Chaerin was in the gym. She just had her conversation with Jiyong which should’ve made her feel happy but not that time. She was really disappointed. She wanted to see him already. She missed him a lot but it looked like he didn’t miss her much. He didn’t even sound a bit apologetic that he couldn’t come home yet.

 

Sigh.

 

“Lee Chaerin, what’re you doing here again? Wasn’t your appointment with me done earlier the day?” Hwagssabu said. He just came from the cafeteria and was surprised to see Chaerin on the treadmill again.

 

“Ssabu-nim I just figured I could use a few more hours here. My legs are getting huge.”

 

“Aigoo~ this girl really. Your legs are fine. They look great!”  Hwangssabu said while shaking his head and taking a seat near Chaerin.

 

“NO! They’re getting really big. I could practically make fire with them. They keep brushing against each other with every step I take.” Chaerin said as she wiped her sweat. She had been at the gym for an hour wanting to take a few hours off from the world.

 

“Chaerin, you are a beautiful girl okay? Legs aren’t the measure of beauty. You are beautiful inside and out. That’s why Jiyong is so head over heels for you.”

 

“Tsk… he isn’t even excited to come home to me.” Chaerin mumbled.

 

“What was that?”

 

“N-nothing. Thanks Ssabu-nim. You always believe in me.” Chaerin said while smiling at him and turning off the machine.

 

“Of course! You’re the baddest female.” He said as he imitated the nail drying dance.

 

“Hahaha~ thanks anyway ssabu-nim.” Chaerin said as she sat down next to him.

 

“So what’re you doing here again? You’re not really one to work out a lot.”

 

“Just wanted to clear my mind.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Uhm… its just… its…its nothing.” Chaerin said as she sighed.

 

“Just have faith. Trust him. Trust your relationship. Okay?” He said as he pressed her hand and stood up. “I’ll go first kid.”

 

“Thanks Hwangssabu-nim~!”

 

Hwangssabu left the gym room and just as he exited the area, he saw Dara hanging out by the doorway.

 

“Ssabu-nim! Is she there? Is she still working out?” He said in a whisper.

 

“Yup~ she just finished. I did my part already. Now let’s get outta here before she comes out.”

 

“Okay~ thanks ssabu-nim!”

 

……

 

“Oh Chaerin-ah, what’re you doing here?”

 

“When is she not here, boss?” Teddy said while chuckling.

 

“True true.” YG said.

 

“Anyway, it’s good that you’re here. I wanted to tell you that you can have tomorrow as your day off since the other girls said they wanted an off day.”

 

“Uhm. It’s okay sajangnim. I don’t really need a day off. I’d rather come to the studio.” Chaerin said while smiling at YG.

 

“No. You can’t!”

 

Chaerin raised her eyebrow at YG while Teddy was just cackling alone. “I mean, I order you to take a day off tomorrow so you will be rested for your next concert.”

 

“But—“

 

“No buts Lee Chaerin. Just take tomorrow off. Go to a special place, go visit your family or something.” YG said, trying to sound nonchalant but Chaerin heard some meaning in his voice.

 

“Yeah Chae, why don’t you go to a special place to try and clear up your mind. I know you’ve been stressed.” Teddy chimed in.

 

“O-okay. Why are you two so pushy, huh?” Chaerin said chuckling and trying to sound casual to hide the sudden feeling of nervousness and rapid beating of her heart. The moment she heard ‘special place’ she immediately thought of ‘that place’ again.

 

“Chae, you okay?” Teddy asked because she suddenly turned very quiet and was zoned out.

 

“Huh? Y-yeah. I’m f-fine. I j-just need some air. I’ll be back.” She said and immediately aimed for the door. The two men didn’t ask anything more. They let her leave as they both have apologetic faces.

 

After a few minutes that Chaerin left.

 

Knock knock.

 

“Hi oppa! Hi sajangnim. So did you do it already?” Dara asked with her head sticking in.

 

“Yeah. We just did.” YG said. He sat on the sofa, listening to the new music Teddy was making. He had a poker face on.

 

“Ohh, so where is she?” Dara asked.

 

“She went to get some air.”

 

“Ahh. So you mentioned about the special place huh?” Dara said. She was now fully in the room.

 

“Yeah. I feel like I’ve let her down. I didn’t even know! I didn’t even know she went through that! I’m like her father for God’s sake!” YG said, getting emotional.

 

A few days ago, Jiyong told him and some other important people in YG family about what Chaerin went through four years ago. There were mixed emotions. Shock first and foremost but was followed by hurt, sadness even anger. Anger at Jiyong, anger that they didn’t know, anger because they couldn’t have done anything. And then followed by the feeling of loss.

 

Of course, YG got really mad at Jiyong while he was telling him. He wanted to hit him if only he wasn’t on a different country but after some time to think he realized that Jiyong had lost someone too. He heard how hurt Jiyong was just by telling the story even if they did it through the phone. He knows that the kid was crying on the other line even though he was trying hard to hide it.

 

It was something that all of them would have a regret about.

 

“Sajangnim… she didn’t want anyone to know that time. She wasn’t ready to tell anyone.” Dara said trying to comfort YG who was close to tears.

 

“If anyone should feel bad, it’s me. I saw her every day during that time and I didn’t notice anything. I didn’t see it. I didn’t pay enough attention.” Teddy said, he, too was getting emotional. It was hard accepting what happened to Chaerin. They felt like they let her down by not being there for her when she needed it the most.

 

“No. Stop thinking like that. Both of you. She saved a life. A lady. An old lady. She saved her. Chaerin has always been brave. It wasn’t anyone’s fault what happened. I know you kind of feel responsible for it but no. It was a terrible terrible incident that happened.” Dara said. Tears already streaming down her face.

 

……

 

I found myself at the roof top again. The air gently hitting my skin felt so good as usual. A special place huh? I have that one for sure. Maybe this day off’s a good thing after all. I can visit my daughter again. I’ve actually been visiting her this week whenever I had free time, of course Dara unnie was always covering up for me. I wanted to tell the others about this so bad but I just don’t know how to.

 

I didn’t want the day off at first because Jiyong’s not here yet and I wanted to spend it with him. I wanted us to visit our baby together again and I was planning that we would the second he arrives but fate’s just not with me on this one.

 

“Yeoboseyo?”

 

“Chaerin-ah, where are you? We’re waiting for you in the studio. It’s super late already. We should head home.”

 

“Arasseo, Bommie unnie. Are you okay?” Chaerin asked because Bom sounded groggy, like she just cried.

 

“What? Y-yeah, I’m o-okay. Probably just tired, is all. Just come here already so we can go home okay?”

 

“Deh unnie, I’m on my way.”

 

……

 

“If this is a joke, it’s not funny at all.” Bom said sternly at Dara who was still teary.

 

“It’s not a joke Bom.” YG said seriously.

 

“But t-this is i-impossible. Chaerin unnie is t-too young. She couldn’t have possibly…” Minzy said, trying to absorb everything that was said just a while ago.

 

“Oh my God is that why she was always disappearing.” Bom said, tears already forming on her eyes.

 

Dara just nodded her head as tears started to stream down again. “She was visiting her.”

 

“O-oh my God.”

 

At this point the girls were all crying.

 

“Okay okay, that’s enough. I know we’re all shocked and hurt by this but we should be strong, especially for Chaerin. I think she lost too much already and I sure as hell won’t let her lose anything more.” YG said.

 

“That’s why we’re going to help Jiyong. He is her half. They complete each other, they can’t lose one another. Not again.” Dara said while wiping what’s left of her tears.

 

“O-okay. What’s the plan?” Bom asked and Minzy nodded along.

 

“Talk about it later, Chaerin might come back anytime now and it’s too late already. You all should get home and rest.” Teddy said. It breaks his heart to see his girls shedding tears especially that they’re not tears of joy.

 

“Okay, I’ll call Chaerin so we could all go home now.” Bom said, already dialling her phone.

 

……

 

“Oh hyung, what’re you doing here?” Jiyong asked. He just got out of the shower and the first thing he saw was his hyung sitting on a chair reading a magazine.

 

“Oh I just happened to pass by your room and thought why not hang out.” TOP said as he set aside what he was reading.

 

“Really hyung?” Jiyong said, eyeing the older suspiciously.

 

“Okay, not completely. It’s just that I heard something from Youngbae and I thought I should be a hyung and talk to you about it.”

 

“Huh? What is it?” Jiyong said, while drying his hair with a towel.

 

“Something about Chaerin and proposing. Something like that.” TOP said casually as he made himself more comfortable on the chair.

 

Jiyong stopped arranging his clothes on the bed and looked at the TOP. “Ah, yeah. I was just about to tell you guys about that.”

 

“Ahh. Okay then, so tell me about it.” TOP said while directly looking at him.

 

“Uhm. I’m proposing to Chaerin when we get back to Korea.” Jiyong said while looking at TOP who looked like he was waiting for him to say more.

“What’s with the face hyung?”

 

“That’s it? That’s all you have to say?”

 

“Yeah. What’s more to say? I’m proposing to her.” Jiyong said, a bit irritated that he didn’t hear words of support from him.

 

“Jiyong. Marriage. Marriage is a big thing. I mean, you don’t just decide on it instantly. Deciding to get married takes time. It’s not something that you just suddenly do.”

 

“Hyung, I know that.”

 

“Really? Do you really? I mean… okay, I’m not saying that what you feel for Chaerin isn’t real but are you really sure about this? Marriage is a totally different thing than just dating.”

 

“Hyung, I appreciate your concern but I don’t need it.” Jiyong said, now pissed that his hyung is talking about stuff like this. He is sure of his decision. He knows what he’s doing.

 

“Okay. I’m sorry if I’m offending you or questioning your decision but you have to really think about this. You’ve been like what a month or two in your relationship? Don’t you think it’s too early?”

 

“Time has nothing to do with it.”

 

“Of course it does! Don’t be ridiculous Jiyong. Don’t be carried away by what you feel at this moment! Are you sure that what you feel now will be the same for the next year, 5 years and so on?”

 

“I’m sure! I’m absolutely sure that my feelings will be the same or would even grow stronger! Because what I feel for her now is what I’ve been feeling for the last 4 years!!!” Jiyong shouted, frustrated by his hyung and suddenly getting emotional, thinking about the past four years that he wasted because he wasn’t man enough.

 

“I love her… I love her so much. I don’t even know why you’re questioning me right now.” Jiyong said, close to tears.

 

“Ji, it’s not that. It’s just, I think it’s too early.” TOP said, toning down his voice.

 

“No hyung. I think I’m already late. I should’ve done this years ago. So maybe then I could’ve saved her from being hurt. So I could’ve saved our b-baby.” Jiyong said, finally letting his tears flow.

 

“What? What’re you talking about, Ji?” TOP asked, concerned for him since it has been a while since he cried in front of him.

 

“Hyung, four years ago, Chaerin… Chaerin, she… she got pregnant…”

 

“WHAT?!”

 

“She was p-pregnant with our b-baby.” It was always hard for Jiyong to talk about it. Even with Chaerin.

 

“What?! Jiyong! What the hell are you saying?!” TOP said, totally taken aback by what he’s hearing.

 

“But there was an a-accident… and s-she lost her.” Jiyong said, now slumping down the bed with his elbows on his knees and head on his hands.

 

“Oh my God Jiyong…” TOP said as he approached where his dongsaeng was and sat beside him.

 

“I’ve loved her even before she loved me but I was just too much of a coward and a stupid to acknowledge it. So I’m sure hyung. I’m sure I’ll love her next year, I’ll love her five years from now. I’ll love her ‘til the day I die.” Jiyong said in between sobs.

 

“Okay.” TOP said, patting his back.

 

“I don’t want another day to pass without her by my side. She gives me life. I see the beauty of life by just looking at her. I hear music whenever she’s near. She gives me the breath I need to keep on going. I love her so much and I’ll never let her go again.” Jiyong said as he turned his head to look at the older.

 

“Okay… okay.” TOP said while nodding his head at Jiyong and that was the support that Jiyong has been waiting to get from him.

---

So these are like the things that happened before the boys' return to Korea. Their secret's out. I just thought that its too important to be kept a secret from the people they love. AND in the part with TOP I just thought that there should be someone to do that for him. I mean, to kind of make sure that he was doing the right thing and I picked TOP because he's the hyung and it felt right that it should be him. Plus in reality, we don't always get support immediately, people still question us not because they doubt us but because they care for us and want us to do the right thing :) 

THANK YOU again for reading my story, for subscribing and commenting. I hope you still like it. The end is nearing and I'm just looking for inspiration to write the final chapters :) God bless you all!