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Nothing of such news rose up about Jaebin’s return. Not a single picture of her was taken. Why would there be? You stupidly ask yourself. She isn’t a daughter of the richest businessman of Korea, of course no one will spread out news she has arrived and is probably lingering around the vicinity. She’s not you, so you always remind yourself not to worry about her.

She’s probably having a vacation in Jeju Island. She’s probably living the life in the city of Seoul. She’s probably back home for other reasons that don’t involve you. But you won’t know that because you don’t know her. That she probably returned because of the one reason you don’t want to think about. But that will also not hold true until she shows herself up to him, to you.

You’re getting paranoid of something you never even should have mused over if the three never told you. Tao has been really good to you and only you that you feel guilty for doubting him this time. Your mind jumps into conclusions that may never even have any supplying data in the first place. But you know you’re scared because he never said anything about it either. He never assured you. So you still occasionally think you aren’t safe even after the sweet actions he does with you.

Actions are great. Yes, indeed. But you really just needed words all this time. And he still hasn’t said it.

“Do you understand it now, Jae Min?” Hana asks while waving her hand in front of you.

Your eyes still speak confusion that Hana opts to pull her hair out of frustration. “I don’t want to explain to you anymore.” She raises her hands up and packs her bag to leave. Who wouldn’t have? She’s been telling the same thing for five times now and you still have no clue as to what it is. Your mind keeps on wandering to the many questions of what if.

She stays standing in front of you but chooses to just leave without saying goodbye in a grunt. That was a good choice, you say inside your head. You know you wouldn’t have bothered anyway.

After some minutes Kai and Luhan got back with sunny colas in their hands. Apparently, they went to buy those drinks for the four of you. But Hana already left. Because of you.

“Here’s your drink.” Luhan beams as he passes you a can of cola.

“Where’d Hana go? We weren’t that long right?” Kai asks.

“Mmm…” You drink on your cola to avoid the question.

“Did she get tired of waiting for us to come back?” Luhan innocently asks. They are both almost pleading for answers that you decide to tell them half the truth. You’ve been fond of lying for all these years, you know – even just white, little ones.

“She got frustrated of something so she left. But she said you just go to your next class when you arrive. She’s not mad, that’s for sure.” You explain.

“Oh really? Then we should go.” Kai replies.

“Will you be okay out here alone?” Luhan asks as they start to leave for their next class. You only nod and put your headphones on that always meant not to bother you, unless it’s something very important to be missed. They immediately leave and search for Hana’s whereabouts after you shut everyone out again.

You didn’t have remaining classes for the day but you want to be riding home with Tao. He has scheduled classes until 5pm so you try to sleep and hopefully be awoken by the alarm you set up on time. You’re already resting your head on the table of the mushroom, so close to drifting to sleep when a bunch of faint noises fill your ears until it gets so loud you knew it’s no use anymore.

“Could you tone it down? Jae Min is sleeping.” Suho pleads.

“Noona’s really tired these days I don’t want her to wake up from our noise too.” Sehun states almost whining that makes everyone else shut up. The noise lessens but mumbles and whispers and occasional stifled laughter are still heard by your covered ears.

“It was the first one right?” Someone with a sleepy voice asks. You think it’s Lay.

“Yes, it was.” Xiumin answers with toned voice that you even imagine him grinning and smirking at the same time, if that was even possible.

“It was so easy I finished it quickly.” Chen comments. Fake scoffs and snorts are given out. After all, they are under one department. You keep faking sleep because you know so well you won’t understand their discussion of things.

“You guys are so mean.” D.O. whispers almost straining himself from actually saying it out loud, but everyone hears it clear enough.

“Wait… it was the first one?!” Chanyeol screams with his deep voice in defeat. “You said it was the third!” He blames someone… probably Baekhyun. You can clearly picture out Chanyeol poking Baekhyun hard on the shoulder because of the wrong answer.

“You didn’t see me change it? I thought you understood because you were grinning like a crazy psycho.” Baekhyun points out. You hear Chanyeol exaggeratingly repeating Baekhyun’s last words that causes the two to bicker over each other until they would snap and try and hit one another until everyone would be pulling them away from each other before they’d be hurting their selves.

After the two have paced their breathing and cooled their headsdown, they’d start laughing about their petty fight which everyone will join in to eventually. It’s always like this with Chanyeol and Baekhyun. Still, this little thing keep you from thinking problems so even if it’s loud, you don’t regret having to listen to it every time.

As much as the noises were such a bother, you did fall asleep. Only, you never caught sight of the time you did. You manage to wake up because of the alarm you set up on your phone. You immediately jolt up from sleep and turn it off. You look around the mushroom. The atmosphere is a bit eerie since you couldn’t see even just one student lingering around. It’s not usually like this.

From afar, you could see two distinct shadows running towards you. You would want to know who they are but just waited for them to come closer. They seem to be in a hurry and you have no idea why. You don’t even remember an event occurring today for them to be all running and shouting. Besides, they aren’t usually like this either.

“Jae Min! Jae Min!” They keep on shouting until they stop, rapidly breathing from the long run after reaching you. Their eyes speak sorrow but you don’t understand. Did Tao forget about me and left home first? But they wouldn’t be running just because of that, right?

“What is it?” You almost dread to ask.

“It’s—Tao he’s—” Suho tries to speak but his heavy breathing doesn’t allow him to.

“You should—come—with us.” Chen also explains breath by breath as he grabs your wrist and tugs you up from your seat. It seems that he’s not just willing to let you go so you quickly pick up your things and follow him.Did he pick up a fight again?

You run across the field and past the hallways and reach the parking lot where indeed a lot of people are gathering. You have decided that what you just thought is the right reason so you twist away from Chen’s hold and run towards the center of the pile of curious students yourself.

You are met with the worried faces of Hana and the others. But you don’t understand. There’s no fight happening right now. There’s not a silhouette of Tao standing around. But there’s a white polished van zooming away. Its long and loud fainting siren makes you deaf. You look around trying to grasp a reasonable explanation but only find red stains on Sehun’s palms. Blood. Blood on his shirt and blood spilled all over the ground.

You want to ask why but your tongue fails you and all you see is a blurry version of everyone and everything. The last thing you remember is falling weak on your knees until the sky turns pitch black.

With your hands shaking, you try so hard to get a drink from the bottle of water. You don’t remember how you got here, in the four white walls of a hospital room, but Hana explained they brought you with them - you were unconscious when it happened. You’re scared for all the unknowns. You want the person who did this to pay but you have no clue on whoever it is. It was hit and run they say. No one got to see the car’s plate number. Police are already checking the CCTVs around the campus. It’s just weird. You know it’s an accident and someone hit him inside the parking lot. The person behind the wheels could’ve stopped and helped. But why didn’t he?

Tao has long been stable hours ago. It’s 10pm now and he is already placed in a private room after hours of staying in the emergency room. He’s finally breathing on his own after having blood transfusions from the lack of it in his system. The thing is that he still hasn’t opened his eyes.

The guys already called his parents and everyone’s on their way to the hospital. Some of the guys left after knowing Tao’s stable condition but some insisted to stay, at least to wait until your family arrives. Though you’re not exactly expecting anyone to come. They never come on such petty reasons, they would say.

“Jae Min, you need help with that?” Suho asks as he turns to sit beside you on a leather cushion. You only shake your head and immediately try and drink from it. You see him give out a small smile and sigh.

“Don’t worry, Jae Min. Tao is a strong person, he’ll wake up.” D.O mumbles sitting on a plastic chair across the room.

“I know that… it’s just—what if—” It’s so hard to speak of it.

“No, that won’t happen.” Chen interrupts.

Sehun just finished talking over the phone as he comes close to you with now clean hands. “I have to go noona. He’ll be okay. Hyung’s a bad grass, remember?” He cheers you up and smiles away. After the door closes, the room falls silent once again. No one tries to speak because speaking right now isn’t necessary.

The door peaks opens after some minutes leading in everyone you expected to come. His parents are here and Kyuhyun follows suit after them. They both walk towards Tao’s bed as Kyuhyun places himself beside you. He doesn’t utter a word and hugs you tight. You’re just so glad because that’s all you really need right now.

---

Days have passed and it has been a week since you went to Lotte World. There’s no class for you to attend to so you decide to not be bothered and sleep the whole day if your system makes it possible. You’ve been missing out school but you couldn’t care. It’s more important for you to be around when he would decide to wake up from his slumber.

It has been three days of him lying on his bed. His eyes are still close. It makes you ponder on the memories of last Saturday. He still made breakfast for you. He watched a movie with you. He walked around the park with you. He held your hand. He gave you a piggyback ride. He stared at you sleeping. Now it’s the other way around. Thing is, there’s no assurance as to when he’ll open his eyes. It’s fluttering once in a while just like his fingers. But still, he needs to do more than that to keep you calm.

Some of EXO visited the hospital after class on different days and Hana passed by to give you your lunch hours ago. She knows that at times like this, if no one would remind you, you would forget what the words eat and food means. It’s also times like this that you miss Kris. He used to always be the first one to come to you when you’re struggling to think straight of things. And it’s true, after Kris left Tao was the one who took that place, but it’s never the same. And it’s been three years. And now that Tao’s in a coma, no one’s ever going to be good enough.

“Jae Min, dear?” His mom speaks to you as she bends her body to level her eyes with yours. You raise your head up to see her. Apparently, you’ve been taking a nap with your head resting on the free space of the bed beside Tao’s still body.

“Would you like to go home? We can watch for him tonight.” She smiles. Even though it sounds so good to rest, I don’t want to leave. Besides, I’ll just be all by myself if I do go home.

“I will stay.”

“Please dear? At least go and wash up. And then come back after.” The suggestion is tempting you.

“I’ll be quick.”

You squeeze Tao’s hands for the quickest moment and instantly stand up. You don’t want to give yourself reasons to stay. Taking your bag that has been hanging for a long while too, you saunter towards the door.

You walk out of the door, alone in the white, suffocating hallways and down into the hospital’s lobby. As you walk along the path like a sleepless mess, you blink twice for seeing someone like you walking in the entrance gate, which unlike you is in a hurry. Your eyes are losing on you and you want to think again if you still haven’t gotten crazy. You blink again and only see a guard standing by the gate.

Maybe it was just my mind playing games with me. After all, I don’t think there’d be anyone in this place looking like me. What tiredness does to you, really.You shake your head and head out to take a cab.

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An update. :D