{T h i r d  P e r s o n}

For the whole day, Sunhee continued to think about what Jongdae had said when he confessed to her.

She felt guilty as the scene replayed in her mind, and stupid for not saying the right things. Why was she so straightforward during that time? Why didn’t she even apologize sincerely for rejecting him? Why did he even like her? Why just now, when her feelings for him were long gone . . .

All of the whys kept circling in her mind for the rest of the day and she felt even guiltier for not telling Kyungmin or even Eunjae, but she doubted she could tell anyone else though. She felt like she needed to keep this to herself for now, and when the time would come, she could tell them.

But, right now, she needed to think and sort this out. What must she do to get Jongdae to forgive her, to get over her somehow?

I like you, Sunhee, Jongdae’s words echoed once again in her head during her last period: Music.

I like you, Sunhee,

I like you . . .  Sunhee

I . . . like . . . you . . . S-

“Sunhee, psst! Hey!”

Sunhee’s eyes widened as she broke out from her reverie. She looked to her right and was startled to see Luhan there. The Luhan. The doe-eyed, baby-faced and extremely ‘cute’ boy of the kingka group.

When did he become her seatmate?

“I-I-“ she stuttered, looking around. Their teacher was oblivious of them, and so were some of their classmates. The others though, especially the girls, were eyeing the two with mixed jealousy and anger.

“What? Don’t be scared,” he said, smiling innocently up at her. “We’re classmates and it’s not like you don’t know me. Stop looking at me like that, hey!” he pouted.

Sunhee didn’t realize that she was looking at him as if he was a psycho, and maybe, he was because he' actually talking to her.

But, then again, he wasn’t really the first kingka to do so. Still, Sunhee was a little weirded out right now.

“Uh-“

Luhan rolled his eyes. She was beginning to be right; he’s not just a cute boy. “Stop that. If you can talk freely with Chen, why can’t you with me?”

That brought Sunhee to her senses, glancing at the teacher in front, she whispered back at him. “Because Jongdae is my friend! I’m more comfortable with him than with you”

“Tch. Jongdae,” he muttered, but she still heard him. “Alright, well, that can be understood. But, what I don’t understand-“Luhan paused and sat up straight when the teacher addressed the class. After she called a student and he answered her correctly, she continued on with the discussion.  

“-is why you dumped him,” Luhan finished, picking up on what he said a while ago.

Sunhee scrunched up her nose and frowned. “I don’t think ‘dumped’ is the word. But, why shouldn’t I? I like somebody else, of course,” she stared at him, eyes narrowed. “That’s none of your business, Luhan.”

He snorted. “This is my best friend we’re talking about, and besides,” he clicked his tongue and shrugged. “Chen and Lay are like my little brothers. I have to take care of them and help them, you know?”

“How-how did you-“ Instead of overthinking this, she just sighed. “Am I that obvious?” she muttered, her eyes dropping down.

“Well, kind of,” Luhan admitted, shrugging. “I saw you twice with him, and in those two occasions, I couldn’t help but just . . . just notice the way you stare at him.”

Sunhee raised an eyebrow as she glanced at him. “Mwoya? What are you-“

The bell rang, making her stop her words. The teacher and the class exchanged goodbyes and bows. Before Sunhee could go, Luhan gave her a sincere and friendly smile. “Don’t play with a boy’s feelings, Sunhee. I see the way you act around Chen too, you know,” he said, making her confuse. “Well, annyeong,” he waved and went out.

Just like that, Luhan had successfully made her confused.

Now, along with what Luhan had said to her, she was still thinking about what Jongdae said too.

She was sitting on the bench under the cherry blossom tree in the courtyard; it was as beautiful as ever despite being it almost December. Cherry blossoms usually fall earlier, but Sunhee was glad this one didn’t.

Chen, that was the name of the boy she was thinking of now. Not Yixing, nor Luhan, nor even her own father – but Jongdae. Kim Jongdae.

His smile, those eyes whenever he laughed, that grin that showed his pearly white teeth. The way he teased or mocked Sunhee, their love-hate friendship, his voice when he sings. She wondered if he still had the same angelic voice. Maybe yes or it might even got better.

She thought about how she acted around him. What was Luhan saying? She acted fine! She even had the guts to insult or at times, and she barely stuttered or stammered when he's around.

But, she found herself thinking more of his smile though, the same smile that made her fall in love with him when they were kids. Sure, he was her first crush, but compared to her feelings towards Yixing,  she liked the Chinese even more.

Sunhee sighed and crossed her legs as she slouched, her elbow on her knees and her hand on her chin. “Love,” she scoffed. “Why must it be so confusing?”

“Because then it won’t be interesting,”

Again, for the second time that day, Sunhee was startled. She looked back and her heart skipped tow beats. The one and only Zhang Yixing was standing there, looking fit and handsome as ever.

“O-oh,” Sunhee let out a shaky breath as she sat back down, the heat rising up to her cheeks. “H-hi.”

Yixing was nowhere near nervous, unlike Sunhee. He smiled warmly as he sat beside her on the bench. “Hello, Sunhee.”

She bit her bottom lip when she saw his smile and those alluring dimples. Yixing’s smile was so like Jongdae’s in a way. Sincere and warm.

“What-what-what are you doing here?” she cleared and chided herself in her head for sounding so scared. Why should she be scared? “We don’t have-err, tutoring. We don’t have a session today.”

“I know,” he said. “I was passing by when I saw you.”

She nodded. “Oh, I-I see.”

Awkward silence followed after them. But it didn’t last for long, “Sunhee, can we talk about something?” he asked, his voice so soft and light it was almost a whisper.

Her heart beat faster. “U-umm, what about?”

Yixing wasn’t looking at her; he was staring straight ahead. “Sometimes, it’s hard,” he sighed. “It’s hard to choose between friendship and love.”

“You - what?”

“Hear me out first,” he told, glancing at her just as she nodded. 

Yixing let out a deep sigh. “I was torn when Jongdae came to me earlier this day. Right before first period he asked me if I like you and I said . . . well, I do like you, Sunhee.”

She suppressed a smile, but it was hard. Hearing those words from the boy he liked made her life complete.

“But,” he said, making her heart beat even faster. Uh-oh. “I was torn. Jongdae obviously likes you too; it shows. He’s known you longer, and he likes you first. I realized my feelings that Saturday, when we hung out along with Xiumin hyung? Yeah, that,” he said and she nodded.

“You see, I usually choose my friends first. I spent my childhood with them,” he prodded on. “Chen, he’s like my left arm. If Luhan is my right, then Chen is my left. I need him sometimes, and like a good hyung, I help him out too. Even though, I’m only a few months older than him, Chen is like my little brother. I can’t possibly have something that he found first.

"I know about you and him. You were friends with him during his childhood days too, right? Well, I was too, but you and he were closer. I can’t possible break your friendship too, so . . . well, I guess what I’m saying is . . .” Yixing let out a shaky sigh as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Sunhee, please know in your heart that I will always like you. Romantically or as a friend, I will always like you.”

Sunhee’s heart was pounding, almost breaking her ribcage. It felt like it wanted to get out. And the more she tried to suppress it, to conceal it with a face of an emotionless, unaffected person, the easire it got to reveal what she's actually feeling inside. Was this, somehow, the moment of truth? The moment where she could finally sort out her own feelings.

“But, for now . . . I think,” he bit his lower lip and avoided her worried gaze. “We should just stay friends.”

There, he actually said it. It came out from his very mouth. And Sunhee didn't know what to think of that. It's as if her beating heart stopped and she was out of breath. That mainstream 'dropping of the heart' - she's actually feeling it at the moment. And she never thought it would be this hard - this heavy and burdensome. 

“I-“ she croaked out, but unable to finish it.

She was speechless. She couldn't think properly.

“I can’t ruin my friendship with Chen, and I can’t ruin your friendship with him,” he said and through his voice, Sunhee could tell he didn’t want it this way. “I’m sorry, Sunhee. I know you like me, which is why you rejected Chen, right?” He didn’t bother waiting for her response. “The feeling’s mutual, really, it is. But also, besides the friendship, we’re in our last year of high school,” he pursed his lips and furrowed his eyebrows, as if in deep thought. “I have to make this count, or else I won’t get to-“

“I understand,” she muttered, cutting him off.

Sunhee’s eyes showed sadness, but her voice was still friendly. She tried for a smile, but it came out as a pained one. “I-I do, really . . . I get it. You’re right; I shouldn’t even ever jeopardize friendship. Especially mine with Chen, and yours with his. I mean, who am I to ruin it, right?”

She laughed, but her didn't reach her eyes. At least, Yixing could tell.

He could only blink and open his mouth. Needless to say, he was surprised by her response. He didn’t think she would take this lightly.

“Even-even though I . . . I liked you for a while, I’ll put those feelings aside for now.” She shrugged. “Who knows, maybe they’ll even be gone in a few months. But, one thing won’t, and it’s the pain. Now I know what Jongdae might be feeling, still though,” Sunhee let out a deep sigh as she stared ahead of her. “I’ll try to cope up and act as if nothing happened. Even if that’ll take me a week, a month or even a year to forget, then I will. For the sake of not getting anyone hurt in this.”

There was a long pause, and neither of the two spoke. Not even trying to break it. But, once again, Yixing was the one who spoke first.

“You already are,” he said softly, but his tone carried worry and concern, making Sunhee confused. “You’re already hurt,” he said before she could ask.

“I-oh,” Sunhee looked down. “Maybe I am, but it’ll pass, I’m sure of it.”

“Then, I’m sorry,”

She shook her head and glanced at him. “Aniyo. It’s okay, Yixing.”

He smiled, somewhat in sympathy and in pain. “And . . . I’m sorry Chen, for what I’m about to do next.”

“What-“ Sunhee gasped softly when Yixing leaned forward and cupped her face in both of his hand. It was so gentle that she could hear her own heart beating. It beat faster when he began her right cheek with his thumb, making her skin tingle.

“I’m sorry, Sunhee, alright? But, remember what I said,” Yixing inched forward, their nose almost touching. “I’ll always like you,”

Before she could say something, Yixing lowered her head carefully and softly pressed his lips against her forehead, under the pink cherry blossom tree in their school’s courtyard.

Yixing offered to walk Sunhee home again, and this time, she declined. 

"It's okay," she told him. "It'll only make me like you more Yixing, and that's something that needs to stop." 

Yixing flushed a faint red. "Uh-you're right. Well," he cleared his throat and gave her a dimpled-smile. "Goodbye, Sunhee, I hope we can still be friends."

"We are," she said as she walked away. She turned her back to him and smiled to herself, remembering how soft his lips were against her forehead. 

And . . . I have a feeling that's all we're going to be Yixing. At least maybe for now. 

Sunhee's mind was clear now, and she was starting to put the pieces back in together. But, there was still one - no, two things she needed to do. 

Talk to Jongdae and tell Kyungmin. Maybe even three if you counted talking to Eunjae about this too. 

"I'll do it tomorrow," she said to herself. "For now, let me just enjoy. Yeah," she smiled dreamily as she watched the orange skies while she walked home.