eyebrow. “I'm not sure that's exactly how it works, but you've piqued my curiosity. You have a recording?”

Jaejoong nodded and handed the disc over to Stan. He popped it out and slid it into the drive, pulling the video up. The screen filled with images of them from the night before, the ground littered with containers from their chicken meals and empty cola cans. It was hardly professional, but as soon as they started singing, Jaejoong knew it was right to show him. They'd sang together several times over the summer, but they'd never sounded better than they did right then, thanks to their happiness at being together again after going through difficult times apart.

Hi Stan focused intently on the video, then replayed it when it ended. He had a notepad open from his earlier work, and started scribbling a few things down.

“How old are they?” was the first thing he asked.

“Sixteen.”

“Professionally trained?”

“Just Junsu ah,” Jaejoong said, pointing to Junsu on the screen. “He's a trainee at another place... I think it was called Dynamic Media, or something like that.”

“Yes, they recently hosted auditions close to when we did.” Stan pursed his lips. “So the other one is planning to enter the contest. I'd say he has a good chance of making it with a label. You don't hear tones that good very often. I won't deny that the five of you sounded very good together. But-”

Jaejoong's heart fell. “But?”

“We can't exactly decide on taking in contest entrants without actually watching the contest, now can we? I can show this to Hyunsoo nim and see what he has to say, but I can't confirm anything. Our policy on casting is a little different from other companies. We don't go around looking for handsome guys and offer them the chance to be an idol. We accept based on auditions, and auditions only. But if this guy does in the contest what he did right here, Hyunsoo nim will surely consider him. We are looking for a lower tone to put in your unit, after all.” He pointed to Junsu. “This guy, on the other hand, he is someone we could potentially take action on. Does he want to change companies?”

Jaejoong nodded.

“In that case, I could sound out the idea with Hyunsoo nim and see about getting this guy to send a tape in. Honestly, I would have thought before that you and Changmin could carry lead vocals on your own, but still...” He shook his head. “That's an explosive sound all of you have together. You keep good company, kid.”

“It just kind of happened,” Jaejoong said, relaxing a little. He hadn't expected Stan to hand him everything he wanted, so these small assurances would be enough for now.

“Can you scribble down the contact info for your one friend? I'm having a meeting with Hyunsoo nim tomorrow, so I'll bring it up. The sooner we deal with these things, the better right now. Starkiss may be wrapping up their promotions, but there's still the whole business about Saehee's debut television series, and the fact that the entertainment newspapers are still yapping about that Jinsuk actor picking her as an ideal type. Makes me glad I'm just the recording guy and don't have to stick my nose into any of this private life business.”

Jaejoong handed Junsu's information over. “Thank you for talking with me about this,” Jaejoong said, bowing. “The rest of us will try to progress well in our training.”

“Good to hear. Just keep on letting Yunho whip you and Changmin into shape about the dancing, and you should be fine.”

“We'll do our best.”

Jaejoong back tracked to the practice room, wondering if he should take an hour or so of practice with Shinwon and Chansik before he left again. His dancing had gotten a lot better, but he still had some catching up to do. Even if they were debuting on a faster track, he still couldn't afford to appear on stage if his current level didn't dramatically improve.

Shinwon and Chansik were already out on the practice floor, so he fell in line and joined them in working on the routine. How would it feel like to do this on a stage with everyone watching? He closed his eyes and tried to envision it: the five of them performing together under flashing lights, people chanting their names, singing the words of his songs. It still felt so surreal, but in reach now. He could do it, if it was with them, if it was for their happiness and for the happiness of whatever fans they would have.

“The atmosphere around you is different today,” Shinwon pointed out once they'd finished. His long hair hair was pulled back into a ponytail, exposing a very beautiful and striking face. Jaejoong once thought he'd looked a bit prettier than he needed to for a man, but he had nothing on Shinwon.

“Atmosphere?” Chansik butted in. “What do you mean? Doesn't hyung look as good as ever?”

Shinwon frowned. “I'm not insulting him. Just saying that something very good must have happened to make his mood shift so much. And-” he sniffed the air. “Pheromones. Definitely pheromones.”

Jaejoong backed away. What is he, a dog?, he wondered, but he remembered Yoochun doing to the same thing once. Do I really make it that obvious?

“Something good? What do you mean something good? What have you been doing, Jaejoong hyung?” Chansik asked anxiously.

“Don't worry about it,” Shinwon said, glomping him. “Just be careful about getting too close. Princess Jaejoong hyung has already been claimed.”

0o0

Jaejoong knew he should be a little more alarmed by Shinwon's knowing attitude, but he was still in a light hearted mood after classes finished on Monday and it was time to head over to C&M. He'd called Junsu about possibly receiving a call from the company soon, and it felt like everything was finally falling into place. Plus, he would be getting to see Yunho and Changmin again, which was always a treat, though a treat mixed in with a lot of hard work and sweat.

Strangely, though, the practice room seemed gloomy when he walked in. None of the trainers were around, but the seven trainees-- minus Seungmin-- were camped out on the couch, staring at the laptop Jongwoo was holding in an almost blank silence. In contrast, there seemed to be a lot of commotion going on in the office-- phones were ringing nonstop, and he thought he could hear someone in the back room yelling.

“Should we just go home?” Haejin was asking Yunho, his eyes darting to the offices nervously.

“Don't worry about it,” Yunho said calmly. “It's only a very small crisis, if you can even call it that, and they'll sort it out, okay?”

“What's going on?” Jaejoong asked, alarmed by the tone of their conversation.

“It's Saehee noona,” Jongwoo said, tilting the laptop screen so Jaejoong could see. “You didn't hear at school? She got caught up in a dating scandal.”

“The one with that actor? Choi Jinsuk?”

Yunho shook his head. “Turns out he was just being a friend and covering for her by distracting the press. She's really going out with one of those really popular rookie actors-- Minjun, from that manhwa drama last season-- and his fanbase is calling for blood right about now.”

Jaejoong leaned in and read the article. The image was kind of blurry, but he could see Saehee's trademark fire red hair poking out of the ball cap she'd stuffed it into. The guy she was walking hand-in-hand with was much harder to identify since he was wearing a face mask, and Jaejoong was a bit baffled as to how anyone could assume who he was just by looking at him.

“Apparently the person who got the photos had been tailing them for awhile, so they knew it was him,” Shinwon explained. “And she apparently didn't tell the agency or Starkiss about this, so they're scrambling for a statement right now. If they have to confirm it, it could turn into a major approval issue for Saehee noona and the new series that's going to start airing with her in it. Don't know why she wasn't more careful.”

“Come on, you can't blame her, really,” Jongwoo argued. “She's a human being, she should be allowed to date.”

“I'm not saying she shouldn't, I'm just saying she should be careful. Whether or not she should or shouldn't is irrelevant, I'm sure she knew if she got caught, there would be trouble with his fanbase. He's a new actor, and his first series was a hit. His fanbase is probably at the height of excitement, and they're not going to respond well to this. They're going to tear her apart, and I'm just saying that if she knew that, she shouldn't have gone out with him in public with that bad of a disguise for his stalkers to see her, and he shouldn't have let it happen either. I mean, don't they want to protect their relationship?”

Jaejoong scrolled down to the comments section, wincing. It wasn't pleasant to read what everyone was saying about her, all the get your dirty hands off my husband, you and why the hell am I not surprised, out of Starkiss, Saehee always gets what she wants no matter who she stomps on, this is just going to pull down the rest of the group, I can't believe her. He'd seen things like this before, but it felt weird. He knew her. Not well, but he'd seen her around the practice room, dancing with her members, cheerfully interacting with the other trainees. She had been just like any other girl, then.

Except she wasn't, he reminded himself. She had the kind of things in her grasp other people only dreamed of. Of course, she had worked hard to get them, but he could understand how people could lose sight of that. Still, reading the harsh words made his stomach sink. No matter how much he loved singing and was improving with dancing, he didn't know how ready he was to face things like this. Wouldn't he just be dangling himself over the very same fire by dating Yunho in secret?

Just as the thought crossed his mind, Yunho placed a hand on his shoulder. No, Jaejoong thought to himself. I'm keeping my promise. If it's him, it doesn't matter if I risk a few things, we'll be fine. We'll be fine.

“Seungmin,” he said suddenly, remembering the trainee's absence. “Does this have something to do with why he's not here?”

Chansik shifted in his seat. “I... I tried texting him, but he never responded. But really... could it really be that? It's just a celebrity crush... and he could get in real trouble if he skips out on our practice without a good reason. You know, there are thousands of people who want to become trainees, it doesn't look good if we squander that opportunity.”

“It's just one practice for now,” Yunho said. “I'll text him later, all right? As for the rest, we should wait for the execs to make their statement so we know if they want us to stick around for today or not.”

Everyone nodded. Jaejoong lightly brushed his fingertips across the hand still resting on his shoulder. He really was a good leader, Jaejoong thought. It wasn't even their crisis to worry about, but already he was making them feel better about it.

For lack of anything else to do, they practiced acapella singing for awhile, anxiously keeping their eyes on the office doors where the phones were still ringing. He wondered if Saehee was in there with them, and how badly she'd been scolded.

After awhile, one of their trainers came out, rubbing his hand on his forehead.

“Thanks for hanging around for so long,” he said tiredly, “but you'd be better off going home at this point. We made our statement, but we're getting enough follow up calls to take up the rest of the day.”

“What did the company say, hyung?” Chaozhi asked.

“That they're in the beginning stages of forming a relationship, which is why Jinsuk made the effort to try and disguise it in order to make sure there wasn't trouble during the early stages, since he was the one who set them up.” He sighed. “Only partially true, I'm afraid. They've been dating for about five months, according to Saehee, but if we come clean about that, the fans are going to feel even more betrayed. With both Saehee and Minjun having new projects on the horizon, damage control is more important right now.”

“Is Saehee noona in trouble?” Haejin asked meekly.

“Not with Hyunsoo nim, no,” the trainer said indulgently. “She'll be punished enough by the fallout, and we're not going to push her any further. She's not the first person to make the mistake of putting her desire to be acknowledged as someone's lover over her caution and well being. She'll learn from this, as, I hope, will you. In this world, the safest way to keep a relationship is to protect its secrecy at all costs until you've aged and matured and your fans are ready to set you off on a new chapter. Saehee could probably have gotten away with dating someone freely if it hadn't been that popular of a guy. But there's nothing to do about that now. We're left with the mess we've got. That's why you've gotta keep these things close to your chest.”

Keep it close to your chest. That's what Yoochun said, too. Jaejoong glanced nervously at Chansik and Shinwon. They probably had an inkling of what was going on, and Yoochun had been able to guess it without being told, even though Changmin and Junsu hadn't. Was he not being careful enough? He'd never been in love before and didn't know anything about keeping his own feelings in check or masking them, and he suddenly had a feeling that he was failing much faster than he could afford to.

The trainer shrugged. “Anyways, feel free to get going. It might be difficult, but you ought to keep on monitoring the situation so you learn a thing or two about what being in a scandal entails. You don't want to be getting into any yourselves, all right?”

“Well, that was chipper,” Changmin muttered after the trainer had left. “I took that bus ride here for nothing?”

“We can go over to Jaejoong's for dinner to make up for it,” Yunho said quickly, pulling him off the couch. “And invite Junsu over, if he's not busy.”

Changmin's disappointment vanished right away.

While they walked back to Jaejoong's house together, Yunho's phone buzzed. He pulled it out of his pocket and looked at the screen. “It's Seungmin,” he said. “I'm setting it to speaker, but don't say anything you two, okay?”

They nodded.

Yunho accepted the call. “Seungmin ah?”

“Leader.” Seungmin's usually spirited voice sounded somber. “I need to talk to you. In person.”

“Right now?”

“No, aren't you in the middle of practice right now?”

“Actually, practice ended early. I'm sure you can imagine.”

“...I don't think now is a good time, anyways. I'm not... feeling terribly well today. Can you set aside time for me at practice tomorrow... you and Jaejoong hyung, too?”

“Okay, if that's what you want.” Yunho paused. “Seungmin ah... I know this news wouldn't have made you happy, but you're okay, right?”

“Yeah, I'm fine. There's just something I've been thinking about, and I thought I could talk to you about it.”

“You can talk to me about whatever, Seungmin ah,” Yunho said. “I'll see you tomorrow.”

“He doesn't sound heartbroken,” Changmin pointed out when he hung up. “Just... a little put off.”

“I wonder if it's something else. Anyways, while I have my phone out, I'll call Junsu.”

As he punched in the number, he used his free hand to wind around Jaejoong's arm and hold it. “Don't worry about it,” he mouthed just before putting the phone to his ear.

Jaejoong smiled weakly. The day had a little bit of the wind out of his sails, but wasn't giving in just yet. He wasn't Saehee; he wouldn't just be breaking strangers' hearts with his own love story. He would be breaking a taboo, going against everything people taught their children was normal and right, and for the sake of that, for the sake of protecting both Yunho and himself from that, he couldn't get foolish about being acknowledged and risk throwing his heart for the sake of proving he was the lover of someone who needed no proof.

0o0

Junsu was all curiosity when he arrived for dinner. “I heard about your Starkiss-noona,” he said. “What's going on with that?”

“Forget that for a moment,” Jaejoong said quickly. “I talked to my sister's boyfriend about you. The producer at C&M.”

“Oh, that. I got a phone call about sending in a tape this morning, actually. That must have been before things hit the fan.”

Jaejoong sighed in relief. “You'll do it, right?”

“I will. The company keeps practice footage of us, so I can send it out quickly. I think it would be bothersome if Yoochun joins and I'm the only one left out. But-” he hesitated for a second. “This whole thing with Starkiss isn't going to cause too much trouble for the company financially, will it? I know Starkiss is their only major group.”

Jaejoong hadn't thought of that.

“They made a lot of money off of Starkiss's last single, it's just Saehee's TV series they need to worry about now, and the TV station has more money sunk into that rather than C&M,” Yunho said. “A new debut could distract people from Starkiss, maybe, until it passes over?”

“And, well, Yunho hyung...” Junsu shifted. “You have thought about what debuting in the same group as Jaejoong hyung could mean, right?”

Yunho sighed. “I'm pretty sure we've both been thinking about it all day, Junsu.”

“And I know it would be difficult, too,” Jaejoong said softly. “At least with Saehee, it's not considered an abnormal relationship.”

The four of them fell silent.

“I said I would look after Yunho and Jaejoong hyung,” Changmin said finally. “I mean it.”

“I'll be more careful,” Jaejoong muttered. “I won't do anything that will seem like more than skinship.”

Junsu looked at him, his forehead still wrinkled in concern. “I don't know if you know this, hyung, but whenever you look at him, you get this... sweetness in your eyes. I don't know how easy that will be to disguise. I'm not just saying this as someone who might be a group mate to you if your plan works out, because I don't really care what people think as much as I care about singing, but I don't want you as a person to get hurt. You're too important.”

“Look, I get what you're saying and why, but breaking up won't make anything better,” Yunho said, folding his arms around his chest. “That's pointless, and it's not going to change our feelings. So what are we supposed to do? I can protect him, I know I can. Even if he has to hide what's in his eyes, that doesn't matter. It can be a secret for everyone else in the world, as long as I know the truth.”

Jaejoong stared down at his hands. Yunho's words made him feel good, but in a way, they also made him a bit sad. All this talk of protecting him made him feel even more like a burden, like something standing in the way that would need to be navigated around.

“Jaejoong hyung,” Junsu said gently. “Do you feel the same way?”

He took a deep breath and nodded. “I don't want to be a weight on everyone else, but I know that I can't change the way I feel. It'll be like this whether I want it to or not.”

“Okay.” Junsu gave them a hard thump on the knees. “You pass. If I make it in, you can count on your secret being 100% safe with me, too. I mean, who could ever doubt a face like this?”

Yunho and Changmin scowled at him.

“But you know what would be amazing?” Junsu grinned. “We don't know anything about our fans yet. Who they'll be, what they'll want from us, how they'll hold us in their eyes. But I like to think that they'll be able to love every little thing about us without hesitation. That's kind of the love I want to be able to give them, at least. So maybe there's hope for us yet.”

“Just get in the company first, hyung,” Changmin said. “And we'll make it happen.”

Baby, I don't know what to say
I just have to tell you that my heart will never change
People just want us to compromise with the world
If that will make me lose you, then I will go against the world