To be honest Yifan had been playing it cool, acting "mature" for the sake of the group and, also to admit things, all the "hatred" that he had for Tao had been taking most of his anger and angst about the brake up. Some how he didnt want to think that Chanyeol betrayed him, that he lied to him, that he didnt love him, that he went behind his back and there for acted like an . He didnt want to think that Chanyeo, the person that he ever loved the most, was a bad guy, cause he wasnt, but what he did to him was kind of wrong.

He had kept his mouth shut thinking that you dont choose who to fall in love with and who you fall out of love with. He tried to focus on the good years and memories that Chanyeol had given to him. But ever after that kiss its like reallity hit him and now he cant stop the sadness from flowying.

The members noticed that he was more quiet, more like a robot, doing the things that he had to do as an elder and as a leader, saving faces for the cameras, only to go back to the dorm and go to his room or go for a walk alone...so alone.

There were many things to admire about Huang Zitao, Yixing thought, the way he held onto the love that he felt for Yifan was one of them. He admired that because Taos heart was open for everyone to see, for Kris to see that there was love for him there, that there was also respect, that he wasnt afraid to not being loved back. Those things were the ones that Lay should be learning from as he watches Chen smile at his phone with sweetness, he wonders if he smiled like that to his messages too. On the other side of the practice room there was Tao looking at the door that Yifan just crossed to go to the bathroom. He needs to be brave, he needs to be like Tao. He needs to say the words even if its late.

At night everyone is tired and marching to sleep when Lay asks Chen a moment  to "have a talk". Jongdae takes a seat at the empty kitchen, his hyung smiles at him and beggins. "I just wanted to tell you that I love you", the singer was surprised and a little anoyed by the statment. "Im not telling you for you to comeback with me, Im telling you because I need to. I need you to know that I have loved you from the very beggining, when you show how much you care for me as a friend, then I loved your friendship. When we became...more, I loved you more. I loved every moment that we shared. At some point I thought that I was going to burst from love, and it scared me. So I ask for some distance, but I never stoped loving you. I loved you then for giving me the time that I needed, I wanted to see if I was worth for all the love I was recieving", he made a pause to run his tongue on his dry lips. "I just wanted to tell you that because I dont want you to think that I didnt love you or that I didnt see how much you were giving to me. I didnt know how to show you and Im paying for it..I guess. I will try to be a better friend than the bad boyfriend that I was to you. Also Im sorry, you dont know how sorry I am for what I did". Jongdae was looking at him with big watery eyes. If you asked him, he wouldve tell you that he wanted to either punch or kiss Yixing to death, but he did neither, he just could mutter an "Im sorry too", and run as fast as he could to hide on Xiuhans room and let his tears flow. Lay stayed at the kitchen a little more, eyes open, starring at the space that Chen just left.

He will tell himself this same thing over and over again, he knows he doesnt have and will never, ever, have a chance with Yifan. No matter how many times he smiled at him, how many times they talk and laugh together nor how much Yifan did to get their frinship back. He knew, he always knew that Kris was never going to be his. However, this past few weeks, his heart had been feeling better because gege called him cute again and some other times gege would look at him in a way that made him think...what he shouldnt have think. He regrets being silly again and being sad about how hurt Yifan looked and acted now. He had tried this past days to cheer him up, to come and invite him to go shopping, biking, something, he recieved a "no" as an answer only to see him go alone later. He knew it was selfish, but he felt hurt that gege didnt want to spend time with him anymore. Instead, he was talking more with Junma, more than ever. At times they seemed to be having the most serous convos ever. He wanted to know, but Yifan was closed.

It was a monday morning that Kris got the surprised of his life. He was just reading in his room when a very distrought Chanyeol walked in saying that they needed to talk. "What is going on? Why are you like this?", he wanted to reach at the boys face cause it looked like he was crying, but his ex slapped his hand away. "Dont do that!", he screamed, and yeah he was crying. "Chan...". "Im sorry!! Im so sorry!! I never told you I was sorry...Im really sorry for what I did!!! You always treated me as if I didnt do anything bad...But I did...I had feelings for Baekhyun and I never told you!!! I never told you that before that I was missing you so much that the pain was eatting me alive!! Im sorry I didnt go to you with that and instaed I went to him!! Im really sorry that it had to end because...because you show me who I really was and you show me love...you still show me love and I dont deserve it!!! And Im really trully sorry that I couldnt be the boyfriend that you deserved. And now I see...that you are the best person that I ever met because you are here to hide your pain, the pain that I caused!!! And Im sorry that  caused it Im sorry hyung...Im really sorry", the last part came almost like a whisper from a Chanyeol that was already on the floor, on his knees. "Im sorry too", Kris spoke and kneeled down. "Im sorry that I wasnt there because I thought that your love and your loyalty was so much more than it really was. Im sorry that I worked so hard to come back to Korea for a person that wasnt even trusting in me anymore. Im sorry that I was so blinded with love for you that I didnt see the person that was really loving me all of this time. And Im the most sorry that not even now I can love him the way he does me, Im sorry that it still hurts me to see you cry. Im sorry that I couldnt bit the crap out of you when I should. Im sorry that I still love you and that your happiness is killing me. I dont know why you felt the need to say this now, maybe because I look stress out, I dont know. But is not like it will make me feel better. I cant pretend anymore, I need to go throu this", he said as he went to hug the crying Chanyeol on the floor.

As soon as Zitao saw Chanyeol practically storm into Yifans room, he silently followed him. He stood by the door frame like many other times and listened. Most of the things that he heard werent his problem, Kris was venting and  that was a good thing but then: "...And Im the most sorry that not even now I can love him the way he does me". He smiled sadly at his own lack of luck, dettached himself from the wall and walk away thinking that maybe he should follow onto Jongdaes steps.