A/N: So many Changmin fans :D The story has also picked up several new readers since Part II, and I'm so happy to have feedback from all of you! Just be careful about binge reading, it could be hazardous to your health!! Thank you, and enjoy!

CHOOSEY LOVER

Jaejoong wound up accosted by some female underclassmen who wanted to know if he could get them free concert tickets when he was on his way to C&M a few days later, so he turned up ten minutes late and in somewhat of a bad mood. He usually tried to get there as early as possible so he could greet Yunho and be with him awhile before their practices started, but when he arrived, everyone was already on the couches, looking at the laptop their variety trainer had in his hands.

“No need to change out of your uniform, Jaejoong goon, we're just monitoring Starkiss right now,” he said, waving Jaejoong over. The space next to Yunho was already taken by Seungmin, so Jaejoong sat in the tight space between Chansik and the end of the couch.

When he was settled in, he glanced at the screen. The four members of Starkiss were seated and being addressed by a pretty noona interviewer. They were going through standard questions-- introducing their names and positions, talking about their single, walking through the key points of their routine-- but the subject of their song was dropped a few minutes later for something the interviewer claimed everyone would find “more interesting.”

“Saehee-ssi, popular actor Choi Jinsuk was on our show last week, and he picked you as his ideal type,” the interviewer said, her voice tinged with the sing-songy notes of a child teasing a pair schoolyard of lovers. “Did you know about this?”

Saehee took the microphone, smiling faintly like someone who was pleasantly surprised but not blown away by the comment. “I'm very flattered,” she said collectedly. “We're all big fans of Jinsuk oppa, so I'm glad he has good thoughts of me.” A kind, but non-committal response. Jaejoong glanced at Seungmin out of the corner of his eyes. His lips were pursed tightly, but he gave nothing else away.

“And what are the ideal types of Starkiss?” the interviewer asked. Jaejoong rolled his eyes. As if you're the first person who's asked. Still, he listened in, though he could answer for them if he wanted to, he'd heard this so many times.

“Someone very homey and comfortable, someone with who I could raise a family and have fun growing old together,” Gaeun said.

“I like professionalism a lot, someone who is sharp and has a good head on their shoulders,” Saehee answered.

“The gentlemanly type,” Brie said. “I like someone who takes proper action, and has a generous heart.”

Soorin was last. “Someone who is loyal and strong and won't abandon me,” she said shortly.

Their trainer paused the video. “I'm sure you know why I showed this to you. This question will be asked to you just as often as questions about your music will be asked. The way you answer is very important. You should try to be honest, but at the same time, you must be strategic. Your fans will want to fit at least one part of your description, so keep that in mind. And, of course, there's often another side of the question.” He looked at Jaejoong. “Jaejoong ah, describe for me your ideal type.”

Jaejoong flushed. “Ah... someone strong with an endearing side, someone who is talented and hard working...” He looked at Yunho's tightly clutched hands out of the corner of his eyes. “Nice hands...”

“And is there a female celebrity who sums up your ideal type?”

“Female... celebrity?” Jaejoong said blankly. “Um...” He dug through his memory, trying to pull up the name of a single popular female celebrity, but his brain felt empty. It's Yunho, how could I say someone else so easily? But he couldn't say that, so he just sat there floundering.

“The way Jaejoong ah's going about this is no good,” the trainer pointed out. “A little hesitation is good-- it makes your fans think there is not someone else immediately in your heart. But if you don't answer, they'll think you are lying and hiding the truth. It's best to choose a candidate a little slowly, as if it's something you've maybe thought about in the past, but don't dwell on often. Seungmin, let's try with you. Your ideal type?”

“I like people who look beautiful when they're dancing,” Seungmin said quickly. “And someone with a very colorful personality, but who is still very dignified. Like Saehee noona.”

The trainer sighed. “Do not volunteer a name without being asked unless you want her to have anti-fans, all right? And in regards to choosing your own labelmates... I would try to do so sparingly at first. You will share stages together, and fans will be looking for a good working relationship more than anything in the beginning. Don't try to push it. This question will still be asked when you're a rookie group, but when you're a rookie, your mind is on music, your mind is on winning. Got it?”

They nodded. Jaejoong stared at his hands. He knew these questions would come up, but he'd never properly thought about his answers before. Was he already betraying fans he didn't even have yet by having a boyfriend behind the scenes? He didn't like lying, and it didn't come easily for him, but wasn't that what they would be doing from here on out? You should try to be honest, but at the same time, you must be strategic. Our feelings are just going to be pawns in a greater game.

They watched some more of Starkiss's appearance, but Jaejoong didn't process much of it. He kept on glancing at Yunho, biting his lips. His need for him was feeling too urgent. We have to have each other while there's still time. I don't even know if we can exist in the kind of world we've chosen for ourselves. As soon as we're there for everyone else, we can't be the exact same people we were for each other. I want you while you're still mine, and mine only.

Yunho glanced back at him with a reassuring smile that made Jaejoong feel a little better. As long as Yunho wanted him, it would be fine, wouldn't it? For as long as they both loved each other, that was what mattered most.

When their variety instructions were over, they were given a short break. Yunho immediately made a beeline for Jaejoong. “How was everything with Changminnie?” he asked. “Everything okay? I mean, you looked perfectly happy in your pictures, but...”

Jaejoong smiled at Yunho's slightly jealous tone. “I sorted out your little joke, if that's what you mean.”

“Eh, is that why he's been so mad at me? Ever since he got back, he's been pulling stuff on me left and right. And he hasn't even told me anything about what you guys actually did together.”

“Ah...” Jaejoong said, trailing off. Changmin hadn't wanted Jaejoong to tell Yunho about his audition out of revenge for Yunho's prank, but Jaejoong still felt bad about lying. “We mostly just ate, and stuff. Catching up. By the way, how is Yoochun ah doing? Changmin ah told me that there had been some problems.”

Yunho sighed. “I don't really know, to be honest. It's Junsu he needs to talk to, but we haven't heard from him in awhile. Have you gotten in touch? He supposed to be in the Seoul area looking for an apartment, so I thought he might have called you.”

Jaejoong shook his head. “I'll try texting him. It doesn't seem like him to ignore Yoochun ah...”

“Keep us posted.” Yunho looked both ways to make sure Seungmin and Chansik were still occupied and leaned forward. “Boojae, I won't be able to come over this weekend to stay again. My parents and sister are coming over to visit.” He grimaced. “To make sure I haven't descended into poverty or sinfulness or whatever. I miss them and everything, but I have a feeling it isn't going to go well.”

“I see,” Jaejoong said with sigh. “Well, I can understand that. But will we be able to get together soon after that? Properly?”

“I hope so.” He lowered his voice. “You shouldn't have been biting your lips when you were looking at me earlier. It makes me want to... with you.”

Jaejoong smiled wryly. “You should focus your thoughts on which female celebrity will be your ideal type.”

“Don't,” Yunho said softly, trailing his fingers gently against Jaejoong's leg. “Anything I say will be a lie. You know that.”

“But no one else will know.”

“No one else will need to know. Only you.”

“What are you two talking about?” Chansik's voice came from across the room. “Why are you whispering?”

“Just talking about our ideal types, Chansik ah,” Yunho said calmly.

“What's yours, hyung? You never said.”

Yunho glanced back at Jaejoong and smiled. “Hmm? Big beautiful eyes, someone who looks cold but is incredibly soft on the inside, someone who will spoil me and let me spoil them, someone who has only me in their eyes. That sounds about right.”

“Sounds a bit choosey if you ask me,” Seungmin pointed out.

“Maybe,” Yunho said. “But I think I chose just right.”

0o0

Near the end of the day, Dayoung's boyfriend Stanley Shin poked his head into the practice room. Jaejoong had met him already when Dayoung had brought him home to meet their parents after her job at C&M had ended, and he'd seen him around several times since joining the company. Jaejoong liked him a lot. He had a bit of a shocking look with his eyebrow and ear piercings and zig-zagged patterns shaved into his hair, but he was a really nice guy, and fun to talk to. And of course, the fact that Dayoung liked him mattered most of all. His sisters were one by one settling down, and although it sometimes made him envious, he was happy for them all the same.

“Do you have a moment, Jaejoong?” Stan asked. “I'd like to chat with you about something real quick.”

Seungmin and Chansik looked at him in amazement. Only Yunho knew about his previous connection to Hi Stan, so he most likely assumed it had something or another to do with Dayoung. Jaejoong wasn't as sure. The last time Dayoung and Stan had been over, Stan had talked him into giving him some of his songs to look at, and he had a feeling that he wanted to talk about that instead.

Stan's “office” was more interesting than any other part of the building. The room was covered in a recording equipment and instruments, and instead of only having Starkiss posters plastering the walls, Stan had a collection of photos of foreign and local artists, some Jaejoong knew well-- Jimi Hendrix, L'arc~en~ciel, Madonna, Rain, the Rolling Stones-- and some he didn't recognize. There wasn't really anywhere to sit, but Stan managed to find a red vinyl chair buried under cords to pull out for Jaejoong.

“How's noona?” Jaejoong asked.

“She's fine. She asks about you all the time, you know. Worrying about you training too hard, or having troubles with the other trainees. I've been telling her that Seungmin and Chansik both really look up to you, and she pretty much knows already that Yunho and you get along well. That is what it is.” He grabbed some papers from off the top of his keyboard and shuffled them. “I've gotten to read your songs, Jaejoong. I knew I was probably going to be impressed after listening to your audition tape, but these were really something. You've got a real feel for emotion, kid, and it's a little bit verging on worrisome. I know adults who can't write anything even close to that sad.”

Jaejoong smiled waveringly. “That's the way it's always been. I'm fine, though, really.”

“I'll take your word on that, because I've personally never seen you as down as your songs make you sound. Some of your English could use some work, but all the songs you've shown me are workable. I assume you would like to save them for your own group rather than hand them out to Starkiss though, right?”

Jaejoong nodded. Some of the less personal ones he wouldn't terribly mind hearing Starkiss sing, but the ones he'd written and sung with Yunho he desperately wanted to keep.

“Hyunsoo nim might not want me to tell you this, but you are a trainee we'd like to debut on a faster schedule. Sometimes, agencies keep trainees around for three or even four years, but we don't think that's sensible with you, given that you've already come to us with an adeptness for songwriting and very solid vocal ability. Yunho, too, has very good sense for dancing, and, if I say so myself, an unexpected strength in guiding the other trainees. A training period of about a year would do just fine for you two, and then we could push you and your songs out into the market. We could definitely make these hits. But...”

“But?”

“Frankly speaking, those songs would do better with more than two people working them. You've got a nice voice, and Yunho seems like he'd be good for the support, but the combination of you two with Chansik and Seungmin isn't enough. They're both promising, certainly, but as a producer, I don't think those voices belong in the same group with you and Yunho. We could make it work, but it would be better if we didn't have to settle on something less than pure magic. After the last round of auditions, we have around five new people shortlisted to enter the company. There will be most likely be a group re-arrange, so I'd like you to focus on your performance sense so we can find the right fit for the sake of your music. We all know you're a great singer, but your dance and charisma needs to be just as good.” He neatened Jaejoong's lyric photocopies and handed them back to him. “Just keep that in mind and focus hard on your training. Hyunsoo nim has a golden touch, and if he believes in you, you know you have the potential to do great things.”

Jaejoong nodded, his heart pounding. Just one year of training? He'd thought he'd be there for at least two years before ever going onstage, but it had been three years since Starkiss had debuted, and C&M was probably eager to get the ball rolling on a new act. They want me and Yunho together. They want to use my songs. Those two thoughts flooded his mind, pulling him under into a feeling of fear and breathtaking excitement.

“By the way,” Stan said, patting Jaejoong's shoulder. “If you ever need to talk about anything, I'm here for you, kid. I know there shouldn't be special privileges and all of that because we already know each other, but your sister worries a lot, and I like to do what I can to ease her mind. You know where to find me.”

“Okay,” Jaejoong said, still in a bit of a daze. “Thanks for looking at my songs.”

“If you have the time, be sure to keep up on your writing.”

Jaejoong made his way back to the practice room, still fighting with his wildly beating heart. He wanted this dream so badly, but he wanted to be worthy of his dream, too. He'd have to work harder now. If his efforts could make the difference between an early debut and a late one, he'd have to try better than his best.

Chansik was the only one still there when he got back. “Where's Yunho?” he asked immediately. “Changing?”

“No, it's pretty late, so he had to catch the bus. Seungmin hyung left, too.”

Jaejoong was surprised by the rush of emotion that flooded him. I wanted to say goodbye, he thought, bitterly. We haven't even been able to kiss or be together alone for weeks, and I didn't get to say bye to him now. He shook his head. It was so stupid. He'd be seeing Yunho tomorrow for practice, and the day after, what did one little missed goodbye matter? He was probably just upset that they wouldn't be able to spend the weekend together yet again.

Chansik noticed his expression and frowned. “Jaejoong hyung...”

“Ah, it's nothing.”

“Then why does hyung look so sad? Is Yunho hyung really the only one you care about?”

Jaejoong's cheeks turned red. “No, that's not it. I just... had something I wanted to tell him.”

“But you always focus on him when he's around, and are always distracted when he isn't. And if it's not him, it's the friends you guys have together. Am I no good?”

Jaejoong winced. He really was so much like Changmin, having this exact same problem. But also like me, too. Chansik didn't have many friends at school, so he was attached to them in the same way Jaejoong had been attached to Yunho, Changmin, Junsu, and Yoochun. The fact that Jaejoong and Yunho weren't looking at him properly probably made him feel terrible, like an outsider they weren't letting in.

“I'm so sorry,” Jaejoong said sincerely, reaching up to gently pat Chansik's cheek. “I really am. When I met Yunho this summer, I was in a very bad place. I was depressed and I had run away from home, and I didn't have a single person I was close to until I met him. Yunho and his friends were the ones who pulled me out of that, so of course I can't help but think of them. But that doesn't mean I don't care about you or Seungmin ah, and I'll definitely do a better job of showing you so you don't have to worry, okay?” In the back of his mind, he thought of Stan telling him that they would be most likely shifting around their groups when the new trainees came in, but he didn't mention that to Chansik. He didn't want to make him feel any worse.

“All right...” Chansik said, though his deep voice still sounded uncertain. “But didn't his ideal type sound a lot like you, hyung?”

Jaejoong started choking. “Er... um... not so much?”

“If you say so...” He still looked doubtful.

“You know, you're right about us not hanging out enough,” Jaejoong said, forcing a cheerful voice to distract him. “Let's go out for ice cream sometime, you and me and Seungmin if you want. Another independent membership training!”

Chansik's eyes instantly brightened. “Let's! I know of a really great place nearby that we could try.”

Jaejoong sighed in relief. We have to be more careful. If Chansik can get suspicious so quickly, who's to say no one else will? We can't be so close...

His heart felt like it was sinking again, weighed down by the thought. They were already so far apart now, and they couldn't get closer. He didn't want to be more distant than he already was, but still they had their secrets to keep safe. Being careful was the last thing he wanted, but that was what he had to be in a world where he had to hide who he really loved behind another woman's name.

0o0

The next week, Yunho emerged no worse for wear from his parents' visit. “Just a lot of nagging, but they're coming around,” he said. “But they are making me come back to my hometown to visit next week to see my grandparents, who apparently think I'm training to be a trot singer.”

“So no weekend visit again?”

Yunho smiled sadly. “The next weekend for sure. In fact, since we don't have any schedules planned, why don't you come back over to my place for the weekend? You can visit with Yoochun and Changmin.” He leaned in, his breath tickling against Jaejoong's ear. “I can have you back in my bed.”

Jaejoong blushed and pushed him off a little since Chansik was watching. “That would be nice,” he muttered, his disappointment evaporating. He wanted to back and be in Yunho's room again, to return and see the market and the stream and the abandoned road. Winter was coming and it was getting colder, but even though it wouldn't feel like the summer he'd spent there, he just wanted to be back in the place where he had so many beautiful memories.

Since Yunho wasn't around for the weekend, Jaejoong stayed true to his promise and took Chansik out for ice cream (Seungmin had either declined the invitation, or Chansik hadn't invited him at all-- Jaejoong guessed the latter since Seungmin had seemed incapable of talking about anything unrelated to Saehee recently), which wound up being pretty fun. He'd always assumed Chansik was a little bit shy, but without anyone else around, he was very eager to chat with Jaejoong about the hip-hop groups he'd been listening to, and his beginning attempts at rapmaking. He asked Jaejoong for plenty of advice, which made Jaejoong feel guilty about not paying attention properly to him previously. Even if they did wind up changing groups when the new trainees came in, Jaejoong knew he needed to be a much better hyung than he had been. A hyung like Yunho.

The company hadn't brought up the auditions or planned new trainees yet, other than what Hi Stan had told Jaejoong in passing. Jaejoong still hadn't received a text message about getting accepted into the company from Changmin, but since Changmin hadn't even initially planned on telling him about the audition in the first place, he wasn't necessarily expecting one.

The next week, though, Jaejoong could definitely tell something was up. Hyunsoo nim called all the trainees to the main meeting room, where several C&M top brass, including Hi Stan, were assembled.

“Today's practices will be a little bit different,” Hyunsoo nim said. He was decked out today in a paisley “special occasion” suit that hurt to look at. “All of us, not just your standard trainers, will be observing.”

“Have we not been doing well?” Seungmin asked, anxiously.

“You could always be better, but no, that's not what this is about. We have five new trainees coming into the company today.”

Jaejoong sat up straighter. What if Changmin wasn't one of them? He desperately wanted to check his phone, but he'd left it behind in the changing room, and it would be rude to pull it out in front of their bosses. He could only hold his breath and pray that whatever Changmin had done in the audition had been enough.

Stan opened the meeting room door, and five boys walked in. Jaejoong didn't even bother looking at their faces right away, his eyes honing in only on the tall figure bringing up the end, smirking back at him triumphantly. Thank you, god.

“Jae,” Yunho whispered, leaning into him. “Doesn't that one look an awful lot like Changmin?”

“It is Changmin.”

“Ehhhhhh?” Changmin's smirk grew wider.

“Go on and introduce yourself to the other trainees,” Hyunsoo nim said.

The first boy, who was rather tough looking other than his wide and blindingly white smile bowed. “I'm Park Jongwoo, fifteen years old. I rap and do B-boying. Please look after me.”

“Huang Chaozhi, fourteen years old” the second said in stilted Korean. “I do vocals. Please look after me.”

The third was stick-thin, and had long dyed brown hair. “Lee Shinwon, sixteen years old. Vocals and dance. Please look after me.”

“Cha Haejin, fourteen years old,” said the fourth, who looked so young that Jaejoong suddenly felt terribly old. If Hyunsoo nim was planning on pushing for a new group soon, the younger two probably wouldn't be able to be in it. “I specialize in rap and dance. Please look after me!”

“Shim Changmin,” Changmin said last. “I do vocals. Please look after me.”

“Oh, I'll look after him all right,” Yunho muttered. “Did you know about this?”

Jaejoong smiled guiltily. “That's what he was here for the other week.”

“Jae!” Yunho looked pleased, though, in spite of himself, even as he was trying to force out a scowl for Changmin's benefit.

Hyunsoo nim cleared his throat. “We're not concerned with forming you into groups immediately,” he said. “And I'm certainly not saying that it's impossible that you will debut as nine member group one day, but I would like to have an idea of how you will be divided among the vocal trainers, so the producers and I will be observing your basic vocal practice today to get a better idea of how you sound together. I'm not expecting perfection since most of you are new to each other, but please do aim for your best so we can judge you fairly, all right?”

They nodded-- no longer the four of them, but the nine of them.

“Let's get to the practice room and try some basic vocal warm ups, then,” the head vocal coach said, clapping his hands.

As soon as they were free to move, Jaejoong and Yunho made a break for Changmin. “So you were planning on telling me about this when?” Yunho asked, rumpling Changmin's hair. “You little brat.”

“Who's the brat? Have I ever made up lies about Jaejoong hyung to you?”

Yunho smiled guiltily. “You auditioned just to punish me, Minnie?”

“No, but if that's an added benefit, I don't mind.”

“I don't see it as a punishment. It'll be nice to have you around, as long as you don't make Jaejoongie spoil you with food like you always do.”

“Says the most spoiled guy I've ever had the misfortune of meeting.”

Jaejoong grinned so hard that his he felt his lips starting to hurt. If the other trainees hadn't been around, he would have slung his arms around them both and hugged them so tightly they wouldn't be able to breathe. I'm so happy to have you both that I don't know what to do.

Instead, he leaned into Changmin. “You remember everything you learned from doing harmonies with us this summer, right, Changmin ah?”

“Yeah? Why?”

“Then be sure to do your best during these warm ups together, all right? They'll eventually be trying to decide who sounds the best in a group together, and you should be with us, right? That's the way this whole thing started.”

Changmin smiled confidently. “Of course, hyung. I'm not going to be beaten by people who barely even know you, all right? Just wait and see.”

Please, don’t make me beg,
Tease, with your glance,
Like this, wishing for everything
Please, until the daybreak
Tight, hold me close
I’m in a dream-like state from your lips, before this point

Please, let me take you there
Tease, through your smile
You give me everything
Please, until the end
Right, because it’s different
Give only me love, for sure tonight