Chapter Seventeen
Can I continue feeling this way?
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I immediately took out my wallet, threw random bills at the cashier, and ran off with the toy in hand in the direction that I thought he left. I had a suspicion that he just went back to the car, so that’s where I headed first. After what felt like hours of on and off running, I got to the beginning of the parking lot and walked towards where we had parked. As I walked, I put the toy in my bag and caught my breath. As I got closer, I noticed a figure open to door and get inside of it. I let out a sigh, mentally slapped myself for the upteenth time, and took my last few steps there.
I opened the passenger side, shoved our bags in, and then told the chauffer to take us home. Taking a step, I opened the door behind the passenger side and got in. This was an SUV type of car, having eight seats. The front two were separated, but the back two rows were all attached. This seemed to make Tao uncomfortable as I stepped in, for he scooted the opposite direction until his face was practically attached to the window. He kept his eyes forward, and his arms crossed, and had his headphones in. This whole time I was watching him only in my peripheral, for I didn’t know how to approach him. I wanted to apologize badly, but after seeing his reaction to me simply sitting next to him, I didn’t even know what to say. The driver looked in the rear view mirror with a worried expression, able to sense the extremely tense atmosphere. He, however, dismissed it as his only job was to drive, not to mediate.
An awkward silence fell as the car entered the road.
I looked to Tao, hoping he could hear me through the music. “Tao, I’m sorry.” I paused, wondering if I should really pour my heart out with another person in he car besides us. I examined the teens face, but it had not even moved the slightest bit.
“I- I didn’t mean to upset you. I don’t know why I got so emotional.” I hesitated, feeling a slow heat envelop my cheeks.
“I…” I trailed off, unable to find the correct words to describe my actions. Maybe this was because they were truly indescribable. He continued to be unresponsive, his face not even twitching the slightest bit.
“I thought you had gotten lost. Knowing you would be afraid or upset set something off in me; something where I wanted to prevent you from harm. But when I found you completely fine, I was overwhelmed with emotion that I couldn’t sort out.
“ZiTao, I am really, really sorry.” I placed my hand on his leg in an attempt to deepen my apology. My gaze continued to stay on him, but just as I was about to look away, I caught a glimpse of something.
His bottom lip had quivered the slightest bit.
I lifted my hand and looked forward, not wanting to push things, but watched him in the corner of my eye. The teen had begun to bite his whole bottom lip in an attempt to keep it from shaking.
So he had heard me, I silently thought to myself.
The whole car ride was silent after that. It was difficult to tell if anyone was even breathing. When we drove up to our house, Tao immediately jumped out and ran to the door. He had on his lip the whole time, making me wonder if it was an attempt to calm himself, or an attempt to hide his emotion from me.
I looked to the driver. “Umm, I’m sorry for any inconvenience. Could we… just keep this between us?” I gave him an apologetic smile that he seemed to understand. Nodding his head and saying ‘no problem’, I grabbed our bags and walked to the door. When I got in, I looked around to see where everyone was.
The common room.
Lovely.
That means that they would’ve seen Tao run in and bolt to his room. Looking through the boys, I noticed there was another one missing.
“LuHan, where is XiuMin?”
The said boy didn’t even turn his head as he spoke: “He saw Tao run to his room and ran after him.”
For some unknown reason, a twinge of jealousy shot through me. By the time I would have responded to his words, my legs had already taken me to the hall of bedrooms. I quickly walked to my room and set the bags inside, and paused when I heard a strange sound. I quickly dismissed it, as I had something more important to do right now: find Tao. I stepped back out of my room and paused.
I took slow, gentle steps until I reached the maknae’s door. It was cracked open, enabling me to hear the unknown noise from before.
He was sobbing.
And for the second time that day, my heart dropped. Resting my head on the wall so I could see through the crack, I saw Tao’s back, and a separate hand rubbing it. ‘I’m sorry’s and ‘it’s okay’s could be heard through the teen’s cries, XiuMin probably trying to comfort him. I stood there for who knows how long. Hearing Tao repeat the whole story to the other saddened me; I didn’t want him to keep thinking about it if it was only going to make him more upset. A slight ball of jealousy embedded itself in me. I wanted to be the one to be there for him.
But how could I when I myself was the perpetrator?
Closing my eyes, unable to watch any longer, I walked back to my room. I took out the panda and looked it over once more. Promptly throwing it on my bed, I heard I simultaneous knock on my door. Groaning quietly to myself, I walked over to get it.
“Yes, Lay?”
“Uhhh… can I come in?”
I opened the door and gestured for him to do exactly that. I walked over to my bed as he closed the door behind him. Taking the empty seat from my desk, he sat in front of me.
“So… what’s up?” I asked him halfheartedly. I really wasn’t in the mood to chat at the moment.
“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that?” He wittily replied.
I playfully rolled my eyes. He got me there.
“So what happened?” He bent his head to find my traveling eyes, locking our gazes.
Its not that I didn’t want to tell him, its just that remembering the whole thing would wash another wave of guilt into my system. Thinking about it for a second, I fell backwards onto the bed so that I could stare at the ceiling while my legs dangled off the side.
I began…
…and ended.
Both of our voices dropped an octave from talking so much. He didn’t say much except for an occasional ‘oh’ or ‘mmmm’, but I didn’t mind.
In the corner of my eye, I saw him get up.
I felt the mattress dip after a few seconds and turned my head to see Lay lying right next to me. His legs dangled off as well, and he held the panda bear in both his hands.
“So you’re the one that caused all this trouble~” He spoke his words to the bear, which somehow made me smile a bit.
“Kris,” he addressed, “I know you’re upset at yourself, but try your best not to be.” At this, he sat upwards and turned to me, locking his gaze with me once again. He looked at the panda, smiled, and placed it on my torso.
“Cheer up~!” He moved the animals head and spoke in a high tone, imitating a child’s play voice.
A small laugh snuck its way out of my mouth, causing Lay to smile. I hadn’t mentioned everything previous to today’s event, so I hadn’t told Lay about our first kiss or confessions. I lay there for the next few seconds, unsure of what to say or do next.
He spoke, breaking the silence. “So… you like him?” Lay let the words fall out of his mouth slowly, glancing away as he finished the question.
I hesitated. I didn’t want him to think of me differently if he found out that I liked one of our members. And worse, what would happen if our manager found out?
He sensed my hesitation. “I don’t mind if you like boys, and I won’t tell anyone. You’re secret is safe with me.” He gave a reassuring smile after finding my eyes again.
“…yes.”
“Mmmm.” He nodded. “Then if you like him, don’t let a simple misunderstanding stop what you two could be.”
“But he won’t ev-”
“No. No ‘buts’.”
Well, that phrase sounded familiar.
“Be assertive. If he won’t listen to your apologies, force him to. It’ll all work out in the end.” The words came out of his mouth with fluidity as he spoke.
I absorbed every word he said. “Thank you, Yixing.” I looked to him with a genuine smile, and then turned my head back to the ceiling.
I closed my eyes, and let his words settle.
It was then I felt something soft press against my lips. The touch was tender, sending slight, diminutive goosebumps across my skin. The lightest shiver vibrated through my frame, certainly a result of the goosebumps finding every crevice of my body.
The feeling then slowly disappeared.
What didn’t disappear, however, was the tingling sensation left after the loss of contact.
Did he just…?
-Narrator’s p.o.v.-
Little did Kris know that the same exact action had taken place opposite his wall~
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