A/n: So I've been doing a good job of finishing all my projects ahead of time this week (for once), so I can probably go back to posting more regularly for the upcoming week :p Which is good, because most of you are either contemplating murdering Dami or murdering me. -Ducks from being bricked- Sorrrryy, there are reasons for the things I dooooo (or at least I hope so). -Run aways-

DANGEROUS MIND

A few days later, and Jaejoong really did feel like he was coming down with a cold. His body felt constantly exhausted as if there was a weight pressing down on it, and his head was fuzzy, making it hard for him to concentrate. The stress of his situation was beginning to catch up to him physically. His conversation with Yunho the night of the karaoke party had livened him in some ways. Yunho had never said a word about Sung Dami since then, and had seemed to have forgotten her altogether, making the jealousy and possessiveness he'd originally felt seeing them together seem pointless and the least of his concerns. It was the degree to which she was stalking to him that wore on him the most. She had people following them, that much he was sure of, but he wasn't sure if they were inside the company as well as outside of it. He researched the possibility that they were being bugged online, but it sounded so complicated that he could only hope it was beyond Dami's scope of understanding as well. It was bad enough having to be skittish around everyone who approached him without having to add worrying about her listening in on every word he said, so he let that thought go and instead focused on how to get the pictures of Soorin before she got bored waiting around for Yunho to fall in love with her.

As drained as he felt, Jaejoong still couldn't slack on his duties with DBSK. Their second album would be coming out shortly, and from then on it would be a ceaseless stream of live stages and TV and radio appearances up into their very first solo concert. The pressure was on, and he wanted them to do well as much as everyone else did. He didn't want to let them down or have anything dampen their excitement for them. If anything, he wanted to resolve the situation before then and leave nothing hanging over his head when he was standing on their concert stage for the first time with Yunho, Junsu, Yoochun, and Changmin.

“Look alive, Kim Jaejoong,” Yongsoo manager called out from front stage. They were rehearsing for their concert again, and the five of them had just finished their tutorial on how to use the harness apparatus, and were now supposed to be working on their stage dialogues. “You missed your cue. As soon as Changmin finishes that two second self-introduction of his, it's your turn, remember?”

“Sorry, I lost focus,” Jaejoong said, bowing his head.

“You've been doing that a lot today. Whatever's going on in your head, get it out. When you're onstage, we need to see the odd and rambling kid your fans are used to seeing, all right?” He clapped his hands. “Let's try that again, beginning with Yunho.”

Jaejoong took a deep breath and tried to focus on what was happening in front of him. Yunho, DBSK's leader. Changmin, DBSK's maknae. Me, DBSK's main vocal. He repeated the words, trying to fill them with all the pride he felt at his debut stage, and Yongsoo finally nodded in approval.

They moved on and outlined the rest of their first onstage chat with their fans. They'd agreed to use the time after their introductions to reminisce about their debut and how they'd changed since then. Jaejoong finally began to relax a little. It felt so natural to do what they always did together as friends. Teasing Changmin about kissing the kitten, and Junsu for becoming cuter than their maknae in the span of a few months. After awhile, it didn't even feel like they were doing this deliberately onstage, but simply enjoying an ordinary chat together. Jaejoong was almost surprised when Yongsoo broke in and told them that they didn't have to show him any more of that part of the show, since they already had it down to pat.

“Moving on, the concert coordinator and I have given more thought to the subject of the five of you including a bit of fanservice in your show,” Yongsoo said. “Of course, you can incorporate it naturally into the skit you have planned for the middle of the concert, but we were monitoring online for subjects your fans would find interesting for another audience talk. First of all, they're very interested in the dorm bedroom the five of you share together, but even more than that, they really want to know about the summer Jaejoong worked in the farmer's market and the five of you joined together. I know you've gone over this before on variety shows, but they have a particular interest in the more... personal stories behind your bond. Particularly between the two fish store guys-” he pointed to Junsu and Yoochun- “and Yunho and Jaejoong, of course.”

“Does no one care about me?” Changmin asked, looking offended.

“If you want to go on about your summer-long affair with the food at Yunho hyung's stall, I'm sure they'd be thrilled,” Junsu said drily.

“You're allowed to edit the story as you see fit, of course,” Yongsoo added. “I'm sure none of you did anything as tantalizing as your fans are expecting, so the details can be spiced.”

“Or tamed down, in one couple's case,” Yoochun muttered.

“We can reenact those spritzer battles Yunho and Jaejoong hyung used to have,” Junsu offered. “You know, I have a feeling our fans would love to see them both sopping wet.”

“And you and Yoochun hyung can reenact dumping ice cubes down each others backs instead of setting them properly up in your stall,” Changmin added, grinning. “Particularly the times they would wind up sliding into your pants.”

“And let's not forget Changminnie giving everybody puppy dog eyes to con them into giving him things to eat,” Yunho finished. He glanced over at Jaejoong, smiling at the precious memories that had brought them together. Jaejoong couldn't help smiling back, but he froze when he saw Yunho's hand reaching out to ruffle his hair. Without thinking, he instinctively jerked away, then winced when he saw that Yunho recognized his reaction. What do you think you're doing here?, he scolded himself furiously. Don't forget who you're trying to protect and why. She's not here. He doesn't love her. He loves you, so stop punishing him for what you did wrong.

They continued to go over the layout of their performance until Yongsoo finally announced that it was time to go back to C&M and go over the last of their dances from their Rising Sun tracklist with their choreographer. When they went backstage to gather their things, Yunho grabbed Jaejoong's arm and held him back.

“I'm getting to sound like a broken record at this point, but what's going on with you?” he demanded. “I know you've been under the weather, but you don't seem to have a problem with anyone else touching you. Only me.”

“That was... sorry, I've just been trying to be better about doing touching when other people are around. I forgot that it would be okay in that situation.”

Yunho's expression darkened. “All right, so first you argue that you and I need to jump on the fanservice wagon, and now you've suddenly changed your mind? Besides, that wasn't the first time you've done that lately. You've been jumpy all week, like you're-” Yunho paused. “Wait, you didn't have a bad experience with a sasaeng did you? Has someone been following you?"

Actually, in a manner of speaking... “That's not it. Just... there's a lot to be anxious about, with the album...the concert.”

“But you look happier when we're rehearsing than any other time.” He nudged Jaejoong against the wall, forcefully joining their hands. “Is this about Sung Dami-ssi?”

“What about her?” Jaejoong said, almost too quickly.

“I remembered that before we met her, everyone was teasing about how she volunteered to meet me. I was wondering if you took that to heart and were jealous. Just so you know, I'm not cheating on you.”

“I know,” Jaejoong said quietly.

“Then what's this about?”

“It's...” The truth dangled on the tip of his tongue. He'd wanted to take it all on himself so that he wouldn't to wrap up anyone else into her retribution, but he wasn't getting anywhere. He didn't know how to take Soorin's pictures from her, or how to get the recording, or how to implicate her without it. Worse, he was tearing himself up with doubt because of it, and now Yunho was realizing it. Part of him still worried how Yunho would react to knowing. He remembered the cold and almost mindless fury that could come over him when someone he cared about was insulted, and knew that there was a chance Yunho could charge in without preparing for what he was facing. All the same, he knew DBSK was as important to Yunho as it was to him. He had to trust that he would know better than risk that for the sake of whatever honor Jaejoong had.

“Sung Dami,” Jaejoong started to say. “She's-”

Yoochun cleared his throat loudly. “Could you finish up the lover's spat some other time? We need to get back to the company.”

Yunho grudgingly let Jaejoong go. “Don't think you've gotten out of talking to me about this,” he warned. “We're not doing this being dishonest with each other thing again, okay?”

“I don't like that I'm like this either,” Jaejoong said softly. “I hid things and felt alone for seventeen years. I got too used to it.”

“And when you're used to something, it's the most comfortable feeling in the world, I know,” Yunho said, sighing. “But you don't get to do that anymore. You changed when you met us. If you're going back, what we did together was meaningless. You're not that person anymore, Jae. Don't lose sight of that now.”

0o0

Their choreographer wasn't there yet when they arrived at C&M, but to Jaejoong's surprise, Soorin was in the practice room even though Starkiss wasn't scheduled to come in. She lept to her feet as soon as she saw Jaejoong and grabbed his arm.

“Can I borrow you for a second, Jaejoong ah?” she asked, bouncing on the balls of her feet. “I just ran a song I wrote by Stanley-ssi, and I want you to hear it, too. I have it ready in the music room.” She glanced over at Yunho. “If that's okay, leader-ssi.”

Yunho shrugged noncommittally. “Just don't take too long,” he said.

When they were in the music room, Soorin plunked down in front of the piano and shuffled around the papers set up on the stand. “It's a ballad for all four of us. Stanley-ssi says we can keep working on making it better. But he liked it. If we continue to develop it, he says we can maybe put it on our next album.”

“That's great, noona,” He smiled back at her, genuinely pleased. She'd come such a long way, and it made him happy to see her doing things she never could have managed before.

“I feel like I should thank you all over again. For what you did for me. But for now, I'll play it for you.”

Her long fingers plucked out a slow and somber melody on the piano, and she began to sing. The words of her song sounded beautiful-- a story of a girl waiting alone beside the sea, dreaming of the cottage she wanted to build there and live in with her lover-- but the way Soorin sang it was melancholy and desperate. As if the passion the girl was feeling was not beautiful at all, but dangerous and destructive, something that would drown her as surely as the water in front of her. The emotions carried in her voice made him want to cry for the girl whose dream surely even she knew wouldn't come true, but he held it in. He'd had enough of crying lately. He didn't want his love to be like that, a love that was too much, too internal. His love for Yunho had saved him, and now he was letting it do the opposite. Yunho was right. He couldn't be that person anymore.

Soorin sang the final note, and pulled her fingers away from the piano. “You liked it?”

He nodded. “It was beautiful.”

“I'm worried about you, Jaejoong ah.”

“Worried about me?”

“I haven't seen you happy in weeks. Even when you're around Yunho, you don't smile the same way you used to it. Don't you remember what I told you about being jealous over Sung Dami-ssi?”

“It's not that, it's...” Jaejoong trailed off. Why am I trying to hide this from her, too? “Has Saehee noona ever said anything about her to you? Something... that didn't sound very good?”

Soorin looked at him blankly, then slowly it dawned on her. “Oh. Yes, unni knew there were plenty of rumors about Dami-ssi and Minjun-ssi, but Minjun-ssi said it was onesided. And that he thought, though he wasn't sure, that maybe Dami-ssi had stalked him a little. He thought he had some evidence, but it wound up not being enough to do anything with.” She pursed her lips. “Do you think the same thing could be happening again?”

“I don't need to think that. I know it's true. She said so herself.”

“Do you have proof? The industry doesn't tolerate things like that. Even from top stars. If you turned her in, you could get a restraining order or have her fined.”

“She...” He shook his head. He couldn't tell Soorin that she was a part of the blackmail. Not with her so happy over the improvement in her career as a songwriter. “It's complicated. I don't want it to come out about her interest in Yunho right now. We're releasing an album soon, and it shouldn't be associated with a scandal right away.”

Soorin pressed her hands against his cheeks. “Okay. But I don't want to see my friend upset anymore, so I will help, too. I will talk to Saehee unni and see if Minjun-ssi can tell more about any problems he may have had with Dami-ssi. If you have more leverage, it will be better for you.”

“You'd do that?” He placed his hands over hers. “Thank you, noona. There's only been so much I can do on my own, so you don't mind if I rely on you a little?”

“That's what friends do. Rely on each other.” She looked over his shoulder and dropped her hands. “And now here is Yunho ah outside looking as if he will kill me. You should go back to practice.”

Jaejoong glanced back. Yunho was standing on the other side of the door, watching them with a pinched expression on his face.

“Why is it okay for her to touch you and not me?” he asked coolly.

“She didn't exactly ask for permission.”

“Neither did I. And you were touching her, too.”

Jaejoong glanced in both directions. There were no windows, no openings. She is absolutely not watching right now. You're free. Give him at least a small piece of that freedom. He pressed his hands against Yunho's cheeks, just as Soorin had to him. “Please,” he said quietly. “Understand that from the moment I laid eyes on you, there's been only you. That hasn't changed. I want to think the same about you. Can I? That no matter what happens, that no matter who else comes into our lives, there will always only be me for you?”

“Why are you even asking that? How can you not know by now?” Yunho gazed back at him sadly. “You're the one who's been unclear about your feelings lately. I'm the one who should be confirming that over and over again from you.”

“I know,” Jaejoong said, wincing. “I know. I want to change, too. I hate that part of me, just as much as you do.”

“I don't hate a single part of you,” Yunho said, easing Jaejoong's hands away from his face. “And the fact that you hate any part yourself is what's leading you to be like this, you know. You're treating the thing I love the most like garbage. And if you think I love something that's worthless, what does that make me in your eyes? Or the others, for that matter?” He shook his head. “Come on, let's go. You clearly have things to sort out. And the moment you do, you're telling me without asking stupid questions. Just believe in what you already know, all right?”

0o0

Jaejoong wanted to take him up on his word as soon as he could, but they were stuck in practice for the rest of the day, and by time they'd gotten out, his exhaustion had worsened into a throbbing tension headache and nagging dizziness. The other members offered to make soup and help out by nursing him back at the dorm, but Jaejoong decided to go home for the night and stay with his parents until he felt better, since they were so close by anyways. He had a lot to consider, just as Yunho had said, and he only wanted to face him when he was ready to, both physically and mentally.

He was watching romance dramas on TV while bundled up in a cocoon of blankets the next morning when his phone started buzzing. Chansik, the screen read. The trainees were scheduled for dance practice at C&M, so he couldn't imagine why Chansik was calling him now when he was supposed to be busy, but he picked up anyways. Chansik texted him frequently, but rarely called, so there must have been some reason or another for it.

“Chansik ah?”

“Hyung,” Chansik whispered. “I'm in the middle of practice now, but I had to call you. Sung Dami is here.”

Jaejoong bolted upright. “Why?”

“I don't know. She's in the offices with Hyunsoo nim right now. I thought you'd want to know.”

Jaejoong couldn't imagine what business she had with their CEO. Filming and editing on the Rising Sun video had already wrapped up, unless she had decided she needed to approve it before it was released the next day. Other than that, the only thing he could assume was that she had something or another she wanted to involve Yunho in, some other way of getting to him outside of his friend circle.

“Chansik ah, I'm coming over.” I need to talk to her, and buy myself more time. If I convince her that Yunho is falling for her, maybe she'll be more lax about having us watched. I can have the freedom to talk to Yunho and do something while her guard is down rather than just sitting around, torturing myself.

“Are you sure?” Chansik asked, sounding alarmed. “Look, I know you're probably not her biggest fan after the MV shoot, but you shouldn't start anything with her. She's a top actress.”

“I'm not going to start anything. She just... has something of mine that I need.”

“I could-” Chansik stopped short. “Uh, hyung, I need to hang up now. But please be careful about coming over, I know she's-”

Jaejoong ignored him. “See you in a bit, Chansik ah.”

“Hyung!”

Jaejoong hung up on him and pulled on some clothes. He knew she wouldn't just hand over the evidence she had against him, but he needed to at least let her think she was winning. She'd already proved that she had a lot of pride, and maybe that could blind her. He was willing to do anything at this point to make her stop stalking them, so he didn't have to keep on distancing himself from Yunho and seeing that hurt frown mar his face.

Though he wasn't feeling all the way better yet, he it up and ran to the C&M building, cursing his sluggish pace. Chansik hadn't specified how long Dami had been there, but he needed to at least catch her before she left the premises. A brief moment of panic stopped him suddenly when he was halfway there. What if she played the recording she made of me to Hyunsoo nim? I didn't follow her terms, at the beginning. Hyunsoo nim wouldn't kick me out of the group, so it wouldn't hurt DBSK, only me... that's exactly the kind of thing she'd do, isn't it?

But it didn't matter. Even if she had outed him to Hyunsoo nim, he just needed to make sure that she wouldn't do anything with the pictures of Soorin. He didn't care about getting in trouble with the company. He just didn't want s or Starkiss to also suffer.

When he finally made it to the lobby, he was surprised to see Shinwon there, standing beside a tall and attractive teen who looked like he'd stepped out of the pages of a fashion magazine. Like Shinwon, he had long and styled hair, his a glossy shade of black, but unlike Shinwon, he was well-built and muscular. Even though he was in a hurry, Jaejoong almost couldn't help stopping in his tracks and staring.

Shinwon turned to glance over at him. “Jaejoong hyung? Is that you behind the medical mask? Aren't you supposed to be at home recuperating before your comeback?”

“Kim Jaejoong?” Shinwon's companion asked, lifting an eyebrow. “The Kim Jaejoong from DBSK?”

“Not now, Hyungchullie,” Shinwon said, smacking his arm. “What's going on, hyung?”

“Is Sung Dami-ssi still here?” Jaejoong asked.

Shinwon shook his head. “You just missed her. But she did talk to Chansikkie a little bit before leaving, so if there's something she needed to pass on to you, he probably knows. He's still in the practice room.”

Jaejoong groaned. If only Chansik had called sooner, or I'd gotten here faster. Still, he needed to hear whatever she'd had to say to Chansik. Hopefully, it was something he could work with instead of just another threat or reminder that she was watching him.

Chansik was waiting for him on the couches upstairs. “Hyung, she left already,” he said, shaking his head.

“I know. But Shinwon ah said she said something to you...?”

“She did. It was about why she was talking to Hyunsoo nim. She wanted you to know.” Chansik scowled. “Apparently she was interested in seeing if C&M had any plans to move Yunho hyung into acting. She's auditioning for a new drama, and thinks hyung would be just perfect for the male lead.”

Jaejoong blinked. “Acting? She wants to try to get him into a drama with her? But Yunho... he's only ever done acting in our MVs. Hyunsoo nim said when we'd need more specified training before we could try out for dramas.”

Chansik shrugged. “Well, then I guess that's what he told Dami-ssi. But still... she said that she'd made an appointment to talk to Yunho hyung about it today. That's where she was leaving to go to. I'm sorry.”

Jaejoong closed his eyes tightly. Not this again. Stop trying to take him from me. Don't try to be together him when all you've done is force us further and further apart. You don't love him. Whatever the twisted emotion in your heart for him is, it isn't love.

Chansik took his hands. “Hyung, I'm really, really sorry. I know... I know I haven't been supportive of you and hyung, but even I don't want this. It's not fair to you.”

“Really, it's okay. It's okay. He won't... he won't be taken in by her. I believe in him. It's just...” I can't take it anymore. Being threatened, hating myself over it, having Soorin and Starkiss in jeopardy, knowing that he doesn't think I love him as much as I did before. I can't let yesterday's conversation end where it did. I'm going to fall apart. “Chansik ah, I have to tell him.”

“Tell who what?”

“Yunho. I have to tell him about Sung Dami. Right now. I'm done thinking about it. He needs to know.”

“What about her?”

“I'm sorry, Chansik. It's him I have to tell. I have to go.” Jaejoong turned back towards the exit.

“Hyung! Wait!” Chansik chased after him. “I told you, he's with Dami-ssi right now. You can't just burst in and start saying stuff about her! You don't even know where they're meeting.”

“Then I'll wait until they're finished. I just... as soon as possible, I need to tell him. Everything this time, without being interrupted.”

Chansik sighed. “Okay. I get it. But like I said, that's not something you can just burst in on Dami-ssi and say, all right? Let's just go get food or something for awhile, and then we can go find hyung, okay?”

“Okay, just as long as we-”

Chansik suddenly stopped in his tracks, grabbing Jaejoong's shoulder. Shinwon and Hyungchul were still in the lobby, only this time they weren't just standing around talking. Hyungchul had his arm wrapped around Shinwon's waist, and Shinwon was looking up at him, caught in mid-laugh before realizing Jaejoong and Chansik were there.

“Ah, you two!” he said brightly. “Everything resolved over Dami-ssi? She wasn't causing trouble again, was she?”

“It's not your business,” Chansik immediately snapped. His teeth were clenched, and the hand gripping Jaejoong's shoulder tightened.

“Hey, aren't you one of Shinwon's groupmates,” Hyungchul asked, his eyes narrowing. “Don't you think you're being rude? He was only asking a question.”

“Don't worry about it, he's always like that,” Shinwon said quickly. “That's the kind of relationship we have.”

“Yeah, not all of us are close enough to the point where we can go around touching people weirdly as if there's no one else around.”

“That's not something you should be saying while you're trying to wrench Jaejoong hyung's shoulder off. Where are you two going?”

“Out,” Chansik said flatly.

“If you're going for lunch, you should come with the two of us. We were going to go out for ramen, and I know Hyungchullie has been dying to meet Jaejoong hyung. He's a big DBSK fan.”

“Well, too bad for your friend, but Jaejoong hyung is going through something difficult right now, and we're going to talk about it privately. So you two can go off and have fun on your own and see if I care.”

Shinwon flinched, then pulled away from Hyungchul to stand in front of Chansik. “Are you an idiot? Jaejoong hyung said you would be petty, but how stupid can you get? Do you really not get it? Do you need me to spell it out for you, exactly who I've been thinking of all this time?”

Chansik flushed. “W-Who do you think you are, insulting me as if you're so great? Ever since I've met you, all you've done is make fun of me. What do you want? I... absolutely cannot stand guys like you!” He grabbed Jaejoong's hand and jerked him forward, towards the door. “Come on, hyung. Let's go.”

They'd walked at least two blocks together before Chansik finally slowed down. “,” he cursed, finally dropping his hand. “That guy.”

“Chansik ah... is it really okay to leave it like that?”

“What the hell do I care about what Shinwon ah thinks? If he wants to get closer to his stupid childhood friend, what does it have to do with me?”

“I know I'm not someone who should be saying this, but don't you think you're being dishonest with yourself about him?”

“Dishonest? Of course not. I can't stand him. I've only put up with him this long because we're going to be in the same group. That's all... that's all it is.” He turned his face away, hiding his expression.

Jaejoong sighed. “You know what, Chansik ah? I don't think food is what we need. Come on. You and I are getting drinks.”

It's gonna break apart
It's gonna kill my pride
You've given up on what you need to protect
Break your home, no more, not today
You've done unforgiveable things
Get rid of your mistakes