pic credit to http://tb-cont.tumblr.com

please listen to this as you read!!!!

"Don't follow me." I whispered a frequency only his ears could pick up.

I turned, and started running.

I ignored the yells behind me as I made my way down the halls and to the elevator. I pressed the 'up' button as rapidly as possible without breaking it, patience running thin as I didn't want to be followed with what I was planning to do next. The elevator doors finally opened and I jumped inside, praying that no one would jump in while the doors were closing.

With a ding the doors clamped shut and I was soon on the top floor. I walked out, looking for a way to the rooftop. I jogged through a few hallways before finding a door that said 'staircase' on it and pulled it open. Checking behind me to make sure I wasn't being followed, I slowly walked up the last 25 stairs to the rooftop.

My heart was racing. Sanity escaped me, yet I had no intentions of getting it back. The blood rushing through me was so forceful I thought my veins would pop. What was I doing?

I reached the final door.

Mentally, physically, and emotinally.

The cold brisk wind hit my face, my hair and drying any moisture wanting to form at the corner of my eyes. I inhaled deeply, closing my eyes and letting the fresh air circulate through my body. I opened my eyes again and analyzed everything around me. The rough, craggly concrete surface was spread throughout, only stopping to allow room for a sun lamp or air/heating systems. My eyes traced the contours of the rooftop edge, eyeing where I would stand. The clouds covered the sun in an elegant way, creating a heaveny glow that casted shadows on nearly every part of the roof.

It truly was a heavenly way to end this.

I lifted my right foot to take a stride forward, and halted in my tracks when I heard a creak behind me.

"Don't you dare." A rough, craggly voice shattered the silence.

I didn't need to turn around to know who it was.

"Huang ZiTao, I am going to do this whether you like it or not. I-I need to." I looked down in shame.

"Do what? Kill yourself?!! Are you serious right know Yifan?!" Tao's voice cracked as it rose, anger boiling through his body in utter disbelief.

I didn't respond, instead taking a step forward. 15 more to go, I thought to myself.

"You don't want to do this. Things will get better, I promise. It's just right now, right now things are going badly. But that's not cause for you to think so irrationally!" I could hear his shoes clack on the pavement, and assumed he was walking towards me.

I took a step forward and turned around to face the boy who was now face-to-face with me. What look met me sent shivers of agony through me. Tao's eyes were full of so much emotion I could hardly sort any of it out.

"Baby, it would be so much easier. I could watch over you, and do a better job at that then I have in real life. I've failed. As a leader, a friend, a brother. I can't face life like this. Not with the other two gone. I just can't."

I brought my fingertips up and traced his jawline, lightly stepping backwards and letting my fingers disappear from under him.

"Don't." He pleaded.

"You'll be so much better off without me." I smiled reassuringly and covered more distance behind me.

Tao ran forward to stand in front of me again. I watched him, speechless as he put his fingertips on my cheek. I stared, watching and waiting, wondering what he was doing. 

His index finger grazed my cheekbone, traveling down to my lips. He then brushed over them with such grace, I wasn't even sure he had touched them at all. His palm cupped the right side of my face as his left hand halted on top of my chest, resting above the cavern of my broken heart.

It beat softly, calming from his soothing touch, and yearning for more of them.

His gentle grip upon my face loosened as his right hand traveled down to meet the other.

"I can feel your heart is in pain. I can fix it. But in order to do that, you can't do this."

I stepped back, causing his hands to fall limply at his sides.

"No one can fix it, ZiTao." I looked to the sky who's clouds had now completely covered any gap that had shown earlier. Overcast weather fit the situation perfectly, yet saddened me as it seemed even the skies would soon weep for us.

Tao scoffed. "Kris, please. Let's just go home and get some sleep and then maybe tomorrow we can go over the fun-"

"-DON'T SAY THAT WORD!!" I snapped. "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ZITAO, YOU JUST DON'T ING UNDERSTAND. THE PAIN I'M FEELING CAN'T GO AWAY. IT'S RIPPING ME APART INSIDE! I KILLED HIM, TAO. I ING KILLED LAY!!" The veins on my neck were near ready to pop while the violent words I was spewing echoed through the chilly air.

My words had left him breathless. "W-wh-hat?"

I sighed, unwilling yet nearly forced to spill what had been troubling me. The most true and shameful reason I had planned to step over the side of the building.

"He died from a pulmonary embolism. One that I caused."

He looked up in confusion.

"Think back to this morning. When I was angry... I tried to punch the countertop, but Lay put his hand under mine and stopped me from injuring myself. I loosened the clot. It traveled to his heart. I killed him." I paused and stared Tao in the eyes. "I. Killed. Him. I'm a ing murderer!! How can I live like this? Huh?!" I rose my voice perhaps unnecessarily at the end, patience running thin. 

"Kris, ple-"

"-Tao, you are my everything. You mean so much to me, and you always will. I'll make sure to protect you with every fiber of my body. Believe that I will, okay?"

I smiled, lips curling up as a stranded tear escaped, falling down my cheek.

My feet traveled backwards until I felt a ledge.

Without a second thought, I stepped on it.

I watched Tao's body as it lurched forward, trying to come to me before...

But it was no use.

I tilted backwards, and let gravity take over.

Wo ai ni, Huang ZiTao.

"YIFAN!!!"