Chapter Twenty Nine -Day Four-
Can I continue feeling this way?
pic credit to http://jongins.tumblr.com
ZiTao. Come to me. Why are you so far away? … come here. Yeah, small steps. Yeah, you’re almost here. C’mon. I’ll hold out my hand for you. See? Good boy. Now hold my hand. Good. Nothing to be afraid of. See, I’m harmless. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you. It will never happen again baby. Take my hand and never let it go, okay? Never… never let it go…
*RIIIIIIIINGGGG*
*RIIIIIIIINGGGG*
No! Why are you letting go?! What did I just tell you?! How can I protect you if you run? Tao! Tao!! No! Come back!! Stop!!
*RIIIIIIIINGGGG*
Huang ZiTao!! Don’t… Don’t leave me. P-please!
“Are you going to get that?” A groggy voice intruded my dream.
Stop ringing. I need to find him.
“Hello? Huh? Oh, okay. I’ll tell him. Thank you. Goodbye.” Someone stopped the ringing and spoke.
Jagiya. Come back. See? I’m safe. I will protect you. Come back to gege.
Someone lightly shook my shoulder.
No. I need… more… ti-time…
Light slowly invaded my senses as I opened my eyes. As soon as I realized what I had been dreaming about I sat upwards as fast as possible, gasping for air. I looked around the room as fast as possible to find who I’d been dreaming of. Who had run away. Who I had lost.
I couldn’t find him.
I looked around in a panic.
“TAO!!” I screamed out. A pair of hands attached themselves to my shoulder, causing me to jump. I looked to find the owner and saw the boy I had been looking for.
“What’s wro-” He didn’t get the chance to finish his question as I reached out and wrapped my arms around him. I tightened my grip, seeing if it was really him, if he was real, afraid that he would slip through my grip again. I gasped for air, not sure why I was so out of breath, and held him. I didn’t speak. I couldn’t speak. My voice would fail me and it was already hard enough for me to keep these tears in that were fighting to fall.
I didn’t want to go to the photoshoot today. I wanted this whole day to sleep next to him, to hold his body in mine. Where had I gotten this sudden urge of attachment? I don’t know. But I’ll be damned if I didn’t make it come true.
“It’s okay. I’m here. I’m right here.” Tao made his voice soothing and brought his fingertips to my back. His left hand wrapped around my waist, returning the tight hug, and his right traced designs around my back.
“…Do-on’t go…” I barely spoke, but as close to Tao as I was, he had no problem in hearing me.
“I’m right here jagiya. Okay? Our schedule changed and we can stay here today. No photoshoot.” He whispered this, not wanting to disturb the already fragile atmosphere. He noticed how my body relaxed a little when he said that and caringly kissed my shoulder. He was on the verge of tears simply because I was in this state.
“Don’t go… stay with me… don’t… go…” I closed my eyes and let one forbidden tear fall. Only one, but it held the weight of the world on it as it plummeted to it’s death. Tao felt the drop slide down his back and pushed us apart the slightest bit so he could get a look at my face. He caressed my cheek and looked into my eyes, trying to seek and destroy the demon that had put that idea in my head.
“Yifan, I’m right here. Look at- No.” He saw my eyes shift to the right, unable to look at him, so he grabbed my chin and forced it back, making our gazes meet. “Look at me.” He waited until he was sure he had my attention. “Did you have a nightmare?” I nodded shamefully. A boy my age shouldn’t cry about nightmares but this one was impossible to ignore.
My gaze unintentionally drifted away again, causing him to move my chin towards him again. “Yifan, I’m right here. Right next to you. You never lost me nor have I gone anywhere. See?” He connected his lips to mine, giving me a slow and compassionate kiss filled with every emotion possible to make me believe him. I couldn’t find the strength to kiss back. “Come here.”
Tao scooted back to a pillow and slowly lay himself down, keeping his grip on my waist steady. I readjusted my grip so that I could wrap my arms around him and hold him. We were facing each other, my head nuzzling his neck as his left arm was around my shoulder and his right rested on my waist. I wrapped both my arms around his waist, unable to stand any gap between us.
I needed assurance that he was there. Physically and emotionally but at this point I needed to know that he was real. I don’t know what the hell brought on that dream but at this point I was reduced to that of a scared child and couldn’t get out of it.
Tao’s right hand on my waist went back and forth, lightly massaging my skin. “I’m here, Yifan. Don’t let any nightmare tell you otherwise.” He held my chin and made me look up at him. “I will always be.” He softly brushed another threatening tear away and pulled the sheets over us to our shoulders. We were so close that our body heat would’ve been sufficient, but he wanted to make me as comfortable as possible. His fingers returned to massaging my side and brushing ever so slightly over my skin, relaxing me. The sound of his skin moving against the fabric made a soothing rhythmic sound, helping me calm down. My eyes slowly became heavy, as did his, but he made himself stay awake until he was sure I had fallen asleep.
With that, he let his eyes close and succumbed to sleep as well.
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