CL POV

Warm air hitting my body and the hot sun heating up my face. Trees all around and flowers dancing as they are being blown by the soft breeze. Warm water splashing lightly at my feet. Children playing around, giggling and laughing with each other. Summer. I can’t wait for summer.  I love feeling the warmth it brings and most especially the happiness that follows that warmth. That’s what I love most. I close my eyes and inhale the fresh air brought by the trees. Sigh. If only everyday could be summer so I could always feel this warm. I slowly immerse myself into that setting and slowly start to enjoy my own summer. I smile slightly to myself as I continue to inhale the fresh air that gives me life. Hope…

“Chaerinnie..?” I hear someone call my name.

I slowly open my eyes and see eight pairs of confused eyes staring back at me and one pair looking a bit worried. ‘Oh . I zoned out again.’ I inwardly cursed myself. I slightly smile back at them and their expressions slowly went back to normal.

“Chaerin, are you okay? We were calling you a while ago but you were just sitting there, closing your eyes. Were you sleeping?” YG asked me with a tone that hinted worry.

I shook my head and widen my smile at him and replied in the happiest voice I can find “I’m alright sajangnim! I’m just a bit tired, that’s all. I think the fatigue is catching up on me. But I’m alright.” I said a bit too fast and looked around the room to assure all the people around me that I was alright but all I got were some raised eyebrows and some tilted heads showing confusion. ‘Oh gosh. I think I might have overdone my tone. Ugh. Oh well, it’s done.’

“So, why were you calling me again?” I asked YG to divert the attention from my response a while ago and luckily, it did bring us back to whatever they were talking about when I zoned out.

“We were asking for your opinion about the set-up for the concert Rinnie. Since you produced some songs in our album anyway so, your opinion really matters.” Dara unnie said while looking at me, still having a bit of a confused expression but more of a worried look and eyes that silently asked me if I was okay.

I smiled at her and slightly nodded my head once to answer her unspoken question but she still looked worried. So, I pressed her arm a bit to assure her and her expression softens.

“Oh, is that so, I think that the current set-up is already good and I already made the adjustments I want with the director yesterday so it will be done in our next practice so I think it’s all good now.” I answer professionally and with that, we all went back to our talks about concerts, songs, practices and all things involving our idol life. But the thought of summer was still at the back of my mind.

We were still in the middle of our meeting but I was slowly starting to go back to my summer again. I was about to close my eyes and zone out when I felt someone lightly kick my leg and that brought me back to reality. I jerked my head up and looked to my front and I was faced with a frowning face of a handsome man, a man I once adored and cared for as much as my life or maybe even more… but that was before.

I looked at him, confused, and he stared back at me with his eyebrows knitted together. He leaned closer to me and lowly spoke so nobody else can hear “Stop dozing off or zoning out. Listen and be a responsible leader, CL.”

That statement stabbed me straight to the heart. That statement alone shot me hard but that statement coming from this particular man bombed me real good. I was frozen in my place for a bit then I looked back at him. I felt hurt and angry of course because he was hinting that I wasn’t being a good leader and I was neglecting my duties. I take my position very seriously. He of all people should know that since we spent a lot of time together. A LOT. But then again, that was before, so maybe things have really changed now. I was about to respond to him that I was listening and that I wasn’t going to doze off but then I thought, was I really listening and not gonna doze off. I thought for a bit and as the time passed, my anger subsided. I looked back at him, realizing that I was slightly looking down the whole time.

“Sorry.” I said in a low tone so nobody could hear too. His expression showed shock at my answer at first but it quickly became blank so maybe I was just imagining his shocked face. Sigh. I brushed it off and turned my head to where my girls, his boys and YG sajangnim are discussing things so that I could really listen and pitch in ideas so I could help in the progress of our work but I felt him still staring at me so I looked back at him and he still had a blank expression on but when he realized we were staring at each other he quickly looked away and turned his attention to the front. I scoff lightly and decided to dismiss what had happened and not think too much about it because it might just create ideas I don’t want to handle. So, I directed my attention back to the meeting only to see that it was already ending. ‘Stupid Chaerin. You didn’t even contribute to anything.’ I cursed myself quietly again.

As we were wrapping up the meeting and getting ready to leave, I was feeling really guilty for not listening and helping. I didn’t even know what they talked about in the meeting. ‘Oh God, maybe they made changes and I wouldn’t be able to follow since I don’t know what it was. Ugh!’ As I was thinking of ways to find out what they talked about, a small warm hand pulled me closer and whispered “Don’t worry unnie, I’ll tell you everything we talked about in the meeting.” My beautiful maknae told me and I sighed in relief. I hugged Minzy closer and whispered a soft ‘thank you’ to her. We pulled back and I still smiled widely at her which earned me a nudge in the side from her. “Yah unnie, it’s no big deal, I just saw that you weren’t feeling well today so I decided to listen well to the meeting so I would be able to tell you what we talked about. Stop smiling at me like that. You’re creeping me out.” She said while rubbing her arms to brush off her goose bumps.

I chuckled lightly “Aigoo, my sweet Mingkii-ah, you really know me huh? Thank youuu~~” I said to her in my aegyo voice. She made an uncomfortable face which made me laugh.

“Yah. Don’t do that anymore. See, even your maknae feels uncomfortable when you show your aegyo.” Somebody behind me said and without even turning around, I already know who it was.

“Mind your own business Panda.” I said flatly while fixing my things, without even turning to face him.

“Don’t call me panda. Yah! My circles are already disappearing! Look! Yah. Look at me!! They’re gone now. LOOOK!” He kept on pestering me and pulling my arm to turn me around to look at him but I was strong enough to stay rooted in my place. I just turned my head quickly at him with my eyes closed and I stuck my tongue out before turning my back on him again. I didn’t realize that I was already laughing.

“YAH! You—“He was about to say something but was cut off by someone who spoke.

“Let go of her Seungri. She doesn’t want to look at you. Let go of her right now.” We stopped moving and talking. I looked up and I saw him. He was standing in front of me so I was directly looking at him but he wasn’t looking at me. He was looking at Seungri’s hand which was still tightly holding my arm. He had his dark face on as we call it.

There was a moment of silence and I realized that everybody has stopped fixing their stuff and was looking at us three. Nobody said anything and the man’s face in front of me was getting darker and darker as each second passed by.

“Okay, enough playing kids.” We heard a very familiar voice spoke. It broke the silence and we all looked to YG, well, except for the man in front of me since he didn’t even move an inch. “Stop playing and concentrate on what we have talked about in this meeting okay? Do your best.” YG said as a sign that he was already dismissing us all. I was about to get my bag from my chair when I realized that this Panda was still holding me. I shook my arm a bit to remove his hand and he let go. I heard him say sorry and I turned to respond to him but he wasn’t looking at me. He was looking directly at the man in front of us who up until now didn’t move a bit.

I was supposed to ask why he was saying sorry to him and not to me but Seungri already turned and left. I was once again confused of the actions of the man now in front of me, blocking my way to the door, but I once again decided to shrug it all off. This was a weird day.

“Excuse me.” I said while making my way to the side but he also stepped to the side, once again blocking my path. I looked at him with creased forehead and was supposed to ask him to move but his action surprised me. He held my arm and said “Can we talk?” His voice was soft. A complete opposite of the face he had just a while ago.

I was taken aback by this because we haven’t really talked for a long time. Yes, we say a few words to each other when needed and when its work related but just talk, no. We haven’t done that for what felt like ages. I was contemplating on whether I would say yes or no but before I could respond Minzy called out for me.’ Whew. Thank you again Mingkki for saving me twice today.’ I made a mental note to take my maknae out for a meal some time. I took his hand off my arm “Maybe some other time Op--, Jiyong. We need to practice now.” I said while I walked forward, never looking back. But I could’ve sworn I heard him say ‘I miss you.’ AND once again I shrugged it off. I didn’t need any distractions right now. Not when we have a concert to do and an album to drop and most especially not when that day is coming.

I needed to focus on my work and myself. But even as I say these things to myself I still keep on hearing his soft voice saying ‘I miss you’ to me.

Are you confused of why Chaerin is like that? No? Okay. Haha

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