Jiyong arrived very early in the studio. He really couldn’t wait to see her. He woke up really early which was rare, maybe because he was too excited to see the person he missed the most.

 

It was only about 8 in the morning so he first went to the cafeteria to eat, hoping a little that she was there.

 

She wasn’t, but that’s okay.

 

He finished his meal and decided to go around the building to kill time. He went to the practice rooms and saw the trainees busily practicing or composing songs. He was proud. It felt good looking at them working hard. He was reminiscing about the time it was them in their shoes and he felt really good thinking about where they are now and what they have achieved already.

 

The trainees saw him and bowed respectfully. He returned the bow and smiled kindly to them. He saw that it was only 8:45 so he decided to hang with them for a bit. He talked with them, shared experiences, gave pointers and everything a sunbae should do. He didn’t realize that time has passed already. He looked at his watch and saw it was already about 10:30.

 

“” he said as he stood up

 

The trainees looked at him with confusion written on their faces.

 

“Oh, sorry. I have to go. Take care kids. Work hard!” he said as he prepared to go out of the practice room.

 

“Where are you going, sunbae?” someone asked.

 

He smiled, “To look for someone important.” He said and smiled to them.

 

He left the practice room and headed straight to the floor above, where he was sure she’d be.

 

He took a deep breath and built his courage. His hand was on the door knob ready to turn it when…

 

“Jiyong?” he heard someone say. He turned around and was greeted by the beautiful face of Sandara Park.

 

“Oh noona, good morning!” he greeted brightly.

 

“Good morning too. What are you doing here?” Dara asked even if she already knew why he was there.

 

“I came for Chaerin. I wanna talk to her.” He straightforwardly said.

 

“Oh, really? But she’s not here…”

 

“What?”

 

“She’s not here today...”

 

“Why? Aren’t you practicing today?” he asked

 

“Yeah, but without her.”

 

“Why?” he asked again, he was confused. She was never absent.

 

“She took time off” she said dismissively, not wanting to discuss it any further.

 

“What? Why?”

 

“Enough whys Ji.” She said chuckling, hoping to let this conversation die.

 

“But… where is she?” he asked, following her because she was now heading inside the practice room

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Come on, noona, I know you know. Please tell me.” He said desperately.

 

“I’m sorry Ji. I really don’t know.”

 

“Please…”

 

“We need to practice Ji. Go do something productive, huh?” she said as she smiled sadly at him. He looked so down.

 

She closed the door to the practice room, leaving him outside. She knows she was being mean but she couldn’t tell him anything. Chaerin said she’s not ready yet and she’s going to respect that. Tomorrow’s the day and she knows Chaerin doesn’t need any more drama so she decided to keep her secret again.

 

 

Jiyong felt devastated. He’s been waiting for this day to see her but she succeeded in running away from him again. He felt frustrated. How can she take time off at times like this? He had so many questions but the one thing he really wants to know is where she is. He knows that Dara knows but just isn’t telling him.

 

‘UGHHH!!!! WHYYY?!!!’ he pulls his hair in frustration.

 

He went to YG to ask him why he gave Chaerin time off but he wasn’t there and there was no one who could answer his question. He couldn’t focus on work all day so he just went home. It was just about 4PM and he was already at their dorm lazing around. He was just sitting in the living room watching tv, eating ice cream, feeling pathetic.

 

 

“Yo man! What’re you doin’ here?”

 

Jiyong looked up. He almost slept on the couch already. It was now 8PM.

 

“Huh?” he asked.

 

“I said, what’re you doing here?” Youngbae asked

 

“It’s my dorm too, you know.”

 

“I know that but why are you here this early? Aren’t you supposed to be in YG, working or something?” Youngbae asked as he sat on the other couch.

 

“Yeah, well, I don’t have the inspiration to work right now. My inspiration’s not here.”

 

“Oh yeah, I heard.”

 

“You heard? Where? From who?” Jiyong asked the other with eyes filled with hope. He thought that maybe Youngbae knew where Chaerin is.

 

“Easy there… I know what you wanna ask and no, I don’t know where she is right now. I heard from Dara noona that she took time off.” Youngbae said and he saw the hope in the other’s eye disappear, just like that.

 

“I’m gonna go to bed now. I’m sleepy. Night Bae” Jiyong said, feeling defeated. He knows that Chaerin is really good at keeping secrets and if she went away she would just let one person know. In the past, it was him who knew wherever she will be when she wants to be alone but now, he had no ing idea.

 

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Chaerin was lying in the bed of the room she rented for two nights. She couldn’t sleep. She was waiting for tomorrow to come.

 

She was having mixed feelings right now. She suddenly thought that maybe it would have been better to have Dara with her but no, she had to do this by herself now. She couldn’t always seek others for strength.

 

She looked at the clock. It was 10 PM.

 

Ting.

 

She looked at her phone. Someone texted her.

 

From: Jiyong, 10:03 PM

“Where are you?”

She ignored the message like she always does.

 

Ting.

 

From: Jiyong, 10:10PM

“Please tell me where you are or if you’re okay. I wanna know.”

 

‘Ugh. Really. He contacts me at the worst times.’

 

She was still staring at her phone when the screen changed and it showed that someone was calling her.

 

Jiyong

 

She just let her phone ring. She didn’t wanna talk.

 

He called again and again and it was getting annoying so she ignored the call and turned off her phone.

 

She didn’t want to think anymore. She closed her eyes and succeeded in going to dream land.

 

 

 

I was sitting on a bench. I was in the park. It was a great day. It was warm. I smiled and inhaled the fresh air. I felt good. Really good.

 

“Omma! Omma!” I heard someone call.

I turned to my right and saw a pretty girl wearing a pink dress. She was going towards my direction.

“Omma!” she called out again, now looking directly at me.

I looked to the left and right. No one was in that area except us. I was confused.

The girl was now directly in front of me. She was smiling so sweetly. She looked familiar… she reached out her hand and held mine. It was so warm.

“Omma…” she said again, now softly and with so much love.

My heart was pounding hard and fast. ‘What is this?’ I asked myself. I was looking directly at her and she was still smiling at me with those pretty brown eyes. I couldn’t help but smile back.

She stretched her arms wide like she was asking me to carry her and I did. I didn’t know why but I did. It felt like it was a natural response. Having her in my arms felt so right. She was light. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders as I carried her.

“Omma, I missed you...” she whispered to me.

“I missed you too, baby” I said automatically. ‘Huh? Why did I say that? Omygad, what is this? Why am I feeling like this?’

Questions surrounded me but what I was sure was that I really missed this child I am holding right now.

“You know, I’m gonna be four years old soon, omma! Then I’ll grow bigger and be as beautiful as you!” she said as she raised four little fingers and made cute hand gestures. She looked so cute. I was just sitting on the bench while carrying her. She looked so happy and I felt so happy. I wasn’t sure what was happening now but I was happy she was calling me ‘omma’.

“Really? Well I bet you’ll be more beautiful baby.” I said as I kissed her cheek. All I was doing right now felt so natural and automatic. It was like I wasn’t the one controlling my actions.

“No wayyy!! Omma is the most beautiful in the world!! That’s why appa loves you so much!!” she said happily.

“Appa?” I asked before I could stop myself.

“Yes. Appa. You know, he’s always looking for you. He’s always worrying about you but you won’t tell him where you are. I see him almost cry because he is sad and he misses you.”

“Huh?” I asked again, feeling confused.

“Omma… it’s not appa’s fault. Nobody wanted it to happen, omma. I know everybody would have wanted to see me especially appa.” She said so softly.

Right then I knew what she was talking about and I was rushed with emotions. This child I was holding right now is my child. The child I love so dearly. The child I almost sacrificed everything for. The child I would have fought for until the very end. The child I so deeply wanted.

 

 

The child I lost…

 

 

I was consumed with feelings now and I didn’t realize I was sobbing.

“Omma, don’t cry. It’s not your fault. Don’t cry omma. Baby loves you” she said as she buried her face on my neck. I held her tighter. Omygad. This feels so real. I wish I could stay here forever. I wanna be with her forever.

We were hugging while I was crying. I couldn’t help it. This is the part of me I lost. I wanted it so much.

“I love you so much baby. So so much. I’m so sorry… so so so-rry.” I said, still crying. I couldn’t contain my emotions.

“Omma. It’s not your fault. No one wanted it to happen. I love you too omma, you and appa. I hope you can forgive appa too. He loves you and I know he will love me too when he finds out.” She said and I froze. ‘he would never find out’ I said to myself.

“Omma. Please always remember that I love you and I’m always watching over all of you. I’m so happy that we could see each other.” She said as she was about to get off my lap.

I panicked.

“NO! Don’t leave. Where are you going? Stay here please baby. Don’t leave omma again…”

“Omma, I’m really happy I saw you. I love you so much” she said as she was now out of my lap. ‘How did she get off me?! I was just holding her!!’

I was really panicking almost hyperventilating.

“Baby! Baby! Please don’t leave omma. I’ll go with you…” I said as I tried to stand up. She was now walking away from me. NO!

“Baby! Baby… baby.” I could hear myself fading. ‘what’s happening?’

 

 

I shot up. I could feel my face was wet and I was sweating so much. I was breathing hard.

 

I was still crying. I feel myself feeling more and more emotional. I cried.

 

I didn’t know how long I cried but now I was just staring in space. Still in the position I woke up in. I couldn’t move.

 

I was remembering everything about the dream. It felt so real. It was so vivid. Her face. It was imprinted on my mind and I wished I could see her again. It was my first time to have such a dream.

 

I saw her. Finally. My blood. My child.

 

I wanted to see her again. I wanted to be back in that place again.

 

I gathered myself together and got off the bed. I was feeling weak. I looked at the clock and it showed 7AM. This is it. This is the day. Her day. Her anniversary.

 

 

This was her day. I always prepare for her day. I wear my best dress. I fix myself to look presentable. I always bring her a toy. I sing for her. I talk to her. I do all things for her.

 

Now, I’m at her place. The place I let her rest.

 

I’m standing in front of her ‘home’ just looking at it. Tears were streaming down my face. I couldn’t stop it. There was no one else in this place right now and I’m thankful for that. I needed time alone with her. I thought about my dream and I sobbed more. I love her so much.

 

Its 3PM now and I have been here since 9AM. I always spend the whole day with her. I just couldn’t bring myself to leave her. Especially now that I dreamed about her.

 

I miss her so much. I wanna see her again. I feel so sad right now. I’m not crying anymore but the feeling’s still there. I guess I had no more tears to shed.

 

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“Noona, please tell me…” Jiyong almost begged

 

“Ji, please. I really don’t know and she’ll be back tomorrow anyway. Just wait for her til then.” Dara said. Jiyong has been pestering her all day about the whereabouts of Chaerin and there was a time she almost gave it up, seeing that Jiyong was on the verge of tears but she didn’t.

 

“Please… I can’t wait for tomorrow. I wanna see her now.”

 

“I’m sorry Ji…”

 

He sighed. It was no use. They’re in the girls’ practice room now. He has been there for a good 2 hours asking anyone where Chaerin is. He looked desperate but he didn’t care.

 

 

To: Hunchae , 6:17 PM

“Where are you? Please tell me. I’m going crazy here.”

Sent.

 

He waited for a reply but of course it didn’t come.

 

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I was singing to her. It was the lullaby I composed for her when I learned that I was pregnant. It was a happy song, which was the opposite of what I was feeling right now. But I still sang it because it was her song. It was what I felt when she was inside me. Happy.

 

It was dark now. I’ve been here for hours but it didn’t feel like it. The day was rapidly passing but I wanted to stay here more. I’m sitting on the grass. Just humming and talking to her. I might look like a crazy lady right now but I don’t care.

 

I know I had to leave soon because the night was fast approaching and it was getting cold and I was only wearing a dress and a thin cardigan. ‘A little bit more’ I said to myself.

 

Maybe a good hour has passed again and I was now preparing myself to leave. I was standing in front of her again. I bowed to her and whispered an ‘I love you’. My heart was heavy. ‘If I could just stay with you forever, I would.’

 

I turned and I was frozen in my spot.

 

“Chae?”

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HEY! So what do you think?  Drop some comments :)

Once again, thank you for reading, commenting and subscribing! I hope you like this chapter. God bless y'all!

I just wanna say that my heart goes to skydragon but dang! lately, there's a lot of sunsky and we all can't deny that they look cute too hahaha :)