---

The silence inside the car is making you dizzy. Your body wants to be anywhere else but home even when your mind is desperate to start finishing your plate. You scramble over playlists from Kris’ car until you end up on a Chinese one. You’re curious of it that you let it play throughout the whole ride. Kris just lets you anyway.

“Where are you staying? At your house?” You ask.

“No. At a condominium near the studio, it’s less hassle that way.”

“Oh. You shouldn’t have driven me home then.”

“It’s okay. I haven’t seen you for three years, let me be.”

“Whatever, Kris. Just a question though… were you seriously updating on me… like for three years?”

“Of course. I couldn’t just leave you like that.”

“Ouch.” You know he means well, but it just get out of your head the fact that that sentence hits you hard. It gives out a double meaning for you. It was as if you left him just like that before when you got thrown out to London.

“I didn’t mean—”

“I know that Kris. Is it hard for you to differentiate a joke now?” You wait for him to answer but the song playing in the car gets your full attention. It has the same tune as your music box. It sounds so familiar too, that you can’t help and wonder where you heard it before. You are so sure someone had sung this long ago.

“What’s this song?” You inquire.

“Oh—that? I don’t remember.” Your wide eyes falter. He sees that. “But, but I think it was just self-recorded. I’m not sure—was it Luhan… or Lay…? It was a long time ago. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. I was just curious. He has a nice voice though.” You mutter.

“I’ll ask them about it.”

“Really Kris, just let it go. It’s not important.”

“It looked so.”

“Yi fan.” With that, Kris finally shut his mouth all through the remaining mnutes of the ride. You keep that certain song on repeat, in case your mind would remember it. You didn’t put much hope on it though. It was almost impossible. You don’t even listen to Chinese songs.

Suddenly, you get the feeling of wanting to go somewhere else first. You want to go to that Maple tree. It has been years since you’ve last been there anyway. You wonder if it still looks the same. If the trees are still standing hard on the ground, dauntless from strong winds of December, or if the leaves, now fully grown, are covered with the bits of snowflakes that fell this dawn. Though you could also be just wanting to not come home just yet. It’s a matter of perspective after all.

“Kris, can we make a small detour?” You ask. Kris only nods for you to go on. “I want to visit the maple tree… please?” You plead.

“Why?” He’s still not fond of you going there you know. He sees all of it firsthand anyway. He doesn’t exactly want to see it anymore.

“I just… it’s been so long you know. I want to see how it looks like now.”

“Do you really have to?” He hesitates.

“I don’t feel like going home yet.” You mumble that only makes Kris jot on the brakes and stop the car, whipping your heads to the front because of the sudden force. “God—Kris!” You shout.

He doesn’t seem t bothered by what he just did though. You thought so anyway. “Why?”

“It gets too stuffy in there once in a while. Can we please just drive there and keep our questions to ourselves?” You reason out.

“Just a quick one, okay? It’s not that near from your house you know.”

“Yea, sure.” You answer. Anything to keep you away from that house for a while.

The car’s engine comes to a halt as you watch over the picturesque view of the place you came to know and love. Like you imagined, ripples of snow are all over the place, but enough to not cover the beauty of it. You open the car door and walk towards the lone maple tree in the middle. It’s still exactly like it used to be, like the one in your dreams. Kris follows suit behind you.

The fresh air you inhale from here is enough to keep you calm for a while. You walk around the place like you always do whenever you get here. It’s a constant you can’t seem to let go of.

Suddenly, a warm coat falls on your shoulders, keeping you warm. You are too engrossed in the feeling that you didn’t even realize the cold wind is already making you shiver. You wrapped it around you tighter when you do.

“Nothing has changed, huh.” Kris comments as he walks in pace beside you.

“Indeed. Nothing has changed.” You almost want to barf at that. It’s been years and that little boy, now probably a grown-up kid, still hasn’t set foot in this place.

You’re still that one hopeful kid waiting for that little boy to come back. Maybe not anymore, to keep that promise you once made, because Tao’s already the person for that. But just to see him, to check if he’s still alive and probably be friends with him, to keep your conscience sane. After all, you spent so many sleepless nights waiting for him who never showed up.

---

The sun is setting as Kris’ car turns another curb towards your block. While Kris is busy driving, you find yourself observing the entrance of your house still a few meters far. Your eyes widen after seeing two silhouettes in front of it. They seem to be talking, probably bidding goodbyes. You blink for a longer while to see if it’s true, but found no one standing there anymore. It must be your head messing around with you again. You wished it to.

Tao wouldn’t… he wouldn’t… right?

Kris parks the car in front of your house and walks you to your door. You welcome him in but he insists it’s late and he has to go back to his place. He says he would visit again though, probably at the University. Besides if he comes in now, Tao would have a lot of questions. He doesn’t want to be delayed, apparently.

“Kris.” You smiled at him.

“Jae Min.” He raises a waving hand and walks back towards his car. He starts the engine and beeps the car away.

You open the door and find yourself staring eye to eye with Tao. It is just then that you remember you didn’t message him you were coming home a little late. He’s been waiting?

You stay like this for a longer while when you decide to step away and walk towards your room when no one spoke at all. It’s like you both had questions you’re afraid to be answered to. Afraid that you’d be proved right, maybe.

“Who was that?” He asks before you could push open your door.

“You wouldn’t believe me.” You joke around but he misinterprets it.

“But I do believe you.” You stifle a laugh. He’s in front of you now. “What’s funny?” He asks.

“Nothing, just… nothing.” You shake your head.

“Then who was it? It was a guy right?”

“Tao-oh god. It’s not what I think you think it is.” You feel exasperated already.

“I’m not sure we’re thinking the same thing. But why don’t you just go straight to the point and tell me?” You can hear his voice going up about an octave higher. He’s trying to keep it calm but you know he’ll lose it when you push further.

“I shouldn’t tell everything to you like you didn’t tell everything to me either.” Your voice sounds colder than you want it to be.

“It’s my fault now? What did I ever not tell you?”

“Oh, a lot Zitao. And don’t make me start.” He knows you’re mad too. You never call him his name unless so anyway. He tries so hard now. You actually want to see him mad, for the heck of it. At least by that, you’ll have someone else to blame and not yourself.

You think this talk isn’t going anywhere so you decide to push open your door when he suddenly pulls your arm back and pushes your back against the wall. “We’re not done here yet Jae Min.” He says under gritted teeth.

“Ouch.” You rub your arm. He held on it way too tight and it stings. He notices that too. “Oh god –sorry.” He whispers.

“Sorry? You should’ve thought of that before you did it.” You hiss.

“Why are you blaming it on me now?!” He’s raising his voice now. And he’s towering over you.

“I’m just tired, Zitao! Don’t you understand that?” You shout back at him. You’re so close you don’t know what to think anymore.

“Well why don’t you make me understand?! You’ve been giving me cold treatment ever since I woke up from the hospital and I don’t even know what I did wrong!”

“That’s exactly my point!”

“What?!” He’s confused.

You breathe out, getting tired of this already. You duck your head now. “Just give me time to sort it out. I’m not quite sure why myself.”

“Jae Min…” He tries to hold you once more, tries to reach out for you but you break free the moment he does. You know this hurts him but you need space… and time. It hurts you too, anyway. You wish he realizes that.

You walk on the other side of the door and when you’re about to close it, you whisper something. You know he’s still outside there anyway. “It was Kris, Tao. Unbelievable, right?” You mutter even though you know he’s not thinking about it anymore. Like you, there are other reasons why he cracked and shattered earlier.

It’s getting late but you’re too determined to finish your plate before sunrise. Tao gave you dinner earlier –the usual take-outs –and you took it without saying a word. You were hungry after all.

You are working around the cutting of glasses –yes glasses because your professor specifically told you he’d like glasses instead of boards –when your phone rings and you almost let go of the glass. It’s a good thing your reflexes saved you. You place it on your bed carelessly and get your phone from the table. It’s Kris.

“You and Tao fought?” It’s amazing how things spread so quickly. You sit on the edge of your bed.

“It wasn’t something serious.”

“Yeah, well that’s not exactly why I called. You’re going to have to come back in the studio next week. Your father wants you to wear gowns and film a photoshoot for your birthday.”

“Well… it’s not a surprise anymore then?”

“It’s just two weeks from now, your birthday. He says he wants to make it up for the 18^th birthday celebration you never had.”

“And what changed his heart suddenly wanting to waste money on me now?” You sardonically ask. Though you didn’t care about getting a grand celebration during your 18^th one, it made you solitary for a good month. You even celebrated your birthday alone then, despite the constant pleading of EXO and Hana to celebrate it with you.

“I don’t know. But you should be there, okay? I’ll drag you there myself if you don’t.”

“Okay, Kris.” You playfully answer.

“I’m serious.”

“Yeah, yeah.” You know he was still going to answer but you pressed the end button already. You wonder what really changed your father’s mind.

You jolt up from bed too hastily that your hip touched the corner of the glass that it eventually falls down on the floor, its remains shattered in pieces. You happen to jump as a reflex because of the noise it made. Some splinters of it manage to graze your skin as you feel soft stings by your leg. You are lucky it isn’t that much.

You try and sweep the shards with a broom that you stop because of the pain slicing out from your palm. You flip it upward and your eyes widen after seeing a lot of blood rushing down from the cut a little below the beginning of your fingers. You start to panick. You’re not exactly that good with blood, you know; especially when it’s enough to seem like it’s almost pouring out from your skin.

A knock on the door returns you to reality. Tao heard it after all.

“Jae Min? What happened there?” He asks, very much worried.

“I got clumsy. Nothing to worry about!” You shakingly answer. It’s a good thing there’s a door separating you two.

“Are you sure? I heard glasses breaking…”

“I’m okay. I can fix it myself.” Your toughness starts to falter.

“You don’t need help?”

“I said I’m okay Tao!” But you aren’t okay. God damn it you are far from being so. But you’re also stubborn and you’ve made up your mind to not talk to him for a while. You can keep yourself together without him. You pace around the room getting a towel to cover your cut and at the same time trying to breathe right.

You trip over some boards that cause you to fall, and he hears it again.

“I’m coming in whether you like it or not Jae Min…” He shouts and you know he’s spewting out profanities trying to find the right key from the tons you have.

You immediately stand up and walk towards the faucet. You open it and let running water clear the dripping blood on your hands. You hear the soft tick of the door signaling Tao opening it and you brace yourself.

“Jae Min, what happened here?” Your room is already messy earlier. It just got more disoriented after you broke the glass.

“I told you I got clumsy.” You mutter, feeling him coming close.

“And you say you’re fine on your own.” He lightly chuckles as he is now practically behind you. You keep your head down because you don’t want to see his reflexion by the mirror.

“I am.” You sternly answer. You’re annoyed he finds this funny at all.

“So… you’re just gonna do that until the blood magically stops from flowing?” He raises his eyebrow. He stops the water and grabs your hand gently. He takes the first aid kit from the cabinet and leads you to sit on one of the chairs. “Let’s patch it up, okay?”

You remain silent the whole time he cleans and heals your cut. He patches up gauze on the cut and wraps your hand with a bandage just to keep you from moving it and getting hurt.

“It will be better.” He smiles, clearing up the things he used. Your right hand can’t move now, so how the hell will you finish your plate? He just stays sitting there too, as if waiting for you to say something.

“Tao I –well… if you would want to… I…” You can’t say it out loud because your pride will be bruised.

“You want me to finish your plate?”

“Help… just help.” You correct him. He just nods.

“Okay, I will help. Just don’t push me away anymore.” You just shrug and he sighs. “I’ll clean this mess while you take your sleep. It’s already late. We’ll finish this tomorrow, alright?” You feel light-headed. He’s treating you like a kid yet you like the feeling it’s giving you. It’s as if he thinks you won’t comprehend if he doesn’t explain things well.

He tucks you to bed and covers you with a blanket. You close your eyes listening to the soft noise he makes as he cleans your room. It’s another sweet act you’ll forever remember. You’ve been venting out your anger on him and all he’s ever been is nice and caring to you –except for earlier because it was your fault anyway.

It’s probably an hour after that he finishes what he’s been doing, cleaning that is. He turns on the lampshade and off the lights on the ceiling. He thinks you’re already asleep. You’re not.

“I don’t know what I did wrong, but I’ll always be here.” He whispers.

Your mind is hazy but you can hear things very clearly. He kisses you on the forehead and he kneels beside your bed.

“I love you, Jae Min.”

---

AAAAH. Finals are over and I can focus on writing now.
I swear I got teary on one part of the story but well... maybe it's just me.
And there are so many important little details found in this chapter I can't wait to reveal all. ^^
I don't know what to say anymore, lmao.
Okay.