......

You can leave me

Take away all that I have

You can want me

Love me for who I am

Choices, romance

Takin' me high in the air

Flyin', so scared

Afraid not to see you again

He smiled bitterly as he listened to the song playing.

'Cause I'm scared to death

Now that I'm losin' you

I'm scared to death

Knowin' I can't get through

I'm scared to death

Living this so lonely life without you

Oh baby, I'm scared to death

He felt his insides turn at the thought of not being with her again. Fate was really testing him huh? Even playing the song of his life right now.

…I'm scared to death

Living this so lonely life without you

Ohh, I'm scared to death

Na na na na na na

I'm so scared

Na na na na na na

I'm so scared

What if you won't be, won't be around anymore

I'm scared to death

And as if on cue, the door opened, signalling the entry of a new customer.

“Hyung has he picked up your call yet?” Youngbae asked TOP. They were at a restaurant right now, eating with their members minus Jiyong, their managers and some staff.

“No. He hasn’t.”

“Where is that guy?” Youngbae mumbled as he once again tried to call his best friend.

He was actually getting a bit worried because Jiyong would always tell him where he is, where he would go, what he will do, just in case something happens. But now, he had no idea where he is. He called his house and his mom said he wasn’t there. He called Soo Hyuk, Xin, and their other friends but they weren’t with him.

It’s not like Jiyong is a child. It’s just that he has been on an emotional roller coaster lately and his judgment may be clouded at the time.

He kind of already had an idea of why Jiyong disappeared again because after they were sent home because their recording was done, TOP immediately pulled him and asked what happened. Of course he was confused at first because as far as he knew, nothing worth mentioning happened, except his confession to Chaerin that he would rather keep a secret. But after hearing TOP’s story about when he saw Jiyong, he knew it has something to do with his ‘confession’.

“Do you think he really saw us, hyung?” Youngbae asked the older as the older one took a puff of smoke.

“Most probably.” TOP said as he released smoke. “Why would he act like that anyway? You know how Jiyong turns into a love sick puppy just by the mention of Chaerin’s name.”

“Well, yeah. But maybe he misunderstood. I mean he already knew I liked Chaerin but we also both know that it can’t be more than that and believe me, I really really tried hard to not let it be more than that.”

“And? Did your trying succeed? Do you not like her more than you’re supposed to?” TOP asked with a raised brow.

Youngbae smiled sadly at him and that was more than enough as an answer. “I really tried hyung…”

“It’s not your fault. You can’t choose who you love” TOP said which made Youngbae look at him with a shocked expression. It was the first time that he heard his hyung say something like that.

“What? I’m older than you. I’ve been down that road before. Being in a one-sided love isn’t really the best place to be in the world.” He said as he took a last puff of his cigarette and threw it away.

“Tsk. What are you talking about, hyung? Bom noona loves you as much as you love her. You’re just saying all that to make me feel better.” Youngbae said

“Yeah, she loves me but it didn’t really start that way. I loved her first and I’m grateful that she loved me back. But believe me, it took time and lots of effort for that woman. But it was all worth it. And correction, I love her more.” TOP said while smiling, reminiscing his times with Bom.

“So, hyung, are you saying I have a chance? Are you saying that I could turn this around and actually have a relationship with her?” Youngbae asked. He wouldn’t admit it but a small fire of hope was lighted inside him.

“I’m not suggesting anything, because it’s not my place. Jiyong is my friend, no my brother, but you’re my brother too and all I’m saying is you always give him everything. You’ve had a big chance with Chaerin before and I know you didn’t take it because you knew Jiyong still loves her. And that makes you a great man, a great brother. But it makes you a stupid one too. Sometimes, you should think about yourself too.” TOP said as he patted Youngbae’s back.

TOP went back inside the restaurant and Youngbae was left to think on his own. He had a dilemma he promised himself he should never have but this was inevitable. It was bound to happen and it just so happened that now’s the time.

A question ran through his mind the whole night…

Friendship or Love?

……

He saw her hair a bit messy because of the wind outside. He saw her rosy cheeks popping out behind the big, black shades that he had on. He saw her lips slightly parted, as if trying to catch her breath. But other than that he couldn’t see anything more because she wore a black scarf covering her neck and her chin. She was also wearing a cap but he was absolutely certain that it was her.

Even from a very far distance he could already spot her. The way she moved, the way her hair moved as she walks, the way her hips moved left and right, the way she fixes her hair as the wind continuously blows it.

He saw her look left and right as soon as she entered. She was looking for someone. Of course that someone was him. He didn’t make any signal to call her but she still spotted him right away. I mean, who wouldn’t. He was practically just sitting there with nothing to hide his identity.

He watched her walk closer until she arrived at his table. He watched as she casually sat down in front of him and put a pair of sun glasses in front of him then a cap.

He didn’t wear it though and she didn’t ask him to. He noticed she changed her jacket.

‘Huh? Maybe it really is over.’ His mind thought.

They haven’t said a word to each other ‘til now. It feels like they’re back to square one. Why is time moving so fast? It was just this morning that he felt so happy. Genuinely happy for the first time in a long time and now it’s totally the opposite. Time really wasn’t kind to him.

He’s either too late or his happy time is too short.

Chaerin placed her elbow on the table and put her chin on her hand as she was watching the man in front of him. She was trying to read his every action. ‘Why is he acting that way? Did something happen? Why is it that his emotions shift so fast? It was just this morning that everything seemed okay but why is he like this now?’ these are the thoughts running in her head.

“Why did you go here, oppa?” she asked.

Jiyong was just playing with the sun glasses in front of him.

“I just wanted some time alone.”

“Why? Is something bothering you?” Chaerin asked, concerned laced her voice.

He smiled softly and put the shades on then the cap. He took out some bills from his pocket and stood up.

“Come on. Let’s go.” He said as he led the way out of the café.

They went out and Chaerin just followed Jiyong. She was expecting that they were gonna go to where he parked his car but she was surprised when Jiyong suddenly went inside the bus at the waiting stop.

She still followed, though. Well, what else could she do?

They sat at the far back. There were only a few people in the bus and it seemed they didn’t notice their entry so it was all good

She didn’t know where the bus would go and she was hoping Jiyong knows but she was almost sure, he didn’t either.

They were silent. Jiyong was just looking out the window and her, trying to figure out where the bus was going then she felt a weight on her shoulder.

She looked and saw Jiyong’s head. He had removed his cap.

She stiffened for a bit because this was the first time in a very long time that he did this. She didn’t say anything but then she heard him sniff and sob? Then she felt a liquid drop on her arm. She was gonna raise it to see but Jiyong held it tight and she clearly heard the thing he whispered with a shaky voice.

“I’m so s-sorry. P-please don’t leave me Chaerin.” 

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