MODEM BEAT

Jaejoong was shut up in his room with his song lyric notebook when the doorbell rang. There were no specific practices arranged for the weekend since there were more company auditions taking place, and both Yunho and Chansik had exams they needed to make up anyways. He'd taken advantage of the break to try writing again, and had completely lost track of time. When he looked over, the clock already read 4:30 PM, which meant it was about time for Changmin to show up.

Jaejoong ran down the stairs and threw open the door excitedly. Changmin had grown a little more since he'd seen him last, but was still adorable in his giant-like way. His expression was definitely cross-- apparently Yunho hadn't felt the need to clear up the misunderstanding he'd caused, and was leaving it up to Jaejoong to deal with-- but his lips curled up a little bit when he saw Jaejoong in spite of himself.

“Changmin ah!” Jaejoong yelled, practically tackling him with his hug. Changmin resisted for a few seconds, but finally gave in and allowed Jaejoong a few pats on the back. Only when Jaejoong reached up to give him a few pinches on his cheeks did Changmin shove him off again and hoist his backpack over his shoulder.

“Hyung, I'm-”

“Hungry?”

Changmin nodded.

“Come on in, then, and I'll start making dinner.”

Changmin walked through the landing, and Jaejoong gestured him into the family room so he could introduce him to his parents. Both of their mouths fell open when they saw him, a fifteen year old boy who already had a few inches on their almost eighteen year old son.

Changmin was the picture of politeness. “Thank you for letting Jaejoong hyung stay with Yunho hyung for the summer,” he said sincerely. “I had never had a good meal at hyung's house in my life until Jaejoong hyung came.”

“Is that so?” Jaejoong's mother asked, looking a bit proud. “Thank you for helping to look after him well when he was away for the summer.” She'd been able to look back at lot more cheerfully on Jaejoong's disappearance since he'd fulfilled his promise and returned to them. It certainly helped matters that both she and Jaejoong's father liked Yunho and were pleased by the fact that Jaejoong now had friends in general.

While Jaejoong's mother hurried off to make tea, Jaejoong pointed out the way to his room to Changmin. “You can sleep on the floor in my room, if you want, or you can pick out one of my sisters' rooms. None of them are living at home at the moment.”

“I'll just use your room. Unless you and Yunho hyung have been doing it th-”

Jaejoong clapped his hand over Changmin's mouth, glad that his parents were safely in the kitchen. “Say another word, and I'll cook you a dinner on Auntie Minjung's level.”

Changmin suddenly looked contrite. “Won't happen again, hyung.”

While Changmin went upstairs to put away his things, Jaejoong started getting dinner ready. It felt so good to see him again, like another piece of his perfect summer was coming back to him. If only Junsu, Yoochun, and Yunho could be here, too... Still, it would be better to clear things up with Changmin about the lies Yunho had fed him without the others around. Yoochun would probably find the whole thing hysterical, which won't do much to cheer Changmin up.

Changmin came back from upstairs and plunked down at the table. “How has Yoochun ah been?” Jaejoong asked, pouring him a cup of the tea his mother had prepared. “I heard about Junsu.”

“Hyung could be better. Now that Junsu hyung is a trainee, Yoochun hyung's father has been putting more pressure on him to take over the fish business.” Changmin shrugged. “Yoochun hyung always thought he would do it, but it doesn't feel the same without Junsu hyung, I guess. Like how Disney wouldn't be the same without its cute little mascot.”

“I'm sure Junsu ah would be incredibly flattered by the comparison,” Jaejoong said, suppressing a laugh. “Still, that must be hard on him.”

“Yeah. When Yunho was home this week, Yoochun hyung came over for advice. He wants to be a good son, but...” Changmin trailed off, his expression darkening. “It's just not fun anymore.”

“What's not fun?”

Changmin didn't answer immediately, and was further cut short by the kitchen timer going off. Jaejoong turned off the burner under the jjajangmyeon he was making and taste tested it. Usually Yunho did that for him when he was over; in fact, he had a bad habit of trying to devour all of Jaejoong's food while it was still on the stove. Jaejoong couldn't blame him, considering how long he had endured Auntie Minjung's cooking before Jaejoong came along, but he was grateful that Changmin was keeping his slobbering at a distance.

“What's not fun?” Jaejoong asked again as he spooned the noodles into bowls.

“Being at home,” Changmin said, grudgingly. “Everyone's gone now.”

“But Yunho's there most of the time, right?” Jaejoong pointed out. He knew he wasn't imagining all the hours that he hadn't been able to be together with Yunho since coming back, though he knew he was lucky to have the time they spent training at least.

“Hyung, he's a million miles away when he's home. It isn't the same.”

“What do you mean?”

“You should know better than anyone. However you are when he's not around is how he is when you're not there.”

“Oh,” Jaejoong said faintly, his heart pounding.

“And Junsu's busy looking for an apartment closer to the city. He's fighting with his parents, and doesn't like taking the bus all the time like Yunho. And...” Changmin glanced down at the food Jaejoong placed in front of him, which he strangely hadn't immediately started devouring. “Hyung, are you and Yunho hyung really cooking and eating three course meals with the other trainees and hanging out all the time?”

“That,” Jaejoong said, sighing in disgust. “I'm sorry for not clearing that up sooner, but Yunho was completely lying to you. The only people I've cooked for since coming back are my family and Yunho. And even hanging out... we don't really have time to do that outside of C&M yet, right? Going out to the Lotte World with Chansik ah last week was the first time.”

“So what he said about you all being best friends now was a lie, too?”

The look in Changmin's eyes was a conflict of hurt and anger, and suddenly it clicked in Jaejoong's mind. He is jealous, he mused. But it's not about my cooking, or something silly like that. This is about Yunho. He doesn't want his best friend taken away from him by strangers. With me, it was okay because I loved Yunho in a different way, but now it's like the person he spent so much time with has kicked him out and moved on. God, Yunho, you should have realized that yourself before going off and teasing him so badly.

“All lies,” Jaejoong said. “Well, I mean, we are getting along well with Chansik and Seungmin ah, but there are still three other dongsaengs we care about even more. There's nobody out there Yunho likes more than you.”

“He likes you more.”

“He likes me differently.” Jaejoong looped his arms over Changmin's shoulders and hugged him. “Ah, you really are so cute. There's no replacing you, Changmin ah, and that goes for me and Yunho. So next time you see him, you have my leave to kick his for hiding that from you.”

“I'm not cute,” Changmin muttered, but he smiled a little. “Hyung?”

“Yeah?”

“Kicking his isn't good enough. I'm going to ruin that dirty traitor's life. Could you do me a favor and break up with him right now? Oh, and tell him it's because you changed your mind about Minhee noona. He'd hate that.”

“Uhhh, Changmin ah...”

“I'm serious, hyung. He deserves to suffer.”

“Can't you think of something more effective than having me break up with him? That would make me sad, too. Although I'm ticked off at him as well, just so you know.”

“Whatever.” Changmin stabbed his noodles and ate them with relish. “It doesn't matter. I'm taking it into my own hands, anyways.”

“What?” Jaejoong asked, somewhat alarmed. “Taking it into your own hands? What's that supposed to mean? You aren't going to kill him or something, right?”

“No,” Changmin said, his eyes glinting. “You'll see.”

0o0

The two of them stayed up late talking, and Jaejoong even took a few selcas of them together to send off to Yunho, partly to taunt him and partly to let him know Changmin was doing all right. Now that the thing with Changmin was mostly resolved, that left only Yoochun to worry about, and according to Changmin, Yunho was at least taking that issue seriously.

“So what do you want to do now that you're here?” Jaejoong asked once they finished breakfast the next morning. “I could give you a tour of the area, or...?”

“Aren't you going to the company, hyung? I want to come with you.”

“Actually, I wasn't planning on it. We're free to come in and practice even when we're not scheduled for anything, but since you're here, I wanted to hang out with you. They can't let us bring guests outside of the agency without permission, obviously.”

Changmin bit his lips, looking as if he was debating something internally. Finally, he gave up and sighed. “I can actually come to the company with you, hyung. I have an invitation to formally audition.”

Jaeoong nearly dropped the plate he was washing onto the floor. “Eh?”

“The video audition I sent in passed, and they want me to audition in person.”

“C&M?”

“C&M.”

“Oh.” Jaejoong set the plate down and leaned against the counter, trying to process Changmin's words. “You sent in a tape. When?”

“After you and Yunho hyung passed. I thought that was the only round of auditions, but Yunho told me they were still accepting other trainees, so I thought I'd try.” He lowered his voice. “So you guys can stop doing things without me for once,” he muttered under his breath.

Changmin had been over several times when he, Yunho, Junsu, and Yoochun worked on songs together, but Changmin had always taken the support parts and let Junsu show off. Jaejoong couldn't quite remember his singing voice perfectly, but it had to be something to catch C&M's attention. They already had their visual with Seungmin and their dancer with Yunho, and Jaejoong got the feeling that they were mainly looking for vocals at this point.

“Can you sing something for me?” Jaejoong asked.

Changmin shrugged, but began belting out one of the new popular ballad songs for Jaejoong. Belting. He did start off slowly, but as soon as he reached the high notes, he attacked them so ferociously that Jaejoong was completely taken aback. He sang like this, all this time? But Changmin didn't leave it at that. When the song neared its conclusion, he nailed the finale effortlessly, his tone reaching heights even Jaejoong couldn't reach. It was so impressive that his mother poked her head in, pursed into a surprised “o”.

“Oh my god,” Jaejoong said when Changmin finished. “What the hell?”

“What do you mean, 'what the hell?'”

“You're just like Yunho. Why the heck would you hide that you could do that?”

“I never hid it. You just didn't ask.”

“In that case, you're very much like Yunho.” Jaejoong grabbed Changmin's hand. “You sold me. Let's get you to that audition. I can just use a practice room while I wait for you to finish.” If he does what he just did right now, he can definitely be with us again. Just how happy would that make Yunho? And me, too. It's not just Yunho that I know how to miss.

There was already a crowd of young guys surrounding the building when they made it, chatting among themselves as they signed in with staff and took their audition numbers. Jaejoong could also see Seungmin and Chansik hanging around the fringes, staking the group out.

When Seungmin saw Jaejoong, he called out “Hyung!” and waved him over. Changmin's face tightened a little, but he trotted after Jaejoong as he went to meet them.

“What are you guys doing here?” Jaejoong asked. “I thought you were taking exams, Chansik ah?”

“I finished up this morning, and Seungmin ah texted me,” he said, sheepishly. “He says Starkiss is having dance practice this afternoon, and maybe we could-- he could see them if we stopped by for some extra practice...” He noticed Changmin standing behind Jaejoong and lifted an eyebrow. Changmin simply glared at him, apparently forgetting that Yunho had greatly exaggerated about them using Chansik and Seungmin as replacement friends.

“I was thinking maybe I could get some dancing advice from Saehee noona,” Seungmin said brightly, completely missing out on the somewhat tense atmosphere. “Don't you think we hit it off well when we met last week?”

Jaejoong shrugged; the thing he remembered best about that meeting was his conversation with Soorin, but that wouldn't mean anything to Seungmin. “Remember what Hyunsoo nim said about trying to pursue the Starkiss sunbaes,” he said instead, knowing that's what Yunho would say. “Besides, at her age, hitting it off with you too well would not be good.”

“I know,” Seungmin said, pouting. “But I'm not going to be fifteen forever.”

“Right...” Jaejoong grabbed Changmin's arm and hoisted him in front of Chansik and Seungmin, if only to get him to stop glaring a little. “Anyways, this is Shim Changmin, the friend of Yunho's and mine that I was talking about. He's going to be auditioning today.”

“Hwaiting?” Chansik said, a little bit anxiously. Changmin's look hadn't really improved in the slightest. Jaejoong would need to remind him later that being nice to the other trainees would make trying to get into the company a little bit easier. “Is Yunho hyung not here?”

“He has exams, too.”

“Ah! Let's practice together, then! I don't want to help Seungmin ah with Saehee noona or whatever he wants me to do.”

“Yah!” Seungmin yelled. “It's not like I need your help, I can do just fine on my own.”

“I was actually planning on working some more on a song I've been writing,” Jaejoong explained. “I usually do that by myself.” Or with Yunho, but he's not here...

Chansik's face fell, and Changmin's mood seemed to lighten up a little. “I'm going to go sign in now,” he said to Jaejoong. “I'll text you when I'm done.”

“Good luck, Changmin ah. I'll be rooting for you!”

“Hyung, did you say something bad about me to that guy?” Chansik asked when Changmin was out of ear shot. “He looked like he wanted to murder me.”

“Ah, that was just the aftermath of that lie Yunho told him about the three course meals. Changmin ah takes food very seriously. Don't think too much of it. Why don't we go inside now?”

The three of them navigated through the crowded lobby and up the stairs to the practice rooms. Starkiss was already immersed in their dance practice, so they could only give them a quick nod when they walked in. Seungmin dallied around, watching them, but Jaejoong slipped off into one of the vocal practice rooms where there was a keyboard set up and a sound proof door.

At last, he thought, running his fingers across the keys. He pulled out his notebook and set it on the music sheet stand. The new song he'd been writing wasn't well suited for the piano, but Yunho and his guitar were far off, so he tried his best with it, relying on his memories to strengthen his feel of the melody. Move the annoying and broken clock that is blocking your path, go toward tomorrow barefoot, more boldly than anyone else... the dazzling and hot sun, it melts me inside, oh yeah...

He closed his eyes and thought of sitting with Yunho at their private spot at the stream, fish kissing their toes, of their brief weekend at the pension that had set everything in motion, of the very same hot and dazzling sun that had hung over them all summer. Can I put everything in a song and give it back to you?

“Jaejoong-ssi,” a soft voice said from behind him, surprising him to the point where he knocked the chair he'd been sitting on over. Somehow, Soorin had snuck in without him noticing. The song had absorbed him, certainly, but not to the point where he should have been able to miss someone opening and shutting the door.

“Soorin noona,” he said breathlessly. “How long were you there?”

“Just for a few seconds. Chansik ah said you were practicing, and I wanted to hear. He said I shouldn't, but I wanted to listen to your songs.” She knelt down in front of the piano and studied his lyrics. She was still sweaty from her dancing, and in her sweatpants and stained tank top, she looked a little bit more human to him than she had before. “So this is your same old story,” she said once she'd finished reading. “Or maybe not exactly. This isn't the very same as the song you auditioned with.”

“You heard that?”

“They keep the audition tapes. I asked Hyunsoo nim to see, and we watched it together. It was a good song. A sad song, but you don't look as sad now. And you weren't sad singing it, in the video. You were singing to someone who has your heart, and you only looked like you wanted your heart to be understood. That's a good story to have. If you keep writing songs with those thoughts in mind, you won't lose what you need to say.”

Perceptive, he thought, studying her. He wished he could grasp her just as well. She'd sought him before, and she was seeking him out now. It was like she wanted something from him, but couldn't express it with her almost dazed and dreamy way of speaking. She kept on talking about a story, a lost story, but he had a feeling those thoughts were directed more to herself than to him.

“Soorin noona,” he said carefully, trying to adopt her roundabout way of speaking. “You said you've never written a song before?”

She shook her head.

“Because you don't want to have to discuss a song- a story- with anyone else? Because you think they won't want to hear it?”

She nodded.

“But factoring that out... forgetting about anyone else and their reactions... would you like to be able to write a song for yourself?”

She turned and looked at him, her brown eyes unfathomable. “When you wrote your song, you knew what you wanted to say. You knew who you wanted to say it to. You had feelings in your heart, and maybe you didn't understand them all the way, but maybe you could define them just a little. Is that right.”

“...yes, that's right.”

“To tell a story, you need a starting point. You need to have an idea of where the story is going to go. You need to keep the ending in the back of your mind, and work towards that conclusion. I don't have a starting point to my story, Jaejoong-ssi, and I don't know where it's going. I can't tell my story, because I lost it. Do you know what my fans call me.”

He shook his head.

“The ghost girl. Haunting voice, shadowy presence, brings you chills but leaves no traces.” She laughed for the very first time, and it was a surprisingly beautiful sound, rich and textured like her singing voice. “And what do ghosts want. Peace and closure. But this ghost doesn't know what killed her off in the first place.”

Jaejoong nodded, adding up everything she'd told him. She barely knew him, so she wasn't just going to spill her soul to him so easily, but she was giving him hints, like a puzzle she wanted him to solve. She clearly had some sort of story or event in her past that she wanted to write about, but she didn't have the words-- or maybe the proper memory?-- to describe it. Not just to others, but to herself as well, he thought.

He still wasn't sure exactly what she wanted from him, or if she just wanted to warn him to always keep his own story in mind so he wouldn't lose his ability to tell it. But it was fine. If she really did want something, she'd find her own way of telling him, even if they had to beat around a bush or two to get there. Tortured genius or ghost girl, she was still a person and not some unreachable creature beyond understanding.

“Would you sing your song for me now,” she asked, sitting down beside Jaejoong. “It won't be the same since it's to me, but I'd like to hear your voice.”

He was nervous and didn't feel at all ready for her to hear anything that came out of untrained mouth, but he gave in and let her hear his performance of One Kiss. She was right; it wasn't the same as singing it with Yunho there, and his nervousness made it difficult for him to focus on the original emotions he'd written it with. Still, she closed her eyes and let it sink in, and he began to feel a little more comfortable. He remembered suddenly how long he had dawdled in writing it for the sake of hiding his emotions from Yunho. Now that's something I very well could have kept myself from saying and lost inside my heart. When I think of it, what she says to me wasn't so crazy after all.

When he finished, she opened her eyes and gave what may have been a smile. She didn't say anything, but gently patted his head, as if she were one of his older sisters and he'd just done her proud.

She rose to her feet and headed back to the door, but turned around one more time to look at him. “Those are beautiful words, the ones you had in your heart. Heartbreaking. I hope you don't have a reason to write so sadly again, Jaejoong-ssi.”

Soorin shut the door behind her, so quietly that he barely heard it. No traces, he thought to himself. But that's wrong. I'll remember those words, Soorin noona. You're not haunting me.

0o0

About an hour later, a text from Changmin came in, letting him know he was done. Though Starkiss had wrapped up their dance, the practice room was still pretty lively. Seungmin was showing off some of his dance moves to Gaeun and Saehee, who were laughing and clapping along. Soorin and Brie were also there, but Brie had dozed off on Soorin, and Soorin had fallen asleep with her head leaning on Brie's.

Chansik tried to catch his eye as he passed, clearly wanting to be liberated from Seungmin's clutches, but Jaejoong guiltily ignored him for the time being. Changmin's mood was still a little off from Yunho's joke, and Jaejoong didn't want there to be any bad blood between the two of them if Changmin wound up making it into the company.

“How'd it go?” Jaejoong asked once he'd met Changmin in the lobby.

Changmin shrugged. “I think they liked the singing, but I blanked out a little bit when they asked me to dance. I don't know anything about freestyling, or whatever.”

Jaejoong smiled. “Well, if they're going to pick you, it's going to be for those high notes, so if you did those well, I think you'll be fine. Want to go out to eat in celebration?”

“Do you even have to ask, hyung?”

As they walked, Changmin tilted his head up and took a deep breath of the chill autumn air. “Hyung, you probably think I auditioned just because I got jealous over you and Yunho leaving, right?”

Jaejoong shook his head. “Not just that. With a voice like yours, I'm sure you like music and singing, too.”

“Yeah. I do. And I do want to be with you and Yunho hyung again. But there's also that matter... of you and Yunho.”

“Hmm?”

“I read the entertainment section, hyung. I know about scandals and all the trouble you could get into if you're not careful. Those Chansik and Seungmin guys don't know your secret. They can't look out for you, and your managers would just use it for their own purposes or split you guys up if they knew. So if I get in, I'll make sure that absolutely no one who can hurt you with it will hurt you with it without going through me first.” He wrinkled his nose. “Just don't kiss and stuff in front of me, okay, I don't want to lose my lunch over watching you be all cute and stuff.”

“Changmin ah!” Jaejoong yelled, tackling him once again in his affectionate embrace. “Ah, you are the absolute cutest, after all! Do you think your parents would let me adopt you? I just want to hug you forever right now!”

“Yah! YAH!” Changmin yelled, trying to wiggle away, but Jaejoong kept latching on, hiding his face in Changmin's coat. I know it's selfish because I already have Yunho, but I'm going to pray so hard that you can be here too, Jaejoong thought, covering up his flushed cheeks. For someone like me, you don't know how much a person like you, with all your bluntness and kindness, is worth.

Dance with me
I want to put love through the non-stop crashes
With shy eyes, rainbow lights, i want to run on that path
Then that place will become our new stage
the end of this road that we chose
Is bright like the brightly shining sun

Even the crying sounds
Are the sounds of the late summer rain
Sunset oh yea
Throw away your sadness and look at the future
Moon away oh yes