---

You turn off the tap of the hot shower and quickly wrap yourself around a towel. You slip in your slippers and head out the door. You get the first pair of clothes you touch and slip them over your body. You hastily dry your wet hair as you wear your doll shoes. All of these are done in less than a quarter of an hour that it almost shocks you too. But you are in a hurry so you couldn’t think about it for long.

As you walk out of the two-bedroomed house you live in, a call registers on your phone. You immediately answer it on the first ring. It is Baekhyun calling.

“Yeah?”

“Jae Min where are you right now?”

“Uhh… just got in a cab, why?”

“Oh nothing—nothing? You have to tell her—we could do that when she’s arrived—what no—”

“What is it?”

“You should hurry up and be back here—in the hospital!”

“That’s it?”

“Yep, that’s it. Goodbye—aw why didn’t you tell her he’s—” And the call ends. You wish it didn’t. Perhaps they thought the call already ended, but you heard everything. Unfortunately, you didn’t hear enough.

You plead for the driver to take on full speed and reason out that you will even bail him out if ever simply because you can. You are desperate. Baekhyun’s voice wasn’t clear enough for you to identify the meaning behind it. You couldn’t hear the way he said those words well because of the passing cars and honking horns. You don’t know if you should feel worry or relief. It’s practically the feeling in between right now. And you can’t wait for you to reach the hospital.

You already imagine yourself running through corridors and up the flight of stairs just to waste no time in reaching his room. The corridor outside will make you hear faint and muffled conversations of either sadness or joy. The room will already be filled with people either laughing or weeping. There could only be two endings of it, right?

The cab is already at its full speed overtaking cars after cars that you didn’t even realize it stopped in front of the hospital already. You snatch a bill from your pocket and throw it carelessly towards the driver without minding the change. Your heartbeat is beating at different rhythms but you couldn’t care for all you think about is getting into that four-walled room Tao is situated.

The ringing in your ears gets louder every step that you can’t help but run faster thinking you could get away from it. Your breathing gets rapid yet heavy and a few more stairwells and you’re there. You see the door of his room and your hands already itch to twist that knob open. You gradually stop running and just walk fast catching your breath. You do hear noises from the inside but you don’t think anymore.

The door harshly turns open and you swear you stand freezing on your ground. Tao is awake indeed and very much happy too. Not because of seeing you standing there with your disheveled hair and drops of sweat but because of another’s presence. Her back is facing you as you clearly see the joy etched on his pale face. You feel the stinging pain running around your heart that you wish to just drown in ashes. The room isn’t filled with people like you expected. It’s only the two of them there. How can they just let them talk alone like this?

You feel yourself slowly boiling in an outrage. The feeling causes you to saunter a few steps back and eventually leave the room running without him ever knowing you came.

You need time to think, some fresh air to inhale. You should be thinking rationally of the scene you caught right in front of you but your heart isn’t making it any possible. It is angered. It hates. It is under confusion. It is in pain.

You want to scream and throw things, cause a ruckus and cry. Your emotions are rumbling over each other and it gets the best of you. You keep running nowhere else but up and kick the rooftop’s entrance open. It’s only when you’ve fallen hard on the floor that you become a sobbing mess. Your tears keep racing down your cheeks that it gets harder to breathe. It’s also only when you’ve settled down that you feel your feet aching from the endless running since you reached the hospital.

You’re tired, physically and emotionally. You hate yourself for acting this way without hearing out explanations but you still think this is the proper reaction there should be.

Jaebin was long back from abroad but seeing her in the same room as Tao is never something you prepared for. You feel more sick and scared than the time you heard of the news she was coming back. You feel drastically threatened that your guard is at its highest up now.

You will go back down that room and face all of them but not like this. You can’t look weak. Not when it’s your heart at stake.

Taking a deep breath, you again twist the knob of the door and push it open. You see more people than before but it’s enough for you to smile. Jaebin and his parents are not in the room. You pass a glance by Tao and wonder if the glints of guilt you see in his eyes are real or it’s just your eyes fooling you. You blink for a couple of times and look back at his pair of orbs. It only shows delight which falters your bright smile. You imagined it all along. He isn’t a little bit worried. Then again, you ask yourself. Why would he feel worried or even guilt if he just saw you for the first time today? But another inquiry enters your mind. If he cares about you enough, wouldn’t he tell you that Jaebin was here? That his ex was here and that they were hugging?

You place the basket of fruits you have been holding on the small table beside the bed and sit on a plastic chair in front of it. With a stoic expression, you stare at him as you try to sort out your foggy mind.

“I’m really happy to see you.” He grins at you. Clearly, you didn’t expect to hear that from him.

“Really?” You ask a little bit quivering. For you, he doesn’t seem so. You hear small reactions from Baekhyun and Chanyeol at the back.

“Yes, of course! Aren’t you?” He answers, his brows turning into furrows. He’s confused as to why you don’t seem happy he’s alive when he’s been told you were getting sleepless nights taking care of him.

“I am. I just—I wasn’t here when you woke up.” You ask noting that your voice has gone almost an octave higher. It’s rather shaky too. “You don’t seem half as happy as…” You trail off in a whisper… as you were when you saw her.

“What do you mean?” He answers as he slowly sits straight from his once lying form.

“It not to be here when you woke up when that’s all I’ve been waiting for the past four days.”

“It’s okay. At least you’re here now.” He smiles as he tries to hold your hand. You keep your hands on your lap before he could touch it though.

“I knew you’d say that.” You comment, your hands forming knuckles.

“Did something happen while I was unconscious?” Now you spot the difference.

“Nothing happened. I just… I missed you.”

You force your tears to keep themselves together. You came to a conclusion that if he didn’t want to tell you about Jaebin being here then you shouldn’t give him the reasons to. He’ll tell you when he wants to. In the meantime, you have to act clueless. It’s not really that easy either.

It that even when you look confused and hiding something he still just sits there and just looks back at you. It’s like he lost his ability to understand you because of the accident. Or maybe you do look happy or at least at peace that he chooses to not disturb that. You really just hope that when you get back to your house he’d act like he usually does. Or maybe he’s still the same person and you’re the one who’s thinking differently.

You don’t know. You’re sick and tired of things hurting your mind. You want it to stop but you don’t know how. You’re itching to ask that one question the answer you don’t even want to hear. You’re scared and trying so hard to keep yourself together that you shake to the possibility that you might break any moment now and he won’t know why. You’re keeping things from him again. You don’t like it.

---

You turn the knob clockwise after twisting the key of the door. You stare at it because it makes you feel weird. It makes you heed back to the moment you opened the door of Tao’s hospital room. You want to bawl out in tears but Tao’s just by the garage parking the car - it’s Sunday today and they let him out – so you keep yourself together.

“How long do you plan for us to stay out here in the cold?” He whispers by your ear. The sun already left the sky as cold wind dances around you. You quiver but not because of the wind. You hate how he easily makes you shiver. You didn’t even here footsteps from him.

You clear your throat and push the door open, finally. You switch on the lights and quickly head to your room. You are about to close it when his foot is peeping by your door. He stuck it in before you could totally shut him out again. He yelps a little that your eyes widen.

“Oh my god! Are you okay?” You ask mixing your native tongue with English words. You almost see him smirk.

He starts. “Look if it’s about me waking up—”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” You pull away from him.

“Jae Min! I don’t care if you’re not the first person I saw back then I’m just—” He seems so frustrated.

“Then who did you first see?” You cut him out as you turn back around. He seems alarmed but you want to know the answer.

“W-what?” He asks.

“You can’t tell me?” The words leave your mouth before you could stop it.

“It’s just not a big deal—”

“Well it is to me!” You scream. He just had to understand. Tears fall down your cheeks and he swiftly sets other things aside and wraps his arms around you. He mutters sweet words by your ears that you cry even more. You’re scared of losing him because you’ve grown too dependent on him. Pride doesn’t let you tell that to him though. Yes, you’ve grown accustomed but you never have looked as weak like this for three years now. It quite shocks him too.

It is when you’ve settled down that you start talking again. The night is darker and winter air fills the room.

“You really won’t tell me, will you?” You ask as you drink a cup of hot chocolate.

“It’s not like that. I just don’t want you to be more upset.” He is sitting beside you on the living room’s couch.

“I promise I won’t be.”

“I still know you will.”

You sigh. He is right anyway. “Just tell me.” You prepare yourself.

He clears his throat and opens his mouth. “It’s Chanyeol. Remember when Baekhyun called you? That was the time.” What?!

“But… but when… really?” Words seem to leave you. Did you imagine it then? Or no one else really knew she came?

“I knew you’d be upset. You’ve always hated him deep inside. He’s too annoying for you, you’d always say.” He chuckles lightly.

“I’m going to sleep.” You just say. So it wasn’t her and he really has no plans on telling you she came. You stand from your seat and walk towards your room.

“Well goodnight, Jae.” He yawns as he tries to keep his eyes open finishing the episode of the drama he’s been watching. You don’t know what to feel anymore.

You jump back first on your soft bed and stare at the ceiling. You’ve cried so much for the past few days that’s almost comparable to three years of college already. You seldom cry simply because you had no reasons to anymore. But your eyes are tired you just want to run away from the real world for a bit. You need to buy some time to deal with things popping out here and there.

It’s also not helping you with the fact that almost every day, you’re on the headlines of newspapers. You tried to tell your father to do something about it but he says it’s not something you should worry about. He even said, “Be thankful that people are still curious about you. If not, then consider yourself useless for our business.” You’re not even in the business yet. Your own father is using your popularity among society for widening his connections and making more money. You’ve even had a few photoshoots here and there once in a while. You hate it.

You only want to live a peaceful life and you’re really not getting that any time soon. You’re even expecting something bad to happen in the near future. You don’t wish to but with the odds of it, there’ll be many.

Before, when you still weren’t of legal age, you were free. But now you’re scared to do daredevil stunts for cameras are everywhere you go. Like stalkers, they follow you. They think they know everything about you. But you long knew what they want to happen. They want you down and defeated. They wait for the time that you screw things up and make big of it to gain money. They’re all like your family, doing things out of selfishness without even taking careful consideration of others who will suffer. You hate them.

You hate your life. And seriously speaking, EXO, Hana and Tao are the ones keeping you sane. Kyuhyun makes sure you hold on to life. But it’s mostly just Tao keeping you together. Without him, you’re just a weak mask doing things as if you’re programmed to, to keep your family’s attention away from you. He makes you constant and that’s all you ever want. You want to blend with the crowd. And not counting the cameras, you’re doing well. People at school could care less about you. And you’re so happy with it.

But with Jaebin coming back, you’re slowly falling apart again, like you did when Kris left. It’s a different kind, one with resentment and fears. Tao still cares but you’re never sure of what’s coming. You only wish that odds will still be in your favor when it happens.

---

Another update! I really don't know where I get the will to finish chapters quicker than usual but that's better right?
Anyway, I feel like this chapter is really confusing but I couldn't quite arrange it better.
I don't know. I just hope you don't feel as confused as I am or... yea you probably do.
Well, I hope the following chapter will clear your minds too. :D
And it would be really late for a trailer since the story's leaning to an end (but it's still far really) but I feel like making one... idk. Would you like one? ^^